DFL 2014 Week 12: Let there be rematches!

Well, here we are again, week 12 and you know what that means!!!  Two things actually:
1 - Rematch week!
2 - Thanksgiving!

The first one is important so that we can relive some of the bullshit from week 1 (and correct it potentially).  The second one is important in that I've been furiously cleaning all week in anticipation of family coming into town.  So, I'm typing this now on Thanksgiving day so that I can publish this before the noon game kick off.

Let's get to this update!

First off... Pick'ems.  Well, we've really only got 5 people in contention still and one didn't make picks this week.  Come on, Skoot!

Skoot... You're killin' me Skoot.

So, Phil took to the top spot gonig 5-1, Ben and RA Dave both went 4-2, and finally Mike is making his come back going 3-3.  So, that leave the race for the Pick'ems trophy looking like this:

Phil  46-26

Ben  46-20

RA Dave 38-16

Mike 35-31

Skoot 33-21

So, the shake up this week was that Phil tied Ben for first and Mike ripped 5th place from Skoot.  Nice work Gentlemen.

(Also, looking at the picks, there's not a lot of picks made this week.  So, if you want to get an easy jump on the competition, you've only got a few scant hours before kick off!!  Hurry!)

Now, a quick look at rematches.  As a reminder, here's what happened in week 1:

Crutch beat Phil 83.36 - 70.53

Melanie beat Kookie 97.65 - 69.38

Patrick beat RA Dave 105.38 - 73.20 (with the beatdown of the week)

Skoot beat Ben 101.98 - 89.34

Terri beat Mike 75.10 - 53.33

Missy beat McClennen 71.09 - 52.28

So, let's see what happened this week, shall we?

Phil vs Crutch:  Balance is restored.  It was looking pretty bleak for Phil going into Monday night.  Phil was down 30+ points.  So, will the right Brees show up?  Could Justin Forsett rise above his station?  You're damn right.  Phil put down the second highest points for him this year.  What do you think, TO?

Melanie vs  Kookie:  Balance is restored.  Dispite nobody picking him this week, Kookie rose up and took back a sliver of his masculinity by winning the game this week.  With 4 of his players pulling in 6 or less points, you might wonder how.  Well, that would be because Manning had a 21 points game, and Luck had a 5 point game.  Now, I know what you're thinking  "How the hell did Kookie get his hands on Peyton??"  Yeah, that would be Manning the Lesser vs Dallas.  Maybe this means that the Cowboys will be self-destructing from the other side of the team this year?  Nah...  Romo is still gonna crack...

 

I'm not even on anyone's team this year!!  Why am I getting bashed???

RA Dave vs Patrick:  Balance is restored.  Not only did RA Dave win this week,but he also laid down the smackdown of the week!  Good on ya, RA Dave.  And I've gotta say, in the last few weeks RA Dave has really turned on the afterburners.  With his almost league high move count, he's put himself squarely into 3rd place.  When you can do that *and* embarrass Patrick (and his little QB too!), that's just a good week right there!

Ben vs Skoot:  Balance is restored.  Pretty much everyone on Ben's team hit it out of the park this week.  Now, one could argue that Percy Harvin had a bad week with not even putting a point on the board.  I, however, would argue that's about where he should be.  (Yes, I'm still bitter from a few years ago when he was on my team and he fucked me by getting migraines left and right.  Wanker.)  Skoot, on the other hand, picked up Jonas Grey like half of the fantasy teams in the league.  The other half knew that Gray will likely not see the endzone for the rest of the season.  Gray actually goose egged this week and got NOTHING.

Terri vs Mike:  Balance is restored.  This was a pretty weak game.  In fact, the lowest scoring game of the league this week.  (In week 1, they were the second lowest scoring game of the week.  Eesh...)  The good news?  The Lacy trade continues to pay off.  Well done, Mike on reclaiming dominance in house G.

Well, now.  Balance has been restored in every single game so far this week.  Winner from week 1 became losers in week 12.  Let's see how the last one turned out.  I mean no pressure, but McClennen, we're kinda looking to you to break this insane winning streak of Missy's.

Missy vs McClennen:  Missy slaps McClennen across the face, pounds her chest and looks to the crowd:

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???

Yep, Missy keeps her winning streak alive.  She's currently 2nd in overall points and dead last in points against.  Yeah...  Missy's doing fine...  McClennen on the other hand.... well, he's made the following bold moves this week:

• Starting his QB who was on BYE.
• Holding onto a rookie WR who's on the IR.
• Starting Bishop Sankey versus the godlike Eagles D.

So, that's how that went...

OK, y'all.  We're coming down to it now...  Two more players locked in a playoff spot (RA Dave and Phil).  So, that means only 4 left!  Two weeks, folks.  That's all that we've got left.  Pretty much everyone is still in contention.  Currently the bottom 4 teams are sitting at 4-8.  The next three teams are at 5-7.  So, really, a few good games could turn the tide and sneak a few surprises into the playoffs.  

And lest we forget... last year an 8th seed actually was in the championship game.  So, keep at it fellas!

And BTW, Crutch and Mike...  you are the only two remaining people who can prevent Missy from taking home an undefeated season in the regular season.    So, fingers crossed.

DFL 2014 Week 11: Mad World

I think it's kinda funny.
I think it's kinda sad.
The dreams that I have where I am winning
Are the best I've ever had.
It's a ...

MAD WORLD

Yeah.... did you see the NFL this week?  I know that you did.  I can't properly put into words all of the oddness.  So, I'll let the bard of our age say it for me:

How strange was the week?  Here's the top five scorers this week:

Jonas Gray    37.27
Aaron Rodgers 26.26
Mike Evans    23.86
Andy Dalton   22.70

Jay Cutler    22.45

Or in the common parlance:
Who?
Yeah, that makes sense
No, seriously.  Who??
No fucking way.
You sure spelled "Peyton Manning" a funny way.

You wanna get your mind blown more?  Strap in, sonny.  There were a whopping 10 rushing touch downs this week.  Almost half of them were score by Who?.

Now, we are all men of science in this league.  Surely, there must be some reasonable explanation.  I've been doing some thinking and it seems that the most reasonable explanation is that I was trash talking so hard that I cause Missy reveal herself.  I submit, gentlemen, that Missy is actually a witch and that she has hexed us all this week in order that she might keep her streak alive.  What say you?

Well, that was easy.  Missy please report so that we can see if you weigh as much as a duck.

In all seriousness.. what a rough week!  So, let's get to it.

Big shake ups in the pick'em league this week.  Ben and RA Dave both went 5-1 this week.  Skoot broke even at 3-3 and Phil returned to beginning of the season form with a craptacular 2-4.  So, this means that Ben reclaims the top spot with 41 picks, Phil is right behind with 41, RA Dave sneaks up into third place with 34 picks, and Skoot jumps in front of Mike (with 33 and 32 picks, respectively).  This one is going to come down to the wire.

Coupla notes here:

1. Everyone picked Crutch over Kookie correctly.
2. Everyone picked Melanie over Patrick correctly.
3. NOBODY picked Terri over McClennnen correctly.
4. Thanks to Skoot for showing faith in me and being the only one to pick me.  After ignoring my commands to pick me and not, the rest of you Judases are dead to me.
5. Dammit, Mike.  I really thought that you could play spoiler this week against Ben.  If we just ignored the Monday night game, it would have been so.

OK, now let's get to it:

Missy vs Phil.  OK yeah.. this was a hell of a hyped game.  And I was actually projected to win by about 4 points.  Then, Foster got benched at the last minute.  Then, Manning went belly up against the Rams (cuz, you know, that makes sense).  And that was the last thing that went right for me.  Missy picked up Blue to replace Foster and he went crazy.  So, instead of administering the beating, I received it.  OK Missy, we get it.  You're in the playoffs.  No need to keep showboating.  Here's a present for you, Missy:

But instead of saying "I'm breaking up with you", it should say
"You're being that guy.  Don't be that guy."

RA Dave vs Skoot.  Dave was the only one this week to hit triple digits.  How? Cuz Mike Evans (AKA "No, seriously.  Who?") went apeshit.  Oh, and Marshallenjoyed the benefits of actually having a QB starting and Maclin did his this too.  Well played Dave.  You're now the third on to hit a thousand points this year.  

Crutch vs Kookie.  AKA - the beat down of the week.  Crutch almost hit triple digits here, but got screwed when two players put down less than 5 points.  In Kookie's defense (man, that's a weird sentiment to have!), he did start some solid talent, they just didn't deliver.  Oh, and he started RG3 as well.

Kookie's reaction the entire game.  (For the uninitiated, that would be
a Scotsman saying over and over again "Ach!  What are you doon?")

Melanie vs Patrick.  Ouch... not a lot of performance in this game at all.  Luck did well enough.  Brown was Brown.  And on Patrick's side  Hawkins and Green pulled in decent numbers as well.  But the one thing that really does deserve praise is Patrick's unflappable faith in Matt Stafford.  At an astounding 96.61 points for the season, Stafford is still Patrick's starters.  This week is his second time going negative.  I am genuinely curious to see if Patrick keeps him in the rest of the year AND if he can do anything in the playoffs with him.

Not sure who wold be a better starter to tell you the truth.  Although,
the one on the right *does* want to be a cowboy, baby.

Ben vs Mike.  With high hope for being the spoiler, Mike just had a run of bad luck here.  Somehow the Raiders defense shut down Rivers, Thomas got hurt are only 2 receptions and somehow Morris was shut down by Tampa Bay.  Heck, Ben even had an empty roster spot.  The bigger problem was that Ben started a top 5 QB, and one of the few RBs to see the endzone this week.  So, Ben was able to pull off the upset AND guarantee his spot in the playoffs.  Well done, Ben.

And really, who could disagree with that 'stache?

Terri vs McClennen.  Call this the surprise of the week.  Terri wakes up in week 11, hungry for a win.  Starting with McClennen, could this be a last ditch run at the playoffs?  The stand out star of the entire game was Terri's GB Defense.  The low point was definitely on McClennen's side of the game, with the Saints.  Cooks was knocked out of the game with a season ending thumb injury and Graham was shut down almost entirely.  This loss puts McClennen right on the husp of the playoffs, leaving him in 8th place.

<There is no pic for this game because I'm
too damn lazy to find one.>

Oh, and one last thing to note.  Oddly this was brought to my attention in two of my leagues this week.  It appears that if you are using an app to manage your fantasy team (as opposed to managing on the webpage), there may be a bug with swapping a player who is on BYE after the games have started for the week.  So, if you are tweaking your starters and you're on a mobile device, double check that the move actually went through.  (I *think* that you might be able to swap the BYE player to the bench and then swap a benched player into the starting position.)

DFL 2014 Week 10: Here comes the playoffs...

I hear you saying "Playoffs?  It's Week 10!!  We've still got 4 weeks of regular season before we get to the playoffs.  Surely you're talking crazy talk!!"

  

But I'm not.  Since you chumps have seen fit to both roll over for Missy AND just embrace you inner suckitude, Missy just locked herself in to a playoff position this week.  In Week 10.  Really?  Geez Louise, y'all!  I guess that I am going to have to lay some smack on her myself this weekend.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

Presented without commentary.  I'm just sayin',,,

Pick 'Ems... Well, not a lot of diversity here.  Only 4 people made picks this week and for the most part, we were not choosing many underdogs.  Phil, Ben, and Skoot all chose the predicted winner across the board.  It worked out well, as we all went 5-1.  (Dammit, Skoot.  Lose and we could have had a few bingos this week!!)  Mike, on the other hand, kept on choosing the Gs to win.  Points for loyalty, but not real points.  Not even imaginary pick'em points.  You're still in 3rd place, barely.  Phil is still on top with 39 points, Ben right behind him at 37 points, Then Mike at 32 points, Skoot at 30 points, and RA Dave still swinging at 29 points.  Tight race, gents.  Let's keep 'em coming!

(Though this does bring up an interesting question... are people looking at the games or just blindly picking the predicted winner?  The last two weeks, the line ups have been so lopsided that there really was not choice but to choose the predicted winner.  )

Let's just start at the top and work our way down this week, shall we?

Phil vs Kookie:  This all started on Thursday night.  Phil scored almost double predicted points when Tate snuck a TD in.  And Kookie?  Well, he didn't fair quite so well.  Nugent score half the projected points.  Dalton on the other hand scored almost the absolute value of what he was predicted.

Math humor!!

Sadly, things didn't get much better from here for Kookie.  Phil wins by an impressive almost 40 point margin, thus sliding Kookie that much further out of the playoffs.

Crutch vs Patrick:  This was an impressive game in that it really shows what becoming a dad does to your fantasy team.  I mean, Patrick, the one strong and powerful turned in a sad and lonely performance this week against Crutch.  Patrick's top scorer?  Matt Stafford.  I mean, just...  Then two sub 1 point performances by his starters really kinda killed any hope that he had to take this game home.  (Sadly, Patrick also hit line up Nirvana this week, what with this ridiculously tiny bench.)  Crutch, though under-performing, kind of won by default.

Crutch's victory speech.

Melanie vs Skoot:  What... the ... fuck.  Skoot decides that a switch hitter (see what I did there?) is better than a kicker.  Sorry.. That a still-on-the-commissioner-no-play-list switch hitter is better than a kicker.  Oh, and for good measure, let's just start an injured running back.  That will surely lead to victory!  And.. kinda it did.  Melanie kinda just played some people and lost spectacularly.  I mean, granted, she started everyone, but her team was shakey enough that she can now utter this completely unthinkable sentence "Why, o why, did I not start Isaiah Crowell??"

RA Dave vs Mike:  Bye bye bye

Six, count 'em, six players on bye in this game. Everyone on the bench was on BYE.  Mike even had to start Z Stacy, who Goose Egg'ed.  Now, to be fair RA Dave did start Terrance Williams, who also pulled in 0 points.  A few good points scores across the board...  Julius Thomas is back.  Somehow the Arizona D lit up St Louis more than expected... where did the crazy points come from?  Oh, there it is!  Marshawn Lynch went buck ass wild and pulled in an insane 35 points.  Well played, RA Dave, you just earned yourself a ticket to the centurian club. Mike, good on ya too for pulling in an impressive 91 points... You just earned entry into the Ben club for fantasy coaches who don't win even with massive numbers of points.

Ben vs McClennen:  Chris.  Dude.  Seriously.  Change up your players!!  K and D on bye?  come on now!  What do I always say?  K and D win games.  Granted, Ben delivered the beat down of the week (again) this week to you, so I wouldn't have mattered, but still.  And Ben.. don't think that we haven't noticed that you're just riding the Eagles D to the championship this year.  Just wait until next week when Sanchez can't stay on the field because he's going up a real D.  (Man, as a Carolina fan, it hurt to say that.)

Pictured above:  Ben more often than I care to admit this season.

Missy vs Terri:  Eesh, first versus last.  Yeah, this played out about as expected.  Well, as expected by everyone, except Yahoo!.  They estiamted that Terri would just barely eek out a victory against Missy.  As it turned out, Missy turned on the after burners to throw down a nearly 50 point victory.  This with 4 players turning in a grand total of 5.5 points.  That's... that's just uncanny.  Not that the number 1 player just barely got into the centurian club, but that she's not laying down the beat down of the week more often.

Why does Ben get all of the hate?  I humiliate people too!

Oh, and by the way...  I was totally serious about whipping Missy's ass this weekend.  So, if you're still in the running for the pick'ems league OR you just want a guaranteed win this week, then the smart money is to pick me this week.  Even with Missy taking more than a fifth of her overall moves this week to try to stop the Phil tide, I am still projected higher than she is.  Everything is lining up for me.  Missy's ungodly winning streak?

Well, this week, but you get the idea.

DFL 2014 Week 9: The week of the Daves

Well, geez...  this was a disappointing week. I mean, only two people even got close to hitting triple digits.  Now, granted those two hit the triple digits and just kept right on going... but for everyone else, the week came and ...

So congrats to Crutch and RA Dave... This was squarely your week.  With the massive points that you threw down, you both jumped up in the standings like 4 each.  Well done.  But I think that we're probably getting ahead of ourselves...

I know that I usually just skip the elimination league once a winner is crowned, but check this out:

Not only can you still make picks once the other teams are eliminated, but I'm still picking right!!  Man, I am so good at this game!  I know, I know... just try to control your enthusiasm...

OK, back on track... where were we? O, that's right...  Pick 'ems!  Looks like we've only got 4 people left still picking week to week. This week, RA Dave and Ben took the top spots at 4-2. Meanwhile, Phil and Mike both broke even at 3-3.  So, that means that Phil is barely hanging on up top at 34 picks, with Ben right on his heels at 32.  RA Dave a Mike are now tied at 29.  Shifting down a little, we've got a tight race for 5th place:  Crutch (at 26), Skoot (at 25), and Melanie (at 23).  Only 5 more games left in the regular season.  Looks like the pick 'ems are going to come down to the wire again.

Now, for the best of the best:  The DFL itself.  So, let's get to it!

Missy vs. Kookie.  ooh ooh ooh.. Looks like Missy *barely* got to 80 points this week!  She hasn't scored this low since week 2.  So, surely her winning streak comes to an end here.  Right, Kookie??  Sadly, no.  Missy rolls on.  Kookie, I think that Sir Chapman speaks for all of us:

Special shout out to Missy (pun fully intended):  Congrats on breaking your vow of silence in the smack talk this week.  I absolutely hope that we'll be hearing a cuss one of these days...

RA Dave vs McClennen.  Well, RA Dave resoundingly laid the smack down of the week this week.  Somehow, the DEFs in the game racked up 35+ points.  But really, the big difference was that Brady keeps showing his old form.  Almost 30 points, and that's how you bring the hammer down.

Crutch vs Skoot.  Yeah, this was the other big game of the week. In case you missed it, Crutch pciked up Tannehill, Robinson, and Hill on Friday, just to fill in players who were hurt.You might be asking who they are. That would be the guys who scored 27, 13, and 23 points respectively.  Just to make sure that we got this, let me say that again.  Crutch picked up about 65 points on Friday.  That's just... good on ya, sir!

Melanie vs Mike.  So, we go from the high to the low...  Although Melanie's D did go negative, Mike upped the ante and has his QB go *really* negative.  Like, just a hair away from double digit negative.  Coupling that with only one player hitting double digits, just make this a complete pain fest for Mike.  So, now,we can all call Melanie by her new nickname:  Pinhead.  (That's like Pinhead from Hellraiser, not pinhead from Bill O'Reilly.  Man, this election season needs to get out of my head.)

Phil vs. Patrick. And now we come to the closest game of the week. This game come down to Monday night:  Hilton vs. Bradshaw.  Lucky for me, Hilton stepped up and into the endzone to just barely pull the V to my side.

Ben vs. Terri.  Something must have been in the water at the G house this last weekend.  Terri's QB went negative as well.  Luckily, the rest of her team stepped up, to prevent an all out brutalization, but not enough to keep Ben firmly entrenched in 2nd place.  Oh, fun note about this game as well.  Both teams hit line up Nirvana because of the 6 players on the bench, 5 of them were on BYE and the other was out.

And that's about it.  Oh wait.. something broke today...  Hey, that's right!  AP pleaded to charges, which means that Goodell might lift his suspension.  So, with all of the rest that he's been getting, I'll have to keep my eyes firmly fixed on the waiver wire for...

WTF?  Oh, Skoot snagged him up.   At noon today.  In this league.  With *3* bench slots.  While the BYE weeks are still ravaging the line ups like reavers.  But Skoot thinks that he'll be worth the prospecting.  Now, I hope that AP stays out of the league for at least the rest of the season for a reason beyond the fact that he's a horrible person:  Just to screw with Skoot.    Gollum tell Skoot how we feel about him: