DFL 2018: Locked and loaded (and only a week late)!

OK people... Week 1 is officially in the books, but don't hold that against me.  We had our draft less than 24 hours before the season kicked off.  It's on all y'alls busy schedules.  I'm just saying....

I was going to add the Game of Thrones shaming, but giphy and blogger don't mix well.

So, now I'm backed up a bit. I've got the post draft write up and the Week 1 write up (I mean, did you see the games, I totally can't let this week slide!  Stay tuned!!!) done ASAP.  Oh, and there's apparently a Category 5 Hurricane barring down on us which will rob us of our bread, milk, water, gasoline, and humanity if the stock of the stores is anything to go by.

Tell 'em Ollie!

So, this'll be a shorter than usual blog.  Well, it's probably going to be. I usually get started and then kinda meander around until I fall asleep at my keyboard.

Yeah, that's kinda my writing style.  I mean we're already 3 images in and still not even hardly
a mention of the DFL.

OK enough dicking around, let's get down to business!

Here was the draft order this year, for posterity's sake:

1. Skoot  (WE ARE Sayquads!)
2. Mike (MrSmithGoesToDC)
3. McClennnen (Autodraft)
4. Terri (I Ran-FlaccoSeagulls)
5. Patrick (Hooken on a Thielen)
6. Phil (Philly Philly!)
7. Stephen (Fournette Me Now)
8. Kyle (Cosby's Sleepers)
9. Ben (RegressionToTheMean)
10. Josh (1 Gurley 1 Kupp)
11. Crutch (The Final Touchdown)
12. D. (Dracula's BloodBitch, which I choose to read as "Dracula's Blood, BITCH!" as if Jesse Pinkman was saying the team name.)

And just for fun, here's how the first three rounds went:

I'm betting at the end of the season, there will be a few people looking back and thinking "Why?  WHY did I use my early picks on this trash????"*cough* *cough*  D with Hopkins *cough* *cough*)

And for what it's worth, here's what Yahoo! thought of our picks:

As a side note, for those of you that don't know, we actually did a pretty thorough deep dive on on how much these grades are actually worth and we determined (down to 2 decimal place accuracy) that Yahoo!'s grades are worth exactly Jack and Shit.

Side note, putting Skoot down at second to last place AND predicting that Ben won't win a single game all year *does* seem pretty much spot on.  But then they had to put Crutch up top and everything just goes to stupid.  So, there you go.

And as a super bonus, this year we had 0 auto drafts.  Yay!

Now, nobody to blame but yourselves....

And now what none of you have been waiting for.  My personal rankings of team names this year.

12) Dracula's BloodBitch (D).  I'm not sure if this is a reference to something or what.  Even with Jesse's voice in my head, this just doesn't make the cut.

11) FUAutodraft (McClennen).  The sentiment rings true.  McClennen has autodrafted the last few years, and it has not gone well for him.  Frustration aside, there were just too many good puns this year for this to get any higher than 11.

10) I Ran-FlaccoSeagulls (Terri).  I get that Flock Of Seagulls sang a song called "I Ran", but the song title and the band just just kinda got smushed together, leaving me a little empty.

9)  WE ARE Sayquads (Skoot).  OK, We Are ... Penn State and Barkely has fucking massive quads... but eh....  The name definitely got some extra love because Skoot is so in love with Saquon.

The original Twitter caption was "It looks like Saquon
could drive a bowling ball 300 yards."

8) RegressionToTheMean (Ben).  I actually like the nerdy side of this name.  Plus, it's self deprecating to boot!  Sadly, it looks like we were going more punny this year or you would have ranked higher.

7) The Final Touchdown (Crutch).  Simple. Punny.  Say no more.

6) Cosby's Sleepers (Kyle).  Yeah, this was a risk.  Cosby is hella toxic these days.  But what can I say?  A great football pun is a great football pun.

5) MrSmithGoesToDC (Mike).  It's a call back to an old school movie and mirrors what happened in the NFL during the off season.  Ain't nuthin' wrong with that!
4) Philly Philly! (Phil).  I'll let Ben evaluate this one for me:  "are you philly philly?.  of course you are.  i was like 'that's not a very creative team name......unless it's phil.  goddamnit. [sic] '"
3) Hooked on a Theilen (Patrick).  Bonus points to Patrick for like 3 great team names before settling on this one.  The other one that stuck out was "Mariota Kart."  Not sure which one I like better, but this one is certainly more relevant this year.
2) 1 Gurley 1 Kupp (Josh).  Well, Kyle started the gross names, and Josh drove it right the fuck home.  I'm just sad that he didn't get both of these players.  Also:  Bonus points for NOT including an icon this year...
1) Fournette Me Now (Stephen).  Slow clap....  This is an amazing name.  And Stephen got an icon of GOB to really drive it home.  *That* is how you make a big splash your first year in the league.  Well done, sir!!!



That's about it for now.  Well done, y'all.  See you on the virtual gridiron!

DFL 2017: Let's get this party started.

Well, we're less than a week out from kicking off the 2017 season and I'm more exited than a disgraced Canadian public official!

Cuz using Rob Ford as the first gif of the year isn't a bad omen, right?

(Side bar:  Lemme just say.  There are a shit ton of Rob Ford dancing gifs out there.  I'm just sayin'...)

Anyways, on to business.  So, remember a few weeks back, I said that if you want to win something, then the elimination league is where you need to be?  Well, never you mind that now, because brother, that league is packed!  In addition to 10 of the 12 coached from the DFL, we've also got a few returning alumni, namely Marie and RA Dave.   I had intended to skinny things down a little bit this year, so when I renewed the league, I intentionally didn't hit any buttons to send out invitations.  Well, I guess that it does so anyways.  One last evil, stupid Easter Egg that Melissa left on her way out...

I was intending to have a picture of evil Melissa laughing, but this is the worst
picture that I could find of her.  Say what you will about her management style,
the woman is simply photogenic!

So, it;s going to be a knock down, drag out fight this year, as always.  Though there is one thing that we can all agree on:  Please don't let Marie win.  We've had quite enough of that for the time being, thank you very much.

But we'e not here to talk about the elimination league, are we?  I mean, we're not even here at all.  This is just me rambling in my underpants sitting sadly in front of my computer.

You sick bastards.  Did you really want me to have an undies pic?
(PM for details...)

Not at all!  Let's get down to business and talk some DFL!!

I'm gonna guess that only about half of you will get this reference.  Skoot, 'splain please.
Cuz I know that you know....

Let's get this out of the way for posterity's sake, here's the draft order:

1. Kerry *
2. Skoot **
3. Kyle
4. Terri
5.  *
6. Josh
7. McClennen *
8. Crutch* 
9. Phil
10. Mike
11. Ben
12. Patrick

* Denotes autodraft, for adult reasons.

** Denotes autodraft because they are a child and forgot all about the draft, even with like 5 reminders.

And here's how Yahoo! rated the draft results:

1. Kyle : A
2. Skoot:  A
3. Kerry: A
4. Phil:  A-
5. Patrick:  B
6. Crutch: B
7. Josh:  B-
8. Ben:  B-
9. B-
10. Terri:  B-
11. McClennen: C
12. Mike:  C

Now, I used to think that Yahoo! would just give high rankings to people to teams that draft who lined up with what Yahoo! recommended.  But here we see that one person who autodrafted was ranked 3 with an A (Kerry) and another who was ranked second to last with a C (McClennen) and they both autodrafted.  (And let me just say, Yahoo!, that must have been a wonderful morning in the McClennen household when the newbie is ranked way high and the seasoned veteran is down in Mike territory.)  So, now I have no idea where they get these rankings from.  So, to the rankings, I have one thing to say:

Though maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. I mean, I *was* ranked in the upper echelon.  

The big highlight of the draft for those of you who weren't there is that Ben picked himself up a whopping 3 QBs, one of which is questionably good (please, God!!!) and two are horrible.  Sadly, we weren't able to convince him to also add Cutler to round out this terrible, terrible situation that he finds himself in.  I even said "Hey, you can always drop someone tomorrow!" in the last round, but he was unconvinced.  Ironically, he was the first to make a move a scant 20 minutes after he draft was over.  So, right on, sir!

And now we come to perhaps my favorite part of the year...  A part where I get to weigh in on something and I sound completely authoritative because I get to throw my opinion around like an olympic athlete.

Without further ado, here's the power rankings for best team names this year.  OK, maybe a little more ado.  Holy shit, you guys made this hard this year.  Everyone had a good name.  Hands down, best name year that we've ever had in the league.  So, well done!  OK... un-ado now.

"UnShun" rolls better off the tongue, but un-ado works too..

12) Skittlerific.  Yeah,I get it.  Beast Mode is back.  So, I guess, it's good.  But you teased me with the name change and left me unfufilled.  For shame, for shame....

11) No Sack.   Points for the football reference, but you didn't really do much with it.  I'm not sure whether this is a double entendre or just a prayer that your QB doesn't get roughed up....

10) DefenceIsOverrated.  That's bullshit, and you're evil for even thinking it.  Defenses win games.  You know it, I know it, everyone knows it.  No points if you were trying to be ironic.

9) TouchdownForWhat.  I think that you were really close to getting a laugh on this one.  The only problem is that someone else already made a touch down pun team name, and they did it better (IAlwaysTouchdownThere).  So, you got scooped, son.

8) IWILLWINEventually.  A little on the nose, and a lot desperate.  But I've gotta hand it to you for just sheer determinism.  Good luck, sir.  Though this year might not be your year.  (Mostly because I'm still in the league...)

7) Hi Billy Mays Here.  Well, you certainly win for the non sequitur this year.  Probably wouldn't have gotten this high rating, should you had not also changed your profile pic and DEFINITELY wouldn't have gotten this high if I didn't have a man crush on Billy Mays.  Well played, sir. Well played indeed!

6) Comin' Up Philhouse!.  Dammit.  I really thought that punning my name in the team name would have landed me higher than this, but I got out done this year.   Eh, top half isn't bad, I reckon.

5) Mr McGiblets.  The League.  God, how I miss thee!  Well, everything except the last season.  But overall...  Also bonus for the profile pic change.

4) TERRIing Up The Field.  A name pun, with the bonus of being relevant to football.  Now, THIS Is how it's done, folks!

3)  Big-D.  Way to work a dick joke in there.  And with the added irony of drafting not one but two middling Ds?  Well, sir, I like your style!

2) Amari 2600.  Dude, I don't know if you look up punny team names every year or if you just come up with them in the off season, but goddamn!  Every year you get to the top of the list with your team name AND the accompanying profile pic.  Sadly, this year, you've been dethroned by:

1) Brady Gaga.  Pun?  Check.  Football related?  Check.  Photoshopped Profile Pic?  Double check. 

And that's it!  Let's all tune in on Thursday to watch... o god damn it.  We have to start the season with the chiefs getting slaughtered by the freaking patriots?  Come on! I mean, I know that TNF is shit, but do we really have to start THIS shit?

On one hand, football. On the other... the pats...

DFL 2015: "Pre" Week 1 Rankings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Week 1 has officially kicked off.  But that was a Thursday nigh game.  And really, who evn cares about Thursday night games?  Certainly not the Steelers to be sure.

Crap... the first gif of the year and it's from freaking Glee!.

Anyways, I wanted throw down a blog entry before we got fully into the swing of things.  But, you know, life is busy and so things get a little backed up now and again.  Anyways, enough with the plesentries!!

So, first thing is first. Team names.  Listed here, definitively, in worst to best order:

12 - ScoobyDoo :  Missy.  We get it.  You like consistency, but come on, man!!  Cowboy up and come up with a good name.  By that I mean come up with a great name in theory, but have it horribly, horribly collapse in on itself in practice.  Like NickKurtDale (I can't be the only one to have seen Horrible Bosses 2, right? Oh, I was.  OK, my bad.  Sorry about that).

11 - |=| )--|--O__|:  Ben.  OK dude.  We get it. You won last year.  Move on and change your name.  (Plus your team name doesn't italicize worth a shit...)

10 - The Derailers: McClennen.  Didn't get it last year, don't get it now.

9 - Fright Knight:  Crutch.  OK, OK, changing things up a little, with a theme.  I can respect that.  Just not very much.

8 - Hearthstone=job:  RA Dave.  Again, keeping the theme, upping the ante.  I think that I'd be happier, were it football themed, but I can dig it.  (Barely.)

7 -  Hmmmm...BWW:  Kookie.  Points for originality, but what am I looking at?  Buffalo Wild Wings?  BeWare at Work?  Box Wine Wasted?

6 - Outnumbered: Melanie.  Now we're getting somewhere!  Very timely, but I think that we really could have had this team name before the lil lass came along.  I mean, do you really consider Kookie a full 1 with respect to parenting?

5 - IllThinkOfaNameLater: Mike.  Very nice.  Breaking the 4th wall, keeping things interesting.  Bravo, Sir!!  What a long way you've come since Giraffes every year!

4 - PeeOnYourLife:  Skoot (of course).  While it is a bit crass, it is so WTF, that it made ma LOL when I first saw it.  Slow clap.

3 - PhilFrontalNudity:  Phil.  Dammit.  I really hate not having the best team name in the league. But I have to admit that I love the top two names better.

2 - No Punt Intended:  Terri.  A pun!  And a football pun, no less!!  That's freaking awesome!!

1 - The Walken Dead: Patrick.  Again, this one made me LOL, especially given the helmet.  But this team name leaves the rest of us chumps back in the dust.  Well done.  Well done, indeed!

Now, down to some brass tacks.  Fist on the agenda, draft order.  Here's how it went down:

1. No Punt Intended (Terri )
2. The Derailers(McClennen )
3. Hmmmm... BWW(Kookie )
4. The Walken Dead(Patrick )
5. IllThinkOfaNameLater (Mike)
6. Outnumbered (Melanie)
7. Fright Knight (Crutch)
8. PeeOnYourLife (Skoot)
9. Hearthstone=job (RA Dave)
10. PhilFrontalNudity (Phil)
11. ScoobyDoo (Missy)
12. StupidLittleHangmanThingie (Ben)

And how does Yahoo! think that we did?

1. Terri (A)
2. Crutch (B+)
3. RA Dave (B)
4. Kookie (B)
5. Phil (B)
6. McClennen (B)
7. Ben (B)
8. Patrick (B-)
9. Skoot (B-)
10. Mike (C+)
11. Melanie (C+)
12. Missy (C)

Only one A this year!! And it went to Terri!!  Wow!  Does this mean that it's year of the Terri?  Will she get onto the box for Madden Fantasy Football 2016?  Only time will tell, but I think that it's safe to say that if Terri even gets close to losing a game the entire season, we'll all be booing her:

Let's see, what else is there?  Right, we're doing the pick'ems again this year.  Really good showing on week 1 : 7 people showed up.  Let's see if we can keep the streak alive, shall we?

Elimination league.  Well, until Thursday at 5,we had the usual 8 people signed up.  However, since then, we are up to 11 people!  I'm not sure, but I'm thinking that this might have been the biggest elimination pool yet.  So good job!  This does tell me three things about the league though:
1 - A bunch of people were completely unaware that we were doing this since 2008 (I just checked).  So, that leads me to think that not everyone is reading all of ridiculously wonderful words OR they are just scanning for their names and moving on.  Not cool, people.
2 - People in the league really like to be online at dinner time.
3 - People in the league jump like mad when the deadline is pending.

All of this has been filed away for future consumption.  The end result?  All Y'all are on warning!  'Specially Ben, the mute champion.

Now, one thing that I should probably be a bit upfront about this year... I *might* not (actually closer to "probably not") be able to get through all 17 weeks of blog entries this year.  I know, I know, how will everyone be able to go on?  Anyways, I've been finding myself with less and less time in the last few months, so I'm a bit worried that I won't be able to devote the hour plus every week to pop in and do the write ups.  Consider yourselves warned!!

With that I'm outtie.  Later, suckas!!

DFL 2014: Let the pain begin!

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to the 2014 DFL season.  Since tomorrow night is the NFL kick off, I figure that I should probably do an intro post to get everyone jazzed up about it!  (Sadly, as a side note, I'm not 100% certain that I'm going to be able to do a wrap up post every week this year.  Things are just getting busier and busier!  Case in point - I've been trying to get this blog post up for about a week and a half now.  Though if anyone wants to sign up to do a guest blog, please feel free!  I'm always open to see all y'alls writing style.  Though I do think that some of you would just post a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.  :) )

OK, first and foremost - we are doing the elimination league again this year!  Still time to get your picks in, as kick off is just about 24 hours away!  Same as always, 2 strikes you're out.  (Personally,I'm just hoping for a lot of upsets this year, so that Ben "AlwayspPick the biggest blow out" gets knocked out earlier than Melanie.  I know it's hard to get knocked out *before* Melanie, but I'm sure that Ben could find a way!)

Next, we will also be doing the Pick'ems again this year.  Since this seems to be the only thing that Crutch is good at, I say that we all rally and beat the hell out of him this year.  Is it a deal?  I sure hope so!  (Though I guess that I don't really need to stress on this particular point as it looks like 3 people have already made their picks.  Right on!)

And now we get to the heart of the matter.  The real game.  Well, the real fantasy game.  This was a unique draft this year as it was the first time that we actually had an ordered draft (reverse of the finishing order) AND we had our first ever draft trade!  I'm still not entirely convinced that it will work out well for me, but just to remind everyone, I traded my 2nd, 3rd, and 5th round picks for Ben's 1st, 8th, and 11th round picks.  So, with that said, I'm dubbing this season THE YEAR OF THE TRADE!!  I fully expect to see more coming down the pike.  (Especially since you bastards voted to have *3* bench slots....  Jeez Louise man!!)

So, for posterity's sake, here was the draft order:

1. Kookie (FU-Y!)
2. RA Dave (Hearthstone is Crack)
3. Crutch (Knightly Yardage)
4. Melanie (Party of Five)
5. Skoot (Suck it, Marisa!)
6. Ben (stupid hangman thingie)
7. Missy (ScoobyDoo)
8. Terri (WifeOfREAL2013Champ)
9. Patrick (+5 Shirt of Groveling)
10. McClennen (The Derailers)
11. Mike (Playing4Revenge)
12. Phil (LicenseToPhil)

And here is how Yahoo! ranked us right out of the gate:

Not Pictured:  Missy's smug sense of satisfaction.

Now, I know what you're all thinking, because I'm thinking it too.  Tell 'em Walt Jr:

A year later and I'm still not over Breaking Bad.

Yeah, it seems that Yahoo! got into the Blue Sky again (see what I did there?) and gave us ridiculous ratings.  I mean, yeah Missy picked up Manning the greater with her first pick.  But then she burned  her second on a Cowgirl.  And by the fifth round, Gronk?  Really?  Cuz I'm pretty sure that Brady will just be phoning it in this year.  Did you see the Pats running game last year?  Ask McClennen. He stuck by Brady the entire year last year.  Loyal?  Yes.  Smart?  No.  Though I think that my favorite of the predictions was Ben, who was rated as 4th best draft, and is predicted at finishing barely over .500 this year. So, maybe Yahoo! isn't too far off....

Oh, and speaking of predictions, I just wanted to remind everyone of this little gem from right about this time last year:

"Aaaaaaand this is why Kookie and I will crush the league. Without waivers, i just walked over and picked up Julius Thomas the this morning. If i'm the first guy up the morning (as i remember kookie being too) we're just gonna snatch up all the good picks each week."

That wonderful quote came from "Punxsutawney" Skoot,  Just to remind everyone, Skoot was The Bitch of the Playoffs and Kookie had a perfect Kookie season last year.  That is to say, Kookie went 0-14 and had 150 points less than the next person.  So congratulations on the prognostication, Skoot:

This was the only picture that I could post of Miss Lawrence,
given the family nature of this blog.

Now, without the skill to actually do predictions, I'm going to do what I do best

Well, besides dance like an *animal*.  I'm going to look at each of your team names and rank you based on that.
1.  License to Phil (Phil)
Yeah, I'm a sucker for puns, and I think that this might be my best one.  I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to win much this year (with the freaking last draft - I mean, come on!!  THIS was the year that I had to figure it out??), so I will gladly accept this.

2. Playing4Revenge (Mike)
I've gotta say, I love continuity.  I love the fact that we got a rivalry going from last year's championship.  I love that Mike has a sense of humour about the whole thing.  And I *really* love that Yahoo! ranked him dead last in the draft!  Some, come take the silver, Mike.  You seem to like it so!

3. WifeOfREAL2013Champ (Terri)
I'm pretty sure that in the history of the league there have only been like 3 team names that have made me snort with laughter when I saw them.  This is the only team name that made me sit up and go "oo oo oo!!  I need to write about this name!"**  So, well done with this name, Terri!  (You lost out on top rank because of lack of pun and runner up because I really wanted one more "You lost to me!" dig at your husband.)

4. Suck it, Marissa! (Skoot)
I am just basking in the utter beauty that is the level of bitterness that went into Skoot's team name this year.  For those of you that don't know, Yahoo! made you put a phone number in to allow you to sign in somewhere around April this year.  Skoot tried to put in his Google Voice Number (254-LIL-BTCH, if you're wondering), but Yahoo! rejected him.  So, instead of just using a real number like a regular person, he cancelled his Yahoo! account, railed against the new policy for few months, then re-activated his account again.  Once again proving that the house always wins.  Bonus points for the excellent avatar that Skoot came up with.

5. +5 Shirt of Groveling (Patrick)
Funny?  Check.  Simple?  Check.  Nerdy?  Double Check.  Also, added a custom avatar.  I'm assuming that Patrick just found the image as opposed to creating it like Skoot, but well done either way:

6. FU-Y! (Kookie)
Jumping on the anti-Free service that we have all used for well over a decade bandwagon, Kookie managed to drop the F bomb in the most classy and succinct way possible.  Well done, Sir!

7. Party of Five (Melanie)
This is perhaps the most substantial team name in the league, given that it's a preggers announcement.  Plus, it's got the nostalgia part down, what with the 90s TV show staring the leprechaun.  So, congratulations to you for keeping it both real and classy.  Unlike your uncouth husband who tried to hide an F bomb in his team name.  Also, considering that you are in Cleveland now, and with the propensity for boys in your family, I am assuming that you'll be naming the lilun either Lebron or Johnny.  So, say hi to the little guy for me when he makes his appearance,  yeah?

8.  Hearthstone is crack (RA Dave)
I'm assuming that he got an endorsement deal for this team name.  I'm not above branding and I would gladly accept bids on my team name next year.(And shit... now I have to play it just to find out if it's any good....)

--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--
(See that line right above?  That's the barb wire of boredom!!  The teams below have the same banal names from last year.  So, yeah, you are technically ranked, but still the highest below this line is like the skinniest kid at fat camp.)

9. ScoobyDoo (Missy)
She's been sitting on this name (and appropriately receiving the jeers) for years.  But what do I know?  She does have the top ranked team.  (Stupid Peyton Manning!)

10.  Knightly Yardage (Crutch)
OK, we get it.  You're in the SCA.  You play D&D.  You make your own medieval armor.  You got married at the Ren Faire.  (All of these facts are both awesome and true.)  But come on.. this is like the fourth time that you've used this name!  Move on Sir!

11. |__O-|( |=| (Ben)
OK, I admit it... it's cool ascii art.  but it's a pain to type, and you've already used it.  Really, the only reason that you're not ranked lower is because I am just disappointed in McClennen's lack of creativity..

12.  The Derailers (McClennen)
Wasn't funny last year, and I still don't get it.  Come on, man!  You got this!  Better name next year!! (Or maybe this year?  There's still time!)

And that's about it!  Get to your picks, and enjoy the year!  Here's hoping no first to worst!!

**With respect to team names, special mention goes to a coach's team in another league who just had a kid and named his team "My couch pulls out, but I don't."  Certainly on the nose and crass, but it still tickles my funny bone even as I write this.

IT IS TIME!!!! DFL 2013 Kick Off!

(Editor's note: I had actually written most of this on Thursday afternoon, but I didn't get a chance to publish it until  Sunday night.  See you you can pick out the things that I wrote on Thursday, versus Sunday!)

Well, well, well... It's only about 7 hours until kick off and we still haven't gotten any Kick Off blog port for DFL 2013.  Though this certainly doesn't bode well for the rest of the season, here we are.  :)

Draft Recap

Because I somehow messed up the settings, we had a random draft order this year.  Sorry, Skoot...  I'll try not to Patrick it up next year.  (What's that?  Oh, I just used Patrick as a verb to mean "trying and failing to do a simple task."  I'm trying to get some traction with it.)  So, here is the draft order that I got:

1. It's Not Detroit (Melanie)
2. Cagenado (Patrick)
3. GG Purple Dragons (RA Dave)
4. Crap on a Stick 2 (Skoot)
5. The Derailers (McClennen)
6. Scooby Doo (Missy)
7. WrathPhil (Phil)
8. The Mud Turtles (Terri)
9. #poundsign (Mike G)
10. Knightly Yardage (Crutch)
11. |__O--|--( |=| (Ben)
12. CLE Rocks (Kookie)

And here is How Yahoo! Ranked us after the draft (this will be known as the WTF Yahoo!? graph at the end of the season):

1. McClennen:  A+ (11-3-0, with 1,296 points)
2. Skoot: A- (9-5-0, with  1,245 points)
3. Melanie: A- (12-2-0, with 1,245 points)
4. Crutch: A- (11-3-0, with 1,251 points)
5. Phil: B (9-3-0, with 1,211 points)
6. Ben: B (7-7-0, with 1,229 points)
7. RA Dave:  B- (5-9-0, with 1,180 points)
8. Patrick: B- (6-8-0, with 1,172 points)
9. Missy:  C (7-7-0, with 1,139 points)
10. Terri:  C (3-11-0, with 1,143 points)
11. Kookie:  C (3-11-0, with 1,145 points)
12. Mike G: D (1-13-0, with 1,078 points)

I'm just going to throw something out there...  The people in the Google hang out are generally on top of the draft rankings.  I'm not saying that it helped us, I'm just sayin'...  

(And don't give me that jibba jabba about Kookie being in the hang out and being ranked 11th - That's higher than he usually finishes and  he was only there for about half of it.)

Phil's Rankings

Yeah,I get to do that cuz I'm commish and all.  If you want your own rankings, become commish!  (OK, you can just throw a blog post down.  I'll takes what I can gets.)  Because doing a real ranking based on merit taking into account off season moves, surgeries, etc is (a) hard and (b) time consuming, I'm just going to do my own brand of tomfoolery.  That's right, it's time for ranking by team names!

Cagenado - Alright, Patrick....  I'm not sure where you came up with this team name, but it is delicious.  Combining all of the beauty of Sharknado with all of the horror of Nic Cage, this is a great team name.  Don't get too comfy though.  You won't be siting at the top ever again this season, if history is to be believed.

WrathPhil - Yeah, I'm still doing the pun this.  And yes, I'm full of wrath.  This is my year, fuckers.  And my team name is hilarious.

It's Not Detroit - Yay!  I like to think that I might have had a little bit of a hand in this name.  The Kookies are moving to Clevland and so I sent them the Hastily Made Clevland Promotional Video.  I still chuckle at this video.  Right on, Melanie.

GG Purple Dragons - Kinda Random, but hella-on point.  RA Dave says that he's here to win and he's willing to get steroids pumped up Russian ladies on his team to do so.  Kind of explains Kaepernick now...

CLE Rocks - Again, the Kookie are going to Clevland.  Not quite so funny as Melanie's team name, but on topic.  Song isn't bad either, if you're into that sort of thing.  (And this will be the highest that Kookie is rated all season, outside of the fabled "Bless His Heart, he's trying" list, which somehow he still doesn't top but defintitely top 5.)

Crap on a Stick 2 - I had forgotten where the original Crap on a stick came from, until Skoot mentioned it in on the league forum.  Way to cite history, bro.  Now, if only we can get Skoot to finish in last place, like his predecessor did....

Knightly Yardage - Is there a pun here?  If there is, I'm missing it.  But always conjuring up D&D memories is good, so right on.  You *did* draft Romo, but I'm not holding that against you... yet.

The Derailers - Frist year is always a little worrisome.  You're never sure how far you can push the team name element without being offensive.  For example, I expect that Patrick wants to name his team "festering ass wound" every year, but he doesn't, just to be safe.  Nothing *wrong* with this team name, but I think that McClennen can do better next year.

Scooby Doo - How many years have we been doing this?  And the same name every year.  I'll give it to you for consistency, but you've gotta move on, Missy.  For realsies.  Maybe shake it up next year by doing with "Shaggy" or something. I dunno.  Name your own team and deal with the consequences!

#poundsign - Going a little meta, but not really doing it for me.  Plus, you're really opening yourself up to homophobic comments.  Careful, Mr. G.  Careful...

The Mud Turtles - Hmmmm... again, is there a reference I'm missing?  I'm not getting this one.  But at least you're actually a human readable team name.  Which brings us to the bottom of the barrel:
|__O--|--( |=| - Dammit, Ben.  This shit is going to get old as hell fast as hell to cut and paste every time.  So, I might just call your team hangmen or something.  You get points for creativity, but obviously not that many since you're bottom of the pile here.

Last Minute rule change on the DEF

Sorry to anyone who was looking at the projected points earlier in the week and expecting thier DEF to be pulling in 20+ points.  While tweaking the points this year, I had checked the "DEF gets points for stopping behind the line of scrimmage."  What I didn't notice was that it defaulted to 1 point per time!  So, I tweaked that and the return yards.  So, that's why the points estimates came *way* down.  Sorry about that.  :)

OK fuckers, it's on.

So, here we go!

Good luck to everyone this year.  Except for people playing me in a given week.  Also, anyone harboring Tony FUCKING Romo.  Or NoName McPeePeePants.  For those people, screw, y'all.

DFL 2012: Kick Off!!!

Alright, the draft is done and this is the official first post of the DFL 2012 season!  Before we get into the thick of it, I just wanted to throw a few pieces of housekeeping before we get into the thick of it:

1. This will be the official posting place of the DFL 2012 season.  No bitching about where is should be. If you want it moved elsewhere, I will be glad to relocate it as soon as you have more write ups in a season than I do.
2. I'll probably send out a link to the site once I get the write up complete, week to week.  But no commentary on that email.  Just a helpful heads up and pointer.  (If you're on facebook or Google Plus, I will most likely also post a link there.  Why?  Cuz I'm vain and I like to see my blog get a lot of hits.)
3. Thanks to Kookie and Ben for signing up to do a weekly write up.  Kookie, why don't you take week 3 (The Sunday is September 23) and Ben you take week 5 (the Sunday is October 7).
4. If anyone else wants to do a weekly write up, please let me know.  (And Ben and Kookie if you are feeling sassy, you can have more weeks as well.)  I'm not exactly too exacting on what you post or when you post it (predictions versus write ups versus just general tomfoolery), I am more interested in keeping the league fun and talkative.  (Gimme a little room if you want to take a week, since I think that I'll need to mark you as a contributor.)
5. For write ups, just be sure to label the post as "DFL 2012, Week X", where X is the week of the write up you're doing.  It'll help with posterity.
6. Feel free to comment on the posts.  This'll keep the league fun!

Now that this is out of the way, let's do this!!!

So, first... Remember, the first official game is on Wednesday, September 5.  That's this Wednesday.  And it's the G men versus the Cowgirls.  So, whoever loses, we all win!  (This is going to be a hell of a long season for an Iggles fan such as myself, methinks.)  So, set your line up accordingly, pick your elimination teams accordingly, and chose your head to head picks before WEDNESDAY.

Wait - what was that last thing?  Chose the head to head picks!  Yep, I'm bringing it back this year!!!  For the newbies, what this means is that you can go into each match up in the league and choose who you think will win.  I will tally the results and keep track of who is making the most successful picks week to week.  And don't worry; there are categories for both most right picks AND highest correct pick percentage.  Though I do invoke the Patrick rule.  You can't just pick one obviously lopsided event, get one right pick and then stop picking.  There's a minimum number of picks required to pick up that prize.  What is that number?  I am not publishing it.  So keep those picks coming!

(And as a random side note, Marie, who generally puts up a top pick most seasons doesn't have a team this year, so can't pick.  So, us mere mortals have a chance!!!)

Now that all of that is out of the way, please let me start off the season with a well worded warning to you all, the chumps of the league:

Because it's about to get real.

Now, as this is pre-season, there's not much that I can rightly do to wrap up what we've done.  So, please give me some leverage here.

First off, Yahoo! Pre-season rankings:
http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/375679/leagueprojections

1		Taco for the Win	11-2-1	0.821	1293	1181
2		Uncle Fucker	10-4-0	0.714	1282	1213
3		Lint Lickers	10-4-0	0.714	1224	1178
4		ScoobyDoo	8-5-1	0.607	1245	1209
5		Rolling Vengeance	8-6-0	0.571	1256	1250
6		Olympic Cry-Babies	7-7-0	0.500	1160	1186
7		PointFiveDonkey	7-6-1	0.536	1229	1211
8		Superion	7-6-1	0.536	1190	1204
9		Philthy Bastards	5-9-0	0.357	1215	1237
10		Crotch's Penetrators	4-10-0	0.286	1194	1254
11		Team Sweet T	2-11-1	0.179	1131	1187
12		Pittsburgh Maulers	2-11-1	0.179	1111	1220

In other words, Joy's got the top rank, going into the season after back to back championships.  And Ben, who was destroying the rest of the league last season until about week 6 is ranked at number 2.  The biggest surprise of all is that I am ranked at 9th place, as king of the losers (that is, the highest ranked team who doesn't make the playoffs).  As this is all silly nonsense, I've come up with my own rankings.

First, rankings of the team names:

Lint Lickers :  Not sure why, but just a really nice catchy team name.
Taco for the Win : Nice The League reference.  Kinda derivative, but great show, so good on you.

PointFiveDonkey : Randomness always scores big with me and this is about as random as you'll get.

Philthy Bastards : It's a great name and you know it.

Rolling Vengence : Nice and authoritative, though marred horribly by the fact that Patrick is yet to medal in the league.  UPDATE:  Woah, Patrick called me out on this and he is completely right.  Turns out that Patrick was the 2009 League Champion.  Shows how memorable it was huh?

Superion :  Scores points for the tansformers reference and making the team name a family affair.  But really?    The Aerialbots?  The transformers who fly, even though all transformers can fly in robot form?

Uncle Fucker : Nice South Park reference.  Ridiculously catchy song and bonus points for going crude.

Crotch's Penetrators : I like going right for the gutter here, hoss, but I know you well enough to know that you've got better puns than this.  (For those that don't know, we call the manager of this team "Crutch".)

Olympic Cry Babies : If this is a reference to anything besides the Olympics, then it's lost on me...

Pittsburgh Maulers : I've never been a big fan of naming a FFL team after an NFL team.  This comes dangerously close.  (Is this a pun?  Is there a Pittsburgh Mall?)

ScoobyDoo :  Like the 5th season with the team name.  So, yay for consistency, but eh overall.

Team Sweet T : Conjures up a nice relaxing picture in my mind.  This isn't relaxing, this is war, baby!!!  (O, I get it, cuz her name starts with T....  Slightly better...)

Next, I was going to rank everyone by person.  Not team drafted or FFL acumen per se.  Just as a human being in general.  However, I don't know everyone in the league all that well, and I ran the risk of offending some people.  So, I split the list, and here it is, in no particular order:

Winners:

• Phil
• Sean Kuprevich (The second nicest guy ever)
• Marie (for being wise enough to step aside and allow me to ascend to my rightful place at the top of the league)

Losers:

• Mike
• Crutch
• Kookie
• RA Dave
• Skoot
• Patrick
• Missy
• Melanie
• Joy
• Terri
• Ben (And seriously?  Unhide your email account in the Yahoo! league.  You're the only one.  Don't be that guy.)

Now, a few awards from the draft:

The "Yeah, that was probably a good idea" Award goes to Joy for picking the #1 ranked player with the #1 draft pick.

The "Balls, Pure Balls" Trophy goes to Kookie for picking up a TE in the second round.

The Telsa Award for thinking way the fuck outside the box and risking it all goes to Skoot for going autodraft when he could have been there, just to see what would happen.

And Speaking of autodraft, The Zig Ziglar Memorial Award goes to Missy for actually planning her autodraft and subsequently ranking higher than 2/3 of the league.

The IS EVERYONE TAKING CRAZY PILLS??? Medal goes to both Ben and Patrick for using their first round picks on Detroit Players.  (I know that they are both crazy highly ranked, but c'mon - It's Detroit.)

The Dammit, Jim It's Fantasy Football and These Points Don't Care About Actual NFL Wins Award goes to Terri, for picking up Cam Newton as her starting QB.

The KICKERS WIN GAMES Award goes to Missy for the first Kicker picked up (in Round 5 no less!).  And let me just say:  How the FUCK did I not take the first kicker this year???  Freaking autodraft!

The Kookie Award goes to ... MELANIE????  Though a Kookie by marriage, I'm kinda surprised that she picked up the first move.  Good on you, Melanie.

The DAYUM Award for randomness goes to Crutch for having his TE get cut in the NFL for taking a pay cut, apparently forgetting that he as a Tight End on the Seahawks.  (Wait, Crutch picked up two TEs?  DAYUM!  Still works...)

The We Learn From last Season Award goes to Phil and Mike G for picking up a *really* solid starting QB and then picking up a highly ranked rookie QB, just in case.  (Stupid Cam Newton taught us this early last year...)

The Dave... Seriously? Award goes to RA Dave.  Bless his heart...  He picked up a TE in the second round, before picking up a QB. And then, when he did pick up a QB, it was Big Ben Rothlisfuckithisnameistoolongtoworryabout.  Maybe this deperate gambit will work.  And maybe the Eagles will see the Super Bowl this year....

That's it for this week, kiddies!  Good luck to everyone!  Remember, get your things lined up by Tuesday!  (Nobody moving...  What should I do?  Oh, I know...)  Remember, get your things lined up but Tuesday... or else!