DFL Week 12: Call it a come back!

Woo!!!  Another week for the books, lads!  One hell of a week if I do say so myself.  Before we get into the heart of things, lemme just say:

Yep... Happier than a fat kid in a golf shirt!  So much good stuff.  In fact, if you were to ask me how well this  last week went, I would be tempted to say:

So, what's got me in such a good mood.  All y'all!!  (I figure that I have to get the happy vibes out there this week since this is about as good as it will get for me this season.)

First off, pickem.... OK yeah, I crapped my pants here.  But on the plus side everyone did this week.  Crutch was the only one who hit more than 50% correct, and he only went 4-2.  And yeah, I lost second place. But here's the good news.  Kookie, on the verge of being untouchable in the regular season went 0-6. That's a big old goose egg.  I mean I only went 2-3 (not sure how I missed Joy versus Patrick's game, but there you go..), but getting 0 right?  Ouch, Kookie!

So, Kookie is now tied with Crutch in first place, I'm in third (and only 2 picks behind), and Ben is only two picks behind me.  And looking a little lower in the league, RA Dave was able to sneak ahead of Terri and be just behind Mike.  So, now, RA Dave is betwixt the Gs.  RA Dave, you'd best be doing some either really good or really bad picking this week to get out of that mess...

Two more weeks, everyone.  This is going to be a tight race!

And speaking of two more weeks...  Week 12 is keeping the league honest...  Both Melanie and Patrick, who had locked up the playoffs last week took looses this week.  Joy, on the other hand locked up a playoff birth this week, and stormed into second place overall.  Meanwhile, a little farther down the totem pole, we have a real slugfest going for the rest of the playoff slots.  We have 4 teams that are fighting over the bottom three playoff spots (Missy, Mike G, Phil, and Crutch).  OK, so it's pretty unlikely that Missy and Mike G are going to fall out of the playoff race, but it is theoretically possible.  So, really, it's just Crutch and I scrapping for the last playoff birth.  And really, these are the two teams to watch...  Same record, within 4 points of the over points scored (and oddly enough only 12 points difference in points scored against).  Granted, neither of these teams is going to be going anywhere in the post season, but a little drama at the end of the regular season never hurts.

(OK, OK, Kookie... Technically, you're not out of contention yet, but Crutch and I would both have to lose both of the next two games AND you'd need to win both of your next two games and that's a long shot, even for you...)

And speaking of records...  Has anyone noticed something odd with the points this year?  The top three teams are all crazy high on the overall point scoring, but the interesting thing is that they are lowest points scored against them.  Like, by far.  And looking at the bottom of the league, they have scored easily the lest points in the league and they've really had the points against them pile up.  That being said, the statistical anomaly is RA Dave.  He's got the most points in the league, the second most points scored against him, and the second most moves in the league.  And he's sitting squarely in 4th place.  I'm not sure about your mojo, RA Dave, but I like it....

All that being said, I'm not sure that there's all that much to say about the individual games, but I'll throw a few interesting tidbits out there:

• Holy cow!!  The SF DEF shut down Brees to hand the Melanie versus Phil bowl to me.  On the plus side, I picked up a win against the #1 team in the league.  On the minus side, I benched the SF DEF since they were playing Brees, and that cost me 20 points.
• Yes, yes, I picked up the Miami DEF to fill the spot, but desperate times, fellas....
• And for those of you keeping track, that puts me at 2-0 aganist Melanie this season.  Yay!
• And more bad news for Philly fans.... Now, not only is McCoy (from my team) out, but Melanie Jackson is officially on the IR.   Ugh...
• The Phil versus Melanie bowl was the first of two shut outs for pick 'ems this week.(Any given Sunday, right?)
• Skoot snapped his 6 (count'em - 6!) game losing streak against Missy.  As this puts her (minorly) in danger of missing the playoffs, I say "Right on!"
• This was the second pick 'em shut out.  
• Really, not much going on in this game.  Skoot didn't so much win it, as Missy steadfastly lost it.  Though really, it seemed like she made the smart starters calls across the board.
• Joy smacked Patrick down in spectacular fashion.  In all reality, I don't know what happened to Patrick's #2 ranked team... Just seems to have fallen apart here last week.  
• But man, neither of the QBs in this game showed up.  Neither got above 10 points...
• Kookie fumbled in winning streak when Mike G just dominated him. 
• And Mike G didn't even need a TE to do so.  
• In fact, if it weren't for Kookie's stellar defense, he might have been a contender to pull in the lowest game of the year...
• Beat down of the week goes to Ben against Terri this week.  Not record breaking, but certainly painful.
• Ben was the only one to break into triple digits this week.  (You keep that up, you might just get yourself a ring this year, son.)
• Another shocker (7 people voted against RA Dave), Crutch put the hurt on RA Dave this week.  Though to be fair, RA Dave's team just keeps getting knocked out of the game.  Stop hurting your players, RA Dave.
• And Crutch - yeah, just keep riding Brady.  He's your only hope these next few weeks.  Sure hope that the PAts don't lock up a playoff birth and start protecting their players...

And Ben helpfully pointed out that there is now another way for Yahoo! to tell you that your team sucks (his words, not mine).  Now, there's a little green, yellow, or red icon next to each player.  So, in addition to the projected stats and the Game Day Decision, there's a little light too.  Does this feel like a psychic's cold reading to anyone else?  Yahoo! is throwing out so many signals that one of them is bound to hit the actual result right on the head, right?

DFL Week 11: Kill All Halflings!!*

**  Subtitle this week given by Skoot.  Thanks for contributing, Skoot.

What a week, what a week!!  Yes, I won this week, snapping a 5 game losing streak.  And the fact that it was the highest score of the week and the second highest score of the year made it that much more delicious.  So, I enter this week a Champion.   An American Champion.  Accordingly, I make my entrance thusly:

All you bastards can eat it.

(Gimme a break, it's been a rough season.  I  have to savor the few moments that I can.)

But where is my sense of decorum?  We start with the Pick'ems.  Ben and Crutch both snagged 5-1 picks this eek.  Low men were Phil and Melanie with 3-3.  So, Kookie (with 4-2) added another notch to his lead.  And now, Crutch is tied with Phil for the number 2 (hehe) slot, and Ben is only 1 pick behind that.  Well, shit.  How often have Pick'ems been this close this late in the season.

On a side note, I want to thank Mike G an Terri G for their unwavering support this week in the pick'ems.  They were the only ones pick me this week.  And let me say from the bottom of the league's heart, you two are lucky bastards.

And since we're talking about the Gs, let's get into the biggest note of the season.  Terri and Mike were the only ones to make a trade this season. Right under the deadline no less.  Just goes to prove that it's easier to make a trade if you actually see a person.

Let's keep the Segue segue going, shall we?  Who's top of the league with moves?  Not surprisingly, Kookie takes the top spot this week with 29 moves going into week 12.  Kookie has been regenerating his team like a troll what its arm cut off.  I'm thinking that if Kookie really commits, he might be able to hit 40 moves by the end of regular season.  The bigger surprise is that RA Dave is right behind Kookie with 24 moves and RA Dave is currently in 3rd place.  Usually, that number of moves lands you... well, lands you where Kookie is.  And good on you, Kookie for not letting 10 straight seasons teach you that you need to pick up a player the week before they get hot, not the week after.

With that out of the way, let's get to the games!

The Nerd Bowl, presented by WoC:  Phil vs Crutch.  Crutch came into the game with a slight favor. Phil walked away with the victory.  Why?  Because Andre Johnson finally woke up and somehow the San Fran DEF whooped up on Chi-Town.  Just goes to show you that anything can happen on Monday nights.  I would like to thank Crutch.  He had Tony *FUCKING* Romo on his team.  Since Romo was benched, he had a poor game.  Were he to have started, he would have had a game for the record books...  (Fun side note, after this game, Crutch and I are exactly tied on points for the year. Weird, right?)

The So Close I Can Taste It Bowl, sponsored by Hostess (Gord rest their souls):  Ben vs. Missy.  1 point difference in this game.  Congrats to Missy for having a consistent "meh" team this week.  Nothing special really.  Most of the team was right around projections.  This is in stark contrast to Ben's bunch of filthy creatures that he calls players and Dez Bryant (wha?) and the Baltimore DEF (against the blindingly painful to watch Stillers) who somehow combined to get 51 of the 79 points for the team.  Lesson learned here folks:  Get the superstars and your other mongrel player will just pad the score for you...

The 'THESE ARE THE BEST TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE' Bowl, sponsored by Dale's Discount Pooh:  Melanie versus Patrick.   Melanie - You keep riding Brees.  That's all that you'll need to do.  Patrick. Holy Your Team, man.  Sorry, I shouldn't use such foul language.  Lemme rephrase.  "Holy Shit, Man."  Ryan pooped the bed pulling in -4 points.  But in his defense, he was playing the powerhouse team known as ... that can't be right...  The Cardinals?  That's gotta hurt...  Then, Goose eggs from Jackson and Bowe... Esh!  Whta's really sad is that the 40 points that you snagged wasn't the lowest in the league.

The 'O dear... Here's the number for a battered woman's shelter' Bowl, sponsored by Phil's definitely got to go to sensitivity training for that one:  Skoot and Mike G.  Mike scored a whopping 113 points (also achieving line up Nirvana) against Skoot's killer 39 points.  OK, two of Skoot's players wer on BYE and his QB on Monday night was questionable and didn't start and the TE just got shut out...  Ouch Skoot.  I talked to Skoot this week and he assures me that he's not out of the league yet.  He is fully read to assume the position of spoiler for the remainder of the season.  And that's good.  His team definitely seems to have spoiled.  But that's what happens when  you leave a fantasy team out without proper safeguarding it. It stinks!  (And Sadly, skoot was just shy of line up Nirvana....)

The Lady Bowl, sponsored by flowers and pretty things, I don't know what you ladies like:  JOy vs Terri.  The most interesting thing about this game was sitting on the bench.  Somehow, Joy's backup QB (Palmer) outscored her starter (Rivers).  On Terri's side... 37 points from Matt Schaub?  Really?  How the hell does this even happen?  Plus, Terri's down a player due to the trade with her dear hubby.  Pro tip, Ter:  Pick up someone.  Anyone.  Even if you don't need them.  That'll prevent someone else from getting them.  A term in most leagues known as cock-blocking.  However, in this league, due to Melanie's ridiculous ownership of the KC DEF last week, I now dub it "Melanie'ing".  Wow.  That's a really hard word to say.  Sadly, that's gonna be it, cuz "She-Kookie'ing" isn't any better.

The Stopping the Juggernaut, sponsored by "Really?  That's Shadowcat?  Cuz she was in the first X-Men 5 years ago and was about 10 years older than she is now" (and if you get that reference, good for you!):  Kookie vs RA Dave.  After dropping six of his first seven games, Kookie entered this game with a 3 game winning streak.  Could he possible get into the playoffs?  RA Dave said no.  And he had perhaps the best smack of the year "Better bring a bib, its going to get messy (shoves waitress carrying food.)"  I'm not sure if that was actually a quote from something, but it was awesome.  Good on  you RA Dave.  Also, good on you for hitting the exact number of points that was projected for you.  What' gotta be killing Kokie is that he benched the NE DEF (against Indy) and played ATL (against ARI).  Definitely the smart thing to do, but it wound up costing him 21 points.  Ouch.

All that being said, we've gotten to the last stretch of the regular season.  Sure, Melanie and Patrick have locked up playoff births, but with 4 teams tied record wise for the last playoff spot (and with me sitting at the top of them - see the first picture above) and another three teams within striking distance, these next three weeks are going to get intense.  So, strap in!

Also, remember, no more BYE weeks - Rah!  And you might remember the match ups for the rest of the season...  Our last three games will be the teams that we initially played in the first three games.  So, strike back and obtain vengeance for a loss at the beginning of the season.  Heck, try to keep the team down that you initially beat.  End result?  Keep on slugging; this season is still going.

DFL Week 10: The quiet blackout...

I have to admit... Long about this time in the season when I have such as suck team, I find it hella hard to keep with the updates.  I mean, hell, I didn't even do an update last week until the freaking Monday night game.  Plus, a bunch of stuff is going on - family visiting both last weekend and this upcoming one, kids and wife are sick, I'm GMing a new D&D campaign on Monday...  The list just keeps going on and on.

So, each week, I think "Well, maybe I can get away with not doing the write up.  Who's going to notice?"  And then I sit back and see how the games play out.  So, why am I writing up the games this week?  I'll tell you why.

Cuz you assholes happen.

Good lord, I just can't believe that even after all of these years, that you pricks can figure out ways to amaze and astound me with your tomfoolery.

The good news is that the elimination league is out of the way.  That means I can focus all of my rage and salty language on what really matters.  Just so that we can pictorially set this stage, I think that this sums me up right about now:

And in case you're wondering what I'm shouting there, it's a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.

So, here we go.  Pick'ems!

Something is going on at House Kookie.  Melanie went 5-1 (jumping ahead of RA Dave in the process) and Kookie went 6-0 in the picks this week.  That's right.  Kookie, thus far the only one to have a perfect week, just did it again.  I personally think that Kookie went ahead in time, got a book of all things that ever happened and then came back to the present.  Now, he's sharing with the wife and they are just rocking it.  On the other side of the spectrum, we've got the Gs sitting and 2-4.  Not hugely newsworthy, except that it puts them both in striking distance of Melanie and RA Dave.  So, that race is heating up nicely.  Crutch, Ben, and I all were sitting at 4-2 this week.  This means, of course, that the small gap that I closed last week when Kookie went on sabbatical is now gone.  Mother FARTER.  FART you, Kookie.  FART YOU IN THE EYE!!!

And now, the real league.  After this week's performance, I came to a sudden realization:

That's right, you jerks are forcing me to go out to sea.

So, the biggest news of the week is that the record-breaking 63 point smack down that Joy threw out last week was subsequently broken this week.  Patrick laid a 64 point differential on me this week, not only picking up the beat down of the week, but also in the history of the league.  A pox on your house, sir.

However, we can't discount the role that Eli Manning played in all of this.  Why, with his cumulative last month's worth of scores being negative, I am astounded.  I mean, I know that he's no Payton, but come on, he's no Romo either.  So, with that being said, he's going on the bench this week.  And what powerhouse did I pick up to take his place.  Andy Dalton.  Who?  He's a professional QB, don;t you know?  Yes, in the NFL.  For the Bengals.  Yes, Cincinnati still has a team.  But just to crystalize this for everyone.  Eli Manning is being replaced by Andy Dalton.  May Gord have mercy on our souls...

So, well played Patrick.  And I think that this is all that I  have to say about this game...

Next up... Ben vs Mike G.  All of Ben's players hit into the double digits, except for his flex position, who got a big old goose egg.  That's right, when Ben puts Bush into the flex position, he gets nothing out of it... (I know, I know, I could have worked on that joke a little more, but you get what you get...)

And Mike.. good lord.  the one week that Flacco decides to wake up and you have to play ben when he's obviously given his team steroids...  Sorry, bud.  There's always next week.

Melanie vs Terri:  Melanie's lack of faith in Jamal Charles, though well founded, finally bit her in the buttox, as he almost doubled his projections.  It didn't realy matter as she beat Terri pretty soundly, but still...

As for Terri, I appreciate you taking my advice for Kickers and Defenses winning games, but maybe you should pick up the rest of your tea as well?

Skoot vs. RA Dave....  Damn, Skoot.  You have the touch of death his season.  First, MJD craps out on you.  Now, Vick is gone for at least a little while, and Hernandez is stuck in the "Maybe he'll be better by Sunday" dance of death...  Next year, man.  You and I are going straight to the top!!!

Dave...  Not a bad week.  Take away your DEF and you have a pretty blah week, as a matter of fact.  but somehow you had the foresight to start a Defense against Carolina.  How'd you figure on that one?  :-)

Joy versus Missy : Or what I like to call the gift of the week.  I'm not sure how many of you got bitten by the black out on Sunday afternoon, but Joy gifted the game this week to Missy because of it.  Joy sets her line up at around noon on Sundays.  So, she just barely missed her opportunity to change out her two players on BYE.  To add insult to injury, she wasn't able to pick up a DEF on Monday night by the time that Yahoo! came back online.  For some unknown reason, Melanie had the KC defense.  Arrg!!  (Were she able to do that, Joy would have won the game.  Needless to say, Joy took it a lot better than I did...)

So, Missy, you obviously get the lucky luck award this week...

Finally, Crutch and Kookie.... once again kookie eeks out a win this week.  And let me be one of the many to say "What *the* fuck???" Here's the thing.  Kookie hasn't won a game since week one, so much as his opponents have lost in the last  3 weeks.  However, I do have to hand it to Kookie, he did regenerate his team from nothing since week 1.  Good lord, would it not be great if Kookie snuck into the playoffs and made a run for the gold?

Though again, combined TE scores in this game?  Over 50!  (yes yes yes, more than my entire team put together.  But not if I had benched Manning... Dick....)

DFL Week 9: On Kookie Time!

Blarg...  Yeah. I know, I know... It' 9 pm on the Monday of Week 10 and the Week 9 write up isn't out yet...  I'm going to make a commissioner call and say that the weekly write up isn't officially late until the last game of the next week is over.  So, yeah.  That means that I've got another 2.5 hours to write this one up.  And it will be officially on time!

(And yes, if you are studying trending, then next week's blog will be out around the time of the super bowl...)

Now, let's get on to the hot sauce!  Elimination league!  We officially have a winner!  After 9 long weeks, Ben emerges victorious as Joy *ahem* forgot to choose a week 9 pick.  Good on you, Ben!  Winning by default still counts!  And this is the part of the blog where I bitch about how the elimination league doesn't actually give trophies except to the winner, and that is only if the winner does so alone.  Aaahhh.. nevermind.  Being that I didn't win I can say that this is a silly little contest that doesn't matter anyways.  Yeah, That's how I roll.

Next up!  Pick'em...  Big, big week here, boys and girls!!  In an ultimate act of hubris, Kookie decided not to make any picks this week.  And in an ultimate act of shitty picks, Phil blew his chance to even tie.  Big winners this week wee Ben and Melanie with 4-2.  RA Dave upped his win percentage by going 3-0, and the only more embarrassing move than Phil was Skoot.  Dear Mr Belgrave tried to secure a 100% pick rating this year by picking himself over Kookie.  Generally a good plan, but Kookie pulled an upset (what's that? two wins in a row?  Call it a come back!), leaving skoot holding a 0% pick this year.  Not very surprisingly, Skoot was the only one to pick himself this week....

Next up, we've got the main event or as I like to call it "How shitty is Phil doing this week?"  The answer?  Very shitty.

However, not as shitty as a certain Mike G.  In a record setting year, Mike takes the highest beat down of any team ever in the DFL.  A whopping 63 points.  Congrats to Joy for delivering the killing blow.  Some other highlights:

• Everyone who picked in Phil vs Terri got it wrong.  Sorry to be the spoiler here, guys.
• Phil's call of "closest game of the year" (Ben vs RA Dave) wound out having a 28 point difference.  Ugh... where is my head in picks this year?  And, seriously, Ben, field a team!  (though in a very nice snippet, 3 of Ben's 4 playeres on the bench went with goose eggs, and only 1 was on bye!)
• In the Daggone game of the week, Missy put up 109 points against her DFL sponsor Melanie, only to lose by a full touchdown...  But Melanie team didn't have that good of a d-  Oh, Doug Martin pulle din 45 points?  Yeah, I don't know who he thinks he is either... (And in Missy's defense, here DEFENSE pulled in 30 points themselves...)
• Just noticing this now, but Skoot picked himself to win, even though his starting TE was on BYE and out with an injury.  Now *that* would have been awesome sauce were you to pull that win off!!!

That's about all tha tI've got in me tonight...  Not a great write up, I realize, but good enough for now.  Next week will be better... What with no elimination league to worry about.
(Author's note:  heading into the Monday night game I've only pulled in 44 points.  so, I haven't yet decided whether I'm going to be pissed or just sad.  Either might just work in this league...)

DFL Week 8: This is stupid and I hate it...

Seriously???  Another week and another loss?  And to Missy of all people!  Ugghhh...  This madness stops next week!!  But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

First off, sorry for the late updates this week.  Halloween ran pretty late this year, so I didn't get back home until after 9.  So, once again, I write away while the Thursday night game plays on in the background....

And just a little interlude before we get into the good stuff.  So, while a majority of the traffic is coming from Windows (which kinda makes sense, I do check in a lot...), fully 15% of the page views are coming from an iPad.  So, hosers, fess up.  Who's checking the blog from Starbucks on your iPad?  Cuz you know that you're a stereotype, right? :-)

Interlude part 2:  Did you know that when you offer someone a trade in this league, they aren't automatically notified?  Cuz I sure didn't!  Oddly enough, once the person rejects the trade you sure as hell get notified.  So, word to the wise, if you're interested in trading, keep the email addresses handy.  (Yes, I was involved with no less than 4 trade negotiations last week.  They all fell through.  I'm thinking next week is really when things will heat up...)

OK, no more non-sense.  On to the important issues of the day!  No, not the presidential election.  I'm talking real news!!  That's right, time to look at the updates to our fake game and the fake games that surround it.

First off, since this will be the penultimate update on it, we are looking at the elimination league.  Joy takes her first strike in week 8, which makes the race dead even between Ben and Joy, at one strike apiece.  Joy is taking a big risk in week 9 by not actually making a pick.  We'll see how that works out.  If Ben (and 35% of the people playing across Yahoo!) are wrong, then we'll have a tie in week 9.  Otherwise, Ben's going to be taking home his first trophy in quite some time.

And speaking of first trophy in quite some time, how about the pick'em league?  Kookie, much to everyone's chagrin, is still tearing it up.  IN fact, two others went 5-1 this week: RA Dave and Crutch. Congrats, guys.  And stop picking so well!!  'm gettiner nervously close to dropping out of contention for the gold here.  And Mike G just peed his pants this week, bottoming out at 1-5.  (Oddly, his wife, Terri G only did slightly better at 2-4.  Are we getting into mid-season collusion here?  :-) )  So, Kookie still has the top slot, followed by Phil, and then Crutch.  Though, Ben, Mike G, and Terri G are nipping at medal contention themselves....

And *now* we bring the pain.  I'll keep it brief tonight since I'm still recovering from All Hallow's Eve, but sufficed to say that we are squarely in Nonsenseville.

Phil vs Missy:
Certainly line up Nirvana for Phil, but seriously Manning?  You could only do as well as the kicker from St Louis?  For shame...
Missy - Totally lucked out with Crabtree.  I can imagine that's going to happen ever again.  Though, maybe... maybe Karma saw that Fucking Romo was cut and its looking for a new enemy...  CRABTREE!!!!!

Ben vs. Kookie
Holy hell, Kookie!!  Where have you been hiding this team?  O wait, Freeman got a lucky game, and Tynes (*that's* how Mannning did so crappily...), and Graham.  You didn't so much win this as you made a pact with a dark power.  I'm calling it now.
Ben... may losing always sucks.  But so much worse when the victor is Kookie.  Even worse when you QB alone pulls in more points than your WR, RBs, and DEF combined....

Melanie vs Mike G
Only big this to talk about here is Doug Marting pulling down 27 points and Charles only pulling in 3.  Did not see that coming!
OK, I guess also noteworthy is that RG3 was kept under 10 points...  But maybe the rookie is getting tired halfway through the season playing with the big boys.  Which brings us to.....

Terri G vs Patrick.
Wow Terri... 44 points.  What happened?  (Though thank you for pulling in half of the pick 'em votes.)
And Patrick... how could you have NOT given the smackdown of the week this week?  Perfect set!!!  O right, cuz the smackdown of the week was from:

Skoot vs. Crutch
Fifty freaking nine point smackdown.  LEt me say that again.  A record 59 point smack down from Crutch to Skoot.  (Though Crutch don't feel powerful.  Skoot's admittedly crappy team was down its two top scorers this week.)
And how the *hell* did you get the Miami defense to put up 27 points???  O right... they were playing Sanchez....

Joy vs RA Dave
53 points.  That is how many points their combined TEs got.  That is more than Terri's entire team got this week.  That is close to Mike and Skoot's entire team score.  So, you two are very welcome for makig you start TEs.  I expect presents at the end of the season.