IT IS TIME!!!! DFL 2013 Kick Off!

(Editor's note: I had actually written most of this on Thursday afternoon, but I didn't get a chance to publish it until  Sunday night.  See you you can pick out the things that I wrote on Thursday, versus Sunday!)

Well, well, well... It's only about 7 hours until kick off and we still haven't gotten any Kick Off blog port for DFL 2013.  Though this certainly doesn't bode well for the rest of the season, here we are.  :)

Draft Recap

Because I somehow messed up the settings, we had a random draft order this year.  Sorry, Skoot...  I'll try not to Patrick it up next year.  (What's that?  Oh, I just used Patrick as a verb to mean "trying and failing to do a simple task."  I'm trying to get some traction with it.)  So, here is the draft order that I got:

1. It's Not Detroit (Melanie)
2. Cagenado (Patrick)
3. GG Purple Dragons (RA Dave)
4. Crap on a Stick 2 (Skoot)
5. The Derailers (McClennen)
6. Scooby Doo (Missy)
7. WrathPhil (Phil)
8. The Mud Turtles (Terri)
9. #poundsign (Mike G)
10. Knightly Yardage (Crutch)
11. |__O--|--( |=| (Ben)
12. CLE Rocks (Kookie)

And here is How Yahoo! Ranked us after the draft (this will be known as the WTF Yahoo!? graph at the end of the season):

1. McClennen:  A+ (11-3-0, with 1,296 points)
2. Skoot: A- (9-5-0, with  1,245 points)
3. Melanie: A- (12-2-0, with 1,245 points)
4. Crutch: A- (11-3-0, with 1,251 points)
5. Phil: B (9-3-0, with 1,211 points)
6. Ben: B (7-7-0, with 1,229 points)
7. RA Dave:  B- (5-9-0, with 1,180 points)
8. Patrick: B- (6-8-0, with 1,172 points)
9. Missy:  C (7-7-0, with 1,139 points)
10. Terri:  C (3-11-0, with 1,143 points)
11. Kookie:  C (3-11-0, with 1,145 points)
12. Mike G: D (1-13-0, with 1,078 points)

I'm just going to throw something out there...  The people in the Google hang out are generally on top of the draft rankings.  I'm not saying that it helped us, I'm just sayin'...  

(And don't give me that jibba jabba about Kookie being in the hang out and being ranked 11th - That's higher than he usually finishes and  he was only there for about half of it.)

Phil's Rankings

Yeah,I get to do that cuz I'm commish and all.  If you want your own rankings, become commish!  (OK, you can just throw a blog post down.  I'll takes what I can gets.)  Because doing a real ranking based on merit taking into account off season moves, surgeries, etc is (a) hard and (b) time consuming, I'm just going to do my own brand of tomfoolery.  That's right, it's time for ranking by team names!

Cagenado - Alright, Patrick....  I'm not sure where you came up with this team name, but it is delicious.  Combining all of the beauty of Sharknado with all of the horror of Nic Cage, this is a great team name.  Don't get too comfy though.  You won't be siting at the top ever again this season, if history is to be believed.

WrathPhil - Yeah, I'm still doing the pun this.  And yes, I'm full of wrath.  This is my year, fuckers.  And my team name is hilarious.

It's Not Detroit - Yay!  I like to think that I might have had a little bit of a hand in this name.  The Kookies are moving to Clevland and so I sent them the Hastily Made Clevland Promotional Video.  I still chuckle at this video.  Right on, Melanie.

GG Purple Dragons - Kinda Random, but hella-on point.  RA Dave says that he's here to win and he's willing to get steroids pumped up Russian ladies on his team to do so.  Kind of explains Kaepernick now...

CLE Rocks - Again, the Kookie are going to Clevland.  Not quite so funny as Melanie's team name, but on topic.  Song isn't bad either, if you're into that sort of thing.  (And this will be the highest that Kookie is rated all season, outside of the fabled "Bless His Heart, he's trying" list, which somehow he still doesn't top but defintitely top 5.)

Crap on a Stick 2 - I had forgotten where the original Crap on a stick came from, until Skoot mentioned it in on the league forum.  Way to cite history, bro.  Now, if only we can get Skoot to finish in last place, like his predecessor did....

Knightly Yardage - Is there a pun here?  If there is, I'm missing it.  But always conjuring up D&D memories is good, so right on.  You *did* draft Romo, but I'm not holding that against you... yet.

The Derailers - Frist year is always a little worrisome.  You're never sure how far you can push the team name element without being offensive.  For example, I expect that Patrick wants to name his team "festering ass wound" every year, but he doesn't, just to be safe.  Nothing *wrong* with this team name, but I think that McClennen can do better next year.

Scooby Doo - How many years have we been doing this?  And the same name every year.  I'll give it to you for consistency, but you've gotta move on, Missy.  For realsies.  Maybe shake it up next year by doing with "Shaggy" or something. I dunno.  Name your own team and deal with the consequences!

#poundsign - Going a little meta, but not really doing it for me.  Plus, you're really opening yourself up to homophobic comments.  Careful, Mr. G.  Careful...

The Mud Turtles - Hmmmm... again, is there a reference I'm missing?  I'm not getting this one.  But at least you're actually a human readable team name.  Which brings us to the bottom of the barrel:
|__O--|--( |=| - Dammit, Ben.  This shit is going to get old as hell fast as hell to cut and paste every time.  So, I might just call your team hangmen or something.  You get points for creativity, but obviously not that many since you're bottom of the pile here.

Last Minute rule change on the DEF

Sorry to anyone who was looking at the projected points earlier in the week and expecting thier DEF to be pulling in 20+ points.  While tweaking the points this year, I had checked the "DEF gets points for stopping behind the line of scrimmage."  What I didn't notice was that it defaulted to 1 point per time!  So, I tweaked that and the return yards.  So, that's why the points estimates came *way* down.  Sorry about that.  :)

OK fuckers, it's on.

So, here we go!

Good luck to everyone this year.  Except for people playing me in a given week.  Also, anyone harboring Tony FUCKING Romo.  Or NoName McPeePeePants.  For those people, screw, y'all.