DFL 2018 Week 4: Embrace the New Normal

I'm not going to complain.  I'm not going to get worried.  I'm just going to accept everything as the new normal.

Namaste, fuckers.

What's weird this week?  We'll go in bullet form:

• Gruden got his first win.
• There were *3* games that went into over time.
• The Redskins (can I still say that?  The Washington team) are top of their division.
• The Falcons are at the bottom of theirs.
• There's still a team who hasn't pulled in a win yet.
• AND IT'S NOT THE BROWNS.
• Or the Bills for that matter...

But hey, if this can be the mascot of a professional team, then I guess that I can be OK with the way the NFL is rolling these days:

He's a national treasure and you know it.

So, let's pop the champagne and get things going.  Gritty, if you please.

 (Or maybe I should have gone with this?  

I dunno...)

Elimination League!  Yeah, pretty much everyone left went crazy conservative this week.  Josh and Phil picked the Chargers, and McClennen picked the Jags.  Even though LA made it a little close, all picks were correct this week, and no strikes given out.  

(As a side note:  Come on guys!  We are all going to metal.  No need to prove anything any more.  Just take strikes and let me enjoy the gold.)

Pick 'ems.  Finally, Ben's random pick bullshit bites him in the ass!  I think that we can all rejoice in this.

Phil goes 5-1 (Dammit, Mike.  I really could have used another bingo here). Ben, Mike, Terri, and Crutch go 3-3.  Josh pulls up the rear with a sad, lonely 2-4.  So, here's where we stand:

Phil: 18-6

Ben:  15-9

Mike:  13-11

Terri:  11-13

Crutch:  11-13

Josh:  11-13

So yeah... it's still a pretty tight race.

And now... on to the games!

Patrick (104.10) vs. Mike (48.33).  Remember last week when Mike got the top score AND delivered the beat down of the week?  What a difference a week makes!!  Patrick got top score and Mike got bottom score.  Now, did didn't help that Mike had 3 players on BYE, but on the flip side, they are all Redskins.  Patrick, on the other hand, had EVERYTHING go right.  Most of his players hit triple digits, even his D got close.  Pretty much the game looked like this, the whole way through:

Seriously, Patrick. Settle down, it's going to be a long season!

With this cornucopia of points, Patrick easily has the most points scored in the league.  Still not in first place, but points-wise, he is.

Phil (98.58) vs Skoot (66.56).  This one started out terrible for Skoot, as he started the Minnestoa defense against the Rams.  They were projected to go negative and oh boy did they!!!  Ryan went off the hook, and the rest of his team did fine.  Sadly (actually no, forget that.  *Gladly*), Phil's team did really well across the board.  Except for his TE.  And for those of you keeping score.  Phil's had two starting TEs this year, and they are both injured now.  I'm not going to show you the injury since feet aren't meant to go that way, but needless to say, this was pretty much everyone's resaction:

Crutch (84.60) vs. Josh (68.25).  The. Game. To. Watch.  Yeah, I probably should have said that before the games actually happened to, you know, hype the game a little.  However, the last two undefeated teams went at it this week, and... Crutch pulled in the victory on Monday night.  Fitzpatrick has been going off the hook and there was no reason for Crutch to bench him.  Sadly, he went belly up, and went negative.  Luckily for Crutch, he had so many other players hit double digits that it didn't matter... Josh, on the other hand...  Bunch of double digits games, but not nearly as impressively.  Gordon continued to live above his Christian name, but the Cleveland D just shit the bed.  As always, never put your trust in Cleveland.

I don't want to kick a team when it's down, but really?  Is this the
best that you can do?

Unfortunately for Josh, this rips him from 1st place to 4th.

Terri (81.15) vs. Steve (75.99).  What happens this week to Stephen?  He starts Goff.  So, going into the sunday game, he's up 35 points.  Slam dun, right?  Nope!  Terri was so hungry for the first win of her season that somehow she inspired Flacco and Tate to be better than they have any right to be.  I think that her speech was something along the lines of "Pretend like you're not you."  Great coahing, Terri.  As for Stephen... rough start man... lots of games left, but man your players are hot and cold and nothing in between!!!

Remember when Katy Perry was still relevant?  Well I'm bringing her back!

D (74.78) vs. Ben (68.85).  You remember at the beginning of the season when Yahoo! predicted that Ben wouldn't win a game all season?  Well, this week he got his third loss in a row, but looking at his team, I don't know why.  Mahomes is hot.  Bryant is hot, Jones had a great game...  Shit, even his shitty TE on a shitty team hit double digits.  But here comes D somehow nullifying all of those great performances with Stafford (Geez, that's two in a row for him - maybe Stafford's getting hot again?), Lindsay, Erts... all putting in solid performances.  So, well done, D.  Keep it up and maybe you can finish above .500 on your following to your gold year.  Ben, man......

I mean, like.... good luck, I guess?

Kyle (56.88) vs. McClennen (53.98).  Man, o man... this game....I mean... it's over.  So, we've got that going for us.  Kyle pulled out the win, mostly on the backs of Luck and Brown.  Wait - what?  Luck had a 25+ point game?  When that shit happens, there's just not much that you can say... so I won't.  McClennen, man... Just some bad luck here.  Parker is benched at the last minute, The Vikings go crazy on your D.  But hey, when you're in last place the only place to go is up.

And one final thought:  Mike, you didn't play two TEs this week.  WTF?

And I know that one of them was on BYE, but maybe pick up another TE
next time that happens?  Good luck charm and all..

DFL 2017 Week 4: Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

Well, here we are...  4 weeks in. The NFL seems to be actively flipping off all of our best prognosticators and for what? 

Pictured above:  The NFL.

Yeah, I'm a day late in the write up.  But it took a little while for me to wrap my head around things.   Yup.  That's right.  The good times are finally over.  Not only did my undefeated record get killed.  It did so by less than a point.  To freaking Skoot of all people.  I mean - really.

It's OK.  You can admit to it.  We're all feeling sad this week.

Really, I think that the only way that we, as a league can heal from this is to rise up and beat down the only undefeated team still remaining.  That's right.  It's time to initiate a total beat down of Ben.

I mean, really, how great would this feel?

And lest you think that I'm just being petulant here, I would like to point out that I *lost* this week getting an A as a weekly grade.  Ben won last week with a grade of F.  What do we think of that, Jeff?

Thanks, buddy.  I knew that you had my back...

OK I'm probably getting a little ahead of myself.  Let's take a look at the elimination league....

IT's properly named this week, as lots of strikes were handed out.  Ben and Josh took a strike because somehow Buffalo rose up against Atlanta, Marie took a strike by picking Jacksonville over the Jets.  (And lemme just say, kudos to Cudoc here.  That's ballsy trying to get a win with the Jags, even if it is against the Jets.) And last by not least, RA Dave took a strike by not picking.  Wait.  Did RA Dave AND Marie take a strike last week after I specifically called them out?  Do I have magic powers of making things happen through force of will?

Eh, worth a try...

Anyways, that means that Josh joins the "free time through no longer picking" club.  Welcome,sir!  That also puts all of the remaining players (Ben, RA Dave, Mike, Terri, Marie, and Patrick) at one strike each, going into probably the hardest week to pick that I've ever seen. 

I mean, seriously.  Take a look at the match ups.  We might just end this season
next week...

Pick 'ems....   Tightly clustered picks this week.  Josh was the lowest going 2-4, while Ben and Patrick both pulled in a respectable 4-2.  Phil, Mike, Terri, and Crutch all went even stevens at 3-3.  So, that leaves us looking like this:

Phil:  16
Ben:  12
Josh:  11
Patrick:  9
Mike:  8
Terri:  8
Crutch:  4

And once again, we have a sweep upset.  Every single of the picks went to McClennen over Kyle.  And every single one of those picks were wrong. So, that means that every week one team has been totally voted against and that team totally wins.  Or to put it another way:

Not entirely unexpectedly, McClennen has gotten this honor half
of the weeks so far...

But now, ;et's get to the meat and potatoes, shall we?  We'll go from top to bottom here:

Ben vs D.  Well, this game was predicted close and supposed to go the other way.  Nevertheless, Ben, for some reason, started Eli Manning.

I mean, well done, Ben.  But that's an insane move that somehow paid off...  With three other players kicking in double digit games, not only did Ben keep his record perfect, but he also administered the beat down of the week.  Well done, you magnificent bastard...

Skoot vs. Phil.  This was the only game where both teams exceeded expectations.  Sadly, Skoot exceeded just a bit more than I did and he walked away with a margin of victory of just under 0.75 points.  Though lemme just say this, Skoot.  With Gurley and Bell on your team, you really should have better than a 2-2 record.  Especially since 1 of those wins was kinda stolen...

Kerry vs. Terri.  OK, we all knew that this week would come and that that rhyming of the match up would just be too much.  So, let's all just chuckle to get it out of our systems.

OK we all good?  We all good. 

Big QB Games here.  BIG games.  Unfortunately for Terri, that's about the only player on her team to show up.  Kerry had two other double digit players, including her D, which outscored all of Terri's players.  For some strange reason, Kerry benched Cutler this week.  I mean look at his raw athleticism as he lines up at the bottom of the screen for this wildcat play:

Cutler describes himself as nailing this play.  No, really.

Patrick vs. Mike.  Patrick dominated this game.  Zeke is finally getting back to form, AJ Green knocked it out of the park, and the other Elliot is showing that he's pretty much got a golden leg.  Well done, Patrick.  Oddly in this game, neither actually started a QB.  Yes, the slot was filled, but combined the QBs scored less than 5.  The other news coming out of this game is that we still have our only other perfect team.  Mike is still siting winless.  To commemorate this, he has aptly changed his team name from IWILLWINEventually to Iwon'twinagain.  (And the real kicker here is that every benched player save one scored double digits this week.)  Damn, Mike...

Do you, like, need a hug, man?  Terri - you're on deck.

Josh vs. Crutch.  Josh dominated this game.  And I say that as derisively as I can.  I mean, Josh only threw down 63 points.  Crutch, on the other hand.... Dude I have no idea what is going on here.  On paper you should be kicking some ass.  But really, this is kinda how your season is going:

Yes,I know that this is arena football, but that's about where
Crutch is right now...

McClennen vs. Kyle.  With a whopping winning score of 55 points, you've gotta know that there was some serious under performing going on here.  Kyle is still going all in with the Pats, and when they have a bad week, he has a bad week.  And McClennen... well,I think that he is just happy to play.  Some people might think that these two teams are no longer in contention.  However, they arrogantly can respond:

So good luck heading into next week, chums!  Looking at the BYEs and the schedules, I think that we're all going to need some luck to get through...

DFL 2016 Week 4: All Hail to the King Baby!

(Before we get into it, I just wanted to make mention that I have changed drop waivers from 2 days to 1 day.  I haven't any clue how Yahoo! calculates the days, but currently (with 2 day waivers) has any moves made on Wednesday open up again on Saturday.  Again, I don't really get it, but at least now the drops should open up on Friday.  Still not in time for the Thursday night game, but it's something...)

Guess who's back, baby.  Go ahead... guess.  I'm me, monkeyfighters!!!!

Pictured above:  How I've been entering everywhere that I go since Sunday night.

What's that?  0-3 start?  Oh, I guess Phil has finally run out of steam?  I guess that we can write Phil off this year.  Well, let's just check the scoreboard this week, shall we?  Oh shit!  Phil won his game.  Oh shit, Phil administered the beat down of the week.  Oh shit, PHIL GOT THE MOST OVERALL POINTS THIS WEEK AND THE ONLY ONE TO HIT TRIPLE DIGITS.

That especially is for Skoot, of course...

Yeah, feeling pretty good here at the top of Awesome Mountain.  One last thought before we get into the nitty gritty:

OK... We good?  Well, we'll get BACK to that delightful topic in just a bit, but for now, let's talk turkey.

Not exactly the image that I was going for, but so much better than I was imagining....

Big week this week in the elimination league.  Patrick, Kookie, and McClennen all took strikes this week (the former two with Arizona, and the latter with Detroit).  That means that we have to say goodbye to both Chrises this week.  So long, fellas!  It has been great!  Well, not great, but it definitely was.  So, there you go.

Although, it's probably worth mentioning a disturbing trend amongst picks this year:

Yeah... almost half of the strikes handed out thus far have been from Arizona.  Followed very closely by Detroit. It's almost like those two teams are terrible this year.  I'm just waiting for someone to have the balls to pick Cleveland.  

Pick'ems!  As exciting as the elimination league is, this was a little bit of a disappointment.  I mean, not from my performance.  I picked perfectly this week.... what do you call that?

Oh, that's right.  Thanks, Cal!

Everyone else who picked (RA Dave, Terri and Mike) all went 4-2.  Everyone else?  Come on now.  Still got 12 weeks left.  Plenty of time to make some picks!

So, that leaves us like this:
1) Terri (16 picks)
2) Phil (14 picks)
3) RA Dave (13 picks)
4) Mike (12 picks)
5) Skoot (8 picks)
6) Ben (6 picks)

So, not a lot of competition this year.  If you wanted a trophy but don't know the path of least resistance, this might be the contest for you this year.  :)

And now for the games:

Phil vs Terri:  Yeah, we talked about this one a bit..  but it's probably worth talking about again because, well, I'm the author.  Not to belabor the point, but do you see why I did so well this year?  I've finally got my TE to break the 0 point barrier.  That's right, Gronk pulled in an astounding 0.94 points this week.  The lesson of course is that I dominate when my TE performs.  Guess that puts to rest any debate about TEs.  AMIRITEGUYS?  AS for Terri... what can I say?  The entire team just imploded. I mean, these weren't fantastitic defenses that her players were going up against (Chicago, Miami, LA).  The stars just aligned, but like in a bad way.  This game rocketed Phil up to 8th place and threw Terri down to dead last.

Crutch vs Mike:  Mike maintains his death grip on his undefeated season this week by crushing Crutch.  Though don't get too confident, Mike.  There are bigt cracks starting to show:  Brees is remembering his age, and Jackson and Forte went belly up after a stellar start to the season.  So stay on your toes...  Crutch, man, come on.  Palmer?  Still?  And Green Bay Def isn't going ot do much good to you, should that be on BYE.

Kookie vs Ben, aka the bitter about the league rules bowl.  The other undefeated team, Kookie, stays in control again this week with a win over Ben.  That is to say, Kookie started Ryan and then the rest of his team climbed onto his back and rode him to victory.  Ben, man... Just a bad week, sir. I mean, who could have thought that I would say "Well, LeSean McCoy was your top scorer BY FAR" and be serious about it?  eesh!

RA Dave vs McClennen.  AFter a rough start McClennen is turning it on.  WAY surpassing his projections, McClennen pulled in the second most points this week.  Nice job!  Sadly, RA Dave had some problems...   KC just got whooped by PIT, and Cam got knocked out with a concussion.  The big question, of course, is whether he'll be ready to play next week.  Believe you me, I'm hoping so!

Melanie vs Patrick.  Well, this was the closest game of the week at an  point difference.  The biggest surprise here is te fact that Derek Carr pulled in almost 30 points.   I mean, not for nothing, but that's actually one of the bigger surprises anywhere in the league this week.  Well done! On the flip side,  Melanie started Bortles, who is impressing me  more and more these days.  Outside ofthe QBs the biggest story is really Fuller... who score almost 19 points.  And I know what you're all thinking:  Who the hell is Fuller?  Well,I haven't a clue, and it's too late to go looking it up now.  Patrick - how did you know to start this little gem?

Skoot vs Missy:  Yeah, this was defeinitely a battle for who could score less... Combined the QBs scored 6 points.  Missy started a DEF on BYE.  Shit... even Skoot's Bell couldn't be bothered to rack up more than 13 points.  Soo.. that is what a #10 team versus a #11 team game looks like....

Anyways, time to prep for next week.  Get on that waiver, ladies and gentlemen!  I'll see you in week 5!

DFL 2014 Week 4: Sure, Why Not? Make It a Month of Pain....

So, here we are again...  Another week.  Another complete Charlie Foxtrot on the field.  However, I did have the forethought to set up a camera to capture my reactions during the past month.  Wanna see?  Too Bad:

This is me... The ... entire ... month ... of ... September.  (OK technically,
 Rafi from The League, but who's counting?)

Ughh....as shitty of a week as it was for me, I can take solace in the fact that this was a *really* solid week of football.  Yes, I'm the only 0-4 team left.  BUT! There's only one 4-0 Team left!  (Congratulations, Missy.)  Yes, I received the beatdown of the week (again).  BUT!  There were three games withing 4 points of each other.  Yes, I took some chances and pretty much NONE of them worked out.  BUT!  Geez, you know what?  This week wasn't all that good come to think of it.  Forget good football!  I wanna win a few games here and there!!

Just one thing holding me back....

And before we get into the nitty gritty, I just wanted to pause and point out that we actually have a bell curve of records in the league at this moment.  Well played, boys and girls!  Well played indeed!

OK now to get serious...  Elimination League! Only one strike handed out this week.  And that was to Crutch who picked Pittsburgh over Tampa Bay.  And it was so close to paying off, too!  Only a small field goal separated you from a strike!  Sadly, Tampa Bay successfully kicked both that field goal *and* Crutch square in the nuts.  A policy I fully recommend.  I picked Indy and the rest of you jackholes all picked The Chargers.

Shhh.. Smart money says that most of you jerks pick New Orleans next week.
Jokes' on you though; Brees is on my team and that doesn't guarantee
a win.  Like, at all.

And here comes the pick'ems....  Ben was the high man this week going 5-1.  Melanie, Crutch, and Phil all went 4-2.  From here, we decend nicely:  RA Dave (3-3), Skoot (2-4), Mike (1-5), and finally Terri (doing her best RA Dave impression at 0-1 for some reason).  Geez.. there are a lot of people in contention this year.  How about this... Everyone take the next two weeks off and let me catch up?  Actually, with the way that I've been picking, better make that three.

And let's get to it... *Lots* of good match ups this week.  In fact, if I had time I would have written up a quick preview of all of the sweet-ass match ups!! (Sweet ass-matchups?)  We'll shoe horn it back in there, with the bowl names though...

Well???  How did that Draft Trade Work Out??  Bowl:  Phil vs. Ben.  I'll tell you how it worked out.  Fuckig horrible!!!  OK that's not strictly true...  My two first round draft picks were the only ones who went double digits.  But that still wasn't enough to fend off the slaughter that Ben had planned.  As predicted the QB playing me went gangbusters.  Sadly, that means that his WR, also on Ben's team, did just as well.  Oh, and why not throw in some DeMarco Murray going bananas as well?  Was there anyone else worth mentioning... who could it be? O, that's right!  The Eagles D!  So, that normally would fill me with pride, but the Eagles couldn't score a single Offensive point.  So, that means that the 2 defensive TDs (pick-6 and fumble recovery), combined with the punt return, AND the 4 sacks, just added up to a sad Phil

Battle of the Unblemished:  Melanie versus Missy.  Two undefeated teams face off... always good to see.  Always.  Obviously, Tony Romo was the lesser of the two starting QBs... but WTF??  He still scored 24 points??  And the Defenses also threw down 15+ points each.    (Funny story, the Miami defense laid such a smack down on the Raiders that the Oakland head coach was fired.  I'm pretty sure that the firing conversation went something along the lines of  "The Dolphins??"  "Yeah, I know, but -" "No, no. The fucking Dolphins??"  "I -"  "You know that you're fired, right?"  "Only seems fair.")  Outside of that, Antonio Brown was Antonio Brown, of course. And surprisingly, Lamar Miller was *also* Antonio Brown, only moreso.  The game was within 2 points.  So, Missy might have walked away with the unblemished record, but Melanie still has the most points in the league.  (Except for Ben.  But Ben is way down in 6th place... screw him.)  Do I smell a rivalry brewing?

The Dammit, Skoot! Bowl:  Mimke versus Skoot.  Another game that ended within 3 points of each other.  And you know what would have put Skoot over the top?  Putting in players.  Seriously, I know that the bench is tight this year, but I'm not sure that holding on to Moreno is really going to pay off in droves...  Find *some* Defense and you would have taken this game.  (And given me an extra in pick 'ems.)  Still, the game was within 3 points, and Mike walks away with his first win of the season. I would congratulate you, but that makes me sad.

The Can't Lower Expectations Low Enough Bowl:  McClennnen versus Patrick. So, McClennen started 3 (count 'em 3!) players on BYE week this week.  Sadly, they weren't his low scorers this week.  That sad distinction went to New England on Monday night who replaced their defense with Folgers.  Let's see if anyone notices.  We noticed.  We were not impressed.  On the flip side, Patrick just had to not screw things up, especially considering that his bench was jammed with BYE week fellows too.  And those are just the sorts of conditions in which Stafford shines. 20 points later Patrick easily pulls in a win here.

The Middle of the Pack Bowl:  Crutch versus RA Dave.  What happens when a middle of the league 1-2 team takes on another middle of the league 1-2 team?  Well, you sure don't get nationally televised, that's for sur.  On RA Dave's team, Cousins came crashing down, and Maclin.... well, he was on the Eagles O on Sunday, so we all know how that turned out.... Lacy, Hopkins, Williams, and Crosby all hit double digits (barely), so it wasn't an all out slaughter.  Even with the albatross that was the Panthers' D, Crutch still managed to snag a victory with Ryan almost getting to 20 points, and Charles going buck wild at 26 points.  Again though... 4 of the 6 bench players were on BYE.  This small bench is tearing us apart, Lisa!!!!

The Chattiest Chat Game in all the League:  Terri versus Kookie.  So, Kookie decided to pick up Joe Flacco.  And he pulled down 25+ points and the win for Kookie.  Here's a pic of Flacco after the game:

Nah, just kidding, Joe never gets this emotional.

Frank Gore, Nick Novak, and Steve Smith Sr also tore it up this week for Kookie, barely putting a win in Kookie's column.  On the other side, Solid game for pretty much all of Terri's players.  Blair Walsh was the only one to blow the lid off.  Sadly, the victory could have been Terri's had not Jackson been shut out this week...

And lest I forget.. Don't forget...  This week coming up??  Yes, that's right! It's National beat down week is upon us!  So, please join me in whoopin the ever loving hell out of your opponent this week.  Who am I playing?  Who could it be?  Oh, that's right. It's Terri!!  I have been looking forward to the smack that I will administer since the draft!  Can't wait!  Don't forget to set your line ups, everyone.  But especially you, Skoot and McClennen.

Oh.. And check it out.  This is the 100th post on this blog.  I think that a little celebration is in order:

Man...I need to start watching adult shows again...

DFL 2013 Week 4: A week so big, the government shut down!

Huzzah.  Did y'all watch the games this week?  Not the NFL games, silly.  The real games... The DFL games.  Cuz that shit was tight yo.  Tell 'em Skinny Pete:

Skinny Pete, just finishing his doctoral dissertation on racial stereotypes and speech patterns, is not happy about the previous comment.

Man, what an icy reception!

Eesh... get off the Breaking Bad... OK OK, notes taken.

Anyways, big week this week in terms of games. D&D party members playing, G vs G, and two unwinning teams go head to head.  Man, if there ever was a week to do a preview, this was the week.  But we don't do those sorts of backdoor shenanigans.  You know why?  Cuz I'm lazy, and that's just how it is....

Elimination League!  Man, strikes were handed out like candy this week!  There were 8 people still standing going into this week, and 5 of them got strikes.  RA Dave and Melanie both took strikes by not making a pick, thus ending their season.  Then, The Bengals figured out a way to lose in Clevland, but I'm mostly giving the Kookies credit for that.  (Congrats, btw.)  That handed a strike to both Joy and Marie (the ladies who left us for greener leagues this year), leaving them with one strike a piece.  Finally, the beatifully named Wimbledicks, headed by our own Skoot took a strike by putting his trust in Flacco.  So, that means that Ben is the only one left flawless.  Sadly, I think that this means that pretty much everyone in the league *is* thinking about this too much except for Ben.  Trust your instincts, fellas.  Put the targeting computer away.

Moving on to Pick'em.  It's at the point in the season that I can start to feel a little comfortable with the pick'ems.  Well, usually....Even though I am still the top place in pick 'em, it's a hella tight race.  Crutch and Patrick are tied for second... Wait.. What the hell???  Patrick is actually participating this year???  And he's got the highest pick percentage for anyone who picked more than 1 (I'm looking at you, Missy - and using your only pick all season to have Skoot win... AND against yourself nonetheless.  Hmmm... maybe this was collusion?)... what is happening?  Maybe the pick'ems are going to be just as tight as they were last year.   The big take away this week is that Patrick and Crutch both went 5-1 (by picking against me - for shame!), Ben peed his pants by going 1-5, and everyone correctly picked Skoot to win in his game.  Still time to get in and start swinging if you haven't started yet!

And now, for the big game of the week.  The G Bowl (though listening to the salty smack talk coming from these two sailors, one may well have taken the gutter and named this game something else that started with G...):  Mike G versus Terri G.  Tuco, how would you describe this game?

(OK seriously, that's the last Breaking Bad pic that I'll throw at you... but come on... what a hell of a show!)

The final score came down to less than 3 points.  Mike G has a solid performance from everyone on his team (except for Moss - he was shut out).Terri, on the other hand had hills and valleys. Manning, and Ten DEF put up crazy number.  Vinatieri and Thompkims both exceeded expectations.  Everyone else pretty much crapped their pants for 60 minutes.

So, the IkeTurner award goes to you, Mike for beating your wife.  Terri - you get the Tina Turner award for taking the beating, even though you are vastly better than your hubby.  In all things.

Next up, Beat down of the week goes to Skoot for delivering an almost 70 point walloping to Missy this week.

Skoot pulls in the "aaaahhhh... wire" necklace for his team being so electric.  And if you get that reference, then I am assuming that you're enjoying the accompanying pictures in the write up this week as well.

Missy - Congratulations.  We get it.  You like Green Bay.  You get the discount double check stupid ass hip thrust thing that Rodgers does.  On the plus side, upcoming BYE weeks won't be too bad...

McClennen continues the downward slide....  For giving it his all, he get the "EVERYONE!!!" award, sponsored by Gary Oldman from the Professional.  McClennen didn't leave a single point on the bench this week (which I don't think that I've seen before).  Cheers.

Melanie is just this close to line up Nirvana and did it while picking up her life and moving to a new state.  Good on ya, Melanie.  You get the "Why can't Kookie be more like you?" pennant.

And speaking of Kookie...  He and RA Dave went head to head this week.  So, *someone* had to win.  I couldn't get a sponsor for this game, so let's just describe it thusly:

Yeah, I'm happy with that description of how ya'll played.  (The highest scoring player in the game was KC DEF.  Eeesh.)

RA Dave - you get the match ups win games! award for pulling Kookie this week.  3rd lowest score,but you did play the worst score of the week, so you got the W.  Yay!

Kookie, Kookie, Kookie.  I can't give you too hard of a time this week.  New house, new town, new job, home repairs, etc.  So, in full disclosure, I tried to help with his line up (with Kookie's permission of course).  Even with my brilliant coordination, he only pulled in 59 points.  Wow.  I have no award for your team this week, but I do have this:

Enjoy it... it's really the best that I can do....

Crutch had a bold move of starting Phil Rivers this week. Every time that someone puts faith in Rivers, he seems to drop the ball.  And I'm not talking about it metaphorically.  So, You get the "Enjoy it while you can, Farva, cuz it ain't gonna last" medallion.

Ben, who went up against Crutch this week gets the "Who needs a QB anyways?  I started my *good* one this week and only pulled in 0.11 points." award.  (Yeah, I know, that one got *really* specific.  I had to give it out when I got the opportunity.)  I feel for you, Ben.  You really should have won the game, but somehow a 37 year old Tight End pulled in the second highest number of points in the game.

Phil  gets the "You Hypocritical Piece of Shit" plunger for picking up Tony FUCKING Romo this week to fill in for Rodger's BYE week.But come on!  He was going up against the Chargers AND he was like the #5 ranked QB overall.  How could I ignore that on the waiver wire??

Last and certainly not least is Patrick. He barely lost to me this week....Pretty much did everything right.  Except for still relying on his Italian Stallion.  (And really, dude... Giovani Bernard is about as Italian as Donovan McNabb is Irish.)  Give Giovani a few weeks, he'll be back to form.  But last week's bullshit really wore him out.

DFL 2012: Week 4: Better late than never!

So, it's Thursday and I'm betting all y'all thought that you weren't getting a write up this week, huh? Bet you thought that old Phil was dropping the ball already?  Well, I'm no NoName McPeePeePants.  I'm here, and there's no freaking way that I was missing this week's write up.  Really good games going down this week.  So, let's get to it.

But before we jump way into things, I'm just getting over a cold this week.  So, some of my snark might not be all that effective.  So, like so many great (read:  mediocre at best) men before me, I'm going to delegate out the work.  May I present to you, QB smack talk:

http://imgur.com/a/9H0Hv

(And here's a lipmus test.  For you newbies to the league.  You might not have gotten all of the jokes, but did you get more than you would have last year at this time?  If so, congratulations.  You are *tearing* it up!)

Now, really on to the good stuff.

First up, the elimination league.  Nobody took a strike this last week.  But, probably worth mentioning that all four remaining players picked different teams.  also, probably worth mentioning that all 4 remaining players picked different teams in week 5 as well.  Good luck to Phil, Joy, Skoot, and Ben.  However, mostly good luck to me.

Next, the pick 'ems.  I'll throw this out there: What the hell??  Not only did Kookie go 6-0 this week, but he jumped from third place all the way up to #1.  Meanwhile, with my bed pissing from last week, I went 5-1 and still landed in 3rd place...  But, All in all a good week across the board.  The lowest pick was 4-2.  Still pretty tight.  Plenty of time for some upsets this season.

And finally, let's take a look at what we're all here for.  OK, all of us except for Kookie. I think that he's just here for the free ass kickings.  Anyways, most of us are here for the DFL proper.  So, here we go!!!

First off, holy good gracious.  What a hell of a week!  *All* of the victors jumped into the 100 point club.  O wait... Did we miss one?  Geez, Patrick missed the 100 points club by just two points.  Boy howdy!  Sadly, I can't really give him too much shiza since he's currently sitting at the top of the standings.  Followd by Melanie, RA Dave and Mike G.  Wait.. What the hell, cruel fates??  I mean Kookie, Skoot, and Ben are right at the bottom of the league where they should be, but these four up top?  Certainly a tight league to be sure this year, but really?  Those are our best?  I'm ashamed enough for all of us...

(And fun fact:  Outside of Patrick, the rest of the top three lost in week 1.  Since this is the last time that I can conceivably use this excuse, I'm going to blame the replacement refs for this weird top of the league.  So, hopefully things should be righted by month's end.... We shall see.)

Now, let's start with the beat down of the week: Phil vs Skoot.  It all started on Thursday night when our Flex spot decided to tie, making that game more worthless than yo mama.  (Daaaaaaaaamn!!!)  Then, after that  Skoot's team just quietly collapsed. One didn't start another only got a quarter of the points that he was slated for.  Granted, Smith only was projected at 4.  But still...ouch.  So, for getting slaughtered so spectacularly  I present Skoot with the Custer's Last Stand Award.

I present to Phil the Defenses Win Games Trophy, for having my Defense score as much as my next two players combined.  

Kookie this week gets the Generic Windex Knock Off crown of shame for having two of the streakiest receivers in the game and sadly benching the wrong one.  Steve Smith is the best WR that the Panthers have.  Sadly, he's really the only one that they have too. So, that means that he's also the one who gets double covered.  And seriouly Marque Colston....  22 points against GB in GB??  Kookie a fair choice, but what a choice.  I hope that you have the same luck this week while playing me...

Patrick, on the other hand, gets the PieTaster's Girl Take it Easy Award.  Sure he could have have a higher score with line up Nirvana.  Sure, he could have tweaked things here and there.  But fuggit.  He's winning and he doesn't care.  Good for you, Mr. Boss Man.

In the Upset of the week bowl, Melanie whooped up in Ben.  Oddly, most people, but not Yahoo, called this one right.  

Melanie gets the Phil Sponsored Better Late Than Never medallion for sticking with Brees and Charles, who, though not doing horridly, certainly have taken their sweet ass time warming up this year.  

Ben, Ben, Ben.... It looks like you're going to be having another one of those years.  But on the plus side, you can take solace in the fact that you're not Kookie.  And I'm not just limiting this to Fantasy Football.  There are a lot of good reasons not be Kookie.  So, the best that I can come up with this week for you is the John Edwards (idiot psychic guy, not idiot politics guy) Award for You Probably Should Have Seen It Coming. This is for picking up a Detroit QB and then being surprised that he's falling flat on his face...  

Bonus Award for Ben this week though...  Ben texted me halfway through the Sunday game saying "I want to to punch whoever does the ff score predictions"  Bad grammar aside, brilliantly deadpan delivery of his frustrations.  Though, on a sad sidenote, Ben wouldn't have even come close to Melanie, even with lineup Nirvana.

And speaking of line up Nirvana, RA Dave hit it out of the part this week.  With three players (two of them elite) on BYE this week, RA Dave had one hell of a hill to climb.  Not only did he climb the hill, but he also kicked it ass all the way home.  So, I'm proud to present the Double Digit Across the Board award to RA Dave for perfection this week.

Terri snags the Class Warfare medal for having a distinct set of Haves and Have Nots in her starting line up.  Her first four players scored 17, 17, 14, and 12.  Then, her next 4 players scored 0, 3, 8, and 4.  Eesh. Keep your Che Guerava shirts at the ready, Mrs. G.  

Joy gets the Crazed like a Mad Dog award for haveing two players score over 20 points this week and another just miss that mark.  In fact, she could have pinned another 11 point to her already impressive score had she ignored Yahoo! and played the Ari Def instead of GB DEF.  I know... blasphemy, but the "Play whoever's DEFENSE is going to be playing Miami" rule definitely comes into play here.

Meanwhile Crutch snagged the Bill O'Reilly Fuck it!  I'll do it myself!! placard for having both of his QBs bring in almost 50 points and the rest of his team barely  making that much...

Finally, the biggest game of the week was with Mike G and Missy.  Lemme just say Shazaam!!  

Mike G just pulled down both Joy and Terri's awards this week, but bigger.  3 players over 20 points, another 2 on the heels of that stat... and then 3 players who don't hit 5 points each.  Shit, Bironas, get it together, man.

Missy  takes home two awards this week:

1 - Talk Up, Child award for being quietest in the league *again*.  that takes Talent.  RA Dave is in the league this year and he's talking more smack than you.  That's saying something.  In the entire time that I knew RA Dave at Penn State, he said like 25 words to me.  And you are losing to that? Come on, Missy.  You're better than that.  And by that I mean Dave.

2 - Time To Look at the Waiver Wire drumstick.  Solid, Solid starters.  But your middle folks could use a looking over.  Pick up a few players that average more than 5 points a game and you'll be sitting in butter.

OK that's it for me tonight... I wonder how the game is coming so far this week...  Yay Kicker!  Twice as many points as Kookie's RB!  Kick ass!!!