DFL 2018 Week 8: So .. much .. pain...

Well, this week was kind of a kick in the butt, wasn't it?

Well, I guess that it is always for about half the league, but this week seemed really off for some reason.  I can't even really put my finger on it...  I mean the Eagles won (internationally, no less!), the Panthers kicked the shit out of the best ranked defense in the league, and the Cowboys somehow even lost on their week off:

hmmmm.. whatever could it be?

O, right.... But more on that bullshit later.

First up, elimination league!  3 Remaining picks, all three made, all were different (Josh with Pittsburgh, McClennen with Washington, and Phil with Chicago), and all were successful.  So, the three way contest goes into week 9!

And as a side note, if we all go out on the same week, I'm going to lose my ever loving shit.  It's too late in the season for a tie!!

I'm just sayin'...

Pick 'ems, Pick 'ems, Pick 'ems....  big divergence here this week....  Mike and Josh went 5-1, Phil and Terri went 4-2, Crutch went 3-3, and Ben's stupid bullshit pre-picks went 2-4.  On the plus side, whenever Ben wins he'll take a hit on the pick'ems.  On the minus side, I played him this week.  So.... yay?  I think.  No...  Maybe?

Dammit.  I'm really confused by how to feel about Ben's win this week.
VERY CONFLICTED!!!

Anyways, that leaves the pick 'ems looking like this:
Phil:  36
Ben:  28
Mike: 27 (Woah!!!  Making moves!  If you didn't miss last week, you might be within striking distance of first!  Not to rub salt into the wound... OK, maybe a little salt)
Crutch: 26
Josh:  26
Terri: 23 (Still whooping the hell out of half the league though.  So, there is that, I guess.)

Mike (90.88) vs. D (86.74).  I know, I know, I know.  Nobody likes it when Mike pulls in the most points in a week.  But listen, his starters really pulled it together this week.  *3* of them hit double digits!  That's gotta be worth something. Well, it's worth a win.... WAIT A MINUTE!  You only played 1 TE this week!!  I thought that we had an agreement!  For shame!!!!

Don't make Iron Man sad, buddy.  Come on!

And D... man.  third highest points in the league this week, and pretty much everyone across the board turning in solid performances.  Sorry, man. Sometimes luck is just not with you.  And speaking of luck not being with you....

Ben (89.36) vs. Phil (85.27).  Yeah, how about this bullshit.  We had some super stars in this game right here.  Kamara and Conner both pulled in solid 20+ point games on my side, and Mahomes and Mixon also solidly over 20 points on Ben's side.  All understandable.  But then freaking Mark Mack of all damn people also turned in 22 point game.  And then Brady is kept from the end zone by the freaking Bills AND Houston can't get a handle on the Dolphins.  So, well done, Ben, on your vile win.

You made Putin happy.  Are you pleased with yourself?

Josh (80.21) vs. Kyle (71.28).  Josh looks up from this game and says "Oh, right....  That's what the beginning of a winning streak looks like."  The underdogs pulls it out.  Maybe it was because HE started two TEs.  I mean, I can't  guarentee it, but the evidence certainly points that way, doesn't it? Kyle, on the other hand... man.  The BYE weeks are just going to get you sometimes and this was his week.  

Next week, Kyle.  Next week....

Patrick (79.85) vs. McClennen (45.78).  Yeha, this is one of the two games that was just painful to see just how out of control it got.  Patrick pulled in a solid, solid performance.  4 players in double digits.  Always feels nice.  McClennnen, on the other hand... just nobody hit projects.  And the result was just a lifeless blob that Patrick couldn't help but beat to a pulp.

If you just heard "Nothing can stop The Blob!" in your head,
well done.  Well done, INDEED!

Crutch (75.57 - Nice Palendrome!) vs. Terri (69.73).  Pretty solid numbers around the board here.  The big disappointment on Crutch's team, of course, being Flacco.  But as many Flacco fans will tell you... He's just a turd burger propped up by tooth picks and fond memories of years gone by.  Crutch kinda dodged a bullet here, in that Terri just didn't play a defense.  A bold move, to be sure.  Sadly, there were three defenses that she could have picked up to steal this win.  (One was NO at Min, which would be risky, but SF @ Ari and Cin @ TB did seem pretty safe bets.)

So take the win, you lucky dog, you!

Stephen (74.40) vs. Skoot (37.59).  Let's just all agree that Stephen kinda really needed a win here.  And not only did he get it, but he got it by administering the beat down of the week.  And to add insult to injuring, he had the lowest score of any winning team this week.  Goff and Drake kinda carried the team.  Meanwhile, Skoot didn't start a QB, and he took a huge risk starting the Minnesota defense against the Saints.  (Hint:  it didn't pay off.)    So, Stephen gets a much needed win and Skoot slides down the rankings a bit more.  

via GIPHY

And thus ends this stupid freaking week.  I can only say one thing, really.

via GIPHY

DFL 2018 Week 7: Halfway there, boys (and girl)!

Ah..... do you feel that?  We're halfway through the regular season!  Let's all take a deep breath in and enjoy the moment, shall we?

Of course, for some of you, it's probably more like this:

You know who you are.... *cough* McClennen,Stephen,Terri*cough**cough*.

Looking across the board, it's a pretty even season this year.  top three spots are within a game of each other, and the next 6 spots are also within a game of each other.  Nobody's *really* running away on points total.  OK, I'm about 60 points ahead of the next person in line, but after that, the top 5 are pretty clustered, as are the bottom 7. Except for McClennnen.  Who I think might have built his house on a aboriginal burial ground or something.  This season is rough.  Like rougher than usual.  Even for McClennen.

But chin up, McClennen. Even D has managed to turn it around these last two seasons.

Enough hemmin' and hawin', let's get to it!

This was the results of a GIS for "hemmin and hawin."  I don't think
that Google speaks Southern.

Elimination League.  Yeah, we're definitely getting to the short rows here.  Week 7 and the easy picks have pretty much dried up.  So, no huge surprise that Josh, McClennen, and I all picked Indy over Buffalo.  And the 37-5 domination did not disappoint.  We all move on to another week.

Pick 'ems.  Well, Mike and Terri didn't make picks this week, and it was a bad week to do so.  Ben and Phil both went 5-1, Josh was even keel at 3-3 and Crutch decided that he didn't like to put too much pressure on Ben and went 2-4.

Here's the standings:
Phil:  32-10
Ben:  26-16
Crutch:  23-19
Mike:  22-14
Josh:  21-21
Terri:  19-17

So, we're all .500 or over, though some of us are getting *really* close, JOSH.

And now, since I didn't win 1.6 billion dollars, I guess that I can finish the write up.

Crutch (96.37) vs Mike (63.44).  Crutch was just a hair away from the centurian club this week, but he made up for it by administering the beat down of the week.  Sure, Mike's Gurly pulled in 25 points, but Crutch's Hunt pulled in 28.  And the rest of Mike's team, did eh.. OK.  Crutch's team was on fire!  Flacco, Hill, and Cohen all pulled in double digit games.  Oh, and Denver's D went absolutely crazy with nearly 20 points themselves.    Well done, Crutch!

Phil (91.45) vs D (77.73).  First thing first.  In this game, over 15 points were scored by tight ends.  AND MINE WAS ABOUT A THIRD OF THEM!!!!

I mean, I don't really have much else to say about this game.  Yeah, I won.  But the tight ends, man.  the tight ends!!!

Terri (78.96) vs McClennen (60.56).  I know.. it's weird to see Terri scoring so high.  But here we are.  Thanks in large part to Newton not giving up against the Eagles, Burton coming off a BYE week, and Detroit not having any other tools besides Johnson, Terri pulls in the win.  McClennen did have a pretty solid week with the LA D,but like, that was it.  A lot of BYE weeks rocked him, so next week should be better.

I don't really have much to say about this game, so here's a
picture of Pickle Rick.

Ben (68.17) vs Kyle (62.12).  Well, the Mahomes show rolls on for Ben.  He pulls in *another* win, mostly on Mahomes' back.  Kyle, on the other hand, if getting bitten by "Which kinda good, but not great QB do I play this week?" sydrome.  I've been there before, buddy, and it sucks.  Had the coin flip gone differently and you picked Luck over Wentz, you'd have a win this week.  But I mean, what are you going to do?

I mean, how can you say no to this scruffy caveman?

Skoot (65.12) vs Patrick (57.63). Woah!  Call it the upset of the week!!!  Skoot  was figthing for last place somewho bean Patrick who's been fighting for first.  Taking a page from Ben's playbook last year, Skoot intentionally kept his TE, who was on BYE in this week because fuck me, that's why.  Not to be outdone, Patrick played his D against the Pats.  Bold choice, but kinda blew up in your face.

I agree.  It would have been hella cool to see Khalil have his way with Brady,
but we are where we are.

Josh (64.74) vs Stephen (47.44).  Man...  This was not an impressive game.  Granted, there were a LOT of goose eggs on the bench, but what made it to the field wasn't all that impressive either. 

So, like, Josh won.  But it sure didn't feel like it.

OK folks, let's have a great back half of the season!

DFL 2018 Week 6: The fast version.

OK guys, I've gotta level with you here... I'm going on not a lot of sleep. But, being that I'm commish, I'm going to soldier on and still get the write up done.  On time, though it might be a little light in content.  This is going to be the quick, quick version of the write up.

This guy gets it.

Now, on to that glorious beauty that is football.

Lucy is kind of a bitch, huh?

Elimination league.  3 players left, three different picks.  Most of them, close games.  McClennen pick the Chargers over the Browns, and it was a blow out.  Phil picked Houston over Bufflo, which was within a touch down, and really too close for comfort.  And Josh picked Green Bay over San Francisco, which should have been a gimme,but it's Monday night and Rodgers doesn't like to lose on a national stage. So he came back to win in literally at the last minute.

And, you know, Monday night, so who the hell knows?

So.. No eliminations this week.  Yay?

Pick 'ems.  Rich get richer, am I right?

5 out of 6 assholes agree.

The top picks this week went 5-1, and wound up in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd places:  Phil, Mike, and Crutch. Terri was close behing at 4-2, Josh broke even at 3-3, and finally Ben's bullshit pre-season picks shit the bed at 2-4.

And it's about damn time too.    So, here's where we stand:

Phil:  27-9

Mike:  22-14

Crutch:  21-15

Ben: 21-15 (I think that we can all agree that maybe this number should stay still for a few weeks while the rest of us get a little padding...)

Terri:  19-17

Josh: 18-18  (Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.)

And the games?  Lemme tell you about the games...

Ben (105.15) vs Josh (72.47).  Well, Ben's the only one to hit triple digits this week.  Good for him, bad for Josh.  The latter actually had a decent game, but still was on the receiving end of the beat down of the week. Sorry, man.  MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE ALL OF THE TIGHT ENDS ON YOUR BENCH???

Kyle (87.12) vs D (56.64).  Everything came up Kyle this week.  Well, everything except the Jacksonville Defense.  Man, The Cowboys were on fire this weekend!  Doesn't matter too much, a D wasn't able to get much going on his side of the ball.  And that's a shame too because D put in the D from an almost historic defensive game.  Sadly, it wasn't HIS defense that was almost making history.

Skoot (81.51) vs Terri (61.96).  Skoot was finally able to snap his losing streak this week when Ryan and Barkley almost topped 50 points by themselves.  Terri, on the other hand, hit line up Nirvana, as her bench scored a collective 0 points.  We can all hear the call of "When the HELL is Bell going to get his ass back onto the field??"  Technically, next week - the Steelers BYE week, but still... Progress?

Phil (77.38) vs. Crutch (64.49).  Man, Crutch is right on the husp of greatness hee   His back up QB (who is a back up in real life) scored more than his starter, and 4 of his other players didn't see 4 points.  But But that left Hill AND Hunt to go crazy, with the Seatle Defense lending nice support.  Phil, on the other hand, just had a nice, quiet, consistent game.

Mike (73.66) vs. McClennen (70.62). This was the closest game of the week, but kept people propelled on their current directory.  With this win, Mike sneaks into 3rd place, and McClennen completes his downward trajectory to last place.  (Helped by the fact that two of his players goose egged.  Man, McClennen, that's rough.  But at least you're at the top of the waivers...)

Patrick (65.48) vs. Stephen (55.51).  Man, this was a disappointing game.  NObody hit, expectations,and had Goeff even approaced his, Stephen would have taken home a victory here.  Good kickers in the game though. 

OK that's it.  I'm outsy!

DFL 2018 Week 5: What do I always say?

What is it? What do I always say?  I always say kickers win games.

OK, technically, I say that kickers *and* defenses win games, but we kinda cut DEFs off at the knees this year. So, we're left with just kicker.

The first one of note was the *seventh* field goal scored in an OVERTIME game.  So, congratulations Cleveland, you even found a way to look sad and miserable when you win.  Here's what that clunker looked like:

 I mean, I guess that he was tired, but really, the best part of that was the announcer: "It was so low, it looks like it was deflected.  It wasn't."

The other overtime game this weekend (again, 2 overtimes this week - pretty impressive for the NFL) was also decided by a field goal.

However, the BEST field goal of the week was by one Mr Graham Gano of the Panthers.  4 minutes left, Cats are up by 6.  G-men walk down the field and score a TD, leaving Cam and the boys only 68 seconds to score in any way, but they can only get to the 31 yard line. That means a 63 yard field goal..  I can't really sum up how exciting this was... but the Spanish Language announcers sure could:

(Dammit, blogger won't embed Twitter.  So, you can just follow this link.)  

And it was magical....  Anyways, let's get to the games at hand!

Elimination League..  McClennen went with Cincinati, who took care of Miami easily.  Meanwhile, both Phil and Josh picked Carolina, who just *barely* pulled out a win, with the second longest field goal in NFL history. I mean, Come on!!

So.. no strikes this week. Yay?

Pick 'ems.  Man, we really turned on it on this week!  Phil, Ben, Mike, Terri, and Josh all went 4-2.  Crutch broke the mold and went 5-1.  

Well, Crutch, but you get the idea.

So, that leaves us looking like this:

Phil:  22

Ben:  19

Mike:17

Crutch: 16 (Makin' moves, man!!)

Terri: 15

Josh: 15

In case anyone is keeping track, the big upsets were D beating Josh (an unexpected surprise, but a welcome one) and Stephen beating Ben.  We should have known about that second one... Yahoo! totally called it at the beginning of the season. And speaking of that game... let's do a little segue, shall we?

Stephen (88.76) vs. Ben (59.66).  Beat. down. of. the. week.  Most of Stephen's players went off this week.  Goff decided to take it easy after last week's insanity.  Ironically, on the other side, the only play that really lived up to expectations was his tight end - by tripling the expectations.  (Aren't you glad that we have tight ends, Ben?)  But the silver lining for Ben is that Mixon is back now (boy is he!) and Mahomes should bounce back nicely next week against the shit show that is the Pats D.  Probably little consolation in 11th place, but always look on the bright side of life, right?

D (84.91) vs. Josh (69.06).  Yeah, this one made a hell of a lot of sense.  On D's side, Whige went crazy, Ertz went crazy, Lockett had a great game, and OBJ not only caught a TD,but he also threw one!  To even things out, Gould was shut out, which is nice.  Josh, on the other hand did have 4 players hit double digits, but it wasn't enough.  (And oddly enough, he did hit line up Nirvana - partially because he picked up Olsen before he was ready to play.  Prick.)

Other people need TEs too, you know!!

Phil (84.08) vs McClennnen (71.87).  This feels kinda like it should have been more of a beat down than it turned out to be.  With this win, Phil rises to 1st place, and McClennen heads down to last.  This kicker is that the game was actually within 15 points, so it wasn't that big of a blow out.  And if you look at McClennen's point total for the year, it's... oh... OK, so he's the only one who hasn't hit 300 points yet.  Yeah, OK, McClennen, with your top waiver choice this week, it might be time to get in on those delish free agents.  I'm just sayin'.

Some say don't kick a McClennen when he's down.... but then when would you kick him?

Kyle (68.48) vs Crutch (56.63).  Man.. this one was rough....  Kyle was almost exactly at his projection, thanks mostly to Luck and Brown.  But you've gotta appreciate Crutch's go get 'em attitude.  Going into Monday night's game, Kyle just had Thomas to play.  He said to me "Man, all Thomas has to do is to get -8 points, and I win!"  That's a hell of a tall order for a WR, man.  But the important thing is that the king is dead!  Crutch was the last undefeated team left!  THE KING IS DEAD!  HURRAH!!

Mike (62.71) vs. Skoot (42.69).  Mike was playing with fire here....  He benched Brees (who was projected higher than Smith, but was playing on Monday night - though looking at it, his starting QB was ALSO playing on Monday - so, yeah, there's that), but it turns out that through a bit of bad luck, he had anti-line up Nirvana, where all of his bench players scored more than his starters.  Skoot, on the other hand, boldly started a guy on BYE, and then one of his other starters got knocked out inthe first quarter due to a concussion.  But Kudos to both of the players for starting their team's namesakes. And you know what the prize for that is, right?

Patrick (57.52) vs. Terri (43.63).  Not a lot happening here....  Patrick cashed in with Rivers and Run CMC (and fuck you to Josh for putting that ridiculous nickname in my head) hit projections, but everyone else kinda fell flat.  Terri continues to wait for LeVeon to do erm.. something, while the rest of her team just kinda sits there.  

That's about it for now.  More BYEs next week.  So, keep your eyes peeled on that waiver wire.  

DFL 2018 Week 4: Embrace the New Normal

I'm not going to complain.  I'm not going to get worried.  I'm just going to accept everything as the new normal.

Namaste, fuckers.

What's weird this week?  We'll go in bullet form:

• Gruden got his first win.
• There were *3* games that went into over time.
• The Redskins (can I still say that?  The Washington team) are top of their division.
• The Falcons are at the bottom of theirs.
• There's still a team who hasn't pulled in a win yet.
• AND IT'S NOT THE BROWNS.
• Or the Bills for that matter...

But hey, if this can be the mascot of a professional team, then I guess that I can be OK with the way the NFL is rolling these days:

He's a national treasure and you know it.

So, let's pop the champagne and get things going.  Gritty, if you please.

 (Or maybe I should have gone with this?  

I dunno...)

Elimination League!  Yeah, pretty much everyone left went crazy conservative this week.  Josh and Phil picked the Chargers, and McClennen picked the Jags.  Even though LA made it a little close, all picks were correct this week, and no strikes given out.  

(As a side note:  Come on guys!  We are all going to metal.  No need to prove anything any more.  Just take strikes and let me enjoy the gold.)

Pick 'ems.  Finally, Ben's random pick bullshit bites him in the ass!  I think that we can all rejoice in this.

Phil goes 5-1 (Dammit, Mike.  I really could have used another bingo here). Ben, Mike, Terri, and Crutch go 3-3.  Josh pulls up the rear with a sad, lonely 2-4.  So, here's where we stand:

Phil: 18-6

Ben:  15-9

Mike:  13-11

Terri:  11-13

Crutch:  11-13

Josh:  11-13

So yeah... it's still a pretty tight race.

And now... on to the games!

Patrick (104.10) vs. Mike (48.33).  Remember last week when Mike got the top score AND delivered the beat down of the week?  What a difference a week makes!!  Patrick got top score and Mike got bottom score.  Now, did didn't help that Mike had 3 players on BYE, but on the flip side, they are all Redskins.  Patrick, on the other hand, had EVERYTHING go right.  Most of his players hit triple digits, even his D got close.  Pretty much the game looked like this, the whole way through:

Seriously, Patrick. Settle down, it's going to be a long season!

With this cornucopia of points, Patrick easily has the most points scored in the league.  Still not in first place, but points-wise, he is.

Phil (98.58) vs Skoot (66.56).  This one started out terrible for Skoot, as he started the Minnestoa defense against the Rams.  They were projected to go negative and oh boy did they!!!  Ryan went off the hook, and the rest of his team did fine.  Sadly (actually no, forget that.  *Gladly*), Phil's team did really well across the board.  Except for his TE.  And for those of you keeping score.  Phil's had two starting TEs this year, and they are both injured now.  I'm not going to show you the injury since feet aren't meant to go that way, but needless to say, this was pretty much everyone's resaction:

Crutch (84.60) vs. Josh (68.25).  The. Game. To. Watch.  Yeah, I probably should have said that before the games actually happened to, you know, hype the game a little.  However, the last two undefeated teams went at it this week, and... Crutch pulled in the victory on Monday night.  Fitzpatrick has been going off the hook and there was no reason for Crutch to bench him.  Sadly, he went belly up, and went negative.  Luckily for Crutch, he had so many other players hit double digits that it didn't matter... Josh, on the other hand...  Bunch of double digits games, but not nearly as impressively.  Gordon continued to live above his Christian name, but the Cleveland D just shit the bed.  As always, never put your trust in Cleveland.

I don't want to kick a team when it's down, but really?  Is this the
best that you can do?

Unfortunately for Josh, this rips him from 1st place to 4th.

Terri (81.15) vs. Steve (75.99).  What happens this week to Stephen?  He starts Goff.  So, going into the sunday game, he's up 35 points.  Slam dun, right?  Nope!  Terri was so hungry for the first win of her season that somehow she inspired Flacco and Tate to be better than they have any right to be.  I think that her speech was something along the lines of "Pretend like you're not you."  Great coahing, Terri.  As for Stephen... rough start man... lots of games left, but man your players are hot and cold and nothing in between!!!

Remember when Katy Perry was still relevant?  Well I'm bringing her back!

D (74.78) vs. Ben (68.85).  You remember at the beginning of the season when Yahoo! predicted that Ben wouldn't win a game all season?  Well, this week he got his third loss in a row, but looking at his team, I don't know why.  Mahomes is hot.  Bryant is hot, Jones had a great game...  Shit, even his shitty TE on a shitty team hit double digits.  But here comes D somehow nullifying all of those great performances with Stafford (Geez, that's two in a row for him - maybe Stafford's getting hot again?), Lindsay, Erts... all putting in solid performances.  So, well done, D.  Keep it up and maybe you can finish above .500 on your following to your gold year.  Ben, man......

I mean, like.... good luck, I guess?

Kyle (56.88) vs. McClennen (53.98).  Man, o man... this game....I mean... it's over.  So, we've got that going for us.  Kyle pulled out the win, mostly on the backs of Luck and Brown.  Wait - what?  Luck had a 25+ point game?  When that shit happens, there's just not much that you can say... so I won't.  McClennen, man... Just some bad luck here.  Parker is benched at the last minute, The Vikings go crazy on your D.  But hey, when you're in last place the only place to go is up.

And one final thought:  Mike, you didn't play two TEs this week.  WTF?

And I know that one of them was on BYE, but maybe pick up another TE
next time that happens?  Good luck charm and all..