Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, You're cool, Fuck you.

no wait, you're not cool either.

I suppose one of the chief responsibilities of the write-up author is to be objective and not bring personal biases to the post.  You should anticipate that goal to not be met in this post.

Secondly, I've noticed my predecessors have been all fancy, using people's names and things like that.  That's not gonna happen this week.  I don't know what names go with what teams with a few rare exceptions, so i'm only using team names.  Besides, team names lend anonymity which is to be reveled in.  So, revel...i won't expose you for the fantasy football playing nerds that you are.

Ok, so first up is the easy one...  elimination league.  It is with great pleasure that I award 0.5 Donkey their elimination strike, and Philthy Bastards their first strike.  What's that you say?  I'm not the one handing out the strikes?  Au contraire.  I'm pretty sure most of you aren't going and looking at the elimination league on your own, especially since 4 of you are already eliminated and 5 of you never even signed up.  And if Schrodinger taught us nothing else, it's that results don't exist until they are observed.  In this case by me. So, you're welcome.  Also it turns out the cat was dead.

On to the league pick'em:  First off, I'd like to give out an award. The "No Fucking Shit, Sherlock" award goes to:  Everyone, because you all picked me to lose my game.  This was the only game in which the picks were unanimous.  This was in spite of the fact that my opponent didn't even bother to put in a TE.  Congrats, I hope you all feel like big big men.  Or women.


In spite of that gimme, no one had a particularly strong week, though Olympic Crybabies kept up their strong performance, staying on top of the league with 4 correct picks.

I'd also like to hand out the "Tony Danza" award to Sweet T and Rolling Vengeance for having 6 out of 7 picks go against you and still come up with the win.  Who's the boss indeed?


Ok, on to the games.

Uncle Fucker vs Taco For The Win:
Uncle Fucker (that's me!) gets the "Rodney Dangerfield I can't get no respect" award for having an opponent who couldn't even deign to fill their roster in anticipation of the game.

Taco For The Win gets the "Cry me a river" award for this notable stat item from the yahoo recap: "Taco for the Win won despite having only 2 of their 8 starters exceed their projected points."

Philthy Bastards vs Olympic Crybabies
Philthy Bastards gets the "Harvey Dent" award for having the most two-faced lineup this week.  Exactly half your players scored well over 10 points, exactly half didn't even reach double digits.  


Olympic Crybabies gets the "Al Gore Unsustainability" award for picking up almost half their points from a single player.  Then again, since they lost again this week, maybe there is something sustainable here after all...

PointFiveDonkey vs Superion
PointFiveDonkey and Superion are corecipients of the "12th man" award for actually caring about the fans and giving us a game that was actually close.

Rolling Vengeance vs Pittsburgh Maulers
Pittsburgh Maulers gets the "Terry Malloy" award for having had a chance to be a contender, if only they'd started...well, pretty much any of their benched players.

While Rolling Vengeance gets the "Phil R" award for achieving line up nirvana, which 1) near as i can tell is something only Phil cares about and 2) isn't necessarily a good thing as it means the players on your bench probably suck.  But hey, congrats!  (Admittedly, it's a bit easier to achieve line up nirvana when half your bench is a on a bye)

Team Sweet T vs Lint Lickers
Team Sweet T and Lint Lickers share the "Crippled Masters" award for engaging in the lowest scoring game of the week, making even my team look almost competitive. 

Crotch's Penetrators vs Scooby Doo
Crotch's Penetrators gets the "If it weren't for those meddling kids" award for having a chance to win if only a bunch of dorks in a van hadn't come along and ruined all their devious plans.....oh wait, no...  they never had a chance.

And last but not necessarily least, Scooby Doo gets the "Big Lebowski" award because fuck it, i'm going bowling.

What's that you said?  That's not a very specific award for Scooby Doo?  Well, i refer you to the title of this post.