Week 7 Wrap Up: Well that was a crummy first half of the season.

Ugh... Another week goes by and that mean that we are exactly halfway through the season.  And here I am sitting at the king of the losers spot, just like Yahoo! said.  Shit, man.  This is how I feel like the first half of the season went:

Yeah, that's right.  50 words in and I'm already breaking out the monkey ass.  So, strap in boys and girls (and whatever the hell you are, Crutch), this one's gonna get rocky.

So.. elimination league.  Ben and Joy left... no strikes this week.  Though, I will say that it's starting to get hard to pick a team with a good spread these days.  So, get ready suckers.  Soon you will feel the sting of Melanie.  That being, choosing a sure thing and then having it pooh directly into your eyes.

Next up....  pick'ems!  Man, this week just threw us all down and had its way with us collectively.  *Nobody* picked all that well this week.  Though, I guess not surprisingly, in a week like this, Uncle Fucker picked the best with 4 correct picks.  Mike bottomed out with only one correct pick.  And an honorary Patrick award goes to RA Dave for trying to pick one game and getting 100% picks right.  Sadly, blew up in his face and he lost.  (See, Dave?  This is what happens when you pick yourself to win!)  End of the day, Kookie and Phil both went 3-3 and Mike G shit the bed (with a 1-5).  So, Kookie is still out in first, Phil's in third, and Mike G is in third...

Moving on...

Well, guess who got to the top of the league this week?  Melanie, with her 30+ point blowout against RA Dave knocked Patrick from the top spot.  However, not to be outdone, Patrick scored exactly enough points to bring his total for the year to 666, the mark of the beast.  This will turn out either really bad or really good for old Patrick.  And to be fair, Joy's also got the same record, though out of first place by about 40 points.  So, enjoy your time at the top, jerk faces.  Cuz there are a lot of hungry people at the bottom, just itching for a win.  And Kookie is at the bottom.  I'm pretty sure that he's just waiting out the season at this point...

Alright, let's get back to basics.  Awards time!!!!

We'll start with the beat down of the week.  Actually... the beat down of the weak.  Ben snagged this by almost but not quite beating down Skoot as badly as Melanie beat down kookie last week.  Here is a visualization of the game:

So, Ben, I present to you the flying ninja cat award.

Skoot, holy cow man.  You are just not catching a break this year.  MJD went down this week.  Plus, next week Green is on BYE.  So, you've got one hell of a hill to climb, buddy.  So, I'm handing you the Tyler Durden award.  This week, you'll be picking a fight and you're going to be losing...

Next up is what I like to call the bullshit game of the week.  I'm really OK with losing.  Yeah, it sucks.  But I've been in the DFL for too freaking long not to have gotten used to it.  However, when I go into a  gimme game, and I get blown the fuck out the stadium, I call shenanigans.  (Hell, it's half the name of the blog!)  So, what happened?  Well, I award Mike G the William Wallace Kilt of underdog wins for having one of the studs get the big ol' goose egg and then having one of his players double the projection, another more than double, and a third more than triple their projections.  But you know what happened to William Wallace, right?  He was immortalized in film by an anti-Semite.  So, don't blame me when some skinhead protrays you in your biopic.

Plus, here's what really chafes my bollocks.  *Everyone* voted for me.  Well, OK, two people voted for Mike G, but I'm going to guess that was Mike G and Terri G.  Their still too new to the league to have stopped voting for each other out of love.

Melanie pulls down a win, the top slot of the league, and, consequently, the "Everything's Coming Up Milhouse!" award.  Just get your floodpants.  I'm just saying that you're wading through something, and it's ain't flood water.

RA Dave - Congrats.  You are the proud winner of the Optimist neckerchief.  Never before and never since has there been such adulation over pulling down a 3-4 record.  Good for you, buddy.

I am dubbing Missy vs Patrick game this week as the Delaware Bowl.  NOTHING interesting happened here.  Yes, Patrick's team went crazy (they would have all gone double digits if Johnson didn't get hurt.), Yes Missy lost.  Yes, this was an upset.  But overall... eh.  You two really need to buckle down and put on more of a show. It's like you didn't even *read* The Hunger Games.  Come on!

Joy, on the other hand took home the "You Can't Have My Pants" award (if you don't get that, then see Snow White and the Huntsman.... in fact you know what... it's not even worth it to get that reference. If you don't get that reference. Steal Snow White and the Huntsman and then give it to one of your enemies.  Then, after they watch that piece of shit of a movie they will explain it in a fit of rage.  Anyway, off topic...)  for oh so gently teasing Kookie with the hope of a win.

Kookie, get your head in the game, brah.  Graham was out last week and is probably gonna be out this week.  Find a new tight end and move on...  You get the "Son, I am disappoint" award. This could have been your second win!

And I saved the best for last....  The closest game of the week was between Terri and Crutch.  A mere 3 points separated them.  And, since they were both 3-3 going into the game, there was a lot on the line.  You surely don't want to go below .500 halfway into the season.  Big hole to climb out of.  Big hole. So, you two get (jointly) the "Are You Not Entertained???" Award, for keeping things interesting...

So, lots going on now.  Entering the second half of the season, the BYE weeks are really starting to hurt.  Injuries are spreading like the plague.  So, plenty of time to get back in it.  If you're down, do something crazy.  It might just work!  If you're up, do something crazy. It might not work (and I need all of the help that I can get at this point...).