DFL 2013 Week 6: Scoring is optional

Well, we're in week 6 and the pain keeps coming.  I mean, did you see the scores this week?  Half the league didn't even hit 70 points!!  I think that Rob Ryan kinda sums up this week for all of us:

Well, *most* of us.  Patrick and Phil, who were the only ones to cross into 100+ points territory can substitute this instead:

Yeah, jerkfaces.  That's how this is going down this week.  I get a win or two under my belt and I become all gloaty.  Deal with it.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's start at the ever-increasingly ignored section.  That is to say, our elimination league.  Ben, Joy, and Marie all picked different teams this week (Yay!), but they all picked successfully (Boo!).  Good luck, folks!  Just remember that you'll bring great disgrace upon your houses should you lose at this point.

Next up... Pick'ems.  Only 5 picks this week.  Crutch and Skoot topping the charts at 5-1 each.  Ben and Phil pulling in 4-2 each.  And Mike G pulling up the rear with 3-3.  (Note:  Mike G gets bonus points this week for going to the Ren Faire with a hella-awesome goatee.  This points can be redeemed at your local Wawa.  Just tell 'em Phil sent ya!)  So, Crutch wrestles his way back into first place (unopposed), Ben at #2, Mike at Phil tied for #4, and Skoot just behind them.  But really, all the way down at #6 could theoretically jump to first place this week.  Keep up those picks. (Unless your in first or second place.  In which case, oh look, a bunny!.)

Time to get down to brass tacks though.head to head match ups.

First up:  Battle of the Epic Quartersbacks (who are not Peyton Manning):  Phil (with Rodgers) versus Skoot (with Brees).  Well... both QBs kinda Vick'ed it up this week.  (And by that, I mean there were high expectations that they did not live up.  Not that they ran dog fights.  Never forget.  Nothing but love for Foles...)

Phil pulls in - WR is a bullshit position trophy for starting 17 points worth of WRs (3 WRs, BTW) and having 30 points of WR on the bench (that would be 2 WR).  Way to pick Phil.

Skoot gets the Phil was right, but o so wrong diadem for having his K and DEF be the top scorers on the filed, but still manangin to lose by over 40 points.  (Dayum!  Close to beat down of the week!  Beat down of the weak, maybe?)

Next:  The We Are United in Our Mediocrity Bowl:  Crutch versus Melanie.

Just not a lot going on in this game.  Probably the most notable thing about this was sitting on the bench.  Melanie's bench. In the form of Cam Newton.  Mr Fig here scored almost half of each of the team's starters.  Can't blame Melanie on this one though... I mean when you've got a QB going up against the G Men and Newton?  You start the other QB.  Just bad luck, I reckon...

Crutch gets the "Ugh....I need a BYE week" medal for only getting two of his players into double digits.  And nobody on his team hitting 15 points...

Melanie gets the (ironically) Golden Crutch for having not one but two players goose eggs due to game day injuries and still winning.  One day, you'll need to teach us all, Melanie.

I'm particularly excited by the next game:  The Movie Bowl!!  (RA Dave vs. Patrick)

Lots of potential here.... Given the points total this week,I was totally expecting an upset.  And here is what we got:

So, congratulations to Michael "Patrick" Phelps on giving the beat down of the week this week.

Patrick pulls in the "How the hell am I only in 8th place" award for playing well, well, well above his level this week.

RA Dave... man.  It's just... I dunno man.  Not much I can really tell you. I mean, even with line up Nirvana, you wouldn't have gotten anywhere in this game.  Though, since Monday, you have taken a step in the right direction.  I mean, you did fill that empty slot on your roster.  Though, Im not sure that you can turn your season around from the waiver wire.  Maybe it's time for... dare I say it... a trade?

In the "Woah!!  This is the week!!  Higher Projected Points for Kookie" game, Ben denied even the meagerest of dreams by whooping Kookie soundly.  But how?  Only two people hit double digits... O wait.  Would that be a 32 point game?  From a freaking defense?  Well, shit, that must be the best DEF in the league!  Maybe KC or Seattle?  No?  ST LOUIS????  Well, then.

So, Ben will be taking home the Ridiculous Nonsense Rabbit foot for winning when he had no Earthly reason to do so.

Kookie... Man, this was your week.  If you can't even beat Ben,then you might being danger of enjoying a win -free season. Plenty of time to turn this one around... Maybe by ditching that 200 pounds of dead meat that you call a QB?  Do you know who is a better QB than Manning the lesser this year?  Nick Foles.  Who has started 1 game this year.  (Free agent, BTW)  Who else?  Jake Locker.  I know, who?  That would be the no name QB from Tennessee... who, BTW has been out since the second half of week 4. Joe Flacco.  (I have no insults to levy against him, as Joe Flacco is just about as bad as anything else that I can think of.)  I'm just sayin'...

What I thought was going to be the closet game of the week narrowly avoided being the beat down of the week.  McClennen whooped up on Mike G without mercy here.

McClennen takes home the Patience medallion.  He's just waiting for Brady to turn it around.  I would say that maybe with Gronk coming back this week, it's gonna happen, but I dunno...  I'm thinking that the Pats are just a lost call this season.

Mike G... I am stunned into silence.  I am still trying to fathom what happened this week.  Every freaking single one of your players took a knee this week.  No.. that's not enough..  They dug a hole, and knelt down on it.  All of his players (except for the Seattle DEF) completely missing their projections.  And that includes the dude who was projected at 0.09 points.  Here's hoping that all of your top notch players just decided to take this week off and they'll be back next week....

The Lady Bowl this week saw Terri slugging it out with Missy.  Man, pretty much nobody hit their projections this week.  Just .. blah.  I mean, when even Peyton Manning is held under 12 points, you know that it's a crummy week....

Man... the only real notable thing about this game is that I'm the only one who voted for Missy, and of course she lost.  Just to mess with me.  Thanks, Missy.

Terri, you take this.  It's the It's still Good trophy for Manning the greater. After the first few weeks, I never thought that he'd be so close to a single digit game.  Maybe he's just tired and his season is over?  A man can hope...

Missy gets the Keeping up with the Joneses award for starting the wrong Jones (James, instead of Maurice).

This week... I dunno.  Just hard to find individual things to gripe about when everything just nosedives into the ground so hard...  Next week, man.  Next week will be better.  (Right, Ben???)


Bonus:

For Patrick: