DFL 2012: Kick Off!!!

Alright, the draft is done and this is the official first post of the DFL 2012 season!  Before we get into the thick of it, I just wanted to throw a few pieces of housekeeping before we get into the thick of it:

1. This will be the official posting place of the DFL 2012 season.  No bitching about where is should be. If you want it moved elsewhere, I will be glad to relocate it as soon as you have more write ups in a season than I do.
2. I'll probably send out a link to the site once I get the write up complete, week to week.  But no commentary on that email.  Just a helpful heads up and pointer.  (If you're on facebook or Google Plus, I will most likely also post a link there.  Why?  Cuz I'm vain and I like to see my blog get a lot of hits.)
3. Thanks to Kookie and Ben for signing up to do a weekly write up.  Kookie, why don't you take week 3 (The Sunday is September 23) and Ben you take week 5 (the Sunday is October 7).
4. If anyone else wants to do a weekly write up, please let me know.  (And Ben and Kookie if you are feeling sassy, you can have more weeks as well.)  I'm not exactly too exacting on what you post or when you post it (predictions versus write ups versus just general tomfoolery), I am more interested in keeping the league fun and talkative.  (Gimme a little room if you want to take a week, since I think that I'll need to mark you as a contributor.)
5. For write ups, just be sure to label the post as "DFL 2012, Week X", where X is the week of the write up you're doing.  It'll help with posterity.
6. Feel free to comment on the posts.  This'll keep the league fun!

Now that this is out of the way, let's do this!!!

So, first... Remember, the first official game is on Wednesday, September 5.  That's this Wednesday.  And it's the G men versus the Cowgirls.  So, whoever loses, we all win!  (This is going to be a hell of a long season for an Iggles fan such as myself, methinks.)  So, set your line up accordingly, pick your elimination teams accordingly, and chose your head to head picks before WEDNESDAY.

Wait - what was that last thing?  Chose the head to head picks!  Yep, I'm bringing it back this year!!!  For the newbies, what this means is that you can go into each match up in the league and choose who you think will win.  I will tally the results and keep track of who is making the most successful picks week to week.  And don't worry; there are categories for both most right picks AND highest correct pick percentage.  Though I do invoke the Patrick rule.  You can't just pick one obviously lopsided event, get one right pick and then stop picking.  There's a minimum number of picks required to pick up that prize.  What is that number?  I am not publishing it.  So keep those picks coming!

(And as a random side note, Marie, who generally puts up a top pick most seasons doesn't have a team this year, so can't pick.  So, us mere mortals have a chance!!!)

Now that all of that is out of the way, please let me start off the season with a well worded warning to you all, the chumps of the league:

Because it's about to get real.

Now, as this is pre-season, there's not much that I can rightly do to wrap up what we've done.  So, please give me some leverage here.

First off, Yahoo! Pre-season rankings:
http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/375679/leagueprojections

1		Taco for the Win	11-2-1	0.821	1293	1181
2		Uncle Fucker	10-4-0	0.714	1282	1213
3		Lint Lickers	10-4-0	0.714	1224	1178
4		ScoobyDoo	8-5-1	0.607	1245	1209
5		Rolling Vengeance	8-6-0	0.571	1256	1250
6		Olympic Cry-Babies	7-7-0	0.500	1160	1186
7		PointFiveDonkey	7-6-1	0.536	1229	1211
8		Superion	7-6-1	0.536	1190	1204
9		Philthy Bastards	5-9-0	0.357	1215	1237
10		Crotch's Penetrators	4-10-0	0.286	1194	1254
11		Team Sweet T	2-11-1	0.179	1131	1187
12		Pittsburgh Maulers	2-11-1	0.179	1111	1220

In other words, Joy's got the top rank, going into the season after back to back championships.  And Ben, who was destroying the rest of the league last season until about week 6 is ranked at number 2.  The biggest surprise of all is that I am ranked at 9th place, as king of the losers (that is, the highest ranked team who doesn't make the playoffs).  As this is all silly nonsense, I've come up with my own rankings.

First, rankings of the team names:

Lint Lickers :  Not sure why, but just a really nice catchy team name.
Taco for the Win : Nice The League reference.  Kinda derivative, but great show, so good on you.

PointFiveDonkey : Randomness always scores big with me and this is about as random as you'll get.

Philthy Bastards : It's a great name and you know it.

Rolling Vengence : Nice and authoritative, though marred horribly by the fact that Patrick is yet to medal in the league.  UPDATE:  Woah, Patrick called me out on this and he is completely right.  Turns out that Patrick was the 2009 League Champion.  Shows how memorable it was huh?

Superion :  Scores points for the tansformers reference and making the team name a family affair.  But really?    The Aerialbots?  The transformers who fly, even though all transformers can fly in robot form?

Uncle Fucker : Nice South Park reference.  Ridiculously catchy song and bonus points for going crude.

Crotch's Penetrators : I like going right for the gutter here, hoss, but I know you well enough to know that you've got better puns than this.  (For those that don't know, we call the manager of this team "Crutch".)

Olympic Cry Babies : If this is a reference to anything besides the Olympics, then it's lost on me...

Pittsburgh Maulers : I've never been a big fan of naming a FFL team after an NFL team.  This comes dangerously close.  (Is this a pun?  Is there a Pittsburgh Mall?)

ScoobyDoo :  Like the 5th season with the team name.  So, yay for consistency, but eh overall.

Team Sweet T : Conjures up a nice relaxing picture in my mind.  This isn't relaxing, this is war, baby!!!  (O, I get it, cuz her name starts with T....  Slightly better...)

Next, I was going to rank everyone by person.  Not team drafted or FFL acumen per se.  Just as a human being in general.  However, I don't know everyone in the league all that well, and I ran the risk of offending some people.  So, I split the list, and here it is, in no particular order:

Winners:

• Phil
• Sean Kuprevich (The second nicest guy ever)
• Marie (for being wise enough to step aside and allow me to ascend to my rightful place at the top of the league)

Losers:

• Mike
• Crutch
• Kookie
• RA Dave
• Skoot
• Patrick
• Missy
• Melanie
• Joy
• Terri
• Ben (And seriously?  Unhide your email account in the Yahoo! league.  You're the only one.  Don't be that guy.)

Now, a few awards from the draft:

The "Yeah, that was probably a good idea" Award goes to Joy for picking the #1 ranked player with the #1 draft pick.

The "Balls, Pure Balls" Trophy goes to Kookie for picking up a TE in the second round.

The Telsa Award for thinking way the fuck outside the box and risking it all goes to Skoot for going autodraft when he could have been there, just to see what would happen.

And Speaking of autodraft, The Zig Ziglar Memorial Award goes to Missy for actually planning her autodraft and subsequently ranking higher than 2/3 of the league.

The IS EVERYONE TAKING CRAZY PILLS??? Medal goes to both Ben and Patrick for using their first round picks on Detroit Players.  (I know that they are both crazy highly ranked, but c'mon - It's Detroit.)

The Dammit, Jim It's Fantasy Football and These Points Don't Care About Actual NFL Wins Award goes to Terri, for picking up Cam Newton as her starting QB.

The KICKERS WIN GAMES Award goes to Missy for the first Kicker picked up (in Round 5 no less!).  And let me just say:  How the FUCK did I not take the first kicker this year???  Freaking autodraft!

The Kookie Award goes to ... MELANIE????  Though a Kookie by marriage, I'm kinda surprised that she picked up the first move.  Good on you, Melanie.

The DAYUM Award for randomness goes to Crutch for having his TE get cut in the NFL for taking a pay cut, apparently forgetting that he as a Tight End on the Seahawks.  (Wait, Crutch picked up two TEs?  DAYUM!  Still works...)

The We Learn From last Season Award goes to Phil and Mike G for picking up a *really* solid starting QB and then picking up a highly ranked rookie QB, just in case.  (Stupid Cam Newton taught us this early last year...)

The Dave... Seriously? Award goes to RA Dave.  Bless his heart...  He picked up a TE in the second round, before picking up a QB. And then, when he did pick up a QB, it was Big Ben Rothlisfuckithisnameistoolongtoworryabout.  Maybe this deperate gambit will work.  And maybe the Eagles will see the Super Bowl this year....

That's it for this week, kiddies!  Good luck to everyone!  Remember, get your things lined up by Tuesday!  (Nobody moving...  What should I do?  Oh, I know...)  Remember, get your things lined up but Tuesday... or else!