NFL = National F'ed League - Week 3

      

Thank you. Thank you. And again, I thank you.  Thank you Phil for that horrid introduction.  May the hair on your toes grow longer than your head.  Joy!!!  Can't you give him more to do around the house?  What about teaching Sammy how to make pipe bombs from household chem for the inevitable rise of the machines...or zombies...or worst of all mecha-zombies!!!  I mean wtf?!??  It's like reading a Robert Jordan novel -- 1,800 pgs of "blah blah blah yakety schmackety" before you get to the good stuff.  There's still time for others to do a write-up.  No need for Filthy Phil to do them all (although admittedly, Week 2 WTF NFL??!??!! was deserved).   

Week 6 is still open.  For those of you who don't know, that's the G-spot for trash-talk.  The wheat is separated from the chaff and the gloves come off.  Nuff said...after all for week 3, I'd like to skip the phil-abuster and get right to it.  Unfortunately there's a lot of new people in the ranks.  And I don't know half of you as well as I should like.  And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.  But here goes...

"Best Player on my Team is a TE!" Award goes to...Crotch's Penetrators

What the hell is up with TE's this season?  If this was the first year you ever watched football, you'd think that the Tight End should be renamed the End-Zoner.  Best of luck with DeAngelo.  He really knows when to turn it up...the last 2-4 games of the season.

"Tebow 2012" Award goes to...Lint Lickers

Damn-it, Jim, I'm a Running Back.  Sure you are Griffin.  Keep telling that to Jr & Sr.  And it's so bad that Mike had to BENCH Aaron Rodgers for a better option.  But, hey, maybe this is Washington's year.  Oh wait?  Didn't I just get strike 1 in Survivor League due to them?  Pssshhh...no worries.  I picked Pittsburgh for Week 3...

"Wait!  What just happened!" Award goes to...Taco for the Win

Turkey!  Triple crown!  Three peat!  Tres Victorias!  You could have been a contender... you could have been somebody, but now... Now you're just a bum like the rest of us.  Now if you make a miraculous recovery season -- place or show, it will only be "doing a Ben."  Alas, it's looking like no turkey dance in December.  I was really rooting for you, Joy...which really seems to have brought your downfall, quick.  Let this be a lesson:  He (or she) who drafts best (according to Yahoo/Toyota) can suck it! 

"P-Wing it!" Award goes to...Superion

Melanie had an entire team of Probables going into Week 3.  Way to ride the injury reserve.  F@$king Jamaal Charles!  That ass-clown was my accidental yahoo auto-draft pick last year and he took a SEI (season-ending-injury) in 2011 Week 1.  Now look at him.  All rested and refreshed.  Enjoy it while it lasts.  NE's not fooling anyone -- Welker's about as out of the O as Tom Brady.  Unfortunately their "mind-games" may mean a hot/cold season.  Good luck with the matchups.

"Wait I'm not dead yet!" Award goes to...ScoobyDoo

They're not quite winning games, but Peyton's still got some fight left in him.  I really like the home-town confidence -- Chicago defense still has it.  Now if only they can keep Urlacher from talking in any more commercials...he's got the presence of Howie Long.

"What did I miss" Award goes to...Pittsburgh Maulers

I really think Worthlessberger has a good shot at taking you all the way.  I like your Coldstone Creamery mix-in:  arch-enemy RB & DEF with QB & WR.  Melanie could never have stomached that.  For those that may not know, Dave decided it was time for an emergency gall bladder removal a few weeks ago and took himself out.  Not quite the bloody children death ride of Marie (Skoot's wife & ex-DFLer), but blue-diamonds to you, buddy!  The military took purple hearts, so us civilians got bumped down the Lucky Charms ranks…  Hope you're feeling better.

"Weenie Duel" Award goes to... Philthy Bastards & Uncle Fucker

For those who stayed up to midnight Monday not knowing who was going to win in the midgetone-armed monkey donkey wrestling match that was the low-score slap fest chess match between Phil and Ben.  I came down to the wire, but Uncle Fucker lived up to his name and cost me a pick to win.  Fuck you, Uncle Fucker!  Nice of you two to leave 20+pts on the bench, but to be fair to Ben, I wouldn't have called a Torrey Smith breakout game against New England.  This matchup was about as painfully boring as a few ancient history D&D sessions.  For those of you who think Fantasy Football isn't dorky, may I refer you to evidence #1 -- it's all based on statistics.  Let's see what ol' Leeroy has to say:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU

...classic.

"Defcon 5" Award goes to...Rolling Vengeance & PointFiveDonkey

For laying down some law.  This was the matchup of the week with two rock solid competitors.  (Sorry, Missy, I know you put up more of a fight with Dave, but I think your time at the top is short-fused...it's on the (D-) Fence...ah ha ha ha ha...aaaahhh...)  Albeit Skoot is on borrowed oxygen.  Sorry, Skoot...I don't think your team has it this year.  Pat on the other hand is on cloud 9.  Turner is about the only non-performer on that bench, but that's only due to how hot Atlanta's air corp is.   And unlike your teams of old, I'm looking forward to a potential Vengeance - Mauler throw-down in the playoffs.    Don't disappoint.  I don't have much else to look forward to, because...

"Should have auto-drafted" Award goes to...Olympic Cry-babies!

<sigh>  I put zero-time into planning this year and the lesson here is to use a random number generator.  It's nice having the 2nd lowest Pts against.  I haven't seen a good, easy matchup season yet.  Unfortunately, only putting up the lowest points in the league by 1/3 less makes me Punching Bag 2012.  Would anyone believe that I have a good team in my wife’s work league?  No?  Oh well…on the bright side, at least I get to cry about it like a US Olympian!  ;-)

“Wait?!?!  My best player is a Kicker???” Award goes to…Team Sweet T

Very unorthodox, Terri.  I like your swagger.  Fitzgerald only barely pulled ahead at the last minute.  May you kick your way into the playoffs.  Hard to say which QB to trust.  Each year, Houston wants to be good, it’s just that by Week 6, they seem to die on the vine.  No one would have predicted Tennessee Def.  But then again, this NFL season has combined Doctors Who & Strange.  Does anyone know if there’s a blue-moon?  Saturn’s rays being blocked?  Jupiter's mag field gone astray?  Or some other astro-illogical bullshit?  I’m not sure about blaming the scab ref’s… they do suck and have caused excessive injury and a few unusual losses, but what we’ve seen is well beyond officiating.

Well that about wraps it up.  And, Phil, it’s more like ah-ha funny.  Kind of the way nails on a chalkboard sound funny after 3-4 attempts.

-- Kookie

DFL 2012: Week 2: What the Hell NFL???

And so ends the second week of the NFL 2012 season, and therefore as does the second week of the DFL 2012.  It was a good week of football, and I hope that everyone is enjoying themselves.  Except.... o wait.  Forget that.  Why?  The NFL had a syphilitic fever dream this week this week and went absolutely batshit insane.  Don't believe me?  Well, let's take a look at a few things out of this week:

The Cards beat New England in freaking Foxboro.
The Panthers won over the Saints.  (But Phil, the Saints still have a bunch of suspensions.  Doesn't freaking matter.  I'm a Panthers fan and this is really freaking weird.)
A team had 9 turn overs in two weeks and won both games (by 1 point each).  I'm looking at you, Philly.
Miami thoroughly *destroyed* Oakland.
Atlanta Whooped up on Denver (And rumor has it that Manning might have been benched on the last drive)

But Phil, I hear you say (and may I say that you're being quite gabby today), we're in *fantasy* football.  Who cares about this *real* football anyways?  (And Skoot before you even say it, yes, American football is the real football.  Not any of this "futball" nonsense.)  Well, let's look at some stats:

Let's see.  Just by my team... Who should I look at?  I dunno.. may be my #1 reciever?  Andre Johnson.  Let's see... Who had more points than he?  EVERYONE ON MY TEAM... Well, except for Anquan Bolden and Fred Davis.

but that's OK... Maybe it was just a fluke, right?  I mean it's not like Danny Amendola got 27 points, was it? O wait he did.  And *noboby* in the league knows who he is (Maybe Skoot and Patrick do, but screw that - it breaks my point).  Actually, I guess that one person in the league does.  Sorry, Terri (who had him on the bench, and conceivably rightly so...)

So, I guess what I'm saying was that this was a pretty messed up week.  And by pretty messed up, I mean like lighting a firecracker, wrapping your hand around it, letting it go off and then sticking the stump into the garbage disposal.  Except that this week hurt more than that....

So, first thing's first.  League Pick 'em.  With such a wonderful week in the NFL, you can guess how well we did here:  http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/375679/pickem  .  Yay! I was top amongst all the picks with 3-3.  Crutch bottomed out this week, with 1-5.  but on the plus side, at least he tried *cough* MelanieRADaveJoySkootMissy*cough*.  Still plenty of time to get in on the action, everyone!

Next up, let's go for the record setting elimination league.  Lemme just say.... Ouch.  First off, Missy took her second strike, showing us that her dangerous gambit did not pay off.  But the most beautiful of all beautiful things happened....  Melanie, with two *really* solid picks was eliminated in record time.  Two strikes in two weeks.  And I know that her pick this week was solid since I and 17 other people in my other elimination league were kicked out because of the Pats.  I mean, really Tom Brady?  Losing to the Cards?  Really?  At home?  And don't gimme that "Any given Sunday" nonsense.  I'm pretty sure that the entire state of Arizona made a deal with Satan just like the people of Haiti did.  And I know that's true since Pat Robertson said it.

On a side note, Yahoo! is reporting that almost 30% of the picks for week 3 are for New Orleans.  I'm not sure who they are playing, but people, come on.  I mean, unless they are like playing the girl scouts of America or something.  Well, not even then...  Maybe one of the GSoA farm teams... and that's only if their scout's starters are so banged up that they need to put in girls in back braces on least half of the offensive line Then, they might have a chance...   Look at the last few weeks. Not a good pick this week.

That being said, I hope that everyone picks the Saints to win this week.

Good lord... Look at how long this column has gone already.  Why, if I were a shitty science Fiction writer in the 60s making a nickel a word, I'd ready to retire by now.  And most likely would also have a cult devoted to me.  (And if I disappear in the next week, you'll know why...)  Anyways, let's get to the nitty gritty:

Right off the bat, RA Dave gets the kick a man while he's down award.  With the 4th most points in the league again this week, and only 5 points away from the 100 points club, Dave lost *again* this week.  And the really strange thing is that he was only 5 points away from receiving the beat down of the week.

Congrats go to Mike for getting the most points this week. Very close to a league high with 131.  (If I recall correctly, Patrick has the league high from a few years ago when Brandon Marshall was on speed and scored like 40 points himself.  I think that the league record is 141..) Ironically for Mike, he didn't win because of his kicker.  I seem to recall someone saying that kickers win games... who said that now?

And speaking of beat down of the week, let's give it up for Terri for that award this week.  Congrats, Terri.  Going into Sunday night's game, I was very worried that I was going to be getting that dubious distinction.   So, thanks for throwing yourself on that grenade for me....

And since we're on Terri (see?  no naughty jokes here - that's respect), let's let the hits keep on rolling.  Terri who if you recall last week was so close to line up Nirvana, this week just shat the bed in that regard.  She could have benched *all* of her wide recievers, running backs, and TE and still done better with just 1 person on the bench. (Now, in her defence, her TE was hurt early on, and really?  Who saw Amendola really turning it on for the Redskins?)

Now, Skoot...  Dayum, Skoot!!! How the monkey did this happen? All double digits, except fr your TE?  (Man, who suggested that we have to play a TE?  Forget that guy!)  AND he left 46 points on the bench. I would hate to be the guy playing you next week.  O wait... it's Patrick.  Should be a pretty good game.  :-)

Patrick versus Ben Match up?  Let's just say "Upset of the week"  And who called it?  That's right.  M3 3-3 himself.  This guy!  But if you're gonna get fucked, might as well get fucked by the Uncle Fucker himself...

And Ben... remember.  I was the only one to have faith in you.  Remember that, bitch.

And speaking of upsets.....  This is  the most delicious upset of the league to date.  Kookie, in an act of ultimate hubris, threw down some epic smack talk.  Then, was subsequently destroyed.  Plus, he left 22 points on the bench...

Missy....  Current league leader, and only 2-0 record was the one to teach Kookie the humility lesson that he so desperately needed. And with no support from the peanut gallery either.  I say "Right On!"  (Oh, and what's that?  Did her kicker win the game?  I think that he did!)

Golf clap goes to Melanie for handing Crutch his first ever FFL defeat.  But seriously.  25 points from Freaking CJ Spiller?  No.  I call shenanagins.....

As for you Crutch... Esh... Not much to do there.  But hey, nice avatar!

And finally, we come to the saddest game of the week.  Rau Bowl 1 of 2012.  I can't really say anything that sums it up better than Matt and Trey did:

And taking a step back this week, it looks like we are pretty well matched this year.  Everyone is at 1-1 except for an outlyer at the top and bottom.  And really, the bullshit about that is that RA Dave (who is at the bottom) has the second most points overall, and Missy (who is at the top) has the least points scored against her.

And that is all for me this week.  

Remember, Kookie is the guest author next weekend as I am out of town.  So, Kookie you're up.  Everyone treat Kookie well.  And Kookie.  You better be funny next week.  Or else you'll have to keep doing the write ups until you get it right.  :-)

DFL 2012: Week 1 wrap up.

Before we get into the thick of things, lemme just tell you what kind of mood I'm in.... No... Words won't describe it. Here's how I'm feeling:

Why so happy?  I'll tell you why, bucko, and your little dog too!  I am in two FF leagues and two elimination leagues.  For my fantasy leagues, I was down in one league with two players left and the other team had one player.  The other league, I was up and I had the same player that the team in the other league had AND the other team had the two players that I had in this league.  So, I was pretty much going to win in one leauge and lose in the other.  But that didn't happen.  You know why? Becuase I freaking *rule* at fantasy football. I won both games and I'm feeling pretty good.  And the elimination league?  I chose right on both of them, in the tightest games of the week (Eagles by 1 and Minnesota by 3 - whew!),  Like I told you suckers, this is the year of Phil!!!

Now, on to the good stuff.  First off, elimination league (outside of my genius choice):

Missy boldly took a strike this week by not picking (an interesting gambit. Let's see if this pays off....)

Melanie took a strike by picking NO, which lets be honest, they really should have won that game.  So, good pick, Melanie. Both because I too think that the Saints should have won AND because it puts you one step closer to FINAL ELIMINATION.  

(*cough* remember that there's a Thursday night game this week, so get your picks in early...)

Next up, the league pick 'em.  Looks like Yahoo! finally got smart and started to track this.  So, take a look here for the complete listing:  http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/375679/pickem .  Big news?  Phil and Mike topped week 1 with 5/6 correct.  Meanwhile, RA Dave and Terry completed the bell curve with 2/6 at the bottom of the week.  Still plenty of time to get in on this though, folks!  Going to be a long season!

Now, on to the meaty meat.  First off, thanks go to RA Dave, Joy, Ben, Melanie, Skoot, and Mike for proving my pre-week 1 prognostication about being losers right.  All of them got beaten like redheaded step children this week.  Making them winless for the year.  And especially painful is RA Dave, who put up 97 points and would actually have beaten fully 3/4 of the league were he not to have been playing Crutch, who had the most points overall.

BTW, congrats to Crutch, Missy, and Patrick for breaking into the 100 points club in week one.  It would have been awesome were RA Dave to also be in this club as well, but sadly, he fell a scant 3 points shy.

Looking at the move this week, we are not wasting any time, are we boys?  RA Dave and Kookie are battling for the most moves at 4 before the first week.  And let me throw a prediction out there, Kookie.  Ogletree is going to be the Randall Cobb of this year.  Who's Randall Cobb I hear some of you asking.  My week 1 pick up from last year.  Went crazy on the first week because nobody knew to cover him and then shut down the rest of the season.  But who am I talking to?  A guy who is loading up on Cowboys.  Which means that you have no soul.  

And lemme just say this....  The final scores might not imply this, but going into Monday night, we had a lot of tight games to watch.  So, I hope that this trend continues.  Keeps thing exciting, doesn't it Christoph Waltz?

(OK no more gifs for this post, I promise.)

And before we get on to the awards, let me just say Congrats to Crutch for being king of week 1.  But be careful.  You keep that shit up, I'm totally inviting your wife next year to teach you some humility.  I'll just kick out Patrick.  He never brings anything to the league.  (What's that?  Burn!!!)

Oh, and one more shout out.  congrats go to Missy for getting the beat down of the week on Skoot.  They changed the name of it, but we all know what the award is for....

Now - awards!

The Ben Memorial Award goes to RA Dave for getting almost the highest number of points in a given week and still losing.

The King for a Day crown goes to Crutch for being on top.  Don't get used to it, Crutch.  the DFL is a cruel bitch...

The WTF? I Thought that Kickers Won Games, Phil pendant goes to Ben because his kicker decided not to play and lost him the game.  (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The I'll Do It MY Way pat on the back goes to Terri for having everyone on her team score double digits, except for the two that probably should have.

The Just Waiting for the Shoe to Fall award goes to Kookie for starting Tony FUCKING Romo, and then having him score almost as many points as any other two of his players.  He might be good now, Kookie, but just wait til people starting talking playoffs.

The Well, I Was kinda Warned Medal goes to Mike for bottoming out this week.  See, Mike?  This is what happens when the wives join!  

The Thanks for Nuthin' Award goes to Joy for losing the game and subsequently messing up my perfect week of picks!

The I only need like 4 players to win pendant goes to Patrick.  Seriously 75% of his points came from half his players.  

The Maybe Autodraft Wasn't Right For ME goes to Skoot.  Ouch, man.  If this week's performance is anything to go by, it's going to be a long season....

The Line up Nirvana award does NOT go to Missy.  She missed line up Nirvana because she didn't play Crabtree.  Who would have ever thought that sentence would ever be uttered without irony?

The Upset of the week goes to Phil and Melanie...  OK yeah, I voted for myself in the pick 'em, but wow I wasn't even really expecting that....

Oh, and one thing to note that Ben pointed out this season... We added Return TD and Return Yards this year.  I had incorrectly assumed that they would all go to the player who was doing the returning.  Sadly, it does not.  If a player gets a Return TD, the points go to him.  Any return yards AND the return touchdown will go to the DEF (which is now actually Defense and Special Teams).  Certainly not what I expected, but as long as we all know, we'll all be on the same page.

DFL 2012: Kick Off!!!

Alright, the draft is done and this is the official first post of the DFL 2012 season!  Before we get into the thick of it, I just wanted to throw a few pieces of housekeeping before we get into the thick of it:

1. This will be the official posting place of the DFL 2012 season.  No bitching about where is should be. If you want it moved elsewhere, I will be glad to relocate it as soon as you have more write ups in a season than I do.
2. I'll probably send out a link to the site once I get the write up complete, week to week.  But no commentary on that email.  Just a helpful heads up and pointer.  (If you're on facebook or Google Plus, I will most likely also post a link there.  Why?  Cuz I'm vain and I like to see my blog get a lot of hits.)
3. Thanks to Kookie and Ben for signing up to do a weekly write up.  Kookie, why don't you take week 3 (The Sunday is September 23) and Ben you take week 5 (the Sunday is October 7).
4. If anyone else wants to do a weekly write up, please let me know.  (And Ben and Kookie if you are feeling sassy, you can have more weeks as well.)  I'm not exactly too exacting on what you post or when you post it (predictions versus write ups versus just general tomfoolery), I am more interested in keeping the league fun and talkative.  (Gimme a little room if you want to take a week, since I think that I'll need to mark you as a contributor.)
5. For write ups, just be sure to label the post as "DFL 2012, Week X", where X is the week of the write up you're doing.  It'll help with posterity.
6. Feel free to comment on the posts.  This'll keep the league fun!

Now that this is out of the way, let's do this!!!

So, first... Remember, the first official game is on Wednesday, September 5.  That's this Wednesday.  And it's the G men versus the Cowgirls.  So, whoever loses, we all win!  (This is going to be a hell of a long season for an Iggles fan such as myself, methinks.)  So, set your line up accordingly, pick your elimination teams accordingly, and chose your head to head picks before WEDNESDAY.

Wait - what was that last thing?  Chose the head to head picks!  Yep, I'm bringing it back this year!!!  For the newbies, what this means is that you can go into each match up in the league and choose who you think will win.  I will tally the results and keep track of who is making the most successful picks week to week.  And don't worry; there are categories for both most right picks AND highest correct pick percentage.  Though I do invoke the Patrick rule.  You can't just pick one obviously lopsided event, get one right pick and then stop picking.  There's a minimum number of picks required to pick up that prize.  What is that number?  I am not publishing it.  So keep those picks coming!

(And as a random side note, Marie, who generally puts up a top pick most seasons doesn't have a team this year, so can't pick.  So, us mere mortals have a chance!!!)

Now that all of that is out of the way, please let me start off the season with a well worded warning to you all, the chumps of the league:

Because it's about to get real.

Now, as this is pre-season, there's not much that I can rightly do to wrap up what we've done.  So, please give me some leverage here.

First off, Yahoo! Pre-season rankings:
http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/375679/leagueprojections

1		Taco for the Win	11-2-1	0.821	1293	1181
2		Uncle Fucker	10-4-0	0.714	1282	1213
3		Lint Lickers	10-4-0	0.714	1224	1178
4		ScoobyDoo	8-5-1	0.607	1245	1209
5		Rolling Vengeance	8-6-0	0.571	1256	1250
6		Olympic Cry-Babies	7-7-0	0.500	1160	1186
7		PointFiveDonkey	7-6-1	0.536	1229	1211
8		Superion	7-6-1	0.536	1190	1204
9		Philthy Bastards	5-9-0	0.357	1215	1237
10		Crotch's Penetrators	4-10-0	0.286	1194	1254
11		Team Sweet T	2-11-1	0.179	1131	1187
12		Pittsburgh Maulers	2-11-1	0.179	1111	1220

In other words, Joy's got the top rank, going into the season after back to back championships.  And Ben, who was destroying the rest of the league last season until about week 6 is ranked at number 2.  The biggest surprise of all is that I am ranked at 9th place, as king of the losers (that is, the highest ranked team who doesn't make the playoffs).  As this is all silly nonsense, I've come up with my own rankings.

First, rankings of the team names:

Lint Lickers :  Not sure why, but just a really nice catchy team name.
Taco for the Win : Nice The League reference.  Kinda derivative, but great show, so good on you.

PointFiveDonkey : Randomness always scores big with me and this is about as random as you'll get.

Philthy Bastards : It's a great name and you know it.

Rolling Vengence : Nice and authoritative, though marred horribly by the fact that Patrick is yet to medal in the league.  UPDATE:  Woah, Patrick called me out on this and he is completely right.  Turns out that Patrick was the 2009 League Champion.  Shows how memorable it was huh?

Superion :  Scores points for the tansformers reference and making the team name a family affair.  But really?    The Aerialbots?  The transformers who fly, even though all transformers can fly in robot form?

Uncle Fucker : Nice South Park reference.  Ridiculously catchy song and bonus points for going crude.

Crotch's Penetrators : I like going right for the gutter here, hoss, but I know you well enough to know that you've got better puns than this.  (For those that don't know, we call the manager of this team "Crutch".)

Olympic Cry Babies : If this is a reference to anything besides the Olympics, then it's lost on me...

Pittsburgh Maulers : I've never been a big fan of naming a FFL team after an NFL team.  This comes dangerously close.  (Is this a pun?  Is there a Pittsburgh Mall?)

ScoobyDoo :  Like the 5th season with the team name.  So, yay for consistency, but eh overall.

Team Sweet T : Conjures up a nice relaxing picture in my mind.  This isn't relaxing, this is war, baby!!!  (O, I get it, cuz her name starts with T....  Slightly better...)

Next, I was going to rank everyone by person.  Not team drafted or FFL acumen per se.  Just as a human being in general.  However, I don't know everyone in the league all that well, and I ran the risk of offending some people.  So, I split the list, and here it is, in no particular order:

Winners:

• Phil
• Sean Kuprevich (The second nicest guy ever)
• Marie (for being wise enough to step aside and allow me to ascend to my rightful place at the top of the league)

Losers:

• Mike
• Crutch
• Kookie
• RA Dave
• Skoot
• Patrick
• Missy
• Melanie
• Joy
• Terri
• Ben (And seriously?  Unhide your email account in the Yahoo! league.  You're the only one.  Don't be that guy.)

Now, a few awards from the draft:

The "Yeah, that was probably a good idea" Award goes to Joy for picking the #1 ranked player with the #1 draft pick.

The "Balls, Pure Balls" Trophy goes to Kookie for picking up a TE in the second round.

The Telsa Award for thinking way the fuck outside the box and risking it all goes to Skoot for going autodraft when he could have been there, just to see what would happen.

And Speaking of autodraft, The Zig Ziglar Memorial Award goes to Missy for actually planning her autodraft and subsequently ranking higher than 2/3 of the league.

The IS EVERYONE TAKING CRAZY PILLS??? Medal goes to both Ben and Patrick for using their first round picks on Detroit Players.  (I know that they are both crazy highly ranked, but c'mon - It's Detroit.)

The Dammit, Jim It's Fantasy Football and These Points Don't Care About Actual NFL Wins Award goes to Terri, for picking up Cam Newton as her starting QB.

The KICKERS WIN GAMES Award goes to Missy for the first Kicker picked up (in Round 5 no less!).  And let me just say:  How the FUCK did I not take the first kicker this year???  Freaking autodraft!

The Kookie Award goes to ... MELANIE????  Though a Kookie by marriage, I'm kinda surprised that she picked up the first move.  Good on you, Melanie.

The DAYUM Award for randomness goes to Crutch for having his TE get cut in the NFL for taking a pay cut, apparently forgetting that he as a Tight End on the Seahawks.  (Wait, Crutch picked up two TEs?  DAYUM!  Still works...)

The We Learn From last Season Award goes to Phil and Mike G for picking up a *really* solid starting QB and then picking up a highly ranked rookie QB, just in case.  (Stupid Cam Newton taught us this early last year...)

The Dave... Seriously? Award goes to RA Dave.  Bless his heart...  He picked up a TE in the second round, before picking up a QB. And then, when he did pick up a QB, it was Big Ben Rothlisfuckithisnameistoolongtoworryabout.  Maybe this deperate gambit will work.  And maybe the Eagles will see the Super Bowl this year....

That's it for this week, kiddies!  Good luck to everyone!  Remember, get your things lined up by Tuesday!  (Nobody moving...  What should I do?  Oh, I know...)  Remember, get your things lined up but Tuesday... or else!

A Time Of Firsts

Being the cool folks that we are, Kristine and I were helping with the 3^rd Annual Fashion Unchained fundraiser recently for the Coalition to Unchain Dogs. Most of you reading this weren’t there and as such, aren’t as cool as we are. No worries, I’m sure you get by.

Anyway, part of the fun is the silent auction. Bidding for locally donated goods and services to benefit the group. Every year we win something and this year Kristine was determined to win a house cleaning service. Not only because she likes a clean house, but also because they were a “green” service and this was a charity event. Of course we won; when she’s determined, she can strike down other bidders like some kind of crazed Auction Ninja.

So this would be the first time we had a cleaning service. The timing was great because we had guests coming in for the weekend and we were also getting our AC repaired (unfortunately not a first). Kristine had already discussed the general plan of attack with the service’s general manager and I knew she could walk the cleaners through the details easily that morning. Which made it all the more fun when she said I’d have to do it because she was off to do other stuff. Leaving me in charge of anything aside from microwave popcorn was also a first, but probably not a good one.

I don’t know much about cleaning, but I do know about people’s general fear of dogs, and all of mine specifically, so at least I put them outside. But another first happened when they said they weren’t afraid. The deal was for 2 people for 2 hours. Kristine left a priority list, mostly downstairs to up. I went over that with them and they suggested up to down as easier. I had to assume they knew their business so agreed.

I led them around and detailed things and then left them to it. A minute later they returned with a serious look and discussion. They needed bleach, or something stronger. Because they were a “green” service, they did not carry such chemicals. But because they didn’t have the sheer arm power of an orangutan or gritty skin like a crocodile, they could think of no other way to clean my bathroom. Even with the CLR I gave them, they were unsure.

About 1.5hrs into it, Kristine returned. Hearing they were upstairs, she thought they were almost done. I had to explain the change of plan to her and admit that most of the time seemed to have been spent in my bathroom. When she was done with the verbal abuse at that, she settled down a bit seeing them working so fast downstairs then. A 30 minute blur of vacuuming, mopping and wiping, and they were done.

We did a quick inspection and noticed that for the first time since we moved in, my bathroom actually looked like one. I got in the shower, and noticing just how much I could see yelled out, “I can see Russia from here!” I asked about the cleaning and CLR and they admitted that they got dizzy a lot in the small space, but took turns. That’s some serious willpower there.

Turns out they threw out anything they thought of as trash. My soap is missing. How sad is that if someone thinks your soap is dirty?!

May your “firsts” be ever more pleasant.

AI 11: Top 8 (2 weeks worth)

AI 11: Top 8

This week is interesting as it's 80s week.

Deandre – Ok, for once he wasn't horrible. I could have done with a few less high notes, but he didn't over do it as much and he can actually sing the rest of the range as way.

Elise – A bit off this week, just didn't sound exactly right. I did like the interpretation, but something just didn't click.

Phillip – I missed this entirely. Just sounded flat or something.

Joshua – The judges raved here, and I think he could just screech for 5 minutes and they'd rave. I wish he wouldn't do that so we could see if he can actually sing or not.

Jessica – Ok, this was actually just bad. Like karaoke. The fakeness shines through here. It must sound different there because the judges loved it. Maybe my ears are popping or something tonight.

Hollie – Could sing opera, broadway or Celine Dion. But pop? Maybe not. Similar to Jessica, she sings fine and has a great voice and projection, but something is just off.

Colton – Another great performance and yet his voice still seems weak. And enunciation with the word “time” struck me as odd.

Skylar – No.

They were all bad. Compared to prior weeks anyway. I won't even bother thinking much on this, just push through and see what America thinks.


Top 7

Alright, now things are at least starting out good. The theme this week is recent stuff – 2010 to present.

Skylar kicked it off with a Kelli Pickler song, which was a bold choice. And she did well. She's always has the energy going, but this week she managed not to crack her voice or sound thin.

Colton followed with a ballad and was strong throughout.

Jessica did great with Stuttering. This was the first time I heard her sing and didn't think “fake”. It was a good song choice and she showed a wide range of talent there.

Joshua finally did a non-ballad and managed to not screech! I didn't particualrly care for the song itself but I am glad he did it. It showed his range of talent and stage performance. I wasn't wowed away, but that's more due to the song than his performance.

Hollie went with Perfect by Pink. Love that song but I didn't like her version. I can appreciate that she went with different style there, and her look improved quite a bit. But the start of the song was a bit jarring. Overall it may be seen as an improvement (hard for any of them to do worse than last week), but the problem here is that all the other people improved far more.

Phillip went Maroon 5 and I like that he didn't slow it down as much as he had with other songs, and that he dropped his voice but without going gravelly. Well done on being different, but was surprised by the judges' lack of enthusiasm.

Elise was on point again. I've liked her voice from the beginning, we'll see if it's enough.

On some non-voting notes, I found some of the performers comments interesting. Colton clearly didn't like being compared to Phillip (and perhaps doesn't like Phillip?), whereas Phillip seemed to like Colton. I like that Johua and Hollie are friends, but must be odd too in that situation. The friend-made video for how to vote for Elise
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcyh8y5yjRU
is funny.

From this point on it's hard to predict a bottom 3, but here I'd say Hollie is most at risk.

Wow, was shocked by the vote. And now we see the Chris Daughtry rule come into effect. Certainly the pressure is on now.