DFL 2012: Week 4: Better late than never!

So, it's Thursday and I'm betting all y'all thought that you weren't getting a write up this week, huh? Bet you thought that old Phil was dropping the ball already?  Well, I'm no NoName McPeePeePants.  I'm here, and there's no freaking way that I was missing this week's write up.  Really good games going down this week.  So, let's get to it.

But before we jump way into things, I'm just getting over a cold this week.  So, some of my snark might not be all that effective.  So, like so many great (read:  mediocre at best) men before me, I'm going to delegate out the work.  May I present to you, QB smack talk:

http://imgur.com/a/9H0Hv

(And here's a lipmus test.  For you newbies to the league.  You might not have gotten all of the jokes, but did you get more than you would have last year at this time?  If so, congratulations.  You are *tearing* it up!)

Now, really on to the good stuff.

First up, the elimination league.  Nobody took a strike this last week.  But, probably worth mentioning that all four remaining players picked different teams.  also, probably worth mentioning that all 4 remaining players picked different teams in week 5 as well.  Good luck to Phil, Joy, Skoot, and Ben.  However, mostly good luck to me.

Next, the pick 'ems.  I'll throw this out there: What the hell??  Not only did Kookie go 6-0 this week, but he jumped from third place all the way up to #1.  Meanwhile, with my bed pissing from last week, I went 5-1 and still landed in 3rd place...  But, All in all a good week across the board.  The lowest pick was 4-2.  Still pretty tight.  Plenty of time for some upsets this season.

And finally, let's take a look at what we're all here for.  OK, all of us except for Kookie. I think that he's just here for the free ass kickings.  Anyways, most of us are here for the DFL proper.  So, here we go!!!

First off, holy good gracious.  What a hell of a week!  *All* of the victors jumped into the 100 point club.  O wait... Did we miss one?  Geez, Patrick missed the 100 points club by just two points.  Boy howdy!  Sadly, I can't really give him too much shiza since he's currently sitting at the top of the standings.  Followd by Melanie, RA Dave and Mike G.  Wait.. What the hell, cruel fates??  I mean Kookie, Skoot, and Ben are right at the bottom of the league where they should be, but these four up top?  Certainly a tight league to be sure this year, but really?  Those are our best?  I'm ashamed enough for all of us...

(And fun fact:  Outside of Patrick, the rest of the top three lost in week 1.  Since this is the last time that I can conceivably use this excuse, I'm going to blame the replacement refs for this weird top of the league.  So, hopefully things should be righted by month's end.... We shall see.)

Now, let's start with the beat down of the week: Phil vs Skoot.  It all started on Thursday night when our Flex spot decided to tie, making that game more worthless than yo mama.  (Daaaaaaaaamn!!!)  Then, after that  Skoot's team just quietly collapsed. One didn't start another only got a quarter of the points that he was slated for.  Granted, Smith only was projected at 4.  But still...ouch.  So, for getting slaughtered so spectacularly  I present Skoot with the Custer's Last Stand Award.

I present to Phil the Defenses Win Games Trophy, for having my Defense score as much as my next two players combined.  

Kookie this week gets the Generic Windex Knock Off crown of shame for having two of the streakiest receivers in the game and sadly benching the wrong one.  Steve Smith is the best WR that the Panthers have.  Sadly, he's really the only one that they have too. So, that means that he's also the one who gets double covered.  And seriouly Marque Colston....  22 points against GB in GB??  Kookie a fair choice, but what a choice.  I hope that you have the same luck this week while playing me...

Patrick, on the other hand, gets the PieTaster's Girl Take it Easy Award.  Sure he could have have a higher score with line up Nirvana.  Sure, he could have tweaked things here and there.  But fuggit.  He's winning and he doesn't care.  Good for you, Mr. Boss Man.

In the Upset of the week bowl, Melanie whooped up in Ben.  Oddly, most people, but not Yahoo, called this one right.  

Melanie gets the Phil Sponsored Better Late Than Never medallion for sticking with Brees and Charles, who, though not doing horridly, certainly have taken their sweet ass time warming up this year.  

Ben, Ben, Ben.... It looks like you're going to be having another one of those years.  But on the plus side, you can take solace in the fact that you're not Kookie.  And I'm not just limiting this to Fantasy Football.  There are a lot of good reasons not be Kookie.  So, the best that I can come up with this week for you is the John Edwards (idiot psychic guy, not idiot politics guy) Award for You Probably Should Have Seen It Coming. This is for picking up a Detroit QB and then being surprised that he's falling flat on his face...  

Bonus Award for Ben this week though...  Ben texted me halfway through the Sunday game saying "I want to to punch whoever does the ff score predictions"  Bad grammar aside, brilliantly deadpan delivery of his frustrations.  Though, on a sad sidenote, Ben wouldn't have even come close to Melanie, even with lineup Nirvana.

And speaking of line up Nirvana, RA Dave hit it out of the part this week.  With three players (two of them elite) on BYE this week, RA Dave had one hell of a hill to climb.  Not only did he climb the hill, but he also kicked it ass all the way home.  So, I'm proud to present the Double Digit Across the Board award to RA Dave for perfection this week.

Terri snags the Class Warfare medal for having a distinct set of Haves and Have Nots in her starting line up.  Her first four players scored 17, 17, 14, and 12.  Then, her next 4 players scored 0, 3, 8, and 4.  Eesh. Keep your Che Guerava shirts at the ready, Mrs. G.  

Joy gets the Crazed like a Mad Dog award for haveing two players score over 20 points this week and another just miss that mark.  In fact, she could have pinned another 11 point to her already impressive score had she ignored Yahoo! and played the Ari Def instead of GB DEF.  I know... blasphemy, but the "Play whoever's DEFENSE is going to be playing Miami" rule definitely comes into play here.

Meanwhile Crutch snagged the Bill O'Reilly Fuck it!  I'll do it myself!! placard for having both of his QBs bring in almost 50 points and the rest of his team barely  making that much...

Finally, the biggest game of the week was with Mike G and Missy.  Lemme just say Shazaam!!  

Mike G just pulled down both Joy and Terri's awards this week, but bigger.  3 players over 20 points, another 2 on the heels of that stat... and then 3 players who don't hit 5 points each.  Shit, Bironas, get it together, man.

Missy  takes home two awards this week:

1 - Talk Up, Child award for being quietest in the league *again*.  that takes Talent.  RA Dave is in the league this year and he's talking more smack than you.  That's saying something.  In the entire time that I knew RA Dave at Penn State, he said like 25 words to me.  And you are losing to that? Come on, Missy.  You're better than that.  And by that I mean Dave.

2 - Time To Look at the Waiver Wire drumstick.  Solid, Solid starters.  But your middle folks could use a looking over.  Pick up a few players that average more than 5 points a game and you'll be sitting in butter.

OK that's it for me tonight... I wonder how the game is coming so far this week...  Yay Kicker!  Twice as many points as Kookie's RB!  Kick ass!!!