DFL 2014 Week 8: Ben's Comeuppance

Holy shit, fellas!!  Did you see the games this week?  First week in NFL history that 6 or more QBs have thrown for over 300 yards.  Also, first week in history that anyone has ever said "Man, I wish that I had started Big Ben."  And speaking of Ben...

I'm proud of all of you this week.  Last week, I threw down the gauntlet.  I said "Ben is doing *way* too well in all of the competitions this year. We need to collectively put his ass down or else he may well win it all!"  And all y'all delivered.  In droves.  He was eliminated from the elimination league, came up with a goose egg in the pick'ems and had his droopy ass handed to him by receiving the beat down of the week.  Well played everyone!

And since we've teased long enough, let's get into it...  Elimination League!  That's right.  Ben took perhaps the surest thing with Dallas over Washington.  Specifically Washington with the third string quarterback.  No brainer, right?  Wrong.  It was a Monday night game and national games are just nuts.  Well, the Redskins pulled the upset AND that kicked Ben out of the elimination league.  Meaning that there's only one person left.  And what's that?  He didn't take a strike all year?   Who could this wonderful, wise, and devilishly handsome winner be?  Oh.. it was me! Look at that *another* gold for the trophy rack!  (OK, this was only the first gold for elimination for me, but who's counting?)  Commence the happy dance:

Why yes, I have lost some weight.  That is kind of you to notice.

Elimination League because that is how we do.  Big week this week in that Ben, Crutch, and RA Dave all missed making their picks this week.  (Oddly, as I write this review, the only people who have made their picks for week 9 are Ben and RA Dave.  Compensating a little, gentlemen?)  So, only three teams making picks this week:  Phil (4-2), Skoot (4-2), and Mike (3-3).  This leaves the standings at:
Phil  31-17
Ben 28-14
Crutch 26-16
Mike 26-22
Dave: 25-11
Scott:  25-17
(And the rest haven't picked in a few weeks or more.)

Things keep staying tight.  Plenty of time for things to fall apart though.  :)

And now, we'll take a look at the bigguns... the fantasy games.  We'll start at the top:

Clash of the Titans:  Missy vs Ben.  #1 Missy goes into the game undefeated.  #2 Ben has been laying the smackdown of the weeks left and right all season.  Both team predicted to hit triple digits... this game is going to be epic!!!  And then it wasn't...  I mean yeah, it was kinda fun watching Ben finally receive a beatdown of the week.  But what the hell, Missy?  I mean this was uncanny.  Manning was Manning, but Foster pulling in 3 TDs, GRonkowski pullin in three touch downs...   Shit, even the Buffalo defense put up 16 points.  Well played!  But can anyone possibly hope to put an end to Missy's perfect season???

Pictured above: Missy's post-game victory speech.

So Good, it's Gotta Be Fattening:  Crutch vs Mike.  Crutch has been down on his luck this season.  Coming into the game, he was on a 3 game losing streak and squarely in last place.  He was projected at a full 20 points below Mike in this game.  Mike, on the other hand is hungry and just needs a win to stop his downward slide.  What happens?  Well, Crutch spots Mike 3 players (one on BYE and two not playing due to injury).  Mike should take this game easily, right?  NOPE!  Crutch pulls it out when Jamal Charles remembers "Wait.. I'm actually a good RB", Minnesota D manhandles Tampa Bay and Matt Ryan isn't nearly as embarrassing as he normally is.  Crutch eeks out an ugly victory, but somehow, it's the most beautiful thing EVER.

When I asked why Crutch hadn't set his line up, he claimed that he was too busy.
But, if he did manage to pull down the victory, he wanted to rub this in Mike's face.

Well, it's not as much fun if everyone is doing it!  RA Dave vs. Terri.  RA Dave jumps on the heap of teams that is just whooping on Terri this season.  Why?  Because trades that's why.  RA Dave traded for Tom "Remember when I was good?" Brady.  What he got was Tom "Yeah, I'm still an elite QB" Brady.  38 points.  He threw for 5 TDs, 350 yards, and only 5 cinompletions..  I mean, yeah he pretty much destroyed Terri here, but here's the kicker...  He got Brady from Terri's dear husband.  That's gotta hurt!

Pictured above, Terri watching the games with Mike on Sunday.
"Where did he get that QB, Mike?  WHERE???"

Points???  We don't need no stinkin' points!!  Patrick vs Kookie.  2 of the three lowest scores of the week were involved in this game.  There's not much to be said about this match up, except that it's over. I think that part of the problem is that these two team probably forget where the endzone is.  As commish, part of my job is to get everyone into the game.  So, here's some free coaching for the coaches.  You wanna know where the endzone is?

Oh, if only I could one day aspire to the heights that Booger has seen!

Negatory, Red Rider.  McClennen vs Melanie.  There were two players going negative in this game, two goose eggs, and another two not seeing 2 points.  I'm not quite sure how this game wasn't the lowest scoring of the week.  I would go into more specifics, but I don't want to get that nasty taint on me.   So, I'm just going to back away slowly.

But seriously... get your teams together, you two...

Point-a-palooza.  Phil vs Skoot.  From the lowest scores to the highest.  Both teams here hit triple digits.  Both teams had multiple 20 point players.  And both teams needed the win to capture 3rd place.  Phil walked away with the victory in the end, but damn was that a fun game to watch.

Get it?  Cuz the game had a lot of points?  Just like the graph?
Screw you guys; I'm hilarious!

And with that Week 8 is at and end.  We're half way through the NFL season, and more than halfway through the DFL regular season.  So, let's take a few points of data:

• Only 1 team left undefeated.  That would be Missy.  (No pressure or anything next week, Kookie...)
• The most points in the league?  Missy (but right on her heels is ben - only 10 points behind).
• Least points in the league?  Crutch.
• Most points against?  Phil.  (Damn... hurtful guys!)
• Least points against?  Missy (Why does this always happen? Most points and least points against seem to go hand in hand!)
• Most moves?  RA Dave, though Phil and Kookie get honorable mentions for only being one behind.
• Least Moves?  McClennen.  (It's not entirely clear to me if he know that he is allowed to make moves at this point...)
• Only trade of the season is between Mike and RA Dave.  (And seriously, those players might have generated the most points since their trade in the history of the DFL.)
• Biggest hail mary of the year?  Patrick picked up Mike "-4.87 points to date" Vick just now.  Bold, sir.
• Ranks 4-7 are sitting at a .500 record.  
• Still only 1 bingo in the pick'ems.  (Melanie in week 2.)
• Elimination league ended in week 8. (I want to say that the longest it has ever gone on is week 10, so this year isn't too shabby.)

And because I don't really have a denouement, here's Drew Frees getting tackled, in slow motion:

Good luck this week, everyone!  Especially you, Kookie.  We're all counting on you.

DFL 2014 Week 7: The trends continue

Well, we're into it now... 7 weeks into the season and trends are starting to emerge...  Did anyone else realize that fully half the teams in the league are on a 3+ streak.  For some, that's very, very good (Missy is currently throwing down a 7 game wining streak).  For others, not so much (Patrick and Crutch are both on their 3rd consecutive loss).Also, probably worth pointing out at this point, over half the league is under .500 at this point.  So, you know what time it is? It's time to shake some stuff up.  That's right ... it's time for:

Yee-haw indeed, Charlie!!

Yeah, we're doing it.... All rules out the window in this review.  Something strikes my fancy, I'm doing it!  You don't like it, then you just skip this post.

O  crap... what have I done... now my readership has nose dived from 5 to 2.  And that two is just me re-reading my post.  Come back!!  I've got cake!!!!

Man, I just hope that nobody realizes the source of this image....

Now, before we get to the actual reviews (and after a page or so of general tomfoolery), I've got something to say to Missy.  Missy - you're 7-0, and almost nobody can touch you on points.  You've got a killer team this year.  Dare I say, you're queen of the league at this point.  Now's the time to start talking some shit.  So, from all of in the league to you, we've prepared a special message:

Now that that is out of the way (and subsequently ignored), let's look at some numbers.

Elimination league..  Oh... here it is...  Two people (Ben and Melanie) picked Seattle this week. I actually picked them initially too, but I thought "Nah, I'll pick someone else and root for the Rams.  How novel will that be?"  Well, not only was it novel, but it worked.  Melanie takes her second strike and says goodbye to yet another year.  And that means (with my pick of Baltimore - I feel dirty rooting for them so often these days), Ben, it is down to you and it is down to me.  Ben has one strike and I am still strike free.  It's coming down to it, ladies and gentlemen!

Pick'ems!  Phil took the top picks with 5-1.  Ben and Mike both went 4-2.  Dave and Crutch both broke even at 3-3.  Not surprisingly, we all picked Ben and Missy's game, being that they are pretty much crushing the league. Biggest upset of the week was when Kookie pulled out a win against Skoot.  Well played boys!

So, that means that the standings right now stand as follows:
Ben          28 picks
Phil          27 picks
Crutch     26 picks
RA Dave 25 picks
Melanie   23 picks
Mike        23 picks
Scott        21 picks
Terri        10 picks

Still plenty of time to catch up and keep things competitive, lads!

Now, for the real meat and potatoes....  the DFL itself.   few big games this week......

First off, the big disappointment of the week:  Ben vs RA Dave. It's not often that someone is projected above 100 points.  And Ben was...  So, I proposed, rightly so, that if Ben doesn't have the highest score of the week AND deliver the beatdown of the week, that we all point and laugh at him.  So,e veryone do your best Nelson impression, point at Ben and give him a hearty "Ha-Ha!"  Thanks to RA Dave for not allowing Ben to get the beat down of the week.

Next up, is the beat down of the week:  Missy (also hitting over 100 points) laid the smack down on Patrick this week.  Within a point of doublingh the score.  Well done, Missy!  And Dammit, Patrick.  We thought that this was going to be the week where the streak dies!  But at least you finally benched Staff-o for the love of God!!!

High score of the week goes to Phil against Mike.  A hell of a lot of smack talk on this game, as expected.  I don't know about Mike,but I have been looking forward to this game ever since the championship last year.

From the highest scoring game of the week to the lowest:  Kookie versus Skoot.  Biggest upset of the week too!  5 of 6 people voted for Skoot, but Kookie pulled it out in the end.  Sad game too... neither team got above 70 points.

Shall we look at the closest game of the week?  Crutch versus McClennnen.  Less than three points separated the two teams here.  McClennen wrestled the victory, sending Crutch solidly into last place.

Lastly, we come to Terri versus Melanie.  Terri tacked another loss onto Melanie's league high losing streak.  And need I remind everyone that Melanie actually started 3-0 and at the top of the league.  Now, she's dead center and sinking fast.  Congrats to Terri for the upward movement in the standings.

(Now, if I can pause for a moment to point something out.... Ben is currently ranked 2nd in the league, 2nd in the elimination league, and 1st in pick'ems.  Surely we cannot let this stand.  Let us all band together to drum Ben back down to the middle of the league in all of these, where he belongs!)

DFL 2014 Week 6: It burns!! IT BURNS!!!

Whelp... here we are... Week 6.  Big week.  Lots of games, but there is a common thread in between them all... and you know what that is?  Extra pain.  Lots and lots of pain.

We've got exactly three teams with a winning record at this point.  Three.  Let that sink in.  Only a quarter of the league has been able to get it together enough to get over .500 at this point.  (BTW, congrats to Missy, Ben, and Skoot for nabbing that distinction.)  And guess what?  We've still got an undefeated team.  So, that means that we're pretty much all gunning for you, Missy.

But let's do this in order.  I want no part of anarchy.

Annarchy, on the other hand, is delightful.

We'll start with the real pain this week...  The elimination league.  Two people took strikes this week:  Skoot for picking Seattle AT HOME (against the Cowboys no less!) and Crutch for rooting against the home town team by picking the Bangles over the Panthers.

Why was this painful?  The Seahawks just don't lose at home.  That whole 12th man thing that they have going really works for them.  And Cincinnati?  Well, that game ended in a tie.  Where both teams scored in overtime.  And that *technically* means that Crutch's pick didn't win, so technically he takes a strike.  And technically, we are all gobsmacked.

So, that's the end of the run for both Crutch and Skoot.  So long, boys!  And thanks for not going out by missing a pick.  So, that just leaves Melanie (with a strike), Ben (sans strike), and Phil (also strike free) still swinging.  Good luck, you crazy kids, cuz it's gonna start getting crazy!

Next up... Pick'ems! The race gets tighter this week, as Melanie forgot to make any picks this week, droppiner her out of first place, by a single pick.  Mike's slavish devotion to always pick a G to win finally paid off this week, as he went 5-1.  Also going 5-1 was Phil. Ben snagged first place when he went 4-2, and Terri stayed locked in last place with 4-2.  (Beautiful symmetry, no?)  Crutch and Skoot both pulled in 3-3 picks this week.  So, that means that Melanie is still the only one to bingo this year (in week 2), and the standings look thusly:
Ben         24
Crutch     23
Melanie   23
Phil          22
RA Dave 22
Mike        19
Skoot       17
Terri         10  (And almost half of those points came in *this* week!)

Keep those picks coming!  It's a long season and the race for first place is heating up!

Let's keep the pain rolling...  This week, we'll have a "When does the hurting stop?" thing going down.  So, strap in.  (And if anyone outside of Patrick gets that reference, then good on ya!)

Ben vs Melanie.  Ben just beat the ever loving snot out of Melanie in precisely the way that a preggers should not be beaten.  Melanie received the beat down of the week like a seasoned veteran (probably due to the fact that she lives in Cleveland) and continues to soldier on.
Why does it hurt?
For Melanie, it always hurts to get the beat down of the week... This week it hurt even more because she didn't have a single player on BYE.  That's right, she got that throttling at full strength.
For Ben, this is his second time dishing out the beat down of the week this year.  Looking at the point against him though reveals something... he's got the second *least* points scored against him this year.  If you know Ben, then you know how he likes to gripe and whine about how he has a good team, but teams always pile on points against him.  So thank you league, for peeing in his Cheerios, just a little bit.

Phil vs McClennen.   Phil's team finally woke up this week.  And sadly, it was partially due to Flacco scoring 5 TDs in the first half of the game.  (Sadly, then he did his best Romo impression and scored nothing from there on in...)
Why does it hurt?
For McClennen, even if he hit line up Nirvana, it wouldn't have mattered.
For Phil, because even though he scored the most points this year to date, he still wasn't able to hand out the beat down of the week.  And you know that this winning streak ain't gonna last...

Missy vs RA Dave.  With Wes Welker just not catching Manning the greater's attention (again) and New England going buck wild on  her defense, Missy barely held on to her undefeated record.
Why does it hurt?
For Missy, well. going 6-0 is nice, but now everyone *really* wants to see you lose.  And remember how I said that Ben has the second lowest points against?  Guess who has the lowest?  So, that means that you're just getting lucky.  Luck will run out.  Sooner than later, hopefully.
For RA Dave, when you come *this* close to taking down the undefeated person and not doing so, it sucks.  When you do so with your two non-BYE benched players racking up almost 30 points, it hurts worse.  It hurts still worse to find out that you hit line up Nirvana anyways.

Terri vs  Crutch.  This? Ouch... It was predicted as a low scoring game.  And not only was it, but the predictions were flipped from the results.  Crutches team shat their pants, and Terri handed him not only a loss, but also 12th place.
Why does it hurt?
For Terri, it feels good to snap the losing streak and climb out of last place.... but it;s gotta hurt to be the lowest scoring winner.
For Crutch, lots of hurt.. plenty to go around.  First off, having the QB do about 1/4 of the project points... Ouch.  Next, to lose to the lowest scoring winner by 30 points... Double Ouch.  Finally, losing Cruz to the IR just when Manning the lesser was getting into his swing.. just.. Here's some aspirin.

Mike vs. Kookie.  This was a pretty good game.  A good amount of scoring, and another upset.Mike claws his way to .500 with this win (after an 0-3 start no less!) and Kookie drops to .500 after the loss.
Why does this hurt?
For Mike, not a lot of hurting going on here...  this week.  But it's gotta be weighing on him that his winning streak will come crashing down on him next week.  Who could he be playing next week?  Whoever could it be??
For Kookie, ugh.... things were going so well.  This was going to be the year to see the championship game.  This was going to be it! But when two players go negative, and another 3 don't quite hit 5 points... it burns!!  It burns!!!

Skoot vs Patrick.  Last and pretty much least, here we are... Not much going on here. I mean, Skoot hits lineup nirvana, I guess.  So that's cool, right?  But Skoot does take this win to the bank, keeping him squarely in 3rd place.
Why does this hurt?
For Skoot, he couldn't find anyone better to play with than Asiata, and that's a big gamble until Bridgewater finds his groovy again.  Someone send him to Jamaica!  (And if you don't hear it from the insightful tone, I should point out that this is precisely the advice that Skoot gave to me in my charity league.  The bit about Bridgewater, not the bit about Jamaica.)
For Patrick, the biggest pain might be the neck pain.  What neck pain is that?  It's from that albatross around your neck.  His name is Stafford.  Another lackluster game, man.  How long until it's time to cut him loose, man?


And that's it for Week 6.  Next week is shaping up to be an exciting week too!  Championship rematch betwixt Mike and myself, the two most bitter against Yahoo teams go head to head.  And perhaps most importantly of all, we'll ask the question can Patrick put an end to Missy's winning streak???

You gonna let Marky Mark talk to you like that, Patrick?

DFL 2014 Week 5: National Beatdown Week.

National Beatdown Week.  National Beatdown Week!  NATIONAL BEAT DOWN WEEK!!!

NATIONAL

BEATDOWN

WEEK!!!

Can you feel it?  That's right. It's national beatdown week!  And what a week it was!!  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let me make my entrance properly....

Not a close game to be seen in the league.  Just total Domination!!!  And guess what else?  I pulled in my first win of the season.  So what if I was the lowest scorer of the winners?  So what if I had the second lowest points differential?  So what if I needed to play the dead last player in the league to pull out a win? So what if I have the second lowest number of points in the league?  So what if I am still in 11th place after this week?  Oh... now I'm sad again.

Phil's exact reaction while typing the previous sentence.

So... where was I?  Oh, right...  DFL write up.  And away we go...

Elimination League... Whelp three more strikes were handed out this week. Skoot, Patrick and RA DAve all took strikes this week.  Sadly, it was the second strike for the latter two.  So, we bid a fair adieu to Patrick and RA Dave. However, RA Dave does make history this week, as he is the first person to be eliminated when he actually made a pick.  Everyone else (yes, including Patrick this week) has been eliminated when they forgot to pick.  And in RA Dave's defense, he did pick Detroit.  At home.  Against the Bills.  That is about as sure of thing as there is.  But that's just how things are going this year.

And one more fun side note about the elimination league... Of all of the people who picked, no two people picked the same team this week.  Does this mean that people are actually reading my write ups and taking my advice?  Probably not, but I'm sure going to claim that to be the case...

Pick'em, Pick'em, Pick'em...  Yeah, it was that kind of week.  The only sweeping pick that was made was Ben over Crutch (and it turned out OK).  The runner up was everyone (except me) picked Mike over Patrick (and they were right - except for me).  Now, in my defense, I totally thought that Patrick was going to be making some substitutions so that he could be a contender.  But that just wasn't in the cards.  

Mike was the high picker with 5-1. He would have bingo'ed had he not been blinded by rooting for his wife.  Crutch and Phil went 4-2, while Melanie and Ben both went 3-3 (with the same picks, no less - no cheating, folks!)  So, that leaves us with Melanie gaining more speed with 23 picks, followed by Crutch and Ben at 20, then RA Dave at 18, Phil at 17, and Mike and Skoot tied at 14.  O, and Terri's hanging steady at 6.  Right on, miss!

And before we get into things, did everyone see that there was a trade this week? That's right, RA Dave and Mike did the first trade of the regular season!  And how did it turn out?  Wonderful all around. Eddie Lacy had a 20+ point game and even Brady decided to wake up a bit by throwing down 18 points himself.  But there's more!  Pierre Thomas had a 21 points game too!  Trades, fellas.. it all comes down to trades.  (And what's that?  Both of the parties involved in the trade won this week as well?  Cray-cray, I tells ya.  Cray-cray.)

And now ... on to the meat of the matter.  But where to begin, where to begin???  Let's start with the beat down of the week:

RA Dave vs Melanie:  Dave fully embraced the national holiday here.  With his killer trade this week, he joined the centurian club for the first time this year.  Plus, going into this week, he was sitting at .500, and Melanie had only lost one game the entire year.  So, for RA Dave to so thoroughly thrash Melanie.... Right on, Sir!  Melanie.. ugh.. next week is another week....

Patrick vs Mike:  Again, the trade worked out and Mike really got into the spirit of the national holiday.  With 4 players hitting 20 (or getting *really* close), and another pulling in 15, it's not surprising that Mike so thoroughly trounced Patrick this week.  However, it should be noted that the healthy Matt "Top 5 Quarterback" Stafford is really digging himself a hole here...  Not quite hitting 3 points this week, it's... well , it's gonna hurt.

Missy vs. Skoot:  We all are waiting for that fateful week where Missy ruins her perfect season.  We were all hoping that the 5 game run would end this week.  Skoot even had a fighting chance.  But With Megatron leaving the game early, Asiata remembering "Wait... I'm probably being over hyped" and the Seattle defence just shitting the bed  against Washington, he didn't really have a snowball's chance.  Missy, on the other hand, was just throwing rocks tonight!  Manning and Foster both over 20 points, and Bryand, Gronk and the Buffalo D (I know, right?) in the low teens... Well, I'm just surprised that this wasn't the beat down of the week.

McClennen vs Kookie:  Geez guys, you know that you're allowed to talk, right?  McClennen just barely missed the Centurion club and Kookie.... Well, pretty much everyone on Kookie's team under performed.  Oh, wait... Except for Manning the lesser. 

I know, I don't get it either...

McClennen, on the other hand, had a pretty ho-hum game.  Well, except for Thomas (because Manning the greater had already sent a few TDs to the other Thomas, and he likes to spread it around), and Andre Ellington who... oh, who am I kidding?  Nobody knows who this kid is.  McClennen just kinda lucked into a win this week.

Ben vs Crutch:  The good in this game?  Rodgers and The Philly D (who, BTW gave up 28 points, but it doesn't really matter when you score 2 TDs).  The Bad?  Cruz and the Minnesota D (Always be careful in rivalry games - gord only knows what's going to happen in them).  The Ugly?  Larry Donnell.  Geez, Crutch, how invested are you in the G-Men this year?

Finally Phil vs Terri:  Yeah, I pulled in my first win this year. Yeah, it kicked me up out of 12th place.  But am I proud?

For me, Forte finally woke up, Brees finally work up, and Forsett did his best to forget that he's Forsett.  So, when everyone on Terri's team spent the game picking their butts (well, except for Jackson, but by then it was too late), I kinda waltzed into victory.

Well, that's it.  Hopefully, next week, I can continue the winning trend and Missy can stop it.  See y'all next time!