DFL 2013 Week 9: Game of the Week

Man... Looking around the league, this is going to be one hell of a week for BYEs.  There are 6 teams sitting this week.  (Don't worry though - last week and this week were the killer BYE weeks; it should get better from here on out.)  In fact in my charity league, we have a 4 man bench.  All of the guys on the bench for both teams are on BYE.  Dear lord, I hope that I hit line up nirvana on that one...

Anyway, there's a lot of gimpy choices out there this week for the featured game. I mean I finally get to lose to play Missy this week.  I've been looking forward to that since last season!  The only problem is that this game won't really make a huge change in the league, regardless of who wins.  You know what will be interesting?

Skoot versus Ben.  Skoot's sitting atop the league at first place with a bullet.  Ben, on the other hand has just about as many cumulative points as Skoot does, but is ranked *9* places below him.  Plus, Skoot seems to be going balls to the wall and playing his TE on BYE this week since we don't have enough roster spots to cover hi crazy BYE Week.

So, that's it. Game of the Week:  Skoot versus Ben.  I'm predicting 100+ points games for each of them, and Skoot winning by like half a point.  Cuz that's how Ben rolls.  This is how I predict the game will go:

Wait for it...

Good luck, Gents!

DFL 2013 Week 8: Time to burn this mofo down...

... and by mofo, I mean me.  Why?  Two back to back losses.  To Two back to back Gs.  Ripping me firmly out of first place and banishing me to a tawdry third.  Hey jerkfaces!  Remember when I said in my write up a few weeks ago that you should collude on something that mattered?  I sure as balls didn't mean to gang up on me and beat me like the soap scene in full metal jacket.

But Phil, I hear you say... It's just a game... surely beating you on the field doesn't warrant this much vitriol.  To you, I say "Have you not been reading my posts?  I am still carrying a grudge against someone who beat me fair and square 4 freaking years ago due to a missed field goal."  Plus, it wasn't just that I lost.  I lost when I should have won.  Twice. I was estimated at 15+ points higher both last week (against Mike) and this week (against Terri).  "But no problem," I said going into the game on Monday night.  "I'm up two points.  And I have Marshawn Lynch and Terri only has Golden Tate.  This one is in the bag."  Well, Tate took home 18 points (estimated at 6) and Lynch took home 2.  Two freaking points.

Then, as if all that wasn't enough, the Gs kept colluding to give perhaps the most beautiful and ill-begotten bragging to date in the league.   In the form of E-Cards.  From Mike:

And from Terri:

To you and your Redskin kin, I say:

and again:

As promised, I am calling shenanigans.  I'm calling it just as hard as I possibly can at this point. Shenanigans!  SHENANIGANS!  SHENANIGANS!!!

So,yeah... that's how the game of the week went.  Arrggg!!!

OK enough with the intro.  Let's into the real stuff.  Pick'ems to start!

Much better picking this week.  Skoot was this [ ] close to a bingo this week.  (Of course, Terri took that away from him.)  So, he went 5-1.  Mike G and I went 4-2, Crutch was dead even at 3-3.  Ben and Terri pissed their pants with 2-4.  On the other hand, RA Dave did outstanding at 2-4.  So, that leaves Crutch at the top of the heap, just two points above Ben and Mike G.  Skoot tied Phil at 4th place, followed by Terri and then Patrick.  RA Dave is threatening to get into double digit points here.  Right on, Chum!!

Elimination League... No real movement here.  Joy and Ben both chose San Fran, and Marie chose New Orleans.  No strikes this week!  (Man, are we going to see three people get into the double digit weeks?  It's turning out good!  Why couldn't I still be swinging in the ring here?  Oh right.  Cuz I put my faith in Philly and Atlanta.)

OK, down to the meat and potatoes...

The game of the week!  You know what? I think that we covered this pretty well already...Terri gave Phil a whoopin' against all odds.

Terri - you get the "You talkin' to me?  You talkin' to ME?" wrist holster for going buck wild and doing your ridiculous thing against all odds.

Phil gets the"Here it comes" award.  You know why?  After this week, I'm going super-saiyan:

Be forewarned....

Crutch pulls in the "You're a good man, charlie brown."  Even though Lucy still pulled the ball away before Crutch could kick it, at least he beat Mike G.

Mike G - Really?  You pull at 40 pints week this week?  After the throttling you handed out last week?  You get hash tag hell.  #ihateyousomuch #forrealsies #gosuckalemon

Skoot delivered the beat down of the week to RA Dave.  Damn, dude...  Even with three players not hitting 5 points, he still scored highest in the league this week.  (By a scant 0.01 points.  Maybe this partial points thing is cool after all.)  And with the win, he throws me out of first place as delicately as the Archangel Micheal (Michal) threw Lucifer out of heaven.  So, you get the Righteous Smite broadsword.

RA Dave takes the whoopin' like a man.  Not only did two of his starters goose eggs on him, but he also hit line up Nirvana.  There's not much more that I can say about that.  To console you in your time of pain, I award you the cutest little mascot ever:

Ben and Melanie played the most exciting game of the week, in that it was close and a hell of a lot of points were thrown down.

Ben gets the "It ain't easy being Ben" award for continuing on his head scratching journey through points this year.  He's scored the third most points and is in 10th place.  That shit is uncanny!

Melanie gets the "Balls, Pure Balls" pendant for starting Jared Cook over Jimmy Graham.  That would be the St Louis TE over the NO TE.  I mean, yeah, it worked out for her, but wow.  Balls.

Patrick takes home a win this week, delivered on a silver plate by Kookie.  So, you get a BYE win, essentially.

Kookie.  Dude.  You have more moves on your team than most of the league. How is your team still this shitty?  And I know, I know, you've moved.  But so did Melanie.  And she's rocking it this year.  Why can you be more like your wife?  Yeah, I went there.  And I'm not sorry.  (OK, maybe a little sorry...)

Wowie!  I'm just now seeing the Missy vs McClennen game.   This is also known as the sad, sorry little game.  4 starters goose egg'ed, neither QB saw above 5 points.. Just ewww all the way around...

Missy - you get the "Right on... that's the way to play!" trophy because I want you to keep up this style of play.  I'm playing you next week *waaaaay* short handed.  I've been wanting to beat you all  year, so if this is what you're putting up these days, I'd say that I've got a shot.

McClennen get the "Best Little Team Without a Move" award.  He's steering his ship without a single move this year.  O wait.... hold on.... OK, yeah. I just called him.  I never actually explained that you can change up your team.  So, that's on me, hoss.  Sorry about that!

Man, this write up had a lot of rage in it.  Let's end it on a happy note, shall we?  At the Manning household:

DFL 2013 Week 8: Game of the Week!

I'm probably not going to be able to get to a Game of the Week every week, but last week I dug it because it gave me another game to get excited about.  Hoping that it might do the same this week, I've decided to throw down another game of the week.  So as not to appear as Eminem, I'll keep things brief:

So, this week's game of the week is Terri vs Phil.  Two top teams going head to head is enough to generate excitement, but here's a few more interesting nuggets:

• If Terri wins this game, she could slip into first place (depending on how well Skoot does this week.
• If Terri wins the game, then Phil will be on the longest G losing streak known to the league (that would be back to back G beat downs for those keeping track).
• If Phil wins the game, then the longest current winning streak of the league comes to an end.
• If there is a tie, then y'all can suck it with your partial points.

Terri's started strong, throwing down 25 points on Thursday night.  So, Phil's got some catching up to do.  Stay tuned!!

DFL 2013 Week 7: Why doesn't Toledo have a professional football team?

Because then Cleveland would want one too...

Will Browns jokes ever get old?  I think not!

All levity aside, we're here to talk about football!  (And pseudo-football (and picking pseudo-football (and picking real football (man, I hope that a LISP interpreter isn't reading this right now (or else it might get confused (what with the level of ( ) that I'm using (and hoping to close properly).  Was that it?) (Yeah, probably.)))))  So, let's get into it.

Another fairly low scoring week this week.  Only two people hitting 90 points this week.  And of them only one (and the more girly one at that) saw into triple digits.  (That would be Patrick and Skoot, with the latter getting over 100.)  But luckily,we had a game of the week to look forward to. And that was a slugfest!  In that it felt like the victor was just brutally beating on the loser without any trace of remorse.  But more on that later.

Elimination league... Another 3 different teams picked and another week without any strikes given out....  Interesting.  I think that the latest that we've ever gotten with the elimination was week 10.  That's coming up hella-soon.  (As a side note, I should really start to label special posts.  Like "Last Elimination Week" or "Lowest Score"... It'll make things easier to find in the future.)  Though it should be noted that Marie deserves an honorary strike here because she *thought* that she picked New England.  And with the ridiculous ending to *that* game, it wuld have been awesome had someone been eliminated there.  I guess that I'll take a false positive.  So, all y'all keep with the picking.  Because if this ends in a tie, I think that everyone's going to be sad...

Don't make blobfish sad.  Only one winner in the elimination league

Now we come to perhaps the saddest of all:  Pick'em league.  Collectively we pissed our pants this week.  It makes for a very sad panda.

Think that I'm hyperbolizing?  Nah, son.  The highest pick here were the Gs who both went 3-3.  That was the best that we had gentlemen.  Skoot and Phil pulled in 2-4.  And Crutch and Ben led the way with 1-5.  Coincidentally, Crutch and Ben are sitting top of the stack.  Mike G jumped up to third place and Terri G clawed her way into a 5th place tie with Skoot.  Yes, I did hope that y'all sucked in your picks.  But man!  This was embarrassing!  So, I hope that you call all do this again next week, which will give me an opening to sneak back into medal contention.

Finally, we head into the league proper.  Before we get into the games, let's just pause a moment a look at where things are, about halfway into the season.  First off, nobody has given up.  And, looking at some of the teams, that would be hella-easy to do at this point. (*cough* Kookie *cough*)  But, looking where we are, it's actually a fairly tight season.  Nobody is undefeated.  Going strictly by record, there is a three way tie for first place and a *four* way tie for fourth place.  Oh, and there is only a one game difference in the two of these position.  What else?  Well, of the four top teams, *three* of them didn't even make the play offs last year.  So, big things a'happenin'!

We'll start off with the GAME OF THE WEEK: Kookie versus Missy.  I think that it was fair to say that we all had high hopes going into this game.  Kookie could break his 6 game losing streak.  Missy could be handed a nasty loss.  It's win win!  Nobody would be sad about this.  Except that Missy won.  OK, technically she did precisely what she was slated for.  Kookie lost.  And Manning came *this* close to hitting double digits.  Against a team that still hasn't pulled in a victory  

Missy is presented with the precision award for conitnuing her pattern of Winning one week and losing the next.

Kookie gets the Anakin Skywalker memorial award for doing his best, and failing spectacularly.  YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE.  IT WAS SAID THAT YOU'D DESTROY THE SITH (that is, get one measly win), NOT JOIN THEM (that is, get beaten like a hooker in any Grand Theft Auto Game).  Next week, man.  Next week....

Next we turn to Terri versus McClennnen.  Terri administered the beatdown of the week by raking up a 55+ point win against McClennen.

Terri pulls in the "Heck Yeah!  Denver finally lost and KC is still undefeated" pennant.  Yeah, that's right, ladies and gentlemen.  Manning the Greater might have to play until the end of the season.  True, Terri is happy.  But you know who is happier?  Andy "I'll turn on my mad skills once I leave Philly" Reid (head coach of the Chiefs:

"Oh Yeah!!"

McClennen on the other hand, takes home the Pain... All Pain trophy this week.  If I can remind you all, he had the last team that was undefeated a scant month ago.  Now, he continues the downward slide.  Dare I say, he was derailed?  And I don't get it either.  I mean he's got a solid line up.Brady, Marshall, Witten, Nelson, Walsh?  Not a single one of them broke 6 points.  

Tightest game of the week this week is Patrick Versus Ben. 3 points.  That's as close as this one came.

Ben pulls in the ROMO!!!!! groan of frustration for Romo being Romo.  Fairly solid performance from his team, except for Jerkface McGee there....

Patrick gets the Evil Monkey Bobblehead this week.  Why is that?  Well, his QB lit up the field by connecting with a dude who takes his nickname from the third evilest villian in all of literature (First being Iago from Othello, Second being Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs, third being Megatron from Transformers, and fourth being Swiper from Dora The Explorer) and secondly, Patrick lit up the scoreboard by starting the Dallas Defense against the Eagles.  For shame, Patrick.  For Shame....

Ever wonder to yourself "How much purple could we possibly get in a DFL game?"  Well, wonder no more...  RA Dave vs Melanie solved that right quick.

RA Dave gets the Jimmy JJ Walker from The Guvyer Live Action Movie key chain for "Just doin' his job."  Came close to his projection, no ridiculousity on points one way or the other.  

Melanie gets the When You Wish Upon a Star, It Make No Difference Who You Are (except if you're Melanie.  In which case screw you) Award.  Going into Monday night's game, Each team had 1 player left.  The score was within 5 points.  RA Dave was play some third string no name WR.  Melanie had Adrien FREAKING Peterson.  Shouldn't be a problem....  Yeah, noname scored more points and lost the game for Melanie.  Arrg!!!

The clash of the titans this week was Crutch vs. Skoot. Both coming in with a 4-2 record.  Second place versus third.  Both hungry to climb to first place.

Crutch takes home the Hugh Jackman's TWO SIDES! award.  Half his team performed admirably.  Exceeding expectations, double digiting.  The other half... well, it was nice when anyone broke the 3 point barrier.

Skoot, on the other hand, pulls in the "Luckiest Sum Bitch Alive" rabbit's foot for having Drew "Prints My Own Points" Brees on bye this week and picking up Andy "Look My Hair Matches My Uniform" Dalton to fill his stead.  And what happens?  Dalton has a banner day, racking up over 25 points.  Man....  This is why nobody likes you, Skoot.

And finally, in the upset of the week, Mike G takes down your humble narrator and commissioner.  It's the upset of the week in that it upset me greatly and I'm still pissed about it.  I can't be too too surprised about it though. I actually did my calculations on the game and picked Mike to win.  Then I said "Nah.... look at that spread.  I'm invincible!"  Pride cometh before the fall and all, I reckon.

Mike G pulls in the "Poke the bear" medallion for talking smack after the game.  Then, promising a beat down by his wife the next week.  I'm so sorry about the beating I'm going to have to administer next week, Terri.  Just remember, I would prefer to beat your husband, but he put you up as a shield....

Phil will quietly take home the I should have used Windex award for starting the streakiest players in the game.  Davis, Garcon, and Jackson.... I mean, Come on!!!!

(Yeah, I could have gone with Dexy's Midnight Runners for that link, but we don't have anyone names Eileen in this league...)

Testing, testing... un deux trois

Woah.. I had to Google how to spell 1 2 3 in French.  I'm not sure that I've ever seen them in text before. What a downright silly language!

 Anyways, I just hooked up my blogger account to my G+ account and I wanted to test out the tagging feature.  So, that's probably why you are getting notified of this blog post.  Not much to see here.  But thanks for being part of this grand experiment that we call life.  Also, the unimpressive experiment that we find ourselves in now.

+Scott Belgrave
+Ben Parees
+Kenn Kubacki
+Joy Rau

Well, now.  Let's post this and head over to see G+, shall we?  See what happens there.

Now, I feel bad, lack of content wise.  Hmmm... Here's a gif that shows a chain being made:

I could watch this all day... but I won't... well, maybe just a little longer...

DFL 2013 Week 7: Game of the Week: KVM

I usually don't do these preview write ups, but I just noticed something.  Kookie is playing Missy this week.  So, as Skoot rightly pointed out, it's KVM!  (Keyboard, Video, Mouse, if you're a nerd like half the league, Kookie versus Missy otherwise.)

I'm just going to say this.  Because Missy continuously rips the rug out from under my feet (read:  is superior in virtually all areas of fantasy football) and Kookie has a shot at this one, I'm making this matchup the GAME OF THE WEEK.  (And just to let you know, I'm currently reading Game of Thrones, so there's a hell of a lot of competition for game of the week.  Though the rules are a little less defined in GoT.  It seems to involve a lot of killing and incest though...)

So, Kookie, I think that I speak for everyone when I say (through the late, great Leslie Nielsen):

DFL 2013 Week 6: Scoring is optional

Well, we're in week 6 and the pain keeps coming.  I mean, did you see the scores this week?  Half the league didn't even hit 70 points!!  I think that Rob Ryan kinda sums up this week for all of us:

Well, *most* of us.  Patrick and Phil, who were the only ones to cross into 100+ points territory can substitute this instead:

Yeah, jerkfaces.  That's how this is going down this week.  I get a win or two under my belt and I become all gloaty.  Deal with it.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's start at the ever-increasingly ignored section.  That is to say, our elimination league.  Ben, Joy, and Marie all picked different teams this week (Yay!), but they all picked successfully (Boo!).  Good luck, folks!  Just remember that you'll bring great disgrace upon your houses should you lose at this point.

Next up... Pick'ems.  Only 5 picks this week.  Crutch and Skoot topping the charts at 5-1 each.  Ben and Phil pulling in 4-2 each.  And Mike G pulling up the rear with 3-3.  (Note:  Mike G gets bonus points this week for going to the Ren Faire with a hella-awesome goatee.  This points can be redeemed at your local Wawa.  Just tell 'em Phil sent ya!)  So, Crutch wrestles his way back into first place (unopposed), Ben at #2, Mike at Phil tied for #4, and Skoot just behind them.  But really, all the way down at #6 could theoretically jump to first place this week.  Keep up those picks. (Unless your in first or second place.  In which case, oh look, a bunny!.)

Time to get down to brass tacks though.head to head match ups.

First up:  Battle of the Epic Quartersbacks (who are not Peyton Manning):  Phil (with Rodgers) versus Skoot (with Brees).  Well... both QBs kinda Vick'ed it up this week.  (And by that, I mean there were high expectations that they did not live up.  Not that they ran dog fights.  Never forget.  Nothing but love for Foles...)

Phil pulls in - WR is a bullshit position trophy for starting 17 points worth of WRs (3 WRs, BTW) and having 30 points of WR on the bench (that would be 2 WR).  Way to pick Phil.

Skoot gets the Phil was right, but o so wrong diadem for having his K and DEF be the top scorers on the filed, but still manangin to lose by over 40 points.  (Dayum!  Close to beat down of the week!  Beat down of the weak, maybe?)

Next:  The We Are United in Our Mediocrity Bowl:  Crutch versus Melanie.

Just not a lot going on in this game.  Probably the most notable thing about this was sitting on the bench.  Melanie's bench. In the form of Cam Newton.  Mr Fig here scored almost half of each of the team's starters.  Can't blame Melanie on this one though... I mean when you've got a QB going up against the G Men and Newton?  You start the other QB.  Just bad luck, I reckon...

Crutch gets the "Ugh....I need a BYE week" medal for only getting two of his players into double digits.  And nobody on his team hitting 15 points...

Melanie gets the (ironically) Golden Crutch for having not one but two players goose eggs due to game day injuries and still winning.  One day, you'll need to teach us all, Melanie.

I'm particularly excited by the next game:  The Movie Bowl!!  (RA Dave vs. Patrick)

Lots of potential here.... Given the points total this week,I was totally expecting an upset.  And here is what we got:

So, congratulations to Michael "Patrick" Phelps on giving the beat down of the week this week.

Patrick pulls in the "How the hell am I only in 8th place" award for playing well, well, well above his level this week.

RA Dave... man.  It's just... I dunno man.  Not much I can really tell you. I mean, even with line up Nirvana, you wouldn't have gotten anywhere in this game.  Though, since Monday, you have taken a step in the right direction.  I mean, you did fill that empty slot on your roster.  Though, Im not sure that you can turn your season around from the waiver wire.  Maybe it's time for... dare I say it... a trade?

In the "Woah!!  This is the week!!  Higher Projected Points for Kookie" game, Ben denied even the meagerest of dreams by whooping Kookie soundly.  But how?  Only two people hit double digits... O wait.  Would that be a 32 point game?  From a freaking defense?  Well, shit, that must be the best DEF in the league!  Maybe KC or Seattle?  No?  ST LOUIS????  Well, then.

So, Ben will be taking home the Ridiculous Nonsense Rabbit foot for winning when he had no Earthly reason to do so.

Kookie... Man, this was your week.  If you can't even beat Ben,then you might being danger of enjoying a win -free season. Plenty of time to turn this one around... Maybe by ditching that 200 pounds of dead meat that you call a QB?  Do you know who is a better QB than Manning the lesser this year?  Nick Foles.  Who has started 1 game this year.  (Free agent, BTW)  Who else?  Jake Locker.  I know, who?  That would be the no name QB from Tennessee... who, BTW has been out since the second half of week 4. Joe Flacco.  (I have no insults to levy against him, as Joe Flacco is just about as bad as anything else that I can think of.)  I'm just sayin'...

What I thought was going to be the closet game of the week narrowly avoided being the beat down of the week.  McClennen whooped up on Mike G without mercy here.

McClennen takes home the Patience medallion.  He's just waiting for Brady to turn it around.  I would say that maybe with Gronk coming back this week, it's gonna happen, but I dunno...  I'm thinking that the Pats are just a lost call this season.

Mike G... I am stunned into silence.  I am still trying to fathom what happened this week.  Every freaking single one of your players took a knee this week.  No.. that's not enough..  They dug a hole, and knelt down on it.  All of his players (except for the Seattle DEF) completely missing their projections.  And that includes the dude who was projected at 0.09 points.  Here's hoping that all of your top notch players just decided to take this week off and they'll be back next week....

The Lady Bowl this week saw Terri slugging it out with Missy.  Man, pretty much nobody hit their projections this week.  Just .. blah.  I mean, when even Peyton Manning is held under 12 points, you know that it's a crummy week....

Man... the only real notable thing about this game is that I'm the only one who voted for Missy, and of course she lost.  Just to mess with me.  Thanks, Missy.

Terri, you take this.  It's the It's still Good trophy for Manning the greater. After the first few weeks, I never thought that he'd be so close to a single digit game.  Maybe he's just tired and his season is over?  A man can hope...

Missy gets the Keeping up with the Joneses award for starting the wrong Jones (James, instead of Maurice).

This week... I dunno.  Just hard to find individual things to gripe about when everything just nosedives into the ground so hard...  Next week, man.  Next week will be better.  (Right, Ben???)


Bonus:

For Patrick:

DFL 2013 Week 5: What is happening???

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone.  In week 4 you might recall that we were in normal happy land.  QB scored points, people played well, and things made sense.  Then, I'd say somewhere around Tuesday shit started to go insane.

What am I talking about?  Well, to start off with, there was the first trade of the season AND it was fairly high powered:  Romo for Moreno.  (As a side note, I was feeling pretty guilty about this.  I sold Ben on the trade by calling him Tony FUN GUY Romo... I thought that my Jedi mind trick worked, but more on that later...)  Then good people played shitty. Shitty people played well....  I mean long story short... Ben is the only one who hit triple digits this week.  And the next closest barely cracked 90 points.  And we don't even have second string refs to blame it on this week!  Harumph!!!

Anyway, enough bitching about crazy things.  On to bitching about new and exciting stuff.  What kind of stuff?  Well, let's start with the elimination league. Of the 6 people remaining, 4 took a strike.  (See above about crazy week.)  Who didn't take a strike?  Joy and Marie.  Who both chose St Louis.  WTF?  The Rams??? Looking at the distribution of picks overall, 0.1% of people chose them to win.  That would be the lowest team picked overall.  And they freaking called it.  Ben decided to handicap himself and not make a pick this week.  The rest of us (Patrick, Skoot, and Phil) took a strike by betting on Atlanta.  Personally,I violated my rule of never counting on Thursday, Sunday, or Monday night football.  (National stage causes some players to excel and others to crumble like a stack of cards... so, you're rolling the bones when you count on these games....)  But I didn't want to pick the top pick because that's who Ben picks every week (and I wanted to differentiate myself from him) and the spread was like 8 points.  Thank you very much, Monday Night Fuckball.  (Yeah, that's right, I said it.  Monday Night Fuckball.)  So, with these strikes, Skoot, Patrick, and I are eliminated.

And yes, I've spent way too much time on the elimination league, but it needed to be said.  You know what also needs to be said?  Elimination league is stupid and bullshit.  (And yes, I will keep saying that until the year that I win it.)  Good luck to the remaining contestants:  Joy, Marie, and Ben.

And since the dander is already up about the crazy week last week, I'm gonna steer into it.  You ready for it, Dandelion?

Me too... let's get into it.

How about the pick'ems?  Yeah... crazy, stabby 'a doin's a'transpirin' here too...  Like three times last week, I thought "Oh,I need to make my pick 'em picks soon!"  Can't do it too early though, because some of you animals don't set your line up until the last minute.  The first time that I remembered where I was near a computer was at 8:45 on Thursday night.  Yes, that would be about 3 minutes into the first game of the week.  So, I was cut off.  Oh well, no big deal.  It's not like anyone bingo'ed at all this year.  Well, this week was the week of bingos.  Ben and Skoot both went 6-0 this week.  Crutch and Terri went 5-1, Mike G went 4-2 and the lowest of the week (for those picking) was Patrick at 3-3.  So, that means that I fell from 1st place to 6th freaking place in one week.  I guess that's the cool thing about the pick'em league being so close this year.  It's anyone's game!  But this does mean that I'm going to have to bingo a few weeks in a row here, just to catch up.  Dammit.  Right now, Ben and Crutch at the top of the heap with 20 points each. Next,  Patrick and Terri are tied at 18.  Keep those picks coming!  (Well, everyone except for the 5 bastards in front of me. Y'all can take a week off!)

Now, on to the meat and potatoes!  One last crazy pic before we get there though:

(Bonus points, if you know who that is and how he fits into the theme.  I don't even think that I would know, unless I looked it up specifically.)

Melanie gets the Saddle Up, Cowboy award this week for riding Adrian Peterson to victory so far this year.  Sadly, when he had a BYE, the rest of the team just kinda shut down.  Especially Cam Newton.  I mean, when you can say "Man, I really wish that I had started Jay Cutler this week,  I would have gotten over 24 points higher", well, you know that you had a shitty week.

Phil, on the other hand, get the Grass can't possibly be greener on the other side of the trade mantle of shame this week. Sure, Moreno more than doubled his projection, but Phil lost the 40+ points that FUCKING Romo put down.

Crutch takes home both the victory this week, as well as the "I can have a shit bench too!" crown for having all of 1.64 points on his bench this week.

Patrick has the Crap luck of the week token handed to him.  Calvin Johnson being benched at the last moment, killed Stafford, who is on Patrick's team.  Only one of his players hit double digits.  Most notably, he played the losing defense in the 5th highest scoring game in NFL history.  Just not in the cards for you  this, week, man.

Ben, along with delivering the beatdown of the week of 68 points, racked up the highest point totally this week.  Mostly because Tony FUCKING Romo was emulating Manning the Greater and pulled down 38 points.  Though another 4 players on the team turned in double digit games.  (Two of them almost hit  20 points!)  No award for you this week, but you do get this:

RA Dave...  Ugh it sucks when the best that you could possibly do is to lose with dignity.  Sadly, you didn't even get close.  Ben pulled down your pants, and spanked you.  Hard.  You left 20 points or so on the bench, but you still would have received the beat down of the week.  Sorry, man.  Your award this week is comfort food and suicide watch.  So, go ahead!  Make new friends!

Skoot and McClennen take home the Taco taco this week.

Both of these fellows started a player that didn't play.  (OK granted, Skoot played Johnson, who was only sat at noon on Sunday, but my way is better.)

Mike G takes home a crushing loss to Missy AND the pain of a NE smack down.  Normally, A team with starters such as Michael Vick and the injured Stevan Ridley wouldn't even think of losing.  Right? But this week, Brady was shut out (for the first time in 50 some odd games), so that means three of Mike's starters we also kept out of the endzone.  Diversify, people!

And you get ... uh... I dunno.  Like a muffin or something.  Like a loser's muffin. Yeah.  I'm happy with that.   Eat your loser muffin, Sir.

On the other side of the field, Missy pulls in a victory.  Pretty ho-hum game, except for the Giants DEF.  Solid pick when they are going up against the Eagles, but somehow they found a way to mess it up.  Ouch.  I'll say it now.. maybe we should all just drop all of the G-men from our teams.  They just... they just can't get it together this year.

You know what? You two can share a Golden Kicker award this week.  Kickers were the highest scorers on both team and made up about 30% of the overall points in the game.  Normally,I'd say that this was crazy, but that;s just the kind of week that we are having, aren't we?

Terri gets the Steve Irwin Memorial Thumb up his butt award.  Pretty much she rode Manning the Greater to victory this week.  Manning got almost half the overall points, Tate pulled in 11 points.  Everyone else?  just pooh'ed the bed.  Keep riding, Terri... I'm sure that he won't be pulled at the end of the season....

Kookie gets the Hey, Gimme a break!  I'm still unpacking and getting used to the new job plaque.  On one hand, not having enough time to tinker with the line up netted him almost 20 points from Jackson (finally).  On another, more real hand, he had two slots open and another 4 who didn't even score 5 points.  Moreover, he left 30 points, and the overall victory on the bench.

Like I said, crazy ass week.  Let's hope that we can get back closer to normal in week 6.

DFL 2013 Week 4: A week so big, the government shut down!

Huzzah.  Did y'all watch the games this week?  Not the NFL games, silly.  The real games... The DFL games.  Cuz that shit was tight yo.  Tell 'em Skinny Pete:

Skinny Pete, just finishing his doctoral dissertation on racial stereotypes and speech patterns, is not happy about the previous comment.

Man, what an icy reception!

Eesh... get off the Breaking Bad... OK OK, notes taken.

Anyways, big week this week in terms of games. D&D party members playing, G vs G, and two unwinning teams go head to head.  Man, if there ever was a week to do a preview, this was the week.  But we don't do those sorts of backdoor shenanigans.  You know why?  Cuz I'm lazy, and that's just how it is....

Elimination League!  Man, strikes were handed out like candy this week!  There were 8 people still standing going into this week, and 5 of them got strikes.  RA Dave and Melanie both took strikes by not making a pick, thus ending their season.  Then, The Bengals figured out a way to lose in Clevland, but I'm mostly giving the Kookies credit for that.  (Congrats, btw.)  That handed a strike to both Joy and Marie (the ladies who left us for greener leagues this year), leaving them with one strike a piece.  Finally, the beatifully named Wimbledicks, headed by our own Skoot took a strike by putting his trust in Flacco.  So, that means that Ben is the only one left flawless.  Sadly, I think that this means that pretty much everyone in the league *is* thinking about this too much except for Ben.  Trust your instincts, fellas.  Put the targeting computer away.

Moving on to Pick'em.  It's at the point in the season that I can start to feel a little comfortable with the pick'ems.  Well, usually....Even though I am still the top place in pick 'em, it's a hella tight race.  Crutch and Patrick are tied for second... Wait.. What the hell???  Patrick is actually participating this year???  And he's got the highest pick percentage for anyone who picked more than 1 (I'm looking at you, Missy - and using your only pick all season to have Skoot win... AND against yourself nonetheless.  Hmmm... maybe this was collusion?)... what is happening?  Maybe the pick'ems are going to be just as tight as they were last year.   The big take away this week is that Patrick and Crutch both went 5-1 (by picking against me - for shame!), Ben peed his pants by going 1-5, and everyone correctly picked Skoot to win in his game.  Still time to get in and start swinging if you haven't started yet!

And now, for the big game of the week.  The G Bowl (though listening to the salty smack talk coming from these two sailors, one may well have taken the gutter and named this game something else that started with G...):  Mike G versus Terri G.  Tuco, how would you describe this game?

(OK seriously, that's the last Breaking Bad pic that I'll throw at you... but come on... what a hell of a show!)

The final score came down to less than 3 points.  Mike G has a solid performance from everyone on his team (except for Moss - he was shut out).Terri, on the other hand had hills and valleys. Manning, and Ten DEF put up crazy number.  Vinatieri and Thompkims both exceeded expectations.  Everyone else pretty much crapped their pants for 60 minutes.

So, the IkeTurner award goes to you, Mike for beating your wife.  Terri - you get the Tina Turner award for taking the beating, even though you are vastly better than your hubby.  In all things.

Next up, Beat down of the week goes to Skoot for delivering an almost 70 point walloping to Missy this week.

Skoot pulls in the "aaaahhhh... wire" necklace for his team being so electric.  And if you get that reference, then I am assuming that you're enjoying the accompanying pictures in the write up this week as well.

Missy - Congratulations.  We get it.  You like Green Bay.  You get the discount double check stupid ass hip thrust thing that Rodgers does.  On the plus side, upcoming BYE weeks won't be too bad...

McClennen continues the downward slide....  For giving it his all, he get the "EVERYONE!!!" award, sponsored by Gary Oldman from the Professional.  McClennen didn't leave a single point on the bench this week (which I don't think that I've seen before).  Cheers.

Melanie is just this close to line up Nirvana and did it while picking up her life and moving to a new state.  Good on ya, Melanie.  You get the "Why can't Kookie be more like you?" pennant.

And speaking of Kookie...  He and RA Dave went head to head this week.  So, *someone* had to win.  I couldn't get a sponsor for this game, so let's just describe it thusly:

Yeah, I'm happy with that description of how ya'll played.  (The highest scoring player in the game was KC DEF.  Eeesh.)

RA Dave - you get the match ups win games! award for pulling Kookie this week.  3rd lowest score,but you did play the worst score of the week, so you got the W.  Yay!

Kookie, Kookie, Kookie.  I can't give you too hard of a time this week.  New house, new town, new job, home repairs, etc.  So, in full disclosure, I tried to help with his line up (with Kookie's permission of course).  Even with my brilliant coordination, he only pulled in 59 points.  Wow.  I have no award for your team this week, but I do have this:

Enjoy it... it's really the best that I can do....

Crutch had a bold move of starting Phil Rivers this week. Every time that someone puts faith in Rivers, he seems to drop the ball.  And I'm not talking about it metaphorically.  So, You get the "Enjoy it while you can, Farva, cuz it ain't gonna last" medallion.

Ben, who went up against Crutch this week gets the "Who needs a QB anyways?  I started my *good* one this week and only pulled in 0.11 points." award.  (Yeah, I know, that one got *really* specific.  I had to give it out when I got the opportunity.)  I feel for you, Ben.  You really should have won the game, but somehow a 37 year old Tight End pulled in the second highest number of points in the game.

Phil  gets the "You Hypocritical Piece of Shit" plunger for picking up Tony FUCKING Romo this week to fill in for Rodger's BYE week.But come on!  He was going up against the Chargers AND he was like the #5 ranked QB overall.  How could I ignore that on the waiver wire??

Last and certainly not least is Patrick. He barely lost to me this week....Pretty much did everything right.  Except for still relying on his Italian Stallion.  (And really, dude... Giovani Bernard is about as Italian as Donovan McNabb is Irish.)  Give Giovani a few weeks, he'll be back to form.  But last week's bullshit really wore him out.