DFL 2017 Week 9: October's over - what a shithole!

Ugh... well, we're just about to enter into double digit weeks.  But before we get there, let's take a moment to reflect on what a shit hole October was.

We'll start with the obvious.... I haven't won a single game in October.  (And the only other one to accomplish this crap hole of a feat has started 3 players on BYE on each of the previous two weeks.)  Who doesn't like to see their good pal Phil win a game here and there?

Then, there's the undisputed leader of the league, Ben.  I mean, really?  Dude is still sitting on Luck, even though he might never play in the NFL again.

The longest streak of the league belongs to one Mr Patrick Mulligan McPoyle Hutton.  And to top it all off, the dude with the most moves in the league is not only a newbie, but also #3 in the standings.  Yeah, it's Josh.  Now, normally,I'm in favor of names that can be used as verbs (see:  my name), but this is what comes up as the first GIS for "Josh":

Ladies and Gentlemen (and Skoot - whatever the hell you are), we need to correct this situation stat.  We've only got 5 more weeks of regular season.  Let's please hand these jabronis some losses, shall we?

League Pick'ems.  Well, we sent off October appropriately with the Pick'em League.  With a big ol' fuck you.

Only 4 people made picks.  Josh and Crutch went 4-2, Ben went 3-3, and I had a season worst of 2-4.  That leaves the standings at:

Phil:  35
Ben: 31
Josh:  23
Crutch:  21
Terri:  15
Patrick:  15
Mike:  14

So, we do have a few individual tight races going on.  Get in there and pull ahead of your partners.  Except you, Ben.  Here's a little advice, straight from all our favorite element: neon

And we got not one but two YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR awards to hand out this week:  Terri completely upset D and Kyle messed up Kerry is unprecedented fashion.

As Kyle outscored the rest of the league, I think that this is as good of a place as any to start....

Kyle vs. Kerry.  Well, Kyle's Patriot heavy team had to have a BYE week some time. So, Kyle had to scramble to find a team.  And holy fuck, did he ever!  Team high score, highest score of the week, AND beatdown of the week!  (In fact, he beat Kerry down so bad that the point differential in the game was more than almost half the the teams in the league just scored.)  Looking at Kerry's score, I thought "Man, she didn't set a line up this week!  Come on!"  Well, she did.  Fournette was benched for violating team rules at the last minute, Dickson just didn't get looked at all game, and somehow Walsh missed all three gimme field goals.  And those were just the players who goose egged!  Another didn't even hit 1 point another fell short of 3.

Josh vs. Phil.  Well, for a game that was predicted to be so close that it hurts, this was sure a pisser. It was pretty evenly matched.  The big differentiatior was on Alvin Kamara who just went crazy.  Cuz you know, people named Alvin so often do well in the NFL.

This numb nuts is the guy who won it for you, Josh.  I hope that
you're happy with yourself.

Patrick vs. Crutch.  Son of a ....  Well, Patrick took this one, extending his winning streak even farther.  The kicker is that Zeke was able to play at the last minute.  That means that Patrick snuck this win under the RADAR.  If Zeke's suspension was upheld, then Patrick would have scored 8 less points (assuming that he played his best RB), and Crutch would have pulled the win instead.  So, Patrick, congratulations on winning this one by the hair of your chinny chin chin.

Do you remember Green Jelly?  I remember Green Jelly.

Ben vs. Mike.  O.  My.  Gosh.  (Look at her butt)  Speaking of close games, here's another.  Ben *barely* wins this game by a point.  Not overly surprising, except that Ben is in first place and Mike is in dead last place.  AND Mike hit line up Nirvana.  So, Ben keeps his strangle hold on first place, while Mike continues to languish in last.  It was a noble try, Mike.  And one to be saluted.  Really, the only thing left to do at this point.....

Quit your job as a stripper and become a mildly entertaining
Youtube sensation.

McClennen vs. Skoot.  Well, McClennen, you got a gift here.  With Winston getting knocked out early, McCoy thinking that he was back in Philly, and starting the Cin DEF, you scored a lackluster 57 points.  The good news is that Skoot was distracted by shiny things and forgot to set his line up (again).  So, 3 players on BYE, one that is too old and was just released from the team, AND one that was traded a scant 48 hours before game time all totaled 0 points.  The remaining 3 players did OK though.

Terri vs. D.  Ugh... AKA, well, shit.  Someone has to win, right?  Terri had a terrible game at 45 points, but that actually more than doubled her opponent.  I've seen some sad games, but this had got to be top 5 saddest games ever.

But yeah, we're in the short rows now.  Right now, there is a *5* way tie for 5th place (based on record alone), and there's only a 2 game difference between 1st and 3rd place.  So, it's a lot tighter than it has been in the past.  October is over, so let's go and kick some ass here folks!  Upsets from here on out!  Who's with me??

Oh, screw you guys, then.