I just got done watching The Internship. Don't judge me. It was free and I had a little time to kill while folding laundry. I figured what the hell. Now, I wasn't expecting high art. Hell, I wasn't even expecting low art. It was a Vince Vaughn vehicle that occurred since Swingers. So, yeah. I wasn't expecting much. But what I got was so much worse. It was a bilious piece of crap that made me cry out in pain. (Bonus if you got that reference without having to click the link.)
To spare anyone else the hardship, I have taken it upon myself to retroactively retroactively live blog the watching of this "movie". Here we go:
Roll Opening Credits: OK, this movie can't be that bad. And it's free!
15 minutes in: Uh-oh... this is worse than previously reported....
30 minutes in: Who exactly am I supposed to be rooting for? I hate everyone in this abomination.
45 minutes in: Sadness sets in as I realize that this is the first time that I am actively wishing that Google fails at something.
60 minutes in: Did they just suggest that Emacs was better than vi? This is isn't just bad. It's total bullshit.
75 minutes in: Congratulations, John Goodman. You have now officially been in a terrible movie.
80 minutes in: You too, Josh Gad.
90 minutes in: I find myself fantasizing about how to salvage this train wreck. The only possible way is if the last scene is a murderous bloody rampage by Larry Page and Sergey Brin to avenge the besmirching of their good company name. Do no evil, Google... Do no evil.
91 minutes in: Holy hell!! There's still 30 minutes left????
95 minutes in: This techno babble doesn't even sound convincing...
105 minutes in: Epiphany... What am I doing with my life? *I* could be doing this! (And by "this", I don't mean flying out to Google and landing a dream job. I mean churning out shitty Hollywood movies.)
115 minutes in: I know that they screwed up portraying debugging, coding, and tech support so far.I'm pretty sure that they are currently screwing up portraying sales as well.
120 minutes in: Really? We waited 2 hours for some douche to monologue about stupid crap?
So, in summary, do not watch The Internship. Do not think about The Internship. Go home. Hug your family. Call your mother. Try to forget that there is such evil in this world. It's there. And it's corporately sponsored....
