DFL 2018 Week 16: Merry Christmas - and Funk All Dis.

Well, it's Christmas Day, but that doesn't stop this train from rolling on.  I'm sure that by now everyone is full of Christmas cheer, merriment, and spirit of the season.  Oh, and bitter rage.

OK, Keep it together, Phil... Keep it together.  Anyways, I'll keep it short this week because there are fewer and fewer games that matter and, I mean, come on. It's Christmas.

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Pick 'ems!  Well, as good as last week was, this week was at least consistent in its mediocrity.  Phil, Crutch, and Mike all went 2-2, while Benbot pulled up the rear at 1-3.  There was some variation, but everyone missed on picking Patrick, and everyone hit on Kyle.  So, one last time for Josh:

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That leaves us with the following for the post-season:
Phil:  6-2
Crutch:  6-2
Mike:  6-2
Ben:  4-4

And overall:
Phil:  62
Crutch:  53
Josh:  49
Mike:  47
Ben:  46
Terri:  27

Normally, I would go from highest score to lowest score, but, ironically, it's reverse of that in order of importance.   So, we'll start at the highest seeded game to the lowest this week.

Patrick (1st seed: 50.81) vs Josh (5th seed:  76.88).  Boy oh boy, the upsets keep rolling in Josh's favor.  On Patrick's side, Rivers shits the bed, Cooper shits the bed, Kelce shits the bed...McCaffrey and Crosby hit projections, but it really doesn't matter.  Josh's insane running back core did their work and Rothlisberger decided that nothing's over til it's over.

Nothing's over, just get me something to drink!

Mike (2nd seed: 82.84) vs. Ben (3rd seed: 64.80).  Mike came out swinging.  Woods, Anderson, and Williams all had 15+ point games.  Brees was a little slower, only pulling in 11 points.  Sadly Gronk wasn't even looked at on Sunday.  Ben put his best foot forward, but really only Mahomes stepped up.  Unfortunately, it wasn't enough, and Mike sallies forth.

Evil Ash, notwithstanding.

D (8th seed:  83.81) vs. Phil (4th seed:  60.04).  Dammit.  D's team kicked ass and my team collapsed. 

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Sadly, not even with that much style...

Kyle (6th seed: 96.06) vs. Crutch (7th seed:  81.88).  Well, look who stepped up!  Kyle's team exceeded expectations pretty much across the board.  Considering that he was projected to win in the first place, it was kind of a slaughter.  So, when Crutch very kindly asked not to be in the bitch bowl, this was Kyle's response:

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So, that means with the results of the semi-final round that it'll be Josh vs Mike in the Championship (neither have won the gold before - huzzah!) and Patrick vs Ben in the race for bronze next week.  Of course, we'll also be looking at Phil vs Crutch for the bitch bowl.  Who can be the biggest post season loser???  D and Kyle will also face off, but really who cares about that?

And on a completely unrelated note... Foles is tearing it up again down the stretch... How freaking cool would it be if he were able to sneak the Eagles into the playoffs this year??

We're all counting on you, St. Nick.

DFL 2018 Week 15: It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times...

... Oh who am I kidding?  It was only the blurst of times!  I mean did you see those games???

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Yeah, it's going to be a bitter blog post.  So get ready....

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So, the good news is that we have only 2/3 the number of games this week as we did last.  And next week we'll only have half of that number... well, only half that count at least....  So, we'll do the quick, quick version of the write up from here on out

This kid gets it.

Pick ems!  OK this was kind of a gimme.  All of the games were slated to be blow outs.  So, everyone, except the Ben bot (who made his selections too soon) bingo'ed this week.  The playoff totals?

Phil:  4-0

Crutch:  4-0

Josh:  4-0

Ben:  3-1

Which brings the total for the season to:

Phil:  60

Crutch: 51

Josh:  49

Mike:  45

Ben:  45

Terri:  27

And .. the games:

Ben (3rd seed: 86.99) vs Kyle (6th seed: 46.16).  Really the only blow out of the week.  And accordingly, Ben pulls in the beat down of the week this week. On Ben's side of the ball, everything was coming up Aces.  Prerry much everyone but Ebron and Houston D met or blew away expectations.  And even better news for Ben is that pretty much nobody on his team is on the injury report...  Looking good, Ben...  Kyle, on the other hand... made all the right choices, and none of them panned out.  Just a really bad time to go belly up, really.

Patrick (1st seed: 65.67) vs D (8th seed: 62.36).  This should have been lambs to the slaughter.  Patrick was estimated to blow the barn doors off, and he *barely* eeked out a win here.  And that was only on Monday night.  When McCaffery threw a touch down.  O man... What a nail biter.  D - Yeah...  your team just stunk it up.  Except for Hopkins and Fairbairn, who carried you.  But, man wouldn't it have been great for another 8 seed to advance??

Mike (2nd seed:  60.99) vs Crutch (7th seed: 56.51).  Well, this was pretty much the battle of good QBs doing badly.  :( Running backs kicked ass, and Kickers kicked ass... everyone else... kinda eh.  I would be whole-heartedly cheering for Mike here, but he was only using 1 TE this week.  I mean, his other TE didn't actually score, so it would have cost him the game, but I do like a little razzle dazzle.

Josh (5th seed: 55.54) vs Phil (4th seed: 52.35).  OK, if you've seen my Facebook feed today you know that I'm pretty much in hate with Alvin Kamara right now.  Yes, he was the top scorer on my team, but he also screwed me pretty hard in not 1 but 2 (and maybe 3) leagues.  Outside of Allen leaving the game on his first attempted pass, Josh's team did pretty well across the board.  This was the only upset this week. So, well done, Josh!  Go kick some ass.

And that's it!  Kyle, D, Crutch, and I now compete to avoid being playoff bitch.  And Ben, Patrick, Mike, and Josh are all still vying for the gold.  Good luck everyone! See you next week!

DFL 2018 Week 14: Goodbye Regular Season (with a bang!!)

Well, that was a painful week, wasn't it?  I mean kinda across the board, people just shitting their pants. Crutch got stuck in traffic and couldn't make his pick 'em picks, I scored the third most points and still received the beat down of the week, Stephen starting Goff and somehow loses him 7 points and thus boots him from the playoffs, and Terri coming within a quarter of a point of a spite win over her dear husband.

Yeah, that kinda sums it up, doesn't it?

Let's go from Turrible to Wonderful.   We got ourselves a second week in a row with a bingo.  Last week, it was Crutch, this week, Josh!  THen, Phil went 5-1, Mike 4-2, and Ben-bot rounds us out at 2-3.  Which leaves us like this for the pick 'ems for the regular season:

Phil:  56 (Gold)

Crutch: 47 (Silver)

Mike:  45 (Bronze)

Josh:  45 (Bronze)

Ben:  42

Terri:  27

So, congrats to Josh for sneaking into a tie for Bronze right at the last minute!!

Bonus:  Mike has to share 3rd place now.  hehe

Don't forget - we continue on with the pick 'ems next week into the playoffs.  We'll reset to do a play offs only contest and an overall one.  So, go make those picks!

On to the games!

Patrick (131.26) vs. Phil (74.65).  I think that we can all agree with on thing here: Fuck.  This. Game.  Good lord, Brady *finally* wakes up for me, only to have pretty much all of Patrick's starters go double digits.  Going into the playoffs no less.

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And that's all that I have to say about that.

Ben (89.20) vs. Crutch (51.87).  The good news for Crutch?  Finally, Mahomes was contained.  The bad news?  Jones, Mixon,Ebron, and Hilton were not.  They REALLY were not.  To be fair though... Hats off to Crutch for holding on hope by keeping Hunt on the bench.  He's definitely not coming back this season, but don't tell Crutch...

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Kyle (70.20) vs. Skoot (48.73).  Well, Skoot did about as expected....  Ryan and Barkley kicked ass, and the rest were also starters.  For Kyle?  Luck kept quietly pulling in massive points, Juju was Juju and everyone else was just good enough to snag a win right when he needed it the most.  As a side note, feels kinda like Kyle might have enough late season talent to make a run at the Championship.  Keep your eyes peeled.

Josh (61.43) vs. McClennen (58.88).  Josh could have rested on his laurels here and just taken the easy win from a guy who gave up in September.  But good for him that he didn't because he barely eeked this one out. The fact that Fournette and Diggs barely suited up this week was probably making Josh sweat about sneaking into the playoffs.  But with an almost 3 point victory, Josh pulls in the win and a playoff berth.  

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D (59.65) vs. Stephen (54.19).  OK, let's be clear about this one right up front.  D didn't so much win this one, as Stephen lost it.   And really, through no fault of his own. I mean, who would have thought that the G mean would go crazy to the tune of 40 points against the Skins?  Moreover.. Goff with *4* interceptions?  Ugh.. Did NOT see that one coming! This game was do or die for both teams and D did.  As a side note, if D rides a successful Prescott through December, I'm officially calling shenanigans on the NFL in general.  

Mike (44.22) vs. Terri (43.96).  This was ... a sad game.  Less than 90 points total, and really the only break out was Gronk. I,  mean, I didn't realize he was still starting.  O wait.. he's playing D now... badly.

Miracle In Miami

(Yeah, I could pretty much watch that all day.)

Anyway, well done for making this razor close, in a game that didn't really matter anyways.

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So, where does that leave us?  Well, first off, 4 teams short starting this week.  So, to Stephen, Skoot, Terri, and McClennen, enjoy the off season and be glad that you don't ahve to put up with the stupid tomfoolery for the next three weeks.  And since I'm pretty sure that most of you have stopped reading the write ups a few months ago, let me just say:

Everyone else?  Well, the real season starts now.  Playoffs are the best part of the season...  until they are done, of course.  At which time, they are stupid and suck.  So, Good luck everyone!  May upsets abound!

DFL 2018 Week 13: We're not playing golf, right?

So.. Didja see the scores this week?  Cuz they were... not high..

Well, low score... but you get the idea...

Like only two people broke 70 points:  Patrick, because he's Patrick and none of his players are beat up at all, and D... because shit:

Now, to be honest, this was a pretty harsh week for players too.  McCoy is gone for the year (and this point, you kinda have to feel bad about the skins at this point...), Hunt was cut (and toxic as hell - even the Cowboys aren't touching him!), Green is gone for the year, Conner *might* be done this year, Brieda got banged up again, and just for good measure.... Olsen is gone too.  So, that kinda explains the low scores to some degree...

(Oh, and I just saw that Sanders has a torn ACL as well...)

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Pretty much the NFL right now.....

But even with this tomfoolery, big news.  (See what that was?  It was a segue)

Erm, not that... never that.

Pick 'ems.  We had our first bingo since September.  And it couldn't have happened to a worse person... Crutch bingo'ed this week, which means that he's officially in striking distance of first place, just in time for  the last week of the regular season.  (Spoilers:  that would be next week.)

This was the break down for this week:  Crutch up top with 6-0, Then Josh and Phil with 4-2, Mike goes even at 3-3, and Ben's bot does a paltry 2-4.  That leaves the standings going into the last week of the regular season at:

Phil: 51
Crutch: 47
Mike:  41
Ben: 40
Josh:  39
Terri:  27

So, there's a long shot for first place and a knock down drag out fight for 3rd place...  One week left and then we reset for the playoffs, and we'll do an overall season prize as well.  So, another chance to get in on it, if you've been on the fence!

I think that I've danced around it enough... let's get to the games, such as they are...

Patrick (93.70) vs Kyle (63.21).  Yeah, Patrick *savaged* Kyle here.  I don't even know how he wound up not pulling in the beat down of the week.  Oh, right.  Skoot's in the league - at least on paper.  Kyle actually had some impressive performances, with 3 players in double digits.  Oddly, Luck was absent from this list.  (Not sure if anyone's been following, but Luck was the 4th highest scoring player in the league until last week.)  Unfortuately for Kyle, Patrick came in with gunz blazing.  4 players hit double digits, with two of them close to 20 points and another actually over 20.  This was a fine game, fellas. 

Well, for Patrick at least...

D (75.80) vs Crutch (69.98).  Well, this was certainly the closest of the games.  And considering that a combined 31 points were scored by the kickers and another 10 by the DEFs, the points didn't really come from where you'd expect.  Well done, on having 3 players in double digits, but still losing, Crutch.  (And don't worry, I got bitten by LaCrosse too.  What can a TE do when he's not targeted?)  This was a critical game for D to win, as it keeps his post season hopes alive.  It's going to an uphill battle going against Stephen next week, but doable.  Maybe.

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Josh (67.83) vs Skoot (31.34). Oh, *There's* the beat down of the week. Josh trounces Skoot.Keenan Allen went mad crazy and the Ware acquisition was perfectly timed.  Going forward, it looks like Josh has made some pretty solid moves to both get him into the post season and also to keep him viable. 

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Ben (64.90) vs McClennen (44.13).  Ben had a massive game here.  Even though there was some shake up in KC, Mahomes still came out swinging after his BYE week, pulling in 30 points. McClennen has a player goose egg (ouch - Indy shut out by JAX - never good for a kicker!) and his D go WAY negative.  The big question is whether McClennen goes crazy this week and acts as spoiler to his opponent. 

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Phil (61.73) vs Terri (48.65).  This one had me sweating a good bit.  At variou times each team was up and nobody ever rally ran away with it.  This is what it looked like:

Any time that I play a Garaffa, I always want to crush completely.  This was not that.  But a win is a win, no matter how very, very ugly.

I'm just sayin'....

Mike (59.54) vs Stephen (51.94).  This... this was a genuinely surprising game.  Brees AND Goff both got shut down her.  Gurley was the only one who really dominated, and everyone else was ... OK, I guess?  Except for the Washington D.  The Eagles kinda manhandled them...

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This is Eagle man-handling.... Not good.

And that's about it!  We've got one more regular season game.  Patrick, Mike, Phil, and Ben all have been locked in to the playoffs.  Josh and Crutch are pretty much in, but not guaranteed.  Kyle, Stephen, and D are all on the husp.  (And if I had to pick a favorite, I would probably go with Stephen, who just picked up Jaylen Samuels, who is going to be Pittsburgh's #1 RB unless Conner can make it back in time. Oh, and he can also be played as a tight end too.  Ugh....)  Skoot, Terri, and McClennen..... thanks for playing, but it's pretty much end of the road for you guys.

So, whether you are playing for a playoff berth, or just tying to put off how long it will be before Patrick kicks you out of the playoffs, enjoy this next week.  Last regular season game, guys!  Let's make it a good one!

Surf's up, space ponies!  I'm making gravy without the lumps!!

DFL 2018: Week 12: That's how it's going to be, huh?

Well, we are just sliding along, aren't we?  A third of the league is on a 3 game streak.  Good for some (Ben, Stephen), and bad for others (Phil, Skoot).  I think that we can all agree that the really shitty thing is that as I take my third loss in a row, I'm not only bumped down to 3rd place, but somehow my clinched playoff spot from last week has disappeared.  AmIRightGuys???

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O, screw you too!!!

As a reminder, the elimination league is done, with Josh being the winner.  

So, no more reporting on that.

Next up... Pick 'ems!  Awful, awful week here, fellas.  Only 4 people made picks, and nobody climbed above .500 here.  It's like it was a holiday week or something.

OK, so technically, they have 2nd amendment rights too....

Anyways, Crutch and Mike both went 3-3, while Ben and I only pulled in 2-4.  To be fair, there were only 2 games that the favored team actually won.  Again, who can even guess at this point?  Anyway, Crutch is inching ever closer and Mike caught up to robo-Ben, leaving us like this:

Phil:  47

Crutch:  41

Mike:  38

Ben:  38

Josh:  35

Terri:  27

Keep your picks coming!  Only two more regular season games!!!

Let's look at the games!!!!

Patrick (97.89) vs. Josh (92.05).  Once again, the second highest scorer loses to the highest scorer.  And once again, it's Josh on the painful side of this match up...  Of course, this is the second week in a row that Josh has started Wentz.  So, we'll see where he goes next week. Sadly, as it stands right now, Fournette is going to be suspended next week, which will make things a little awkward for him.  But hey, I'm sure that an injured Wentz will surely pull some magic off, right?

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As for Patrick... man o man... His players are just turning it on down the stretch.  Both McCaffrey and Elliot went off.  And with this win, Patrick all but locks up the 1 seed in the playoffs, leaving the rest of us like this:

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Ben (70.47) vs. Skoot (52.51).  (Holy geez! Look at the drop off in points between the high scoring game and the next in line.  MASSIVE!  I would have hate to have lost that first game!)  Ben continues his winning streak and Skoot continues his losing streak.  Skoot had Barkley going off (so what else is new), and nobody else really doing anything.  On the plus side, he did keep his streak of playing short handed going.  Well done, Skoot! Ben lucked out that his back up QB didn't shit the bed on his golden boy's BYE week.  Mixon and Ebron also contributed nicely to the beat down of the week.  Ironically, the only pick that wasn't for Ben was actually FROM Ben.  So, congratulations?  I guess?

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Stephen (69.02) vs. Crutch (58.42).  Man... I keep thinking that Stephen is out and then his team just gets it together at just the right times.  Chubb is carrying the team righ tnow, but Cook and Adams certainly didn't hurt too much either.  Crutch did a solid job of treading water while HIS golden boys (Hill and Hunt) were on BYE, but it just wasn't enough.  Also, Crutch, you know that you can pull a quarterback who ISN'T playing in Tampa, right?  But who am I to question your QBs?

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Mike (64.97) vs. Phil (57.01).  I love Mike vs. Phil match ups.  They are always good to watch.  This one came down to Monday night.  As long as the new guy Thomas didn't get a touchdown, Phil should be able to take it.  Sadly, Thomas got not one, but two touchdowns and he not only won the game, but acended to 2nd place AND kicked Phil out in the process.  

I'm just sayin'...

Kyle (63.37) vs. Terri (61.21).  Man, what a shit situation this could have been for Kyle.  Terri has pretty much given up for the year (not undeservedly so), and Kyle was THIS close to dropping a game to her.  Luck and Juju (hehe - what a wonderful combination!) were enough to counter balance Cam and Miller, but mostly becaues Johnson didn't actually play this week.  So, Kyle keeps his play off hopes alive... barely.

McClennen (58.45) vs. D (48.23).  Well, McClennen, it certainly was nice of you to spot D TWO positions here.  Funches didn't play and you didn't even bother with a Defense.  D on the other hand somehow found a way to have his defense score less and threw pretty much a Hail Mary when starting Mullens.  I mean, I know that the Niners were only playing Tampa, but seriously?  Mullens?  Respect on the balls, man.    So, well done, McClennnen!  You've just pulled in back to back wins for the first time this season!  Dare you go for a hat trick?

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(I know, I know.. wrong sport, just go with me on this one.)

That's it, ladies and gentlemen!  Only two more weeks of regular season play!  Good luck!

DDFL 2018 Week 11: O geez O man! How close can we get??

I'm not sure if you have checked the scores today, but Yahoo! kinda was fucked today.   This morning, I checked the app and I had less total points than my players actually got.  Then, I checked on the web site, and I had both scored less points than my oponent AND I was on a winning streak.  It's settled down over the last few hours, so I think that Yahoo! has finally gotten its shit together.

I mean, seriously, Yahoo!  What are you?  Bing?

Anyways, assuming that the right scores are out there.... Jesus Murphy!  What a close week this was, pretty much across the board!!

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Well, that's what the bastard winners feel like.  The rest of us were more like the agent, here:

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Ugh... what a kick in the balls!  And if you won this week, well...

Ugh...  But maybe I'm telegraphing myself too much?  Anyways, FOUR of the games were within 2 points... that's insane!

Well, it took us the better part of the season, but we've finally got ourselves the first champion of the season!  THE ELIMINATION LEAGUE IS FINALLY OVER!!!!  McClennen takes the silver, as he took a strike with his ultimately ballsy move of choosing the Cardinals.  That would be insane most weeks, but it was mitigated by the fact that they were playing the Raiders.  Well, OK they were playing Derek Carr and a bunch of shitty no-names that aren't good enough to be traded.  But they were in Raiders uniforms.   So, there you go.   Anyways, way to go balls to the wall there, McClennnen.  And our Winner... Our Champion ...  Our "You know, that guy... who did the thing??" Josh!!  He took the Saints over the Eagles in what can charitably be called a terribly excruciating destruction.  Well done, good sir!

Live stream of Josh right now.

Pick ems!  So, you remember how I was saying that this week was really close?  Well, it showed in the pick 'ems.  Phil, Mike, and Josh all went 3-3.  Ben went 2-4.  But the big winner?  Crutch pulled in 5-1!  I asked how he was able to make such accurate picks in such a tight week.  Crutch declined to give specifics, but was quoted as saying:

Well done, Crutch.  That means that you jumped to second place.  Here's the full standings:

Phil:  45
Crutch:  38
Ben:  36
Mike:  35
Josh:  35
Terri:  27  (The games not over yet, Terri!  Plenty of time to get back in it!!)

Now, let's get into the games!  And just to point out what a screw up week this was, it should be noted that NOBODY actually made it to 80 points this week.  I mean, I know that we've lowered points and all, but damn.... this was a rough week....

Wasn't quite sure how to gif this, but I'd say that this
summarizes the situation nicely.

Ben (79.99) vs Patrick (77.98).  Well, Patrick through everything that he had at Ben this week, leaving only 6.85 points on the bench.  And had he started that guy, he would have won.  But really,  why the HELL would you start Jalen Richard over Alshon Jeffery?  You wouldn't.  This week was just stupid.  Ben, on the other hand, had plenty to spare.  The weird thing here is that his tight end scored -0.1 points... You know how?  He threw an incomplete pass.  And that's it. 

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(Picture unrelated, but isn't it beautiful?)

Mike (79.85) vs Kyle (78.11).  Battle of the veteran QBs just beating on each other!!!  Kyle's Luck racked up 21 points, and Mike's Brees threw down 27.  Pretty much every postion lined up points-wise, which is interesting.  The big difference here being that Mike's Jordan Reed pulling in solid double digits.  It's almost like the primary QB was bent in a very unnatural way, which lead to the back up QB dumping the ball off a lot.  Almost like that..

I saw the actual hit and believe me, this is easier to watch.

D (77.71) vs Skoot (53.50).  OK, so *technically* Skoot started a full roster.  It's just that two of his players goose egged, and another was left with a single point.  So, even though D's defense went WAY negative, he still was able to administer the beat down of the weak.  Also, just a quick side note... D has Manning and Stafford as QBs.... talk about having to pick from only terrible choices each week.  Geez!

Lemme just look up this reference... o dear... no more using this joke...

Terri (68.41) vs Josh (60.66).  Woah!  Look at Terri!  Pulling in her third win of the season!  Really, the only mistake that she made was putting in the wrong LA Defense.  (To be fair, the Chargers were projected at 5, but only pulled in -0.4, and the Rams were projected at -0.82 and pulled in 6.13 - so who the hell even knows any more???) As for Josh...Well, he had Kirk Cousins, who pulled in 11.47 points.  NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  He also had Big Ben, who scored 15 points.  STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH!  So he went and picked up Carzon Wentz, who had a mind-boggingly bad -4.8 points and cost him the game.  Maybe a little QB heavy, man... Maybe...  Also, fun side note, Josh actually snaked Wentz away from me on the waiver wire last week... so, like thanks for jumping on that grenade for me, buddy.

Terri - I'm still on your roster, but unable to play for the rest of
the year.  Can you cut me so that I can go back to Florida?

McClennnen (65.77) vs Crutch (64.96).  Man, talk about razor thin victories.  This wasn't even a point of separation.  But hey!  McClennen just doubled his number of wins in a single week!  It really should have been a gimme going into Monday night, but it was a nail biter since Crutch had Hell and Hunt still left to play.  Even though there was over 100 points on Monday night, they couldn't quite put Crutch over the top.

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Stephen (62.74) vs Phil (61.71).  Uggh... I hate being in the "Well, someone has to win" bowl.  But here we are, and it was CLOSE again.  Going into Monday night, I said "Well, as long as Goff doesn't go crazy, I should have this one."  Anyone wanna guess what happened?  Yeah, ANOTHER one of my TEs went on IR.  Oh, yeah, and Goff went buck wild, giving Stephen the game.  And this guy went wild:

Also, side note.  "Goff Gif" is ridiculously fun to type and say.

So, that's it!  Another week in the books.  We're in the short rows now, fellas.  Two teams locked in playoff berths (Patrick and Phil). There's still a lot of competition for the lower slots.  So, have at it!  (McClennen and Terri, I think that if you can make a run here, you're still technically not out yet..  So, keep pounding, as they say.)

DFL 2018 Week 10: The short, short version.

Hey guys...  Well, it's that time of year again.  Where the leaves are changing color, it's getting just a little cooler, and football is in high gear.  Oh, yeah, and my kids are bringing home every conceivable illness to share with me.

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So, yeah, I could lament that I took another heartbreaking loss this week *cough*bullshit*cough*. 

I could get excited that Le'veon decided to sit and what wonderful news that is for any owners of Conner...

Statement from GM Kevin Colbert on RB Le’Veon Bell:

"I want to confirm that Le’Veon Bell did not sign his Franchise Tender today and, as a result, he will not be eligible to play football during the 2018 season."

— Pittsburgh Steelers (@steelers) November 13, 2018

Sorry, Terri.  :(

But I'm not going there.  I'm going to bed.  At least I will be, once this post is officially out there for your consumption.

So.. On with the show!!!!

Elimination league.  Man,I really thought that there was going to be at least one strike handed out this week.  Browns beat the Falcons, Bills going hog wild on the Jets, Titans thwomping the Pats, and Dallas toasting da iggles....But no.  McClennen and Josh both picked KC over Arizona (to be fair, this had a massive spread too), and both advance.  

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Pick 'ems.  Well, if last week was the week of painful groans for shitty picks, this week was the week of cheearful huzzahs! for good picks.  Phil, Crutch, Mike, and Josh all went 4-2.  Ben went 3-3.  And Terri - Oh man!! Terri forgot to make picks!!  So, that leaves us with:

Phil: 42

Ben: 34

Crutch: 33

Mike: 32

Josh: 32

Terri:  27

So, pretty much everyone is within striking distance of each other... Well... I'm kinda ahead, but there are still 4 more weeks of the regular season, so plenty of time for me to fuck up.

Let's get into the games, shall we?

Stephen (111.12) vs. McClennen (55.03).  Geez Louise!!  Stephen, you are the streakiest of the streaky.  When you win, you REALLY FREAKING WIN.  This is the second time this season that you scored the most points in the week, delivered the beat down of the week, AND doubled your competitor's point total.  As for McClennen... Well, on the plus side, you have the longest streak in the league.  I mean 7 in a row isn't something to shake a stick at... Well, it kinda is, but for all of the wrong reasons.

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Patrick (96.24) vs. D (73.58).  Patrick knocked this one right the hell out of the park.  Zeke and McCaffrey topped 50 points by themselves.  And D?  Well, you did hit line up Nirvana, even though one of your starters did goose egg.  (And he did start too - he just missed as many PATs as he made....)  So, Patrick, with this win, you climb right into 1st place...

Dammit.

Josh (86.07) vs. Mike (68.24).  Well, this was a slugfest!  Josh started Thursday night off with a 30+ game by Big Ben.  Mike responded with a 26 point game by Brees.  So Josh responded by unleashing Gordon for a 17 point game.  Mike said Ha!  Gurley also has a 17 point game! Sadly, that's about all that Mike had, as Josh also had Allen and Fournette waiting with double digit games.  Does anyone care that both Defenses shit the bed?

Yeah, didn't think so...

Ben (77.55) vs. Terri (57.25).  Well, Ben's TE was pretty much the super star here.  Well done, Ebron! And Terri....  Well Terri's got her ass kick more by BYE weeks than poor player performance.  She had 3 double digit performances, but 2 starters on BYE.  Shoulda Woulda Coulda... but didn't.  Ben - time for an interview?

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(I don't know, man.  It's getting late!)

Kyle (68.65) vs. Phil (66.10).  Man... Kyle EEEEKED this one one out.  By a skinny 2 point margin.  Lots of things to talk about here, but the big story is that Luck outscored Brady by 14 points ... because of reasons.  Also to note here, Kyle pulls in the YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR Award for pulling in a win when nobody chose him. (Which, of course, bumped me from first place.)

Crutch (65.21) vs. Skoot (63.68).  With an even SMALLER margin, Crutch pulls in a win this week against the 10th ranked Skoot.  Let's be honest here, we were all secretly rooting for Skoot to pull in another short handed win, weren't we? And he almost did it too!  If Saquon could just get back into beginning of season form, Skoot would have walked away with the win here.  

OK fellas, we're staring down week 11 and that means only one more week of BYEs.  Good luck.

DFL 2018 Week 9: Hey - Where'd everybody go?

Well, week 9 has come and gone and this week set the record for something....  The most teams with incomplete line ups.  Yeah, I'm going there this week.  It's gonna be a shame type week, fellas (and lady).

I knew that I'd be able to get this gif in here before the end of the season!

First off, Ben started a TE that was on BYE.  Granted, Ben has been known to take actions on some weird twisted principle before (see last year where he hung onto a dude on IR all year to protest the terrible policy of having 4 bench slots) and he is on the record as hating the devoted TE slot (not sure if you noticed), but this really bit him in the ass this week.

Sorry - this was the safest for work gif that I could find of "bite in the ass."
On completely related note, the internet is a weird place....

The top 17 tight ends this week would have pushed Ben to victory this week.  And I'm sure that he's going to post something about devoted TE being a BS position, but we all know that when he says that, it just means that he loves me.

Next up, Josh.  He had a full line up going into Monday night.  Just a defense to play and down by a scant 30 points.  I woke up on Tuesday to see that he had pulled his DEF and started nobody.  Why would he do this?  Dude figured a way to get a free pick up before the waivers kicked in.  Either he gets a few pidly points to narrow the gap a little or he finds himself  a player who hasn't played yet this week, and thus not be put into waivers. 

That's French for "Josh is a cheating bastard."

Well played, Josh... well played....

And Lastly, the King of non full starters, Skoot.  He hasn't started a full roster for 3 weeks. but then again he's won most of those games, so who the hell am I to question his strategy?  I guess that he really wanted to put his strategy to the test this week, because he had *3* starters on BYE this week and he still pulled out a win.

I mean... keep it up?   I guess?

But let's get down to it, shall we?

Elimination League.  3 players, 3 different picks.  Josh went with Chicago (and advanced to week 10), McClennen picked Carolina (and advanced to week 10), and Phil picked Dallas (and thus proved that you never EVER make a pick for Monday night - I mean Dallas was coming off a BYE, AT HOME, AGAINST THE TITANS.  FFS, how much more can the stars align?  They had like a 9 point spread!!)  So, well done McClennen and Josh for making it to week 10.  As for me....

Pick ems. This was....  it was not a banner week for us, y'all.

Terri topped the picks with 4-2.  Ben and Crutch kept each other honest at 3-3.  Phil and Josh stunk up the place at 2-4.  And Mike... well Mike tried his best at 1-5.  Kyle screwed all of the picks up with his upset, and Skoot wasn't too far behind with his THREE benched player.  Ugh....

That leaves the standings like this:
Phil:  38
Ben:  31
Crutch:  29
Mike:  28
Josh:  28
Terri:  27

So, the gaps is closing.  And if everyone could stop having upsets, I'd be just dandy...

Big week, big games.  Let's get to them!

Patrick (95.65) vs. Crutch (62.65).  This game was actually projected pretty close.  But then Patrick just ex-freaking-ploded. (I mean, like, not literally.)  McCaffrey, Kelce, and Whatever Defense Plays Buffalo all went mad this week.  Crutch tied to keep up with Hunt being Hunt and Fitzmagic both kicking some serious ass.  For you, Crutch, to ease the pain:

That's *FITZ*magic to you,sir!

Phil (89.20) vs. Josh (59.05).  On paper this seems like it should have been closer.  On my team, Landry, Ingram, an Houston didn't really live up to expectations.  But really when Conner and Kamara are on the field, does it really matter?  Josh responds that when Cousins and Moore shit the bed so bad, you just bench your D and make player moves.

Mike (77.33) vs. Ben (75.81).  So much to be happy about in this game!  Ben loses! (yay!)  Ben loses because of his own orneriness!  (Double yay!)  Mike wins, but he knows that Ben wasn't at full strength! (huzzah!)  I picked Mike to win! (what what????)  Mike is inching dangerously close to first place.  (Oh... Damn.)

Sad face indeed...

Kyle (71.42) vs. Stephen (67.55).  This was a really close game.  Both teams had a player in the 20+ range.  Both teams had 3+ players in double digits.  And both teams had middling players.  The difference?  Stephen started the Washington D, and they pulled in -4 points against Atlanta.  On paper, makes a lot of sense.  In application, it cost him the game.  Like I always say: "Defenses lose games."

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D (55.86) vs. Terri (55.17).   A bed wettingly close game, this one.

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Ok that might have been a little too much.  Anyways, whereas the previous game was decided by a bad defense, this was was decided by a bad QB.  That is to say D's QB Stafford who went -6 points.  I mean 10 sacks?  What the hell Detroit O line? So, had Stafford be just a liiiiitle bit worse, Terri might have been able to steal this game.

Skoot (54.76) vs. McClennnen (53.35).  OK seriously.  I've been staring at this game for like 5 minutes now.  Where the hell did this go off the rails?  McClennen was projected at almost double Skoot's points.  Yet somehow Skoot's starters (you know, the ones who actually played...) managed to eek a victory in here.  So, hail to the underdogs, I guess.

This game did not warrant a .gif.  So, you get nothing.
Static at that.

Alright.. that's about it for now.  Remember trade deadline is this week,if you're into that sort of thing.

DFL 2018 Week 8: So .. much .. pain...

Well, this week was kind of a kick in the butt, wasn't it?

Well, I guess that it is always for about half the league, but this week seemed really off for some reason.  I can't even really put my finger on it...  I mean the Eagles won (internationally, no less!), the Panthers kicked the shit out of the best ranked defense in the league, and the Cowboys somehow even lost on their week off:

hmmmm.. whatever could it be?

O, right.... But more on that bullshit later.

First up, elimination league!  3 Remaining picks, all three made, all were different (Josh with Pittsburgh, McClennen with Washington, and Phil with Chicago), and all were successful.  So, the three way contest goes into week 9!

And as a side note, if we all go out on the same week, I'm going to lose my ever loving shit.  It's too late in the season for a tie!!

I'm just sayin'...

Pick 'ems, Pick 'ems, Pick 'ems....  big divergence here this week....  Mike and Josh went 5-1, Phil and Terri went 4-2, Crutch went 3-3, and Ben's stupid bullshit pre-picks went 2-4.  On the plus side, whenever Ben wins he'll take a hit on the pick'ems.  On the minus side, I played him this week.  So.... yay?  I think.  No...  Maybe?

Dammit.  I'm really confused by how to feel about Ben's win this week.
VERY CONFLICTED!!!

Anyways, that leaves the pick 'ems looking like this:
Phil:  36
Ben:  28
Mike: 27 (Woah!!!  Making moves!  If you didn't miss last week, you might be within striking distance of first!  Not to rub salt into the wound... OK, maybe a little salt)
Crutch: 26
Josh:  26
Terri: 23 (Still whooping the hell out of half the league though.  So, there is that, I guess.)

Mike (90.88) vs. D (86.74).  I know, I know, I know.  Nobody likes it when Mike pulls in the most points in a week.  But listen, his starters really pulled it together this week.  *3* of them hit double digits!  That's gotta be worth something. Well, it's worth a win.... WAIT A MINUTE!  You only played 1 TE this week!!  I thought that we had an agreement!  For shame!!!!

Don't make Iron Man sad, buddy.  Come on!

And D... man.  third highest points in the league this week, and pretty much everyone across the board turning in solid performances.  Sorry, man. Sometimes luck is just not with you.  And speaking of luck not being with you....

Ben (89.36) vs. Phil (85.27).  Yeah, how about this bullshit.  We had some super stars in this game right here.  Kamara and Conner both pulled in solid 20+ point games on my side, and Mahomes and Mixon also solidly over 20 points on Ben's side.  All understandable.  But then freaking Mark Mack of all damn people also turned in 22 point game.  And then Brady is kept from the end zone by the freaking Bills AND Houston can't get a handle on the Dolphins.  So, well done, Ben, on your vile win.

You made Putin happy.  Are you pleased with yourself?

Josh (80.21) vs. Kyle (71.28).  Josh looks up from this game and says "Oh, right....  That's what the beginning of a winning streak looks like."  The underdogs pulls it out.  Maybe it was because HE started two TEs.  I mean, I can't  guarentee it, but the evidence certainly points that way, doesn't it? Kyle, on the other hand... man.  The BYE weeks are just going to get you sometimes and this was his week.  

Next week, Kyle.  Next week....

Patrick (79.85) vs. McClennen (45.78).  Yeha, this is one of the two games that was just painful to see just how out of control it got.  Patrick pulled in a solid, solid performance.  4 players in double digits.  Always feels nice.  McClennnen, on the other hand... just nobody hit projects.  And the result was just a lifeless blob that Patrick couldn't help but beat to a pulp.

If you just heard "Nothing can stop The Blob!" in your head,
well done.  Well done, INDEED!

Crutch (75.57 - Nice Palendrome!) vs. Terri (69.73).  Pretty solid numbers around the board here.  The big disappointment on Crutch's team, of course, being Flacco.  But as many Flacco fans will tell you... He's just a turd burger propped up by tooth picks and fond memories of years gone by.  Crutch kinda dodged a bullet here, in that Terri just didn't play a defense.  A bold move, to be sure.  Sadly, there were three defenses that she could have picked up to steal this win.  (One was NO at Min, which would be risky, but SF @ Ari and Cin @ TB did seem pretty safe bets.)

So take the win, you lucky dog, you!

Stephen (74.40) vs. Skoot (37.59).  Let's just all agree that Stephen kinda really needed a win here.  And not only did he get it, but he got it by administering the beat down of the week.  And to add insult to injuring, he had the lowest score of any winning team this week.  Goff and Drake kinda carried the team.  Meanwhile, Skoot didn't start a QB, and he took a huge risk starting the Minnesota defense against the Saints.  (Hint:  it didn't pay off.)    So, Stephen gets a much needed win and Skoot slides down the rankings a bit more.  

via GIPHY

And thus ends this stupid freaking week.  I can only say one thing, really.

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