DFL 2013 Week 16: Semi Finals (and it's about time!)

I know, I know... It's less than 48 until the finals kick off an no write up yet.  Hey, the good news is that there was no Thursday night game this week, so technically, this write up isn't late.

Pictured above:  The last two people who are still vying for the Championship (one of them being me).

Sadly, I have been sick as a dog for about a week now *and* you know, Christmas.  So, things have been a bit slow on the uptake.  But, unlike one certain quarterback in Arlington Texas, I play through the pain.

Looking at pick'ems, things are remaining *tight*.  Everyone went 2-2 this week, except for Ben, going 1-3.  (Dammit, McClennen!  If you were to have pulled out that win, I'd be in first place right now and look like  a genius!)  So, going into the championship week, Crutch retains his thin hold on 1st place with 53 picks, Phil is right behind him at 52 picks, and Ben is hanging in there with 51 picks.  Skoot gave up this week and still sits at 47 picks. Meanswhile Mike is just above Terri, 43 to 42 picks.  (So, theoretically, Mike could get into a 4th place tie if Skoot doesn't get any right this week *and* Mike bingos... though we have only had one of those this year..)

With that, we'll start wth the consolation games (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that nobody is reading this section, but we gotta do it.....):

Ben versus Missy
Well, Ben's luck finally ran out this week. He was most certainly not the highest score of the week.  In face, quite the opposite.  He was dead last.  Lost of things kinda went wrong here.  Example:  Jordan (though how great would it have been if his first name was "James") Cameron was ruled out just before game time due to a concussion. Here's another: Fitzgerald was held to 3 catches all game.  And perhaps the biggest pain was Tucker, coming off a 23 freaking point game against me in week 15, only got 1 point.  Missy, on the other hand, played well.  4 players saw double digits, including two with 20+ point games.  McCoy and Murray (the studs with 20+ points) make everyone go "Man.... RBs aren't a forgotten position!"  So, enjoy your slot in the Bitch Bowl, Ben.

Terri versus Skoot
Otherwise known as the "Dammit, Skoot" bowl.   I picked Skoot to win this one handily.  And what did Skoot do?  He threw the game.  He even said so in the smack talk.  I don't have the exact quote in front of me, but it went something along the lines of "ohh.. I'm skoot.  I'm a little bitch.  I'm going to throw this game so that Phil get another one wrong in the pick'ems".  Dammit, Skoot.  I hate you so very ... very much.  Anyways, Brees shit the bed this week (even though last time the NO and CAR faced off, Brees had a 30+ point game), and Johnson was pretty much shut out.  (And to add insult to injury, Roddy White had a season high 18 point game.)  On the other side of the field, Mannning the Greater was Manning the Greater, Morris did his thing, and Carolina somehow whooped up on New Orleans.  So, like Mike said, Terri made up for the two regular season losses to Skoot by just destroying Skoot this week.  Well, played.  And enjoy *your* time in the Bitch Bowl Skoot.

And now, the meat and potatoes, the real games (yeah, yeah, yeah,I know that only slightly more read this section, but we're this deep, we might as well finish the write up):

Mike G versus McClennen
I'll admit it.  I thought that this one was going to be closer than it was.  In fact, I totally thought that McClennen had one more upset left in him.  The game was projected to be within 5 points, but Mike laid it on thick and threw down a 24 point beating on McClennen.  Mike's pick up of Napolean Dynamite continues to pay off in droves.  Every single week that Foles has been on Mike's team, he has out performed expectations.  Of course, outside of that, there;s not a lot there.  Thomas continued to thank his lucky stars that Manning the Greater is throwing to him, Prater got lucky that somehow Houston stopped Manning the Greater from getting into the endzone when they were close, and Seattle, not surprisingly held Arizona down and did what needed done. McClennnen... well, his luck just sorta ran out.  It never seemed to me that McClennen's team was all that great, he just had one or two players go gang busters week to week.  Sadly, this week, his only player that went crazy was the Cincinnati DEF against Minnesota. So, a solid victory for Mike, moving him into the Championship game and McClennen into the silver game.

Phil versus Patrick
Finally, the beat down of the week. Phil handed this thrashing to Patrick this week, with a nearly 60 point margin.  Somehow, Dalton went gang busters against the Vikings.  I mean, my ginger boy is good and all, but a 30 point game?  Maybe not quite that good...  Everyone was really just hitting their stride this week.  Well, except for Davis, who was completely shut out.  No injury, just no points.  come on, man.  This is the playoffs.  Get your head on straight!  On the other side of the game, Patrick actually had fairly good numbers.  Except for Stafford, who would have been better had he just stayed home.  This game sends Patrick to the silver game, and Phil to the championship (for the third time - third time is the charm, right?).

So, that leaves us with Phil versus Mike G in the championship game and Patrick versus McClennen in the consolation game.  I'm pretty sure that Mike has never been in the championship game before and I know that I've never taken home gold before.  So, this will be an exciting game.  And big congrats to McClennen to getting to medal contention in his first year.  Well played, sir.

Of course, the other important game is this week as well:  Ben versus Skoot for bitch of the playoffs.  Just to remind everyone, Skoot only lost first seeding in the last week of regular season and Ben had the second highest points (and the shittiest schedule) all year.  So, good luck, both of you magnificent bastards!

DFL 2013 Week 15: It's Post Season time!!

What would the average man on the street in Denver say if I were to tell him that Peyton "Gold Boy" Manning would do his best Tony Romo impression in week 15, and make pretty much the entire fantasy football playing world cry out in pain?  I bet that it would look a little something like this:

Yeah, that's how this week went.  Lots of close games and a bunch of upsets.  But before we get into that, let's take a look at the pick'ems!

It seems like now that there are less games, we've got more picks.  Half the league jumped into the pick'em pool this week.  Phil took top spot, with 3-1 and Skoot took bottom spot with 1-3. Everyone else... well they didn't figure on any upsets and went 2-2.  So, that means, with a scan 8 games left in the season, Crutch is *barely* hanging on with 51 correct picks, Phil and Ben are tied with 50 picks, and Skoot theoretically still has a shot with 47 picks.  Terri and Mike are slugging it out for 5th place.  She has 42 picks, and he has 41 picks.  It's really coming down to the wire for this one...

We'll start at the top of the deck and work our way down....

Ben vs Phil:  Part 2, Electric Boogaloo.
Yep, fates be damned, after eeking out a victory against Ben last week, Ben and I had to face off again this week.  (And had the game gone the other way in week 14, then we still would have faced off, as his seeding would have gone up one, and mine down one.)  So, Ben scored the second most points last week and lost.  This week, he scored the third most points and lost.  So, just for those of you keeping score out there, that means that Ben had the second most points in the league (by like 35 points), he barely snuck into the playoffs, and he was eliminated right off the bat by playing the team with the highest points in the week.  I just have one thing to say about that.  Tell 'em, Mal:

Yeah... there are no words.  I fully expect Ben to take Bitch of the Playoffs by having the worst possible opponents week to week.  You know, Ben, when you are the commish, you get to set the match ups week to week.  Maybe you should take a look into that position next year.  :)

Skoot vs McClennnen:  Upset of the year!
You know it, I know it.  Somehow McClennen got Reggie Bush to outscore Megatron and then some this week.  I have no Earthly idea what happened here. Now what you might not know is that Skoot and I were discussing the match ups the day before the matches were set.  I was super stoked because I thought that I was going to be facing McClennen, what with his sub-70 point projection.  So, what happened?  Well, pretty much the entirety of Skoot's team had their appendices burst simultaneously, leaving then far below point projections.  (I mean Brees being shut down in St Louis?  Johnson being pretty much shut out?  What other explanation could there be??)  Meanwhile, all of McClennen's players somehow turned it on just enough to rack up 3 more points than Skoot.  You know that's gotta hurt..  Well, congrats, McClennen.  Now, let's see if you can set your line up before Thursday.  I'm just sayin'...

One final note.  I got a quote from Skoot on how he thought that the game went:

Or, the more family-friently version:  Any given Sunday, man.  Any given Sunday...

Terri vs Mike:  The G Bowl.
This game wasn't nearly so tight...  20 point margin of victory and the scrappy underdog pulls it out in the end.  Well play, Mike G!  Who would have thought that Nick Foles would have outscored Peyton Manning by over 10 points?  With Terri playing Manning the greater and Mike playing the Defense against Manning the lesser, it was definitely not a game that Archie Manning would have wanted to bet on.  Nevertheless, here is a pic of the Manning boys from this weekend:

That sums it up nicely, doesn't it?

Finally, we look at Patrick vs Missy
This was hands down the tightest game of the week.  I hesitated to write this column, in fear that there may be a stat correction.  Doesn't look like there are any coming, so we'll call it Patrick beating Missy by a scant 1.6 points... But how can this be?  Over half of Patrick's starters scored less than 5 points.  And two more didn't hit double digits.  Oh, right.  That's because Patrick's got a standing deal with the devil to start players who got apeshit crazy out of nowhere.  I assume that y'all remember Patrick starting Brandon Marshall a few years ago when he scored 63 points on his own.  Well, it's happened again.  Jamaal Charles pulled in 43 by himself.  And to a lesser extent, Jennings also doubled expectations. So, if we ignore the KC @ Oakland game, Patrick got whooped thoroughly.

I'm out of funny relevant pics for the week. I hope that this suffices...

So, where does that leave us?  Well, first and foremost, this is the first semi-finals in a long time without a lady present.  (OK, excluding Patrick.  We all know that he identifies as a woman, but he still has to tuck, so technically, he's still a dude.)  Next up, is the semi finals.  Patrick versus Phil, and McClennen versus Mike G.  Yeah, and a consolation bracket, too  And they are fighting not to be bitch of the playoffs.  So, I guess worth a mention:  Ben versus Missy, and Skoot versus Terri (both were projected to win this week, so someone's gotta win next week.)

Good luck to everyone!  (Except Patrick.  We hate Patrick so very ... very much.)

DFL 2013 Week 14: And that's how you end a season...

Boom, you ignorant bastards!!  What's that? It's the sound of me wrestling another win out of your cold, dead hands and extending the league high winning streak into the playoffs with the number on seed.  I have only one thing to say to you feral beasts right now.  And it goes, a little something like this:

That's right, bitches, I'm number 1 with a bullet.  Which means that I have a hella-easy match up to start out the play offs.  Who gets the great honor of falling to my wrath first?  Ben.  That is to say the guy who has the second highest points in the league (and only missing the top slot by a scant 5 points).  Please allow me to show you my reaction for the upcoming match up:

Ben throttled me in the first time that we played this season and only lost the second time because two of his starters were benched early.  Fuck.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's look back before we look forward.

Big week in pick'ems...Ben was top dog this week by going 4-2.  Crutch and Phil tied with 3-3.  Skoot rounded out the bottom with his 2-4 picks.  (OK, technically RA Dave also correctly made a pick this week. This brings him into double digits.  Slow and steady, sir.  Slow and steady...)  So, that means that going into the playoffs, the ties have been broken:  Crutch (49 points), Ben (48 points), Phil (47 points), Skoot (46 points).  Terri is next with 40 points and Mike right behind her at 39 points.  Well, geez, even that got interesting....

The name of the game in week 14 seemed to be vengeance...  A few deciding games were won by people who really didn't need to show up.  But who did anyway, to kill a few seasons.  And I say Bravo to you fine folks....

First up is the battle of the Daves.
RA Dave brutally savaged Crutch this week.  This is delicious in that it knocked Crutch out of the playoffs, as well as made the exclusive club of people who have lost to RA Dave grow just a little more.  Fun fact:  The only people who lost to RA Dave are out of the playoffs.  (Well, Mike G is also part of this exclusive group, but he'll soon be eliminated as well.)

RA Dave gets the come from behind victory award for prooving all of the projections and nay-sayers wrong.  And the fact that his DEF got about a third of his overall points should not take away from this victory at all...

Crutch gets the WELL I DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU ASSHOLES ANYWAYS ceremonial ball.  His team is just about as projected. Nothing he could have done would have made a difference and he'll be spending the playoffs cursing us all...

Next, is the Lady Bowl:  Melanie vs Missy
Missy didn't really need to win this one. She was almost certainly in.  But the fact that she rose up and struck Melanie out of the playoffs really should warm the cockles of all of ours hearts.

Missy gets the Loves Me Some Snow In Philly award.  McCoy pretty much won the game for her.  And why is that?  Because in the Philly nobody could throw the ball.  So, a'runnin' we went.  And McCoy just cleaned up. Lest we forget, here is what it looked like:

Melanie, on the other hand, is awarded the STUPID INJURIES gold star of participation.  She probably would have won the game had Peterson not been injured in the game so early.  Melanie plans to laugh at us heartily all through the post season.

And in the last to be eliminated (yet somehow the first to be eliminated) bowl:  Kookie versus Mike G.
Yep, Mike G took his Kookie BYE this week.  And a fine time to do so as well.  Mike delivered the beatdown of the week to Kookie this week with an almost 50 point margin of victory.

Mike G gets the You talking to me???  paranoia necklace.  His victory lands him squaring off against his dear wife next week.  Good luck there, bro.

Kookie... congratulations.  You have officially finished the season perfectly.  But not the good perfectly.  The very very bad perfectly.  Well, at least you accomplished something this season.  And here is the perfect image for you:

Take this season out back, put a bullet betwixt its eyes and be done with it.  Start fresh next season.

Battle of the old Roomies:  Ben vs Phil.
This one went straight down to the wire.  If you recall, this projection was within a point.  Going into Monday night, I had a 45 points lead.  So, just as long as *some* defense showed up somewhere, this was going to be a blow out.  But NOPE!  Romo almost did it again.  But I still eeked out a victory by 3 points.

Phil gets the OK But next time it's Personal award.  Barely claiming the victory (And let's be honest - Dalton really isn't a 30 point QB), and making it so that we do the same match up next week.  Rah!

Ben gets the Ben award for once again scoring the second highest points in the week, but happening to be playing the team with the first highest points.  But you do have the second highest points in the league and are seeded 8th in the playoffs, so you've got that going for you.

The Seeding Spot Bowl:  Patrick vs McClennen.
Not really a lot of interesting stuff happening here.  Both are in the playoffs, they were just jockeying for position.  In the end, Patrick took this in a pretty decisive victory.

Patrick gets the "Old School, Get Carried by an RB" award.  Stafford was nerfed by the snow, Jennings got hurt.  So, screw it.  We'll let the RBs win.  And Charles and Bernard stepped up.

McClennen gets the "Why can I not get all of my starters on the board"  lanyard.  After a few weeks of forgetting to start a TE, McClennen finally gets his full line up set, only to have Bush hurt himself in warm ups, sidelining him for the entire game.  Eesh.

The Clash of the Titans (Skoot versus Terri)
This game was a little bit of a disappointment.  I mean, this was the #1 versus the #3 team and they were outscored by like 3/4 of the league.  But looking at the line ups... Nobody except for their QBs really showed up.

Skoot - you get the "Winning by Hook or Crook, but most luck" award.  Nobody on your team got into double digits except for Brees.  And you still won?  What the hell???

Terri  gets the "no worries, I'll just make up for it in the playoffs" trophy.  A frustrating way to end the regular season to be sure but really the next three weeks are what is important.

So, where does that leave us?  The playoffs baby!!

Some pretty big show downs to kick things off as well.

Phil vs Ben, the grudge match.  We've played each other twice this year and split the games.  This is for the whole enchilada.  Plus, this is the highest over points (me) versus the runner up for that award (Ben).  And guess what - the projections are within 1.5 points.... Ugh...

The other big game is the battle of the Gs:  Mike vs Terri.  Last year, Mike solely represented the G clan in the playoffs.  This year, not only did Terri make it into the playoffs, but she made a run for 1st seed.  and what a way to start off the playoffs.  By putting strain on a marriage.  Well played, fate!

Patrick vs Missy is going to be a tight one (projections within 3 points).  So, that's another one to watch.

Oh  yeah, and Skoot is going to slaughter McClennen.  Time for an upset, Orth-boy.

Good luck to everyone except for Ben.  To him, a pox.

DFL 2013 Week 14 Preview: Woah.

Yep, that's right!  Two things to waste time on, back to back.  Deal with it, suckas!  Tell 'em, internet:

Why another write up? Cuz this week is packed full of goodness.  Let's take a look, shall we?

There are 6 teams with wither 7-6 records or 6-7 records.  All of the 6-7 records are above 1,000 points and half of the 7-6ers are not.  So, a few wins could really shake things up.

It's getting so intense that I hear that there are some subtle threats abounding.  Just today Skoot told me that Ben was trying to bribe him to kneecap me.  To that, I respond thusly:  "Why, Ben?  Are you that excited to get sodomized by a cripple??"  (That was the PG version of my response.  For the grown ups in the room, I wasn't sure whether I should have threatened to chili dog or Cleveland Steamer him.  Just sayin'...)

So, is there a game of the week this week?  So many choices!

Skoot vs Terri.  The battle of the Titans!  (but not the football team.  This match up, unlike any of theirs this season is going to be interesting)  With the right scoring, I could actually wind up in first place.  Oh, and the projections put the final score within 2 points of each other.  Of course, both of these teams are locked in the playoffs... so maybe this one isn't so interesting.

Phil versus Ben?  Well, Phil's a lock in the playoffs, so Ben is just fighting to get into the playoffs.  Now, this is an interesting game because this is projected to be within a point of each other.  Plus, can Phil keep his massive winning streak alive into the playoffs?

On the far end of the scale, We've got Crutch (10th place) against RA Dave (11th place). Now, this normally wouldn't be too interesting of a game.  But here's the thing, if Crutch can pull out a win, and McClennen or Mike G loses, then he'll sneak into the playoffs.  But don't count RA Dave out yet.  He very nearly knocked out the 2nd place team last week.  So, he's got the very real possibility of freezing Crutch out of the play offs two years in a row.

Looking at the ladies, Melanie versus Missy, this is very much win or go home.  The winner of this game will go into the playoffs and the loser will not.  (OK, Missy might sneak in, should she lose, but what kind of drama is that?)

Mike G versus Kookie probably won't be all that exciting as Mike will most likely get his Kookie BYE this week.  BUT, wouldn't it be great if Kookie woke up, pulled a team together and got his one and only win this year???  It would pretty much guarentee that Mike is kicked out of the play offs.  I'm not saying anything, but if Melanie were to set your line up this week, I would look the other way, because that would be deviously delicious.

Finally is Patrick versus McClennen...  This one is do or die for McClennen as well.  Lose and it's almost certainly curtains for him.  Win and Patrick gets bumped a few seed spots, but he gets to fight into the playoffs.

Really. there's not a lame game out there this week.  (Assuming that Kookie can man up and put up a team this week..)  So, stay tuned as I lose a third of my audience in next week's write up.

DFL 2013 Week 13: Makin' it rain, makin' it rain...

I know, I know.. I'm being *way* too happy for throwing down an impressive 50 points this week.  But you know what?  It was slightly more than my competitor.  So, it still counts as a

Count it!  And with such a tight race, with one week left, there are no less than 6 teams who could conceivably sneak into the playoffs.    Not only that, but thre are still 4 people who have a serious chance of taking home the gold in the Pick'ems.  And since that's as good of a place to start as any....

Cuz, you know, it's a pun.

This week only saw 5 people pick.  And everyone went 3-3.  Everyone except for one far seeing lad named Phil.  I went 4-2.  Thanks for the upset, Terri!  So, that means Phil, Ben, and Skoot are in a three way tie for second place and Crutch is only barely holding on to 1st place by 2 scant picks.  Terri, having missed the picks this week is 4 points behind the 2nd place pack.  And Mike made a good move to be on little pick behind his dear wife.  Everyone else is dead to me in this section of the write up.

As for the games we'll go from  highest scoring to lowest score.

At the top of the heap is Terri versus Melanice.  Once hell of a slugfest!  Terri wound up on top with 121 points and Melanie would still have beat most of the league with 98 points.  Well done, ladies.  There were no break out stars on Terri's team since pretty much all of her players went gangbusters. Though Melanie was lucky enough to start Cam and JOSH! (ah ah) Gordon. Their combined score alone beat a team or two around the league...

Next highest scoring game was Missy versus Patrick.  Even though Missy's QB curled up and  died, stellar games from Murray and Jeffrey put Missy at 113 points.  Patrick, just missing the 100 point club, took home the loss here.  Sadly, Patrick started ANYONE on the Saints this week and that was just a recipe for disaster...

The next highest scoring game was Crutch versus Kookie.  Though really, Kookie didn't contribute too much to the overall score.  Obviously, Crutch delivered the beat down of the weak here.  Crutch was only 0.08 points away from highest score of the week.  Kookie, on the other hand, well... Bless his heart.

What is up with all of the ladies going crazy on the scores this week.  And in case I was too subtle there, Crutch, I was calling you a lady.

The battle of old roomies was the next highest score with Ben winning out over McClennen.  The ground breaking news for McClennen is that he actually put in a tight end this week.  Sadly, even with that and Brady and Bush going gangbusters, there just wasn't enough mojo to overcome Ben's desperation to see the post season.

Next up was also the closest game of the week:  Skoot versus Mike.  Only 2 points separated the winner from loser here.  Plus, Mike did it with panache by pulling in a pallendropic score.  Rah!  So, that snaps Skoot's crazy long winning streak.  Though we are all pretty happy for you, Mike, it should probably be noted that Skoot had a started that was benched at the last minute and another who was just shut out.  Oh, and Brees must have forgotten his Nyquil the night before.  (What do I always say about Monday night games??)  So, careful on inflating that ego of yours!

And finally, sadly, was the low score of the week.  Phi threw down an impressive 53 points against RA Dave.  Just to put this in perspective, 5 teams outscored our entire match up this week.  Ugh... When can I get Rodgers back????  On the plus side, my win streak is now the longest active one in the league.  Yay!

Yeah, this wasn't the most fun recap ever..  But really, it's Wednesday night, and next week is the last week of the regular season.  So, I'm all stoked up for that.  Stay tuned for another write up!

DFL 2013 Week 12: It's like unicorns are exploding into rainbows...

Beautiful.  This week was just beautiful.  Not only did my winning streak continue this week, but Terri lost, which popped me squarely into second place.  And, though Skoot didn't lose because he had his Kookie BYE, *I* would have beaten him, had we played (which, I really haven't been able to say all that many times this year).  And as an added bonuc, Crutch shit his pants in the pick'em league, keeping it a tight race.  How's that make me feel?  Tell 'em, Dennis:

Kudos if you get why I called him Dennis.

So, let's get into it with the pick'ems.  Ben and Skoot lead the way going 4-2.  Phil and Terri are next with a 3-3 performance.  And Crutch and Mike G shit the bed with 2-4.  (OK, technically, RA is the playing the part of the Golgathan going 0-1. Pro tip for you, RA Dave: This season is not the season to be putting all of the eggs in the RA Dave basket.  Though to be fair, that game (McClennen vs RA Dave) was split right down the middle on the picks.)  The ass face this week was Patrick who somehow managed to pull off a win against Terri.  And let me just say that I'd be glad to take a strike on voting for Terri every week from here on out...

So, that leaves Crutch still in 1st place (with a greatly diminished lead of only 2 now), Ben and Skoot in second place, and Phil and Terri hanging in 4th place.  Keep 'em coming, boys!  This year it's coming down to the wire.

Yeah, people can even make one of the best television series in history nerdy.  Deal with it...

I'm gonna keep this relatively short this week, as it's Thanksgiving week and that comes with some accoutrement (work deadlines before the break, crazy cleaning in anticipation of family arriving, starting the next book of Game Of Thrones... you know, I'm swamped).  Y'all're busy people too, so I think that a short write up will be a point in the "What are you thankful for?" conversation anyways.

Crutch vs Phil (D&D Bowl, Baby!)
This was a tight one. I had a total of 0 points on my bench due to injury and a shit ton oe BYE weeks.  I had to pick up Big Ben to fill in for the injured Rodgers and Curtch's Phil Rivers went gangbusters.  *IN* freaking Kansas City.  WTF, fate?  Not cool to make this one come down to Monday night.  Anyways...

Phil pulls in potentially his first lineup Nirvana award.  And that's sad when I have a starter with 0.08 points, another with 1.5 and yet another with 3.  Eesh.  Maybe I'll just take the lucky bastard award too.

Crtuch walks away with the manic-depressive mantle.  Of his 9 starters, 4 of them scored less than 5 points.  3 more also didn't hit double digits.  So, It was all Rivers and Houston to keep this one close.

RA Dave vs McClennen (The Well, someone's gotta win Bowl)
This was a pretty bad game.  On one corner  you've got RA Dave who has hands down the most moves of all, but just can't find t he right player.  In the other corner, McClennen hasn't changed his line up in like a month.

RA Dave, I give you the Robert Evans medal of freedom.  Dude just doesn't know how to quit.  The thing that's really gotta hurt here is that if he had started Danny Woodhead in any of the possible positions he could have, it would have changed the game from losing by less than 2 points to a 10+ point blow out.

McClennen - No, I was wrong... *You* get the lucky bastard award.  Somehow you still managed to pull out a win, even though 4 players pulled in goose eggs (2 players just shut out, 1 empty slot, and another on BYE).  Yes, Ben, it looks like he's going to get into the playoffs....

Ben vs Missy (The Let's keep it close bowl)
Valiant scores on both sides of the scoreboard and a game within a point and a half?  Rah!

Ben - You get the fucking finally award.  Here's a pic:

Don't worry.  Allie and I are tight.  She'd be proud that her work  made it into the write up.

So, yeah.  This is what it feels like to beat fully 3/4 of the league with your score and actually be playing one of those teams.  Enjoy the feeling.  It feels good, dunnit?

Missy gets the "Who needs a QB?" trophy for having her QB barely being on the top half of the scores on her team. As a side note, how does a pass heavy team like Indy rack up 40 points and their QB pulls in less than 10??

Patrick vs Terri (The upset bowl)
Everyone picked Missy to walk away with this easily.  And I mean everyone.  Pat's Mom called me to say that she didn't have faith that her son was going to put this one away.  But you know what?  That's precisely how he do.

Patrick gets the "Just be quiet and do your job" gold watch for not doing anything particularly well, bust just waiting for his opponent to screw up.  Well done, sir.

Terri, whose feet were up nonchalantly thumbing through a magazine, only said "Oh, I'm sorry... Were we playing a game this week?  I was just waiting until the playoffs started."  She's the one to beat, fellas.

Melanie versus Mike G (The middle of the pack bowl)
Not a lot going on here. a 5-6 team versus a 6-5 team, and them both coming out of the match up with a 6-6 record.

Melanie and Mike G both get the sticking to your guns award.  Melanie for not dropping a player to pick up a substitute kicker (but I mean, could *you* part with Kris Durham?) and Mike G for sticking with RG3.  Damn, man.  You've got Foles.  Use him.  RG3's sophomore slump surely won't end before the end of the year.

Skoot vs Kookie (The Yeah, no surprises here bowl.)
First versus last.  And it came out as expected.  Well, not exactly.  Skoot had 2 players benched at the last minute and another go negative.  Eesh.

Skoot - you get this:

And Kookie - you got this:

And that's about it for me for now.  Time for a few last minute chores before Thanksgiving.  Also, congratulations go to the league... only 1 trade this year before the trade deadline. Though to be fair, Mike G did make me an offer I could refuse.   Which I did.  (And I still stand by it.)

DFL 2013 Week 11: It just got real, son.

Wheeee!!! We're into week 11 and I'm rested from write up BYE week.  Thanks to Skoot for covering for me last week.

Big week this week.  Two huge milestones:
1 - Our first playoff berth emerged this week.  Skoot is now guaranteed a place in the post season.  But don't fret, y'all.  That just means that we get to give him the beat down in the playoffs.  It hurts more there.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  He's got a 5 game winning streak, and he looks unbeatable. But here are some things that you might not know:  Manning is starting to crack (between the ankle injury and the nasty schedule coming up) (For some reason, I thought that Skoot had Manning the greater, but that's Terri.  Nevermind.   Skoot's going to rock the shit out of the rest of the league. Dammit.)  AND he smells funny.  That is to say that Skoot smells funny.  Not any of the Manning clan.  Those boys smell like lilac for some reason.
2 - Two people jumped into quad digits this week.  Skoot and Phil.  We can effectively skip busting on Skoot, as we've already covered that subject.  As for Phil, you are correct to tremble in your boots.  He is fucking unstoppable.

As for the rest of the league...  keep trying.  I know that it feels like the DFL can feel like this sometimes:

Bonus:  His name is Chi-Chi.  Best case scenario:  That name means bewbie.  Worst case?  "pretentious and over elaborate refinement."

But if you try really hard, you can end the season like this:

But perhaps I babble on too much.  Let's get to it.

First off... as Ben mentioned in an email comment and I predicted two weeks ago, the elimination league last week, with everyone picking Tennessee.  Really, folks?  Well, congratulations for what it's worth, Marie, Ben, and Joy.  A three way tie makes this whole thing seem rather silly, doesn't it?

Next up!  Pick'ems.  Not much excitement last week (that is to say, week 10). Terri and Phil went 5-1, and everyone else picking went 4-2.  Big thanks to Missy for screwing up everyone's picks.  And come on, Crutch!  Don't lose!  You're killing the whole league.  We're not mad; we're just disappointed.

The pick'ems this week (week 11) were equally tight.  Crutch, Skoot, and Terri went 4-2, while Phil and Ben went 3-3.  Also, as a side note, Crutch screwed us all again this week.  Everyone picked him to win and he went and lost AGAIN.  I mean, he must be doing this to spite us.  Nobody is that bad, right?  Another going against the grain was Terri losing to Ben.  Granted, by all rights and measures Terri *should* have won this game.  (Well, I guess that there is one measure that she shouldn't have - and that would be final score.)  So, we can't get too mad at her, right?

Where does that leave us going into week 12?  Well, Crutch is nicely ahead with 41 picks.  Then, there is a *4* way tie for 2nd place at 37 points.  Mike G is still kinda in it in 6th place with 34 picks, but is he really?  (The commish half of me says "Yes!  Of course!  Keep going Mike!  You're doing fine!"  The smack talking competitor in me says "Leave him!  He's dead to us!"  And the kid in me says "I love Frosted Mini-Wheat!"  So, you know, do whatever you need to with that.)

And now... on to the league!  It's going to heat up with these last three weeks of the regular season.  Places 4-9 are within a game of each other.  Top 8 advance into the playoffs.  So keep it up.  And now that I've gotten my Kookie  BYE, I'd like to invite him personally to wake up!  Start mixing it up, +Chris Kucharik !  You too, McClennen, but you're not on G+, so I can't tag you.  The perfect defense!

As a side note... really tight games this week.  The beat down of the week was delivered by me to Kookie by a huge 22 points.  Yeah, that was sarcasm... We've seen 70 point+ blow outs.  So, thanks to everyone for keeping it exciting.

That's as good of  a place to start as anywhere else...  The Golden Star Helmet bowl: Phil vs Kookie.

Phil pulls in "Use The Ginger!" award for putting in Dalton for the injured Rodgers.  (Though as a funny side note, Rodgers did reference Skoot's most favorite quote when asked whether he's play this next Sunday "So... you're saying there's a chance!")

Kookie pulls in the "Blackmon's my BOY! (but not in a racist way)" tiara.  He's been starting Blackmon  since he got hurt in week 8.  Good on ya for sticking by your man, Kookie.

In the saddest game of all, we have Crutch vs McClennen.  The sponsor for this game is crushing depression:

Crutch threw down an impressive almost 50 points.  McClennen handicapped himself by not putting in a tight end and starting a dude on BYE.  Ouch.  

So, Crutch, I award you an "It gets better" t shirt.  It's a bald faced lie, but at least you're rockin' it on the pick'ems.

McClennnen  get the "I freaking love Cincinnati" hairbow....  almost 30 points from your DEF?  Oh.. they were playing Cleveland.  Yeah, that makes sense..

Heartbreaking game of the week?  RA Dave versus Missy.  RA Dave's only pulled in 3 victories this year, and the game was only separated by 3 scant points.

RA Dave sadly hit lineup nirvana.  So, he get the blue ribbon of participation.  Thanks for playing big fella!

Missy gets this saddle.  It must be hard riding LeSean McCoy that hard to victory.  This should help a little.

Ben, you get the "Mah Boy!" award for taking down Terri against all odds. Nobody voted for Ben, but he still managed to beat Terri, throwing her unceremoniously out of second place.

Terri...  Not much I can say... Is this the end of Manning's rocking season?  You get the Senator Palpatine cowl because we're going to be watching your season with great interest.

In the tightest game of the week, Mike G pulls out an impressive 1.5 point win over Patrick.

Mike G gets the award for picking the correct of the two most frustrating QBs in the league.  RG3 vs Foles.  Week to week... who's going to go belly up?  Well, this week he chose... wisely.  Well done, Sir.

Patrick gets the golden get out of jail free card here.  Again, on week 2 of a new baby, he can't really be expected to put in the right players.  Sadly, he chose right across the board... almost.

And the last game of the week is dubbed the "What the hell happed to the QBs?" bowl.  Newton with a 23+ point game and Brees didn't even make it to double digits?  Oi! (But on a side note - Congrats to the Cats for pulling it together on the national stage against the Pats!  Good on ya!)

(And did you see the point projections?  Like half a point spread!)

Melanie - here is your Peaks and Valleys award.  Top player on your team?  23 points?  Lowest player?  -1.  And everything in betwixt.  Well played, and still in contention for the playoffs.

Skoot gets the Peeks and Valleys award for getting a look at the pain that's gonna start happening.  Everyone.. seriously.  Let's band together and agree not to let Skoot get another victory for the rest of the season.  Kookie - it's up to you.  Dammit...

DFL Week 10

Good Morning Fellow DFL'ers, Since Phil is out this week after a freak shaving accident in which he is still swimming around in his own feces hair, I have volunteered to try and phil the void. (yeah! you see what i did there ? I know you're super proud of my punny-ness phil! I'll be here all week)

But before we get started I have a very important question for you.  Are you aware that Phil is THE official moral authority against plagiarism ? Did you know that if he sees you burning a CD as a 'backup' for yourself, that he will literally 'unscrew your head and shit down your neck' ?

Did you know that he's actually on the board of directors for copyright infringement ? Did you know he's friends with Lars Ulrich and will "cap yo ass" if you are found "in violation of Phil" ?

For years Ben and I have fought the good fight and tried to bring Phil to his senses. Come to the dark side of the force. But he cannot be stopped. For God Sake, the man was a holier than though Paladin in his D&D campaign (Thanks McClennen!! that helped a lot). So Phil, I know when you read this post, you're gonna shit yourself when you get to the bottom....of the post. I know we might not be friends anymore after this. I know I will have crossed a line and that you will send your pack of angry Rau wolves after me to that state in the NORTH we call Maryland. But I can't help myself. I have a problem clearly and I can't stop. But i digress....lets talk football and we'll get back to this shortly....

Well Week 10 was fun wasn't it ? :)

CLE Rocks (Kuchi)  vs. It's Not Detroit (Melanie)
You know what's good ? Winning. Winning is always good. But do you know what's even better than winning ? I'll tell ya. Its Melanie winning despite having the 3rd worst score in the league this week. Which really means that there was only one other team you could have beaten since Melanie was utterly destroying her husband this week Poor Kuchi. One of these days buddy you're gonna notch a 1 in that W column. But until then, you get the official Crap on a Stick award for literally being a big giant poopy turd. 

The Artist Formerly Known as Ben vs. TwitterHashTag Boy

In the battle of the symbols this week (because God only knows what both of their team names will be next year ).(Ben if you decide to find a way to make your team name even more unpronounceable...sigh...oh i dunno..like for instance... ....no not the word blank, but actually a team with no actual name ...i swear, Phil or I are gonna have to ORTH the shit out of your house. Just sayin.... And Mike ol' buddy, i'll give ya props, at least you had the courtesy to spell out your team name (i secretly hope you name your team 'SmoothieKing' or 'PrivateDancer').  Mike, you get the Almost There award for almost floating into 8th place this week for the playoffs.  

Ben, you get the Shaft award this week for literally having the 3rd most points in the league and only have 3 wins.

GG Purple Cobras (David) vs. The Mud Turtles (Terri)

Ever have one of those days ? The Purple Cobras had one of those days this weekend and found themselves outscored by more than double their own points. Shit was hard to swallow. All i can say is this.

Terri obviously gets the 'Kicking Him While He's Down' award for....well...you know.

Knightly Yardage (Crutch) vs. ScoobyDoobyDoo (Missy)

Well Crutch, you had it all had but Missy had to go and ruin your day by 18 points this week. In any other week, you woulda won but apparently the Rams DEF decided to come out of the woodwork this week and score a ....wait for it....34 point win. Needless to say. never had a chance. Now go shake hands with missy and take your joint smoke a peace pipe award to make it all better.

WrathPhil vs. The Derailers (Chris M)

Phil, you get the one lucky son of a bitch award this week as McClennen failed to put in...a whole friggin team. to each of you I shout...FAIL. No Soup for You. No trophies this week.

Crap on a Stick 2 (Scott) vs. Cagenado (Patrick)

And in the battle of northern agression this week between the mason-dixon line (yes phil, yes, it's technically between MD and PA, fine fine), Skoot and Patrick duked it out with the Sticks of Crap prevailing to retain the lead over Terri by points for 1st. Patrick gets a pass though this week because he had a baby. And I hear pooping those things out can be 'almost as painful as breaking an arm' so he was probably delirious and not up to speck. And for that you get the 'Preggers award' this week

---

So yes, back our discussion of Phil and his non-cd-burning-copying-napster-downloading-non-plagiarism self. I would like you all to know that I've found him out. As they say, the jig is up buddy. This so called original blog you have is the 2nd of it's kind! !!! .  Folks, i give to you the original 'Shenanigans and TomFoolery' blog.

http://www.sebastianvonbuchwald.com/

So keeping that in mind, I say to you "Good job Phil. Welcome to the dark side of the force". I am proud to have you finally come over and join the rest of us who are all horrible people. And with that I now can give you this. Merry Christmas everyone! For those of you that have Android-based phones or tablets this is like 2 seconds to pull. For Ipad's I have not found a way yet since it forces you to have to go through Itunes but if someone can shed some light here , greatly appreciated. Anyways. For those of you that read ESPN or watch The League, ,you will probably recognize the guy on the left. He is the senior fantasy analyst at ESPN and has led one hell of a life that brought him to that point. The book is fantastic and I highly recommend looking into its. 50% of it is about Berry's upbringing as a kid in early fantasy leagues in Texas throughout the 80's, 90's , his time at Syracuse University and then to Hollywood as a writer for shows like Married with Children and Crocodile Dundeee. So 50% isn't even about fantasy football. The other half are all real life stories of real leagues around the nation that do some of the most screwed up stuff to gain advantage/win etc. in their respective leagues. You'll find yourself laughing at almost all of them.

ePub | mobi


And that's it for me. Hope you enjoyed it. Later -Scott

My timing....

Inspired by this image:

and partially out of being pissed that I've gotten to the end of the episodes of Sons of Anarchy that are steaming on Netflix, I decided to shave today.  I started the day like this:

And I ended the day like this:

Needless to say, I suck at No Shave November.

DFL 2013 Week 9: Like a Boss.

Awwww.... yeah.  So, how's this for one hell of a week?  I'm playing my two most bitter rivals in my fantasy leagues, and I'm trying to snap a 3 game losing streak in my third league.  How do I pull it off?  Like a boss!!  Going into the Monday night game, I need Rodgers to essentially take a shit on the field.  That way, I'll seal the game in the other league, where my opponent was starting him.  What?  What?  What's that? He didn't even hit a single point? Hells Yeah!! He was completely shut down by the Defense!!!  Wait... what's that?  He broke his collar bone?  So, he's out for the foreseeable future?  Well, shit.  High fives for everyone this week anyways.  Three wins is three wins.

The penultimate guy is the rest of my season.

Something tells me that the rest of my write ups will be significantly less cheery from here on out...

Starting with elimination league, as is tradition...  a pair of matching picks (for two weeks in a row, I might add - Ben and Joy) and Marie standing by herself.  With the cheese.  And not metaphorical cheese.  Really honest to Wisconsin cheese.  Sadly, not a single one of them took the last strike this week.  Which means, 3 teams are still going to be slugging it out in week 10.  Holy cow, guys.  Well done.  (And I am going to guess that all three of them pick Tennessee in week 10.  Titans, I swear to all that is is potatoes, if you eliminate all of them this week, I'm going to be most disappoint.

See?  That one was an intentional typo!

Pick 'ems!  Pretty tight week this week.  Terri was the high scorer going 5-1, which puts her right back into the race.  Crutch was the second highest, pulling in 4-2, which solidifies his first place position quite nicely.  Everyone else went 3-3.  No change in the rank from last week.  Though it is interesting to note that with Terri's jump, the difference between the second and sixth place is a scant 2 picks.  Now, if we can just get Crutch to forget to make his picks one of these weeks, we'll all be sitting in butter.

And that leaves us with the gamey games!

We'll start with the beatdown of the week.  McClennen invoked his Kookie BYE this wee.  True, Kookie had 3 starters on BYE this week, but McClennen did manage to put down the third highest number of points this week.  Also, McClennen hit line up Nirvana.  So, he really made use of the Kookie BYE week.

McClennen gets the Patience Award for sticking with Thomas Ruprecht Brady through 8 painful weeks to watch him re-emerge in week 9 with a 30 points game.

Kookie gets ... you know what? I'm going to bail on his award this week... I'm not sure that he's reading any more and I don't want to attract his attention until week 13, the week after I play him next.  Dammit, I want my Kookie BYE!!

(Also, a fun fact... Kookie has mathematically eliminate himself from the playoffs this year.  So, the good news is that he can really go for broke and start with some crazy trades. :) )

Next up, the points bowl:  Patrick versus Melanie.  Holy cow!  Were any of you keeping your eyes on this game?  They put up the 2 highest scores this week, both exceeded projections by well over 10 points, both hit line up Nirvana, and it was a tight game, and it was a huge upset.  Great game guys!

Patrick earns the Don't Be Like Phil lesson/trophy.  I also picked up and started Locker in my other league  And I'm betting that you looked at Foles like I did and said "Nah.....  Foles sucks.  He'll never produce"  Then 7 freaking touchdowns later, we both look the fool.  That was one hell of a game for Foles.  O wait.... it wasn't a game.  It was 3 quarters.  Doggone!  Anyway, well done Patrick

Melanie pulls in the Insult And Injury lemon papercut award.  Even though she was projected to have 10% more points than Patrick had, not a single person picked her to win.

And speaking of crowd picks...  They say that the more people that you have picking something, the closer that you'll be to the truth of the matter.  Not the case in this next game:  RA Dave versus Mike G.

In the battle of the Slightly Odd, but nonetheless nicknames, *everyone* picked Mike G to win.  Not so.  RA Dave gave Mike G a good thrashing.

RA Dave takes home the Jason Nesmith award for Never giving up, never surrendering.

Mike G gets the True dat award for summing up the game nicely in the smack talk:  "what hurts is t y hilton had a great night but it only got me within 10 points".  Truth.

 Here's another tight game:  Crutch versus Terri. This one was within a few points as well.  Man, these BYE Weeks are at least consistent in the screwing that they are handing to us.

Crutch is hereby awarded the "Dammit, Arien" token.  Foster just had to gain pretty much anything this week and it would have meant the game for Crutch.  Dammit, Arien.

Terri gets a few awards this week.  Go ahead and just pick one:

• I don't need no Manning! award, for doing just fine in the one week that she would most likely lose.
• Dammit, Golden! trinket for not having Golden Tate go buck wild and still winning the game.
• Flacco?  FLACCO? for picking up Flacco and having his have a decent game.  Almost doubled the projections.....

Dun Dun DUNNNN!!!!!  Game of the week.  A bit lower scoring than I was figuring.  But at least I called it.  Ben just barely misses a win.  Or as Ben put it "Also, fuck you for calling my ff game so depressingly accurately."  Hey, man... at least your QB is still healthy....

Ben  once again gets the "Thank You, Sir. May I have another?" paddle for once again getting so close to victory and just letting it slip through his fingers.  If  he had started either of his benched players not on BYE, he would have won the game.

Skoot gets the Hubis award for not playing a TE.  I asked him about his empty TE slot and he just scoffed. Yeah, just like Count Strahd.  He said "What?  ME?  Pick up a TE?  I've got the dream team, baby.  Ben's a little bitch and I'm going to woop him thusly."  Well played, Sir.  Well played indeed.

Also, Skoot found himself a nice little bug.  Skoot had Dalton to see how he did on Thursday night.  When Dalton Romo'd, Skoot was able to drop him after the Thursday night game, but before the Sunday games.  Fortunately for him, hilariously for me, and frustrating for Ben, Skoot picked up (and started) Stacy.  You know.  The guy who score 20 points for Skoot out of freaking nowhere?  Yeah, that guy.

Finally, we come to the game I've been waiting all year.   Me versus Missy....  The grudge match to settle all grudge matches.  Did it help that I have 4 top shelf players on BYE? It did not.  But Missy once again showed her witchy ways.  I (barely) took home the victory, but my starting QB will be out for at least a month with a broken collar bone.  AAARGG!!!

Missy  gets the ... well... hmm... I dunno... I'm trying to lay an award at her feet that will convey the proper sense of humiliation at losing when I couldn't even get a single point out of my QB, while at the same time highlighting her trying but failing miserably...  This is a hard one... Ah!  Got it.  You get the healthcare.gov award.  You should be able to see it in 4-6 weeks.

Phil gets the simple victory.  For that is all that I really want.  It's taken me a year to get here, so I'll just savor it while I can.

Mike G gets a *very* stern warning to keep his hexes to himself, thank you very much.  Seriously, take a look at the smack on my game.  More smack here than when Batman loses his shit on Robin:

And that's about it for this week.  After such an intense week, I'm going to take a week of the write ups off.  Skoot will be filling in for me next week, as I have been messing with his league on his boards.  So, he totally owes me.

Enjoy!

DFL 2013 Week 9: Game of the Week

Man... Looking around the league, this is going to be one hell of a week for BYEs.  There are 6 teams sitting this week.  (Don't worry though - last week and this week were the killer BYE weeks; it should get better from here on out.)  In fact in my charity league, we have a 4 man bench.  All of the guys on the bench for both teams are on BYE.  Dear lord, I hope that I hit line up nirvana on that one...

Anyway, there's a lot of gimpy choices out there this week for the featured game. I mean I finally get to lose to play Missy this week.  I've been looking forward to that since last season!  The only problem is that this game won't really make a huge change in the league, regardless of who wins.  You know what will be interesting?

Skoot versus Ben.  Skoot's sitting atop the league at first place with a bullet.  Ben, on the other hand has just about as many cumulative points as Skoot does, but is ranked *9* places below him.  Plus, Skoot seems to be going balls to the wall and playing his TE on BYE this week since we don't have enough roster spots to cover hi crazy BYE Week.

So, that's it. Game of the Week:  Skoot versus Ben.  I'm predicting 100+ points games for each of them, and Skoot winning by like half a point.  Cuz that's how Ben rolls.  This is how I predict the game will go:

Wait for it...

Good luck, Gents!

DFL 2013 Week 8: Time to burn this mofo down...

... and by mofo, I mean me.  Why?  Two back to back losses.  To Two back to back Gs.  Ripping me firmly out of first place and banishing me to a tawdry third.  Hey jerkfaces!  Remember when I said in my write up a few weeks ago that you should collude on something that mattered?  I sure as balls didn't mean to gang up on me and beat me like the soap scene in full metal jacket.

But Phil, I hear you say... It's just a game... surely beating you on the field doesn't warrant this much vitriol.  To you, I say "Have you not been reading my posts?  I am still carrying a grudge against someone who beat me fair and square 4 freaking years ago due to a missed field goal."  Plus, it wasn't just that I lost.  I lost when I should have won.  Twice. I was estimated at 15+ points higher both last week (against Mike) and this week (against Terri).  "But no problem," I said going into the game on Monday night.  "I'm up two points.  And I have Marshawn Lynch and Terri only has Golden Tate.  This one is in the bag."  Well, Tate took home 18 points (estimated at 6) and Lynch took home 2.  Two freaking points.

Then, as if all that wasn't enough, the Gs kept colluding to give perhaps the most beautiful and ill-begotten bragging to date in the league.   In the form of E-Cards.  From Mike:

And from Terri:

To you and your Redskin kin, I say:

and again:

As promised, I am calling shenanigans.  I'm calling it just as hard as I possibly can at this point. Shenanigans!  SHENANIGANS!  SHENANIGANS!!!

So,yeah... that's how the game of the week went.  Arrggg!!!

OK enough with the intro.  Let's into the real stuff.  Pick'ems to start!

Much better picking this week.  Skoot was this [ ] close to a bingo this week.  (Of course, Terri took that away from him.)  So, he went 5-1.  Mike G and I went 4-2, Crutch was dead even at 3-3.  Ben and Terri pissed their pants with 2-4.  On the other hand, RA Dave did outstanding at 2-4.  So, that leaves Crutch at the top of the heap, just two points above Ben and Mike G.  Skoot tied Phil at 4th place, followed by Terri and then Patrick.  RA Dave is threatening to get into double digit points here.  Right on, Chum!!

Elimination League... No real movement here.  Joy and Ben both chose San Fran, and Marie chose New Orleans.  No strikes this week!  (Man, are we going to see three people get into the double digit weeks?  It's turning out good!  Why couldn't I still be swinging in the ring here?  Oh right.  Cuz I put my faith in Philly and Atlanta.)

OK, down to the meat and potatoes...

The game of the week!  You know what? I think that we covered this pretty well already...Terri gave Phil a whoopin' against all odds.

Terri - you get the "You talkin' to me?  You talkin' to ME?" wrist holster for going buck wild and doing your ridiculous thing against all odds.

Phil gets the"Here it comes" award.  You know why?  After this week, I'm going super-saiyan:

Be forewarned....

Crutch pulls in the "You're a good man, charlie brown."  Even though Lucy still pulled the ball away before Crutch could kick it, at least he beat Mike G.

Mike G - Really?  You pull at 40 pints week this week?  After the throttling you handed out last week?  You get hash tag hell.  #ihateyousomuch #forrealsies #gosuckalemon

Skoot delivered the beat down of the week to RA Dave.  Damn, dude...  Even with three players not hitting 5 points, he still scored highest in the league this week.  (By a scant 0.01 points.  Maybe this partial points thing is cool after all.)  And with the win, he throws me out of first place as delicately as the Archangel Micheal (Michal) threw Lucifer out of heaven.  So, you get the Righteous Smite broadsword.

RA Dave takes the whoopin' like a man.  Not only did two of his starters goose eggs on him, but he also hit line up Nirvana.  There's not much more that I can say about that.  To console you in your time of pain, I award you the cutest little mascot ever:

Ben and Melanie played the most exciting game of the week, in that it was close and a hell of a lot of points were thrown down.

Ben gets the "It ain't easy being Ben" award for continuing on his head scratching journey through points this year.  He's scored the third most points and is in 10th place.  That shit is uncanny!

Melanie gets the "Balls, Pure Balls" pendant for starting Jared Cook over Jimmy Graham.  That would be the St Louis TE over the NO TE.  I mean, yeah, it worked out for her, but wow.  Balls.

Patrick takes home a win this week, delivered on a silver plate by Kookie.  So, you get a BYE win, essentially.

Kookie.  Dude.  You have more moves on your team than most of the league. How is your team still this shitty?  And I know, I know, you've moved.  But so did Melanie.  And she's rocking it this year.  Why can you be more like your wife?  Yeah, I went there.  And I'm not sorry.  (OK, maybe a little sorry...)

Wowie!  I'm just now seeing the Missy vs McClennen game.   This is also known as the sad, sorry little game.  4 starters goose egg'ed, neither QB saw above 5 points.. Just ewww all the way around...

Missy - you get the "Right on... that's the way to play!" trophy because I want you to keep up this style of play.  I'm playing you next week *waaaaay* short handed.  I've been wanting to beat you all  year, so if this is what you're putting up these days, I'd say that I've got a shot.

McClennen get the "Best Little Team Without a Move" award.  He's steering his ship without a single move this year.  O wait.... hold on.... OK, yeah. I just called him.  I never actually explained that you can change up your team.  So, that's on me, hoss.  Sorry about that!

Man, this write up had a lot of rage in it.  Let's end it on a happy note, shall we?  At the Manning household:

DFL 2013 Week 8: Game of the Week!

I'm probably not going to be able to get to a Game of the Week every week, but last week I dug it because it gave me another game to get excited about.  Hoping that it might do the same this week, I've decided to throw down another game of the week.  So as not to appear as Eminem, I'll keep things brief:

So, this week's game of the week is Terri vs Phil.  Two top teams going head to head is enough to generate excitement, but here's a few more interesting nuggets:

• If Terri wins this game, she could slip into first place (depending on how well Skoot does this week.
• If Terri wins the game, then Phil will be on the longest G losing streak known to the league (that would be back to back G beat downs for those keeping track).
• If Phil wins the game, then the longest current winning streak of the league comes to an end.
• If there is a tie, then y'all can suck it with your partial points.

Terri's started strong, throwing down 25 points on Thursday night.  So, Phil's got some catching up to do.  Stay tuned!!

DFL 2013 Week 7: Why doesn't Toledo have a professional football team?

Because then Cleveland would want one too...

Will Browns jokes ever get old?  I think not!

All levity aside, we're here to talk about football!  (And pseudo-football (and picking pseudo-football (and picking real football (man, I hope that a LISP interpreter isn't reading this right now (or else it might get confused (what with the level of ( ) that I'm using (and hoping to close properly).  Was that it?) (Yeah, probably.)))))  So, let's get into it.

Another fairly low scoring week this week.  Only two people hitting 90 points this week.  And of them only one (and the more girly one at that) saw into triple digits.  (That would be Patrick and Skoot, with the latter getting over 100.)  But luckily,we had a game of the week to look forward to. And that was a slugfest!  In that it felt like the victor was just brutally beating on the loser without any trace of remorse.  But more on that later.

Elimination league... Another 3 different teams picked and another week without any strikes given out....  Interesting.  I think that the latest that we've ever gotten with the elimination was week 10.  That's coming up hella-soon.  (As a side note, I should really start to label special posts.  Like "Last Elimination Week" or "Lowest Score"... It'll make things easier to find in the future.)  Though it should be noted that Marie deserves an honorary strike here because she *thought* that she picked New England.  And with the ridiculous ending to *that* game, it wuld have been awesome had someone been eliminated there.  I guess that I'll take a false positive.  So, all y'all keep with the picking.  Because if this ends in a tie, I think that everyone's going to be sad...

Don't make blobfish sad.  Only one winner in the elimination league

Now we come to perhaps the saddest of all:  Pick'em league.  Collectively we pissed our pants this week.  It makes for a very sad panda.

Think that I'm hyperbolizing?  Nah, son.  The highest pick here were the Gs who both went 3-3.  That was the best that we had gentlemen.  Skoot and Phil pulled in 2-4.  And Crutch and Ben led the way with 1-5.  Coincidentally, Crutch and Ben are sitting top of the stack.  Mike G jumped up to third place and Terri G clawed her way into a 5th place tie with Skoot.  Yes, I did hope that y'all sucked in your picks.  But man!  This was embarrassing!  So, I hope that you call all do this again next week, which will give me an opening to sneak back into medal contention.

Finally, we head into the league proper.  Before we get into the games, let's just pause a moment a look at where things are, about halfway into the season.  First off, nobody has given up.  And, looking at some of the teams, that would be hella-easy to do at this point. (*cough* Kookie *cough*)  But, looking where we are, it's actually a fairly tight season.  Nobody is undefeated.  Going strictly by record, there is a three way tie for first place and a *four* way tie for fourth place.  Oh, and there is only a one game difference in the two of these position.  What else?  Well, of the four top teams, *three* of them didn't even make the play offs last year.  So, big things a'happenin'!

We'll start off with the GAME OF THE WEEK: Kookie versus Missy.  I think that it was fair to say that we all had high hopes going into this game.  Kookie could break his 6 game losing streak.  Missy could be handed a nasty loss.  It's win win!  Nobody would be sad about this.  Except that Missy won.  OK, technically she did precisely what she was slated for.  Kookie lost.  And Manning came *this* close to hitting double digits.  Against a team that still hasn't pulled in a victory  

Missy is presented with the precision award for conitnuing her pattern of Winning one week and losing the next.

Kookie gets the Anakin Skywalker memorial award for doing his best, and failing spectacularly.  YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE.  IT WAS SAID THAT YOU'D DESTROY THE SITH (that is, get one measly win), NOT JOIN THEM (that is, get beaten like a hooker in any Grand Theft Auto Game).  Next week, man.  Next week....

Next we turn to Terri versus McClennnen.  Terri administered the beatdown of the week by raking up a 55+ point win against McClennen.

Terri pulls in the "Heck Yeah!  Denver finally lost and KC is still undefeated" pennant.  Yeah, that's right, ladies and gentlemen.  Manning the Greater might have to play until the end of the season.  True, Terri is happy.  But you know who is happier?  Andy "I'll turn on my mad skills once I leave Philly" Reid (head coach of the Chiefs:

"Oh Yeah!!"

McClennen on the other hand, takes home the Pain... All Pain trophy this week.  If I can remind you all, he had the last team that was undefeated a scant month ago.  Now, he continues the downward slide.  Dare I say, he was derailed?  And I don't get it either.  I mean he's got a solid line up.Brady, Marshall, Witten, Nelson, Walsh?  Not a single one of them broke 6 points.  

Tightest game of the week this week is Patrick Versus Ben. 3 points.  That's as close as this one came.

Ben pulls in the ROMO!!!!! groan of frustration for Romo being Romo.  Fairly solid performance from his team, except for Jerkface McGee there....

Patrick gets the Evil Monkey Bobblehead this week.  Why is that?  Well, his QB lit up the field by connecting with a dude who takes his nickname from the third evilest villian in all of literature (First being Iago from Othello, Second being Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs, third being Megatron from Transformers, and fourth being Swiper from Dora The Explorer) and secondly, Patrick lit up the scoreboard by starting the Dallas Defense against the Eagles.  For shame, Patrick.  For Shame....

Ever wonder to yourself "How much purple could we possibly get in a DFL game?"  Well, wonder no more...  RA Dave vs Melanie solved that right quick.

RA Dave gets the Jimmy JJ Walker from The Guvyer Live Action Movie key chain for "Just doin' his job."  Came close to his projection, no ridiculousity on points one way or the other.  

Melanie gets the When You Wish Upon a Star, It Make No Difference Who You Are (except if you're Melanie.  In which case screw you) Award.  Going into Monday night's game, Each team had 1 player left.  The score was within 5 points.  RA Dave was play some third string no name WR.  Melanie had Adrien FREAKING Peterson.  Shouldn't be a problem....  Yeah, noname scored more points and lost the game for Melanie.  Arrg!!!

The clash of the titans this week was Crutch vs. Skoot. Both coming in with a 4-2 record.  Second place versus third.  Both hungry to climb to first place.

Crutch takes home the Hugh Jackman's TWO SIDES! award.  Half his team performed admirably.  Exceeding expectations, double digiting.  The other half... well, it was nice when anyone broke the 3 point barrier.

Skoot, on the other hand, pulls in the "Luckiest Sum Bitch Alive" rabbit's foot for having Drew "Prints My Own Points" Brees on bye this week and picking up Andy "Look My Hair Matches My Uniform" Dalton to fill his stead.  And what happens?  Dalton has a banner day, racking up over 25 points.  Man....  This is why nobody likes you, Skoot.

And finally, in the upset of the week, Mike G takes down your humble narrator and commissioner.  It's the upset of the week in that it upset me greatly and I'm still pissed about it.  I can't be too too surprised about it though. I actually did my calculations on the game and picked Mike to win.  Then I said "Nah.... look at that spread.  I'm invincible!"  Pride cometh before the fall and all, I reckon.

Mike G pulls in the "Poke the bear" medallion for talking smack after the game.  Then, promising a beat down by his wife the next week.  I'm so sorry about the beating I'm going to have to administer next week, Terri.  Just remember, I would prefer to beat your husband, but he put you up as a shield....

Phil will quietly take home the I should have used Windex award for starting the streakiest players in the game.  Davis, Garcon, and Jackson.... I mean, Come on!!!!

(Yeah, I could have gone with Dexy's Midnight Runners for that link, but we don't have anyone names Eileen in this league...)