DFL 2014: Let the pain begin!

Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone to the 2014 DFL season.  Since tomorrow night is the NFL kick off, I figure that I should probably do an intro post to get everyone jazzed up about it!  (Sadly, as a side note, I'm not 100% certain that I'm going to be able to do a wrap up post every week this year.  Things are just getting busier and busier!  Case in point - I've been trying to get this blog post up for about a week and a half now.  Though if anyone wants to sign up to do a guest blog, please feel free!  I'm always open to see all y'alls writing style.  Though I do think that some of you would just post a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.  :) )

OK, first and foremost - we are doing the elimination league again this year!  Still time to get your picks in, as kick off is just about 24 hours away!  Same as always, 2 strikes you're out.  (Personally,I'm just hoping for a lot of upsets this year, so that Ben "AlwayspPick the biggest blow out" gets knocked out earlier than Melanie.  I know it's hard to get knocked out *before* Melanie, but I'm sure that Ben could find a way!)

Next, we will also be doing the Pick'ems again this year.  Since this seems to be the only thing that Crutch is good at, I say that we all rally and beat the hell out of him this year.  Is it a deal?  I sure hope so!  (Though I guess that I don't really need to stress on this particular point as it looks like 3 people have already made their picks.  Right on!)

And now we get to the heart of the matter.  The real game.  Well, the real fantasy game.  This was a unique draft this year as it was the first time that we actually had an ordered draft (reverse of the finishing order) AND we had our first ever draft trade!  I'm still not entirely convinced that it will work out well for me, but just to remind everyone, I traded my 2nd, 3rd, and 5th round picks for Ben's 1st, 8th, and 11th round picks.  So, with that said, I'm dubbing this season THE YEAR OF THE TRADE!!  I fully expect to see more coming down the pike.  (Especially since you bastards voted to have *3* bench slots....  Jeez Louise man!!)

So, for posterity's sake, here was the draft order:

1. Kookie (FU-Y!)
2. RA Dave (Hearthstone is Crack)
3. Crutch (Knightly Yardage)
4. Melanie (Party of Five)
5. Skoot (Suck it, Marisa!)
6. Ben (stupid hangman thingie)
7. Missy (ScoobyDoo)
8. Terri (WifeOfREAL2013Champ)
9. Patrick (+5 Shirt of Groveling)
10. McClennen (The Derailers)
11. Mike (Playing4Revenge)
12. Phil (LicenseToPhil)

And here is how Yahoo! ranked us right out of the gate:

Not Pictured:  Missy's smug sense of satisfaction.

Now, I know what you're all thinking, because I'm thinking it too.  Tell 'em Walt Jr:

A year later and I'm still not over Breaking Bad.

Yeah, it seems that Yahoo! got into the Blue Sky again (see what I did there?) and gave us ridiculous ratings.  I mean, yeah Missy picked up Manning the greater with her first pick.  But then she burned  her second on a Cowgirl.  And by the fifth round, Gronk?  Really?  Cuz I'm pretty sure that Brady will just be phoning it in this year.  Did you see the Pats running game last year?  Ask McClennen. He stuck by Brady the entire year last year.  Loyal?  Yes.  Smart?  No.  Though I think that my favorite of the predictions was Ben, who was rated as 4th best draft, and is predicted at finishing barely over .500 this year. So, maybe Yahoo! isn't too far off....

Oh, and speaking of predictions, I just wanted to remind everyone of this little gem from right about this time last year:

"Aaaaaaand this is why Kookie and I will crush the league. Without waivers, i just walked over and picked up Julius Thomas the this morning. If i'm the first guy up the morning (as i remember kookie being too) we're just gonna snatch up all the good picks each week."

That wonderful quote came from "Punxsutawney" Skoot,  Just to remind everyone, Skoot was The Bitch of the Playoffs and Kookie had a perfect Kookie season last year.  That is to say, Kookie went 0-14 and had 150 points less than the next person.  So congratulations on the prognostication, Skoot:

This was the only picture that I could post of Miss Lawrence,
given the family nature of this blog.

Now, without the skill to actually do predictions, I'm going to do what I do best

Well, besides dance like an *animal*.  I'm going to look at each of your team names and rank you based on that.
1.  License to Phil (Phil)
Yeah, I'm a sucker for puns, and I think that this might be my best one.  I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to win much this year (with the freaking last draft - I mean, come on!!  THIS was the year that I had to figure it out??), so I will gladly accept this.

2. Playing4Revenge (Mike)
I've gotta say, I love continuity.  I love the fact that we got a rivalry going from last year's championship.  I love that Mike has a sense of humour about the whole thing.  And I *really* love that Yahoo! ranked him dead last in the draft!  Some, come take the silver, Mike.  You seem to like it so!

3. WifeOfREAL2013Champ (Terri)
I'm pretty sure that in the history of the league there have only been like 3 team names that have made me snort with laughter when I saw them.  This is the only team name that made me sit up and go "oo oo oo!!  I need to write about this name!"**  So, well done with this name, Terri!  (You lost out on top rank because of lack of pun and runner up because I really wanted one more "You lost to me!" dig at your husband.)

4. Suck it, Marissa! (Skoot)
I am just basking in the utter beauty that is the level of bitterness that went into Skoot's team name this year.  For those of you that don't know, Yahoo! made you put a phone number in to allow you to sign in somewhere around April this year.  Skoot tried to put in his Google Voice Number (254-LIL-BTCH, if you're wondering), but Yahoo! rejected him.  So, instead of just using a real number like a regular person, he cancelled his Yahoo! account, railed against the new policy for few months, then re-activated his account again.  Once again proving that the house always wins.  Bonus points for the excellent avatar that Skoot came up with.

5. +5 Shirt of Groveling (Patrick)
Funny?  Check.  Simple?  Check.  Nerdy?  Double Check.  Also, added a custom avatar.  I'm assuming that Patrick just found the image as opposed to creating it like Skoot, but well done either way:

6. FU-Y! (Kookie)
Jumping on the anti-Free service that we have all used for well over a decade bandwagon, Kookie managed to drop the F bomb in the most classy and succinct way possible.  Well done, Sir!

7. Party of Five (Melanie)
This is perhaps the most substantial team name in the league, given that it's a preggers announcement.  Plus, it's got the nostalgia part down, what with the 90s TV show staring the leprechaun.  So, congratulations to you for keeping it both real and classy.  Unlike your uncouth husband who tried to hide an F bomb in his team name.  Also, considering that you are in Cleveland now, and with the propensity for boys in your family, I am assuming that you'll be naming the lilun either Lebron or Johnny.  So, say hi to the little guy for me when he makes his appearance,  yeah?

8.  Hearthstone is crack (RA Dave)
I'm assuming that he got an endorsement deal for this team name.  I'm not above branding and I would gladly accept bids on my team name next year.(And shit... now I have to play it just to find out if it's any good....)

--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x--
(See that line right above?  That's the barb wire of boredom!!  The teams below have the same banal names from last year.  So, yeah, you are technically ranked, but still the highest below this line is like the skinniest kid at fat camp.)

9. ScoobyDoo (Missy)
She's been sitting on this name (and appropriately receiving the jeers) for years.  But what do I know?  She does have the top ranked team.  (Stupid Peyton Manning!)

10.  Knightly Yardage (Crutch)
OK, we get it.  You're in the SCA.  You play D&D.  You make your own medieval armor.  You got married at the Ren Faire.  (All of these facts are both awesome and true.)  But come on.. this is like the fourth time that you've used this name!  Move on Sir!

11. |__O-|( |=| (Ben)
OK, I admit it... it's cool ascii art.  but it's a pain to type, and you've already used it.  Really, the only reason that you're not ranked lower is because I am just disappointed in McClennen's lack of creativity..

12.  The Derailers (McClennen)
Wasn't funny last year, and I still don't get it.  Come on, man!  You got this!  Better name next year!! (Or maybe this year?  There's still time!)

And that's about it!  Get to your picks, and enjoy the year!  Here's hoping no first to worst!!

**With respect to team names, special mention goes to a coach's team in another league who just had a kid and named his team "My couch pulls out, but I don't."  Certainly on the nose and crass, but it still tickles my funny bone even as I write this.