DFL 2013 Week 3: OK, for realsies this time.

OK OK OK... I'll admit it.  My last blog post was made out of anger.  However, in time anger gives way to another emotion.  Luckily, for you schmucks, that only takes a day or two for me.  The other emotion, of course is "Eh... fuggit."  The technical term is "Ben Syndrome."  And one good emotion pic deserves another.  So, here you go:

Now that this is out of my system, let's take a look at the NFL for a moment, shall we?  Cuz let's admit it.  Week 3 was total bullshit.  The Dolphins are 3-0, there's a three way tie for first place in the AFC South (that would be the division with the Colts and three bullshit teams), the Browns beat the Vikings, the Panthers SHUT OUT the Giants, and the Buccaneers were allowed to score 3 points against the Pats.  I mean, seriously, WTF is going on here?  I think that we should really make week 3 completely null and void. I mean, teams are pulling in half the points that they were getting in previous weeks.  Well, most people are... some people, and I'm not naming names, but some people did particularly well in week three.  Like more than they have scored all season.  Perhaps showing that they have, in fact, a touch of evil in them.  Like I said, I'm not naming names, MISSY.  I'm just sayin'...

Well, It's week three and you know what that means... People are starting to get worried and starting to pick conservatively.  So, no strikes this week, except for one to Missy for not picking at all.  That effectively knocks her out of the league.  I'm reminded of a quote from Rush now:  "Those who choose not to decide have still have made a choice."  Missy chose elimination this week.  And the first one falls.  Boom!

Pick 'em is heating up!  Two folks who traditionally don't get too far with the picks both went 5-1 this week. Very well played Ben and Patrick.  This puts Ben tied for first, and get Patrick tied for the second height number of picks.  Phil and Mik G both went 4-2, continuing their grapple at first place.  Crutch went 4-2 to stay tied with the en fuego Patrick.  Skoot gets on the board with 4-2 to stay relevant.  RA Dave wets himself by only choosing himself to win.  Bold strategy.  Ends up blowing up in his face, but bold nonetheless.

The league itself is keeping things real.  Now, there are no undefeated teams.  All three 2-0 teams took a loss this week.  Everyone pretty much knows that I think this week in the NFL is pretty much bullshit, but that's mostly sour grapes.  It looks like Kookie and RA Dave are still desperately searching for their first win.  But the good news is that *one* of them has to take home a win in week 4 as they are playing each other.  Good luck, gents!

(At this point, I should probably point out that RA Dave is winning the Kookie award this year for making more than twice the number of moves than anyone else in the league.  AND,  he's also dead last.  A position that we affectionately called "Kookie place.")

In the Tight End is a stupid position and we hate it bowl, Ben and Phil both went without tight ends this week.  Ben because his TE suffered a concussion in the first quarter and Phil because they are a bunch of wusses out in San Francisco.  (OK, I *really* tried to write that last sentence to not be homophobic / regionalist, but I couldn't really find a good way to insult the team for benching a player for no reason without insulting their manhood.  I'm very sorry.)  Regardless, Ben took this one because for some fucking reason Russel "This is such a bullshit nickname - the way that I play I don't deserve a nickname" Wilson pulled in 23 points, while Aaron Rodgers a scant 4 points.  WTF???

Anyway, Ben pulls down the "What do you mean my benched TE pulled in 23 points" award for just having shitty luck with the TEs this week.

Phil on the other hands gets... well... take it away, Willy:

(Yes, yes, yes.... Ben delivered the beat down of the week to me this week.  I still call shenanigans....)

Crutch, following my wonderful advice,dropped Romo this week.  Romo, just to show how Romo he is, went ahead and pulled in a 20 point game. So, Crutch, you get the "Screwed By Romo" pendant, presented by Jessica Simpson.  Yep, I went there.

RA Dave ... wow.  Words just fail me.  Your entire team just seems to be imploding on you.  Two top tier QBs, and the better of them pulls in less than 2 points.  Steve Smith, whose team was unstoppable in week 3, only pulled in 3 points.  C J Spiller, your top draft pick, pulled in less than 2 points in a game where his team scored 27 points.  You should feel good that your DEF pulled in over 25 points.  For that, you get the Sisyphus Rock of Shame, for trying your damdest, but the cruel fates just keep kicking you in the junk.

Patrick eeked out a tight win this week riding on (of course) Stafford, Charles, and Bernard... wait.  Bernard?  Giovoni Bernard??  Who the *hell* is that?  Well played, Sir.  And by that, I mean "You lucky bastard".  And for that, you get  the "Roll a Save versus Bullshit" ceremonial D20.

McClennen is finally welcomed to the club with the "Do you see???  This is what happens!!!" crowbar.  It's nice to see you in our ranks. Not only did McClennen take his first fantasy loss this week, but he did it through sheer dumb luck.  Reggie Bush was a questionable player and it was a game time call to bench him.  Going up against Washington, Bush *probably* could have pulled in the 7 and change points that McClennen needed for the win.  Yeah, it sucks, but it's happened to all of us.  Here, this will make it feel better:

Melanie, on the other hand had a different problem.  She made all of the right choices.  Scored second highest in the league.  And was playing the first highest score in the league.  So, you get the memorial Ben award for doing what Ben has done so many times in the past....

Missy wins the Beowulf Weird Ass CGI trophy for proudly boasting "Can nobody stop me???  I am unbeatable!!!"  Did you hear that fates?  That was totally her.  You should definitely teach her a lesson.  

We were all privy to the battle of the massive QBs this week as well, in Skoot versus Terri's game.  Brees vs Manning the Greater!!  Both raking up about 20 points.  And a kicker battle too!!  Both kickers getting into the double digits!  And... well not much of anything else.  No line up Nirvanas on either side.  No big starter misses.... I dunno.  With all of the build up from the first sentence, this game was kind of a let down.   For shame, you two... for shame.....

And we'll wrap it up this week, with the saddest of all games.  Combined, the starting QBs took in -3 points.  Eesh...

Mike G... you , uhhh.. were the lesser of two evils.  So, you get the "It could be worse... could be Kookie stabbed" keychain.  Congratulations on winning with your kicker who scored 17 points.  (And, BTW, having to wait until Monday night to see if you could score more than Kookie's massive 44 points.)

Kookie gets a pass this week... he's moving, packing, buying a house, selling another, etc, etc, etc.  So, he can kinda be forgiven for have three starters goose egg this week.  And only one didn't play due to injury.  That's what makes it all the worse.  I mean, it's not like your wife literally scored twice as much as you did.  Cuz that would really hurt.  O wait...  It's exactly like that.

For real guys...  Let's get the NFL back in order for this upcoming week.  Nobody wants to see this crazy sad playing again.  I mean, even the people who won have to admit that...

Also, don't forget that there are BYE weeks starting on week 4.  So, maybe it's time to start looking at trades??

DFL 2013 Week 3: You want an earlier post???

Fine.  This is what this week is:

A pox on all of you who won.

DFL 2013 Week 2: I am the Pain Bringer!!

Well, Saturday night and you know what that means!  Time to talk about last week's games!  So, here's the bad news... It's almost inconsequential to write/read about last week's games when this week's games have already started.  The good news is that hopefully non-DFL life has settled down a bit and I'll be posting a little earlier in the future.  I'm sure that nothing will get in the way of my posts from here on out:

So... I'll see you guys in the post season?  :-)

Let's take a look at the elimination league.  Three strikes handed out this week.  The Eagles screwed both Phil and Missy this week.  Cuz why not?  I mean, why would *anyone* have faith in anything coming out of Philly.  The third strike goes to Patrick for not actually making a pick this week.  Let's see what Pepper thinks of it:

Pick 'ems... Well, The Gs earned top marks this week, both going 5-1.  And they both went 4-2 last week.  I'm not saying that this is collusion, but if *this* is what you've decided to collude on...  Shame.  At least collude on something that matters.  Like, the actual league.  :)  Phil and Ben both pulled down 4-2 this week, while Crutch pulled up the rear with 3-3.  So, we've got a three way tie for first going on here.  Phil and the Gs.  (Which, BTW, sounds like a crappy Fox Comedy.  Gs - you interested in knocking out a script and selling it to Fox? Have your people call my people.)

Now, the league.Looks like we've still got three undefeated (congrats to rookie McClennen and o so close to the playoffs last year Terri), and three rounding out the bottom: Ben, Kookie, and RA Dave.  Loads of time to make a come back though.  Also, loads of time for the top teams to completely implode.  Well, except for me.  I'm pretty sure that my team is getting its complete crumble long around week 6.

Aaaand, it's time for the awards!

Skoot gets the "See guys? I told you so!" ceremonial dagger through the chest award.  His week 1 pick up of Julius Thomas really paid off.  Good for you!  Sadly, the rest of his team just went on strike this week.  Even Drew Brees.  In his defense though, Brees was going up a huge defen-  What?  The Saints were playing Tampa Bay?   Geez, Skoot, I think that you might be cursed.

Mike G pulls in the "I've got so many QBs, I don't know what to do!" award, presented by Hubris Enterprises.  22 points for his started (RG3) and 28 points for the back up (Vick).  Nope, nothing can possibly go wrong here!  (Editor's note:  Dude, trade away one of those QBs for a RB/TE/WR....  strike while the iron is hot!)

The "Hindsight is always 20/20" award goes to Melanie.  She she took a loss this week, but really, there's nothing to worry about as there wasn't really much that she could have done to turn things around this week anyways...

The "I spit on your puny kickers" WWE belt goes to Terri this week.  Has a questionable kicker, and a top shelf kicker and starts the questionable one.  But here's the thing.  TERRI NEEDS NO KICKER!!!  

The "Stupid partial points!" award goes to both Patrick and Missy this week.  The game ended in less than a point difference in the scores.  The could have both walked away with a tie.  But Patrick kicked Missy in the what nots said "I'll get you a tie for Mother's Day" and walked away with the victory.

Patrick gets no other award this week.  He does get the lesson never to trust anything out of the Big Apple however.  His DEF lost him a point and a quarter, which made the game that much closer.  It's really a shitty feeling to know that literally NOBODY could have served you better than your starter.  And I just want to rub this in just a bit.    It would only have been more delicious if they had gotten one less INT, and cost him the game.

Missy gets the "I stand by Miami" award for starting Brian Hartline instead of James Jones.  GB O > Miami O.  Every time.  

Ben earned himself the shame of not hiring a psychic to help him out this week.  I mean, who could have foreseen that Sam "Look Mom, I'm in the NFL!" Bradford would put up a 24 point game???   and move on for this one....

McClennen on the other hand get the "I was told there'd be cake" serving spatula.  Drafted Brady.  Solid Choice.  Never has a bad game.  Good system they have up there in New England.  What has Brady done so far?  Badly 17 points.  Lucky for McClennen, the rest of his team is really stepping up.  So, He goes on to stay undefeated...

Kookie pulls in "But I followed Phil's advice!" totem.  Almost 31 points from his kicker and DEF combined.  Though I do say DEF and Kickers win games, I'm going to throw a caveat on there that the rest of the team needs to show up too.

Crutch .... well not much to say about Crutch at the moment....  Except that Tony Romo won him the game and was rewarded by being benched for Phil Rivers.  I hope that Rivers can keep you happy Crutch.

An that's about all the games for this we- O right.  My game.

RA Dave vs me.  I delivered the beat down of the week by almost 74 points.  Just to be sure that we're on the same page, the margin of victory in this game was more than 4 teams put up total this week.  Everything just kinda fell into place for me this week.  So, Hurray Phil!

(And yes, I'm fully aware that if this was a behind the music based on my fantasy season, now would be the point that the announcer says "Everything was riding high, until tragedy struck."  So, I would like to personally apologize to the Rodgers family for the horrible, horrible fate that is awaiting your QB son.)

DFL 2013 Week 1: So that'show it's going to be, huh?

Here we are... Saturday night, almost Sunday morning, and the blog post has nary been started.  Another late blog post, and you know who's to blame?  Nope!  Not Chuck Testa.  And you can be sure as shit it's not your humble commissioner. No, I think that the blame falls squarely on the NFL. I mean, a game on Thursday night?  Shit like that is going to make people go crazy.  People like Peyton Manning.  But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

For you newbies (like McClennen) or people who only read the first post of the season and then ignore it religously (Patrick), here's how we do.  Three sections:  Elimiation League, Pick 'em League, and the actual DFL itself.  So, without any further ado, let's get into it.

(On a related note, I'm going to try to go high brow here.  Did you know that in Elizabethan times, "Nothing" was slang for vagina.  So, Shakespeare's play "Much Ado About Nothing", was actually a fairly dirty double entendre.  OK so really... no more ado here.  On to the games.)

Elimination League.
Right out of the gate, two strikes were thrown down.  One for Pittsburgh Maulers.  The lesson learned here is that you should never, never pick Tampa Bay to win anything.  EVER.  The other strike is particularly delicious as it is handed proudly to Melanie.  It's not important who she picked.  What's important is that this is the third strike in a row that she's taken.  That's right, Melanie was eliminated in week two last year.  Could she, would she, get eliminated in week 2 again this year?  I'm sure that she'll take a safe bet in week 2.  (Uh-oh.... Oakland.  Sure, they've got a 5 point advantage on the spread and they *are* playing Jacksonville at home, but ... esh.)

Pick 'Ems
8 people in, right off the bat...  OK, I can dig that.  Let's get those votes in early folks!  Plenty of time to catch up.  Especially with how we pick.  :)  Anyway, Patrick and Phil top the picks this week, going 5-1. (Both of us took a hit on Patrick's game which, let's admit it, was an anomaly.)  Ben, Skoot, and the Gs took second place going 4-2.  (And if you're keeping track, Yes, now Skoot has officially picked more games this year than all of last year.)  Crutch and R.A. Dave are low men on the totem pole with 3-3 picks.

The DFL
The games, o boy, the games!  It looks like there's a big disparity in the teams this year.  4 of the 6 games were decided by more than 20 points.  Since it's the first week and the player's union has restricted the amount of practice that the teams are allowed to have, players might still be shaking off the dust.  So, I'm not going to say that there are two classes of teams, but let's see how the next couple of weeks shake out.  Probably is going to be a bit of normalization going on.

However, I will say that I'm at the top of the heap after week 1.  Yay, you bastards!  I'm going to drink this in, cuz I think that we all know that it ain't gonna stay this way the whole season.  Ah... I can now safely report than it is, in fact, good to be the king.

Lest we forget (because Yahoo! seems to have), the beatdown of the week goes to Teri who delivered it unto Patrick.  Well played, Teri.  As to Patrick, for shame.  You cost us both perfect picks this week.  Cowboy up, honky tonk!

Now, let's hand out some awards, shall we?
The Tina Turner Award goes to Phil for being "Simply the best; better than all the rest!"  (And if any of you bastards even thinks about making a joke about the beating that I'm about to take, you're out of the league.  OK, you're not out of the league, but you'd have to wear the cone of shame.)

The Deju View Crown of Shame goes to Crutch this week.  Crutch finished as King of the Losers last year.  And now, he starts it off again as the highest scoring week 1 losers.  Well, played, Crutch.  Not sure if you planned this or not, but golf clap nonetheless...

The What D'you Do Pendant goes to McClennen this week.  Yep, pulled off a win, pretty hardily no less.  Makes sense though, I mean Brady is his QB.  Oh, wait, Brady was held to 10 points?  Well, who was his top scorer?  A Tight End?  WTF?  And number 2?  Reggie Bush?  From DET?  Nothing good comes out of Detroit. I don't know what wizardy you have pulled, but the animated corpse of Chris Farley is confused:

The Let's Give the Boy a Hand! diadem goes to RA Dave for somehow figuring out way to not receive the beatdown of the week, even though only 2 people on his team got into the double digits.  So, here's another gold clap for the overly tatooed Kapernick.  (Also, note to myself, get off the 80s pop music references...)

The Peter Vs. The Giant Chicken handcuffs go to both Bena nd Missy this week.  It was predicted to be a tight game, and it very much was.  Less than two points separated this game.  (OK, maybe this partial point this was a good idea...)  Quite a nail biter.  But seriously folks. I think that we can all agree that Missy has gotten quite enough victories this season already.  Time to spread the wealth around, Missy.  To say it plainer: lose more.

The Giddy Up, Payton jodhpurs goes to Terri for riding Manning to victory this week.  Had Manning gotten around what he was predicted to, Missy would have been down about 30 points and just barely would have lost.

The Is Everyone Taking Crazy Pills award goes to Patrick.  Started Wilson.   Solid RB on the Giants.  Nothing to write home about, but good enough to hold his own.  Went negative points.  Anquan "I'm well into my 30s and on a new team" Bolden, on the other hand pulls down 20 points.  Whaaaa?

The Foreshadowing ribbon goes to Mike for seeing just how badly he was going to get pounded, and naming his team accordingly.  4 players clocked in at less than 5 points.  Eesh... plenty of time to change things up, man.  Maybe drop that bum of a QB that you've got starting?  ;-)

The No Time for Yo Jibba Jabba gold chain goes to Melanie for very quietly rocking the game.  Wasn't quite able to make it to triple digits, but dayum.  I did no thting that this was going to be an almost 30 point blow out!

The St Elmo's Fire Shotglass goes to Kookie this week.  Two reasons.  First HIS TIME IS NOW AND HE's COMIN' ALIVE!!  Of course, he's gotta start winning games, but I think that a quick shot John Parr is just what the doctor ordered.  And the second reason for the award?  It conveniently doubles as a shot glass, just in case the season is as long as the first game seems to indicate...

The Your Uppance Will Come award goes to Skoot.  He called it.  Crap on a Stick may just be engraved in the annals of the year.  Big win, plus he's just picked up a great TE before week 1 was even done.  What's that?  His starting TE was almost as good as the one that he picked up.  Time for a decision, sir....

OK that's about it.  Good luck to everyone in week 2.

DFL Hall of Fame

OK to make it up to everyone for such a late Kick Off blog post, here's a post that has been on mind for a bit.  Hall of Fame.  So, we'll know who the winners were since the inception of the league.  A bit of history, if you will.

So, here we go!

2002: TheDominicanFootallLeague

Gold - Pillow Clown (Whitey)

Silver - Go Pack Go (Jason - Phil's coworker)

Bronze - Always Touch Down There (Miah)

The inaugural year! Really, the only people who had any idea were Whitey and Skoot.  Everyone else was kinda drafting blind, as most of us didn't really know anything about football in general.  Also, this was the year that we had the biggest trade veto that I remember.  Whitey offered someone for Curt Warner.  I accepted, but Jason flipped out so bad about it being a lopsided trade that I reneged on it.  (As a follow up, Warner was hurt before the end of the first week, out for the rest of the season.)   10 man league.  Woah - Bill was in this year?

2003:  The Dominican Football League

Gold - White Vanilla (Whitey)

Silver - Da Clown Stompers (JM -who? edit:  Jenny - forgot about Jenny!)

Bronze - Pirate Monkeys (Phil - Yay!)

Our first back to back championship, though it would certainly not be the last.  Man, did we really only have 8 teams this year???  Man,I do not remember these things!

2004:  Dominicana

Gold - Asshaitians (Skoot)

Silver - PickMe (Ben)

Bronze - No Clownin (JM - again - who was this guy??  edit:  Still Jenny)

Our second Champion is crowned.  Skoot and Kookie enter the "Who can make pick ups the earliest" war.  Works out very well for Skoot, not so much for Kookie.  Woah!  Ben pulled in second place.  Good on ya, Ben!  Still an 8 team league.

2005:  Dominicana 

Gold - What the deuce? (Whitey - again, damn)

Silver - The Pork Chop Express (Patrick)

Bronze - ITouchDownThereDaily (Miah)

Patrick's first year in the league and he's already showing us up.  Still an 8 man league

2006: Dominican Football League 06

Gold - The MarieTards (Marie)

Silver - Ninja Pirates (Phil - Yay!)

Bronze - The Pocket Pollys (Melanie)

Thus begins the reign of the ladies in the DFL.  Also, Marie's team name is probably the best name that we have ever had in the league and remains so to this day. League is expanded out to 10 teams (with Jennie and Mike G joining....)

2007:  Dominicana 2007

Gold - Chewie's Dad (Whitey)

Silver - Odoyle Rules! (Skoot)

Bronze - Shockers (Missy)

See?  All ladies getting medals.  Also, this is the year of Crap on a Stick.  Fun fact.... even with Skoot making mad pick ups for Crap on a Stick, Kookie *still* had 2 more moves than anyone else in the league.  And here is where the league topped out at 12 people.  (Well, technically, only Missy joined - and showed the league who's who - and a bot.)

2008: DFL v2.0 (2008)

Gold - Hellboy (Jennie)

Silver - QuitYourJibbaJabba (Phil)

Bronze - 4theL8dz (Whitey)

This was the first year that Phil took over as commissioner.  Previously, it was all Skoot.  This was the first year that we really started to change up the rules, added the tracking of the picks metagame, and started the elimination league.  Joy's first year in the league.  Also, this was the first year that Missy stole gold from Phil when Feagles shanked an easy (though meaningless in the NFL) field goal in our championship.

2009:  DFL v2.1 (2009)

Gold - Team That Guy  (Patrick)

Silver - Scooby Doo (Missy)

Bronze -   NanaMomma (Joy)

A few more changes coming down the lane this year.  I think that it was this year that I was faithfully doing write ups until week 9 or so, when Skoot changed web hosting providers.  The bad thing is that all of the previous write ups were taken with him that year.  We didn't continue with the write ups for the rest of the year.

2010:  DFL v2.2 (2010)

Gold - Ator's Braid (Joy)

Silver - Lez is Mo (Marie)

Bronze - Aussie Rules! (Whitey)

This was Whitey's last year in the league and he *still* winds up on the medal stand.  Bitter.  Skoot took over the commissionering back this year.

2011:  Dominican Football League

Gold - Popcorn Boobs (Joy)

Silver -  Team Station (Ky;e)

Bronze - The Masters of Evil (Kookie)

Woah!  Kookie on the medal stand?  Plus Joy was the second back to back champion in the history of the league. Good year, good year.  

2012:  DFL 2012

Gold - ScoobyDoo (Missy)

Silver - Superion (Melanie)

Bronze - Philthy Bastards (Phil)

Two new players join the league.  (Kyle and Marie bowed out; Crutch and Terri G in.)  Neither of them went into the playoffs, but this was probably the closest year that we had in both the play off race and the pick 'em league.  Also, this was the year that Melanie set the record for the quickest elimination in the elimination league.  (2 strikes in 2 weeks.)  We settled on diamondshaft.blogspot.com as the official location of the write ups.  Thanks to Kookie and Ben, this was the first year in the history of the league where there was a weekly write up the entire year.  And lastly, this was the second time that Missy stole Phil's gold.

2013:  DFL 2013

It's up for grabs, you silly sods!  Go get 'em!

Got any extra memories?  Comment them up, cowboy!

IT IS TIME!!!! DFL 2013 Kick Off!

(Editor's note: I had actually written most of this on Thursday afternoon, but I didn't get a chance to publish it until  Sunday night.  See you you can pick out the things that I wrote on Thursday, versus Sunday!)

Well, well, well... It's only about 7 hours until kick off and we still haven't gotten any Kick Off blog port for DFL 2013.  Though this certainly doesn't bode well for the rest of the season, here we are.  :)

Draft Recap

Because I somehow messed up the settings, we had a random draft order this year.  Sorry, Skoot...  I'll try not to Patrick it up next year.  (What's that?  Oh, I just used Patrick as a verb to mean "trying and failing to do a simple task."  I'm trying to get some traction with it.)  So, here is the draft order that I got:

1. It's Not Detroit (Melanie)
2. Cagenado (Patrick)
3. GG Purple Dragons (RA Dave)
4. Crap on a Stick 2 (Skoot)
5. The Derailers (McClennen)
6. Scooby Doo (Missy)
7. WrathPhil (Phil)
8. The Mud Turtles (Terri)
9. #poundsign (Mike G)
10. Knightly Yardage (Crutch)
11. |__O--|--( |=| (Ben)
12. CLE Rocks (Kookie)

And here is How Yahoo! Ranked us after the draft (this will be known as the WTF Yahoo!? graph at the end of the season):

1. McClennen:  A+ (11-3-0, with 1,296 points)
2. Skoot: A- (9-5-0, with  1,245 points)
3. Melanie: A- (12-2-0, with 1,245 points)
4. Crutch: A- (11-3-0, with 1,251 points)
5. Phil: B (9-3-0, with 1,211 points)
6. Ben: B (7-7-0, with 1,229 points)
7. RA Dave:  B- (5-9-0, with 1,180 points)
8. Patrick: B- (6-8-0, with 1,172 points)
9. Missy:  C (7-7-0, with 1,139 points)
10. Terri:  C (3-11-0, with 1,143 points)
11. Kookie:  C (3-11-0, with 1,145 points)
12. Mike G: D (1-13-0, with 1,078 points)

I'm just going to throw something out there...  The people in the Google hang out are generally on top of the draft rankings.  I'm not saying that it helped us, I'm just sayin'...  

(And don't give me that jibba jabba about Kookie being in the hang out and being ranked 11th - That's higher than he usually finishes and  he was only there for about half of it.)

Phil's Rankings

Yeah,I get to do that cuz I'm commish and all.  If you want your own rankings, become commish!  (OK, you can just throw a blog post down.  I'll takes what I can gets.)  Because doing a real ranking based on merit taking into account off season moves, surgeries, etc is (a) hard and (b) time consuming, I'm just going to do my own brand of tomfoolery.  That's right, it's time for ranking by team names!

Cagenado - Alright, Patrick....  I'm not sure where you came up with this team name, but it is delicious.  Combining all of the beauty of Sharknado with all of the horror of Nic Cage, this is a great team name.  Don't get too comfy though.  You won't be siting at the top ever again this season, if history is to be believed.

WrathPhil - Yeah, I'm still doing the pun this.  And yes, I'm full of wrath.  This is my year, fuckers.  And my team name is hilarious.

It's Not Detroit - Yay!  I like to think that I might have had a little bit of a hand in this name.  The Kookies are moving to Clevland and so I sent them the Hastily Made Clevland Promotional Video.  I still chuckle at this video.  Right on, Melanie.

GG Purple Dragons - Kinda Random, but hella-on point.  RA Dave says that he's here to win and he's willing to get steroids pumped up Russian ladies on his team to do so.  Kind of explains Kaepernick now...

CLE Rocks - Again, the Kookie are going to Clevland.  Not quite so funny as Melanie's team name, but on topic.  Song isn't bad either, if you're into that sort of thing.  (And this will be the highest that Kookie is rated all season, outside of the fabled "Bless His Heart, he's trying" list, which somehow he still doesn't top but defintitely top 5.)

Crap on a Stick 2 - I had forgotten where the original Crap on a stick came from, until Skoot mentioned it in on the league forum.  Way to cite history, bro.  Now, if only we can get Skoot to finish in last place, like his predecessor did....

Knightly Yardage - Is there a pun here?  If there is, I'm missing it.  But always conjuring up D&D memories is good, so right on.  You *did* draft Romo, but I'm not holding that against you... yet.

The Derailers - Frist year is always a little worrisome.  You're never sure how far you can push the team name element without being offensive.  For example, I expect that Patrick wants to name his team "festering ass wound" every year, but he doesn't, just to be safe.  Nothing *wrong* with this team name, but I think that McClennen can do better next year.

Scooby Doo - How many years have we been doing this?  And the same name every year.  I'll give it to you for consistency, but you've gotta move on, Missy.  For realsies.  Maybe shake it up next year by doing with "Shaggy" or something. I dunno.  Name your own team and deal with the consequences!

#poundsign - Going a little meta, but not really doing it for me.  Plus, you're really opening yourself up to homophobic comments.  Careful, Mr. G.  Careful...

The Mud Turtles - Hmmmm... again, is there a reference I'm missing?  I'm not getting this one.  But at least you're actually a human readable team name.  Which brings us to the bottom of the barrel:
|__O--|--( |=| - Dammit, Ben.  This shit is going to get old as hell fast as hell to cut and paste every time.  So, I might just call your team hangmen or something.  You get points for creativity, but obviously not that many since you're bottom of the pile here.

Last Minute rule change on the DEF

Sorry to anyone who was looking at the projected points earlier in the week and expecting thier DEF to be pulling in 20+ points.  While tweaking the points this year, I had checked the "DEF gets points for stopping behind the line of scrimmage."  What I didn't notice was that it defaulted to 1 point per time!  So, I tweaked that and the return yards.  So, that's why the points estimates came *way* down.  Sorry about that.  :)

OK fuckers, it's on.

So, here we go!

Good luck to everyone this year.  Except for people playing me in a given week.  Also, anyone harboring Tony FUCKING Romo.  Or NoName McPeePeePants.  For those people, screw, y'all.