DFL 2018 Week 13: We're not playing golf, right?

So.. Didja see the scores this week?  Cuz they were... not high..

Well, low score... but you get the idea...

Like only two people broke 70 points:  Patrick, because he's Patrick and none of his players are beat up at all, and D... because shit:

Now, to be honest, this was a pretty harsh week for players too.  McCoy is gone for the year (and this point, you kinda have to feel bad about the skins at this point...), Hunt was cut (and toxic as hell - even the Cowboys aren't touching him!), Green is gone for the year, Conner *might* be done this year, Brieda got banged up again, and just for good measure.... Olsen is gone too.  So, that kinda explains the low scores to some degree...

(Oh, and I just saw that Sanders has a torn ACL as well...)

via GIPHY

Pretty much the NFL right now.....

But even with this tomfoolery, big news.  (See what that was?  It was a segue)

Erm, not that... never that.

Pick 'ems.  We had our first bingo since September.  And it couldn't have happened to a worse person... Crutch bingo'ed this week, which means that he's officially in striking distance of first place, just in time for  the last week of the regular season.  (Spoilers:  that would be next week.)

This was the break down for this week:  Crutch up top with 6-0, Then Josh and Phil with 4-2, Mike goes even at 3-3, and Ben's bot does a paltry 2-4.  That leaves the standings going into the last week of the regular season at:

Phil: 51
Crutch: 47
Mike:  41
Ben: 40
Josh:  39
Terri:  27

So, there's a long shot for first place and a knock down drag out fight for 3rd place...  One week left and then we reset for the playoffs, and we'll do an overall season prize as well.  So, another chance to get in on it, if you've been on the fence!

I think that I've danced around it enough... let's get to the games, such as they are...

Patrick (93.70) vs Kyle (63.21).  Yeah, Patrick *savaged* Kyle here.  I don't even know how he wound up not pulling in the beat down of the week.  Oh, right.  Skoot's in the league - at least on paper.  Kyle actually had some impressive performances, with 3 players in double digits.  Oddly, Luck was absent from this list.  (Not sure if anyone's been following, but Luck was the 4th highest scoring player in the league until last week.)  Unfortuately for Kyle, Patrick came in with gunz blazing.  4 players hit double digits, with two of them close to 20 points and another actually over 20.  This was a fine game, fellas. 

Well, for Patrick at least...

D (75.80) vs Crutch (69.98).  Well, this was certainly the closest of the games.  And considering that a combined 31 points were scored by the kickers and another 10 by the DEFs, the points didn't really come from where you'd expect.  Well done, on having 3 players in double digits, but still losing, Crutch.  (And don't worry, I got bitten by LaCrosse too.  What can a TE do when he's not targeted?)  This was a critical game for D to win, as it keeps his post season hopes alive.  It's going to an uphill battle going against Stephen next week, but doable.  Maybe.

via GIPHY

Josh (67.83) vs Skoot (31.34). Oh, *There's* the beat down of the week. Josh trounces Skoot.Keenan Allen went mad crazy and the Ware acquisition was perfectly timed.  Going forward, it looks like Josh has made some pretty solid moves to both get him into the post season and also to keep him viable. 

via GIPHY

Ben (64.90) vs McClennen (44.13).  Ben had a massive game here.  Even though there was some shake up in KC, Mahomes still came out swinging after his BYE week, pulling in 30 points. McClennen has a player goose egg (ouch - Indy shut out by JAX - never good for a kicker!) and his D go WAY negative.  The big question is whether McClennen goes crazy this week and acts as spoiler to his opponent. 

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Phil (61.73) vs Terri (48.65).  This one had me sweating a good bit.  At variou times each team was up and nobody ever rally ran away with it.  This is what it looked like:

Any time that I play a Garaffa, I always want to crush completely.  This was not that.  But a win is a win, no matter how very, very ugly.

I'm just sayin'....

Mike (59.54) vs Stephen (51.94).  This... this was a genuinely surprising game.  Brees AND Goff both got shut down her.  Gurley was the only one who really dominated, and everyone else was ... OK, I guess?  Except for the Washington D.  The Eagles kinda manhandled them...

via GIPHY

This is Eagle man-handling.... Not good.

And that's about it!  We've got one more regular season game.  Patrick, Mike, Phil, and Ben all have been locked in to the playoffs.  Josh and Crutch are pretty much in, but not guaranteed.  Kyle, Stephen, and D are all on the husp.  (And if I had to pick a favorite, I would probably go with Stephen, who just picked up Jaylen Samuels, who is going to be Pittsburgh's #1 RB unless Conner can make it back in time. Oh, and he can also be played as a tight end too.  Ugh....)  Skoot, Terri, and McClennen..... thanks for playing, but it's pretty much end of the road for you guys.

So, whether you are playing for a playoff berth, or just tying to put off how long it will be before Patrick kicks you out of the playoffs, enjoy this next week.  Last regular season game, guys!  Let's make it a good one!

Surf's up, space ponies!  I'm making gravy without the lumps!!

DFL 2017 Week 13: Ugh.. the pain.. it doesn't stop.

Well.. it's been a week.  A week that's seen 4 more teams lock down their playoff berth.  And in case you're wondering, no one of them wasn't me.

Ugh... but congratulations to Ben, Patrick, Josh, Kyle, Kerry, and D. They are all now guaranteed a post season. That leaves two spots open and three teams vying for them: Terri, Crutch, and Phil.  Terri and Crutch have more wins, but Phil's got more points.  So, all that Phil needs to do to sneak into the playoffs is to beat the competition this week.  And that competition would be the overall second ranked and second highest points total overall.  Well, then.....

ffffuuudge....

Pick 'ems!   Well, full picks this week.  Josh came out on top with 4-2, followed by Ben, Mike, and Terri pulling in 3-3.  Crutch limped along at 2-4.  Sadly, that wasn't the worst performance this week.  Phil tanked with an abysmal 1-5.  And that means that we have a new leader:

Ben:  49
Phil:  47
Crutch: 34
Josh:  31
Mike:  25
Terri:  25
Patrick:  15

 Lots of upsets this week and that just means that we've got a pretty dynamic game on our hands where anyone ... can... goddammit, Ben.  I mean, this is like your anti-minor all over again.  You make bullshit picks at the beginning of the season and somehow you bullshit your way to the top.

Complete side note here... did you know how awesome the ASL sign for bullshit is?

Cuz now you do.

All that being said, let chat on these games, shall we?

Ben vs. McClennen.  Holy fuck shit, Batman!  Ben broke into the centurian club here and delivered the beat down of the week.  Every freaking body on Ben's team was firing on all cylinders.  Ben's lowest scorer still beat most of McClennen's players.  This is kinda how this game felt:

While this was a meaningless game for Ben (he's long since locked down the 1st seed), it killed any of McClennen's post season dreams....

Josh vs. Skoot.  Again, pretty much everyone that Josh started was kicking all sorts of ass.  (Though, sadly, he was still 20 points lower than Ben in overall points this week.)  And Skoot.... well at least he put in most of his starters.  Most of them.  I mean, not starting Bell for the last 6 weeks was a bold choice, but good for Skoot for actually putting him in this week.  But Josh took it in typical, understated fashion:

Crutch vs. D.  Well, this sure was an interesting game...  D lost, but still secured a playoff berth.  Crutch won, and is fighting for the post season.  Also, the fact that the Miami D put up damn near 40 points for Crutch didn't hurt any either.  You've kinda got to feel for D, though.  He's got pretty much the streakiest team in the league.  Cousins is either crazy hot or terrible, last week Jones had a 30 point game, this week?  2 catches.  Well, get it out of your system now, I suppose, D.  And Crutch, savor the win while you can.  You're gonna need all of the help that you can muster to get into the playoffs...

What?  This was the first GIS hit for "savory".

Kyle vs. Patrick  Well, if this isn't a big old cup of what the hell happened?  Sure, Kyle put up a decent score here, but Patrick just shit the bed this week.  And what is going to make it hurt even more is that Gronk is suspended (at least for now) for 1 week.  So, his bench is going to be getting even more crowded.  Also, side note.  Kyle is still crazy Pat heavy.  So, the fact that he was somehow able to squirrel a win out of this  game when Tom Brady didn't see the end zone even once is nothing less than astonishing.

Kerry vs. Mike.  Well, Kerry hit line up Nirvana, while Mike..... Mike really REALLY didn't....  Mike almost scored as many points on his bench as he did with his starters.  Not much else to say about this one...

 Terri vs. Phil.  Last, and certainly least, Terri whooped on Phil this week.  So, that means that I'm ending the season as badly as I started it.  (Back to Back wins against the Gs at the front, and back to back losses against the Gs now.)  No huge stories in this game.  Terri's players just sucked a little less than my players.

Alright folks.  As mentioned above, it's do or die for 3 of us.  Seeding, time for 5 of us, 3 of us have already checked out.  And fuck Ben.  So, good luck this week!  I sure as hell know that I'm going to need it.

DFL 2016 Week 13: Well isn't this ... Interesting?

SNL does not sanction this post.

Man, will you look at that! Things are definitely tighter than they are in most years.  One week left in the regular season and there are 3 (count 'em THREE) teams locked in to the post season.

And before any of you boring-ass Negative Nellies tell me that Patrick is so far ahead in points that he's pretty much in by default, save your freaking breath.  Ben's already pointed that out.   The fun has already been sucked out of that drama.

Pictured above, Ben in his natural state of sucking the fun out of things.

So, yeah, week 14 is going to be wild with 6 people (OK 5 really) vying for 5 (yeah yeah yeah 4) slots.  But before we get into that...

Pick 'ems.  Well, this is also heating up.  I was thinking that it was going to be a 2-3 person race going into last week.  Well, fate intervened and it looks like there's a shot that 4 people could win it.  Big man on campus was RA Dave, going 5-1 this week, and putting himself just barely into 4th place.  Right behind him was Phil going 4-2.  This rocketed me into first place (barely).  Next was Mike, who had a paltry 2-4.  Sadder still was Terri who only got 1-5.  But lest we forget the real winner here.  Kookie tried to sneak in a vote for himself this week, which blew up in his face.  SO here's were we stand now:

Phil:  43
Terri:  42
Mike:  39
RA Dave:  38

Fun fact.  We had one game where ever chose correctly :  Scott (who eeked out a win against Melanie).  And we also had one game where every chose wrong:  Ben (who just barely lost to Crutch, who as far as I can tell still isn't actually playing).  So, there go you.  Thanks for messing up our picks, Ben.

Before we jump into the games this week, lemme just say that this was a pretty conservative week.  Nobody even got close to triple digit score and the beat down of the week was less than 23 points.  Always good to see tight games.

And we'll start with the beat down of the week.  Phil vs. Kookie.  Somehow Kookie is continuing his losing streak.  This time, Phil picks up the win and delivers the aforementioned 23 point beat down of the week.  I'm not even sure what went wrong. Of course, having a butt ton of the patriots injured sure didn't help Brady, and Vinatieri sure didn't get the note to slow down.  But still, everyone else on Kookie's team was just kinda ho-hum, leaving Kookie looking like this:

Patrick vs. Terri.  Patrick pulled in the high score of the week this week with 87 points.  Terri put up a respectable 70 points, which I might remind all of you hosers, would have beaten most of y'all this week.  That lands Terri in 9th place this week, o so close to a playoff berth.

RA Dave vs. Missy.  Well, this was hands down the lowest scoring game of the week.  Dave pulled in a win on this one against Missy who had the low score of the week.Oddly enough, Missy did hit line up Nirvana this week, even with her sadly under performing starters.  That's mostly because the sum total of her bench was a big ol' goose egg.  So, Dave pulls out a W, even with a goose egg of his own, and his D left wishing for a goose egg.

I solemnly swear, no more egg references for the rest of the write up.

McClennen vs. Mike.  In what has to be the most painful, least impactful game of the week, Mike loses this one against McClennen.  And it's pretty much down to Drew Brees getting completely shut down, resulting in net negative points.  Sure it hurts, but really didn't do much, outside of extend McClennen's massive winning streak to 5.  Mike was first and still is, McClennen was third, still is.

Crutch vs. Ben.  OK, this was probably the most straight up painful game to watch this week.  Crutch is still completely on autopilot and this game is crucial for both Ben and Crutch to get into the playoffs.   Crutch is even nice enough to spot Ben a player.  And what happens?  Crutch goes and wins the game straight up.  Meanwhile, Ben is left watching Andy Luck on his bench, coming off a BYE, and more than tripling his actual starting QB, Manning the Lesser.

Ben at the post game interview.

Skoot vs. Melanie.  Yeah, this is definitely a "Wait, they are still playing game?"  Yep, both this week and next week, both of these teams are still playing.  Though next week, they will be playing the part of spoiler really.  :)  Anyways, Skoot pulled the victory here, but that's mostly because this was the most interesting thing about the game:

Yeah, I don't know either.

And that's about it.  Melanie, Missy, and Skoot.  This is officially the end of your post season run.  But you've got one more game to play spoiler in.  Embrace that and mess up your opponents this week.  (Especially you, Skoot.  I'm not forgetting that you snaked Prescott away from me off the waiver wire.  Really put him to good use this week,)

Mike, Kookie, and McClennen...  You're set and pretty much the seeding is done.  So... enjoy a practice week.  Except for you, Mike.  You can just go ahead and bench your players this week.  That'll keep em nice and rested for next week.  :)

Everyone else?  Get hungry for the win and go get it.

DFL 2014 Week 13: Ultra Violent Beatings Ensue.

Yep.. here we are again... a scant 2 weeks left in the regular season.  4 playoff spot left open.  People hungry for the win... So, what happens?  A *hell* of a lot of beat downs are issued.  We had a 25 point difference in a game.  Not the beat down of the week.  There was a 40 point blow out.  Not even close to the beat down of the week.  Surely, the 50+ point savage beating that was laid down took home the beat down of the week.  You'd think so, but it wasn't even runner up.   An almost 60 point walloping took home the runner up for the beat down of the week.  That's right...  The almost impossible to handle 76.59 point difference was the winner of the beat down of the week.  Congratulations to Ben for picking that up against Patrick this week.

But you know what was the most painful game of the week to watch?  It was the game that ended with a scant 2 point difference.  Melanie took home the victory against me with just a 2 point lead.  And the shitty thing is that it came down to Jarvis Landry on Monday night.  If he would have caught that last pass lobbed at him in the 4th quarter on MNF, then I would have walked into sweet, sweet victory...

And the real kicker?  That play also eliminated me from the playoffs
in my other league.

Perhaps I'm getting a little ahead of myself.  Let's look at perhaps the most boring pick'ems week of all time.  Three people picked this week:  Ben, Phil, and Mike.  We all picked the same for all of the games, except for Mike's pick on the Skoot vs Terri game.  Again, loyalty costs Mike a point.  So, Ben and Phil went 5-1, and Mike went 4-2.  (And not to beat a dead horse, but if Landry just freaking caught that pass, both Ben and I would have bingo'ed this week.  They would be the first bingo in over 2 months!)  So, Phil and Ben are still tied at the top, and Mike sneaks past RA Dave to land in 3rd place.  That means that the race for 3rd place is only separated by 1 scant pick.  Keep those picks coming, guys!

Now, on to the games.  As noted above, we have some pretty severe beating this week, so we'll start from the highest beating and work our way down.

Ben vs. Patrick:  Points Difference:  76.59.  I don't know how many beat down of the weeks Ben has administered this year, but it's a freaking lot.  The one week that Patrick convinces Stafford to wake up, and nobody else on his team hits 11 points.  On the other hand, Ben only had 2 players not reach double digits.  (And I mean well into the double digits.)  This pretty much summed up the game:

And Patrick always *did* like Raiden.

Mike vs McClennen:  Points Difference:  57.28.  Mike went off this week, which catapulted him into contention for the playoffs.  This is Mike's second visit to the centurian club this year, and it could not have come at a better time.  McClennen, on the other hand, just took the beating. But when you start the New England Defense against Green Bay in Lambeau in November... well, you get what you get.

(And this is what you get.)

RA Dave vs Kookie:  Point Difference:  43.03.  Dave firmly kept his grip on third place this week, with no small amount of thanks going to DeAndre "How the fuck did Dave get lucky enough to start me" Hopkins bettering his projections by nearly 20 points.  Plus, Brady (his early season trade) is still paying very high dividends.  Kookie... just... ugh.  Manning the lesser kept being lesser.  Somehow Smith Sr got nearly shut out, Garcon had freaking nobody throwing to him... well, you get the idea.

Like this, but Dave didn't have to work quite so hard...

Skoot vs Terri:  Point Difference:  42.84.  Well, Terri met expectations this week and just kept right on going...  Kaepernick went way negative, and three other player didn't hit 3 points.  I know that I always say that kickers win games, but when your kicker is your high scorer, just...  Ouch.  Skoot, on the other hand, continued to show unwaivering support for Jonas Grey, who certainly beat my expectations of 0 (With a stunning 0.27 points) this week.  Well done, Skoot!  Also, this match up featured perhaps my favorite smack talk of the season said "This is rediculous.  I'm about to throw the turkey right through the TV."  Topical and wonderful!

But the turkey would be OK... They can fly, right?

Missy vs Crutch: Point Difference:  24.07.  I really thought that Crutch had this game, when Jeffery and Charles combined early for 30+ points.  Sadly, then the rest of the team conspired to keep  his score low. 5 of his plays totaled less than 15 points. Missy, on the other hand did.... OK?  Certainly just shy of 100 points is good, but Manning the greater was just OK.  And a fifth of her points came from the smack that Buffalo laid on Cleveland.  So, this wasn't so much a beating as a stepping aside and letting your opponent fall all over himself.

Oh, Santa!  You completely symbolize this game!

Melanie vs Phil:  Point Difference:  2.13.  This game was so close and it came down to the 4th quarter in Monday Night Football.  Complete heart breaker to go out like this.  I'm not sure which image to post to symbolize this game.  It's either this:

Or this:

Either way:  Dammit.

Now, what does this all mean for week 14, AKA the last week of the regular season?  Well, it means that there are only 4 teams locked in to the playoffs:  Missy, Ben, RA Dave (wow - nice come back, Dave!), and Phil. And the crummy thing is that we're all pretty much locked into the seeding where we are right now.  (OK, if Phil beat RA Dave by more than 32 points, then the 3 and 4 seeds get shaken up a bit, but that would be one hell of a blow out and I don't think that'll  happen.)

Then, there are 5 teams who are fighting for those last 4 slots. Skoot, Crutch, Melanie, Mike, and Kookie.  Skoot and Crutch at sitting pretty at 6-7 and a pretty massing point lead.  So, really, it's going to come down to Melanie (who could easily be knocked out of the playoffs due to a low overall points total), Mike (who has one last shot of killing Missy's unfeated season, not looking good though), and Kookie (who has a *real* uphill battle with going up against Ben AND having the lowest points total of the 5 fighting for a playoff berth - of course a win for Kookie and a loss for Mike will pop him into the playoffs).

Lastly, at 4-9, I'm pretty sure that McClennen, Patrick, and Terri have been well and truly eliminated from the race this year.  Sorry guys!  This week you're just playing for seeding in the draft next year.  On the fun coincidence side, it looks like Terri and Patrick, who are the last two ranks in the league,  have the same record and they will be playing each other.  So, we do get a battle for last place this  year.  Yay!

Always fun to have a potty bowl at the end of the season...

So, that's it!  Set your line up and strap in, fellas!  It's gonna be a photo finish for this last week in the regular season.

DFL 2013 Week 13: Makin' it rain, makin' it rain...

I know, I know.. I'm being *way* too happy for throwing down an impressive 50 points this week.  But you know what?  It was slightly more than my competitor.  So, it still counts as a

Count it!  And with such a tight race, with one week left, there are no less than 6 teams who could conceivably sneak into the playoffs.    Not only that, but thre are still 4 people who have a serious chance of taking home the gold in the Pick'ems.  And since that's as good of a place to start as any....

Cuz, you know, it's a pun.

This week only saw 5 people pick.  And everyone went 3-3.  Everyone except for one far seeing lad named Phil.  I went 4-2.  Thanks for the upset, Terri!  So, that means Phil, Ben, and Skoot are in a three way tie for second place and Crutch is only barely holding on to 1st place by 2 scant picks.  Terri, having missed the picks this week is 4 points behind the 2nd place pack.  And Mike made a good move to be on little pick behind his dear wife.  Everyone else is dead to me in this section of the write up.

As for the games we'll go from  highest scoring to lowest score.

At the top of the heap is Terri versus Melanice.  Once hell of a slugfest!  Terri wound up on top with 121 points and Melanie would still have beat most of the league with 98 points.  Well done, ladies.  There were no break out stars on Terri's team since pretty much all of her players went gangbusters. Though Melanie was lucky enough to start Cam and JOSH! (ah ah) Gordon. Their combined score alone beat a team or two around the league...

Next highest scoring game was Missy versus Patrick.  Even though Missy's QB curled up and  died, stellar games from Murray and Jeffrey put Missy at 113 points.  Patrick, just missing the 100 point club, took home the loss here.  Sadly, Patrick started ANYONE on the Saints this week and that was just a recipe for disaster...

The next highest scoring game was Crutch versus Kookie.  Though really, Kookie didn't contribute too much to the overall score.  Obviously, Crutch delivered the beat down of the weak here.  Crutch was only 0.08 points away from highest score of the week.  Kookie, on the other hand, well... Bless his heart.

What is up with all of the ladies going crazy on the scores this week.  And in case I was too subtle there, Crutch, I was calling you a lady.

The battle of old roomies was the next highest score with Ben winning out over McClennen.  The ground breaking news for McClennen is that he actually put in a tight end this week.  Sadly, even with that and Brady and Bush going gangbusters, there just wasn't enough mojo to overcome Ben's desperation to see the post season.

Next up was also the closest game of the week:  Skoot versus Mike.  Only 2 points separated the winner from loser here.  Plus, Mike did it with panache by pulling in a pallendropic score.  Rah!  So, that snaps Skoot's crazy long winning streak.  Though we are all pretty happy for you, Mike, it should probably be noted that Skoot had a started that was benched at the last minute and another who was just shut out.  Oh, and Brees must have forgotten his Nyquil the night before.  (What do I always say about Monday night games??)  So, careful on inflating that ego of yours!

And finally, sadly, was the low score of the week.  Phi threw down an impressive 53 points against RA Dave.  Just to put this in perspective, 5 teams outscored our entire match up this week.  Ugh... When can I get Rodgers back????  On the plus side, my win streak is now the longest active one in the league.  Yay!

Yeah, this wasn't the most fun recap ever..  But really, it's Wednesday night, and next week is the last week of the regular season.  So, I'm all stoked up for that.  Stay tuned for another write up!

DFL Week 13: The Kid Stays in the game...

Big week, boyos... Big week. Sadly, I've also got a kid who's been home from school for three days, and I think that I might be catching whatever she had. So, this'll be a short one this week.

First off: Pick 'em!

Melanie stormed back into a 6th place tie this week (with Mike G) by pulling in 5 picks. Kookie and Crutch made the last week of regular season pretty much a two man reace, with Kookie pulling in 4-2 picks and Crutch hanging on with 3-3 picks. So, the first two places going into the last week of the regular season are at 45 points (Kookie) and 44 points (Crutch). Ben and I went belly up with 2-4 picks, keeping the race for the bronse close at 41 for Phil and 39 for Ben. RA Dave narrowly held on to 5th place by going 4-2. Terri... well, Terri is still picking. Good for her! Oh, and one final note, Skoot went 0-2 this week, bringing his total picks for the year to 0-3. Great shame hangs over casa de Belgrave. Great shame....

Now, as a side note in the pick'ems of years past, I had cut off the regular season, crowning a winner, and then there was a post season winner. However, I'm going to make an executive decision here and say whatever Yahoo! does, that's what we'll follow. (Cuz it's going to be too much of a pain to keep track, unless Yahoo! does it for me. I know, I know.... I did that in the past, but Yahoo! has made me lazy...)

Before we get to the actual league, lemme throw out a heads up on the post-season for the newbies. I probably should have done this earlier, but there you go. So, the way that this will work is that the top 8 teams will continue to play on after week 14. Weeks 15, 16, and 17 will be the playoffs. It's a standard bracket. 1st plays 8th, 2nd plays 7th, etc. In week 16, the winners play, and the losers play in a consolation bracket. Week 17 will be the end of all of the brackets, and a winner will be crowned.

Now, if you are 9th-12th place going into week 15, then your position freezes. That is, there are no playoffs for you. Your position will be as it is.

Being that the next week will be the last week that some of you chumps play, make sure to not lose, or else you may just finish that much worse. And for all of you wondering if Skoot threw the game in week 13 to intentionally pick up the first draft position next year, I can assure you that he did not. I was coaching him this week and you saw how well *that* turned out. Sorry, Skoot. You should know better than to listen to me. (Plus, if you know Skoot, you know that he has an irrational fear of first draft pick. But hey, maybe this will encourage him to, you know, actually show up for the draft next year. LACES OUT, SKOOT!!!)

(And as a completely random side note, I looked at the playoff options that Yahoo! provides. I always thought that it was crummy that the bottom teams didn't get to compete for the worst in the league. So, the closest option that Yahoo! provides is to do 6 best teams go into a bracket and the 6 low teams go into a consolation bracket. Think about it for next year. I'm considering making that rules change next time around....)

Now, with that out of the way, let's take a look at what is actually happening in the standings. Well, a few more people locked up playoff BERTHS (how did I not know that for so long?) Ben and RA Dave are now officially in the playoffs. And good on you Dave. You jumped like 4 ranks with your win. I'm just going to throw something out there... Patrick is really embracing Philadelphia right now. He locked up a playoff berth 4 weeks ago. Ever since then, he has not won a single game. And he is doing it in spectacular fashion... Losing by 33 points in week 11, then by 17 points in week 12, and finally by 30 points in week 13. Ouch, dude. Just... ouch.

So, what does that mean for the remaining 3 playoff spots? Well, it's tight, but not really as tight as you might guess. There are three teams (Missy, Phil, and Mike G) sitting at 6-7 and there are three teams (Crutch, Kookie, and Terri) sitting at 5-8. So, for any of the teams at 5-8 to sneak in to the playoffs, they not only have to win this week, but one of the teams at 6-7 have to lose. But the kicker is that the winning team would need to outscore the losing team by at least 50 points (and in some cases just shy of 200 points). So, the playoffs aren't quite locked up, but it'll be a long shot to change the standings.

Now, what's happening with the week 13 match ups?

The tightest game of the week goes to Joy versus Phil. It came down to the Monday night and Phil walked away victorious by 1 freaking point. Now, let me pause and break an illusion that my dear wife Joy has been making for years. She claims that she's not funny enough to blog. However, halfway through the Sunday games (when I crazy down), she turned to me and said "O sweet! Looks like you can say in your write up that I spanked you twice this year. And I beat you twice in fantasy football too!" Brilliant, right? Well, on Tuesday when it turned out that I had actually won, without missing a beat, she said "I totally would have won if it wasn't for Rivers (who got the big old 0 points this week). How does it feel to have another man screw your wife?" I mean, seriously, the mouth on this one!

Next up, the game with the least number of wins coming into the game since Carolina played the Eagles last week: Skoot versus Terri... Good even split on picks for this game. I'm not sure why though... Skoot's team steadfastly refused to win, while Terri's team went buck wild. 18 points for your kicker? Really? I mean I know that I said that kickers win games, but... O wait... Detroit's kicker. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Someone on taht team has to be good at their job.

The biggest game of the week (for me at least) was Melanie versus Crutch. If Crutch won, he'd still be a serious contender in the playoff race. (Read: He's knock my ass to the curb). And how did it start? On Thursday night, with Brees scoring -3 points. That's right, Melanie's back up QB score more points than Brees. Who is Melanie's back u QB? She doesn't have one. So, I was pretty sure that Crutch was going to be alive and well. Somehow, Melanie's team rallied (with Welker picking up 23 points, meanwhile is QB, who is on Crutch's team, scored a paltry 5 points). Melanie was in serious danger of delivering the smack down of the week.

But that honor went to RA Dave. Not only did he score more points than anyone this week hands down, he put the beat down of the week on Mike by 57 points!! (What is happening this year??? We've had some crazy smack down of the week differentials!!) I guess everyone saw that coming right? Nope! only 3 of 8 people chose RA Dave. And Mike G was a 4 point favorite. So, let's look at Dave's points break down, shall we? Highest scorer? 26 points from his TE, who plays for Oakland. Next highest? Tony FUCKING Romo. Next up? A tie between his kicker and his DEF. I'm saying this right now... RA Dave sits high upon a throne of bullshit. (But thanks, Dave, for kicking Mike G into the playoff race...)

Next up, is the "Let's see who can beat Patrick this week bowl." The honor goes to Ben. Congratulations, Ben. And once again, I am kicking myself for not making the deal that Patrick offered to me that would have brought Calvin Johnson onto my team. Dammit. Regardless... like Patrick says. No win matters until the playoffs. That's what he's saying over and over again. To himself. While laying in the fetal position on his bed. Weeping softly to himself.

Finally, Kookie versus Missy. So many points left on the bench. Especially for Missy. She took some chances with her line up this week, and they all blew up in her face. Three of her starters scored 1 point. And her backups scored 12, 14, and 17. Kookie's point differential wasn't quite so extreme, but he still left 50 points on the sideline.

So, that's it. This week will most likely only shift the seeding around, but it is possible to change the playoff picture... And we've got some good match ups coming up:

The two longest winning streaks in the league, Ben with 4 and Phil with 3, are going head to head this week. who's going to Brees it up?

Will Patrick be able to stop his slide down the rankings? (He's playing Skoot, so there's a shot of some wackiness.)

Can Crutch overtake Kookie in overall picks?

Can Crutch (in 9th place) take out Mike G (in 8th place) and whoop him so hard that he'll sneak into the playoffs?

It's going to be a heck of a good week for football! Enjoy it, y'all!