DDFL 2018 Week 11: O geez O man! How close can we get??

I'm not sure if you have checked the scores today, but Yahoo! kinda was fucked today.   This morning, I checked the app and I had less total points than my players actually got.  Then, I checked on the web site, and I had both scored less points than my oponent AND I was on a winning streak.  It's settled down over the last few hours, so I think that Yahoo! has finally gotten its shit together.

I mean, seriously, Yahoo!  What are you?  Bing?

Anyways, assuming that the right scores are out there.... Jesus Murphy!  What a close week this was, pretty much across the board!!

via GIPHY

Well, that's what the bastard winners feel like.  The rest of us were more like the agent, here:

via GIPHY

Ugh... what a kick in the balls!  And if you won this week, well...

Ugh...  But maybe I'm telegraphing myself too much?  Anyways, FOUR of the games were within 2 points... that's insane!

Well, it took us the better part of the season, but we've finally got ourselves the first champion of the season!  THE ELIMINATION LEAGUE IS FINALLY OVER!!!!  McClennen takes the silver, as he took a strike with his ultimately ballsy move of choosing the Cardinals.  That would be insane most weeks, but it was mitigated by the fact that they were playing the Raiders.  Well, OK they were playing Derek Carr and a bunch of shitty no-names that aren't good enough to be traded.  But they were in Raiders uniforms.   So, there you go.   Anyways, way to go balls to the wall there, McClennnen.  And our Winner... Our Champion ...  Our "You know, that guy... who did the thing??" Josh!!  He took the Saints over the Eagles in what can charitably be called a terribly excruciating destruction.  Well done, good sir!

Live stream of Josh right now.

Pick ems!  So, you remember how I was saying that this week was really close?  Well, it showed in the pick 'ems.  Phil, Mike, and Josh all went 3-3.  Ben went 2-4.  But the big winner?  Crutch pulled in 5-1!  I asked how he was able to make such accurate picks in such a tight week.  Crutch declined to give specifics, but was quoted as saying:

Well done, Crutch.  That means that you jumped to second place.  Here's the full standings:

Phil:  45
Crutch:  38
Ben:  36
Mike:  35
Josh:  35
Terri:  27  (The games not over yet, Terri!  Plenty of time to get back in it!!)

Now, let's get into the games!  And just to point out what a screw up week this was, it should be noted that NOBODY actually made it to 80 points this week.  I mean, I know that we've lowered points and all, but damn.... this was a rough week....

Wasn't quite sure how to gif this, but I'd say that this
summarizes the situation nicely.

Ben (79.99) vs Patrick (77.98).  Well, Patrick through everything that he had at Ben this week, leaving only 6.85 points on the bench.  And had he started that guy, he would have won.  But really,  why the HELL would you start Jalen Richard over Alshon Jeffery?  You wouldn't.  This week was just stupid.  Ben, on the other hand, had plenty to spare.  The weird thing here is that his tight end scored -0.1 points... You know how?  He threw an incomplete pass.  And that's it. 

via GIPHY
(Picture unrelated, but isn't it beautiful?)

Mike (79.85) vs Kyle (78.11).  Battle of the veteran QBs just beating on each other!!!  Kyle's Luck racked up 21 points, and Mike's Brees threw down 27.  Pretty much every postion lined up points-wise, which is interesting.  The big difference here being that Mike's Jordan Reed pulling in solid double digits.  It's almost like the primary QB was bent in a very unnatural way, which lead to the back up QB dumping the ball off a lot.  Almost like that..

I saw the actual hit and believe me, this is easier to watch.

D (77.71) vs Skoot (53.50).  OK, so *technically* Skoot started a full roster.  It's just that two of his players goose egged, and another was left with a single point.  So, even though D's defense went WAY negative, he still was able to administer the beat down of the weak.  Also, just a quick side note... D has Manning and Stafford as QBs.... talk about having to pick from only terrible choices each week.  Geez!

Lemme just look up this reference... o dear... no more using this joke...

Terri (68.41) vs Josh (60.66).  Woah!  Look at Terri!  Pulling in her third win of the season!  Really, the only mistake that she made was putting in the wrong LA Defense.  (To be fair, the Chargers were projected at 5, but only pulled in -0.4, and the Rams were projected at -0.82 and pulled in 6.13 - so who the hell even knows any more???) As for Josh...Well, he had Kirk Cousins, who pulled in 11.47 points.  NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  He also had Big Ben, who scored 15 points.  STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH!  So he went and picked up Carzon Wentz, who had a mind-boggingly bad -4.8 points and cost him the game.  Maybe a little QB heavy, man... Maybe...  Also, fun side note, Josh actually snaked Wentz away from me on the waiver wire last week... so, like thanks for jumping on that grenade for me, buddy.

Terri - I'm still on your roster, but unable to play for the rest of
the year.  Can you cut me so that I can go back to Florida?

McClennnen (65.77) vs Crutch (64.96).  Man, talk about razor thin victories.  This wasn't even a point of separation.  But hey!  McClennen just doubled his number of wins in a single week!  It really should have been a gimme going into Monday night, but it was a nail biter since Crutch had Hell and Hunt still left to play.  Even though there was over 100 points on Monday night, they couldn't quite put Crutch over the top.

via GIPHY

Stephen (62.74) vs Phil (61.71).  Uggh... I hate being in the "Well, someone has to win" bowl.  But here we are, and it was CLOSE again.  Going into Monday night, I said "Well, as long as Goff doesn't go crazy, I should have this one."  Anyone wanna guess what happened?  Yeah, ANOTHER one of my TEs went on IR.  Oh, yeah, and Goff went buck wild, giving Stephen the game.  And this guy went wild:

Also, side note.  "Goff Gif" is ridiculously fun to type and say.

So, that's it!  Another week in the books.  We're in the short rows now, fellas.  Two teams locked in playoff berths (Patrick and Phil). There's still a lot of competition for the lower slots.  So, have at it!  (McClennen and Terri, I think that if you can make a run here, you're still technically not out yet..  So, keep pounding, as they say.)

DFL 2017 Week 11: Don't call it a come back!

Hey motherfuckers.  Guess who broke their losing streak?

 I'll give you a hint.   It wasn't Skoot.  He's still squarely in losertown.  With my definitive (read 0.28 point) margin of victory, all should be prepared for my reign of glory to kick back in just like it was at the beginning of the season.  Like my son says:

Dab the haters....

Now, I know that that we'd all like to bask in my greatness, just for a little bit longer...  Actually, no.  Let's bask just a little bit longer:

mmm 0.28 points has never felt so good...

OK, moving on. I wanted to give a quick shout to an actual rising star:  our very own Kyle (Hi Billy Mays Here).  Last month he was but ass last.  Like, even lower than Mike.  But this week, he pulled a 4th victory in a row and that landed him in 4th freaking place!!  Now his position is a bit precarious since his overall points total isn't exactly dominating, but it's definitely an interesting Cinderella story in the making.

See what I did there?  A Cinderella Story?  And it's precarious?
Dammit, all y'all're gonna miss me when I'm gone!

And it ain't just luck.  Dude has made 17 transactions in November *alone*.  So, watch out if you're playing Kyle in the next few weeks and you put any credence into the hot hand fallacy at all.

Lots of good picks this week.  Ben went 5-1 (sigh), while Phil, Crutch, Josh, and Mike went 4-2.  Bringing up the rear is Terri who pulled in a respectable 3-3.  The result is that Ben continues to inch closer to first (dammit), Crutch and Josh stay tied for third, and Mike tied Terri.

Phil:  43
Ben:  41
Crutch:  27
Josh:  27
Mike:  18
Terri:  18
Patrick: 15

This week, we could have had Ben pull a "You're not my supervisor!", but he had to vote for himself.  Seriously, folks.  We need to start handing Ben some losses, just so that his picks can take a dive.

(As a side note, as of the time writing this, all of the contenders have locked in their votes.  So,I think that we've got some players this year.)

We'll start at the top and work our way down for the match ups.

Ben vs. Patrick. This was expected to be a slut fest and it was.  (EDIT:  Obviously, I meant "slug fest", but I decided to leave it because it's better this way.)  Both teams had the D leading in points.  Both teams had great performances at the flex spot.  But in the end, Ben's team just out performed at each position.  The good news for me is to say that Patrick can embrace his inner Cowboy fan and join the "If I had Zeke I would have won" chant.

Was that over the line?  That might have been over the line...

Terri vs. Josh  Well how about this upset?  And the beat down of the week goes to Terri this week.  But not like we'd expect.  She delivered the beat down of the week.  The super shitty thing here is that Josh's last minute change of Smith-Schuster for Allen cost him the game.  (It's like dad always said "Never trust a man named JuJu.")  Well, that an Dak and dem boys completely shitting the bed in SNF.

Take notes.  Dak' -7 points is a goo crash course.

Phil vs. Kerry.  (Side note:  Damn, it feels good to put my name first after all of this time.)  OK Yeah, I might have over sold this one at the top of the article.  Truth be told, the margin of victory is *razor thin* here.  0.28 points.  And it was all decided on Monday night football.  Kerry just had Wilson and the Seattle D to play.  And holy cow did they make it close!  One again, my team hit line up Nirvana because my bench pretty much had nobody on it, between injuries and BYEs.

Line up Nirvana face

Kyle vs. Mike  Yep.  Kyle is still riding the Pats train.  But it seems to be working for him , so who am I to say no?  Mike... man.. I dunno man.  To your credit it does look like you're still trying, but your team is fighting you ever step of the way.  I mean benching Ryan at Seattle to start Smith at New York makes a hell of a lot of sense.  Just didn't work out.  Next year, man.  Next year.

Crutch vs. McClennen.  First and foremost, let's congratulate Crutch here.  Solid game and respectable 70 points win, with a 30+ point margin of victory.  But McClennen, bubby, what are you doing here?  McCoy and Howard turned in solid performances, but then your TE and kicker are on the Jets.  And just getting around the part where you are starting two Jets players, the Jets were on BYE this week.  Add on top of that the fact that you started Washington against the hot Saints makes me wonder if you're not dipping into your Lagavulin a little hard.  But what really REALLY surprised me is that you actually did go into your team this week and tinker a little because you changed out MCown (another Jet) because he was on BYE (yay!) for Tom Brady's backup, which is ... odd.

D vs. Skoot.  Well, someone had to win this one, right?  And D did.  Well, more specifically, Cousins did.  Ugh, it pains me to say that the best player of the game was Cousins.  This pretty much sums up this game:

And that's about it.  Next week is week 12, so we're going to start playing the same teams that we started the season.  If you dropped a game or two at the start, now's the time to get sweet, sweet revenge.

See you tossers next week.

DFL 2016 Week 11: So.. kickers.. yeah....

OK, so if you read my blogs, you know that I always say that kickers (and defenses) win games.  So, if you're like me, you're wondering why all of the place kickers looked like this, this week:

 A record high 12 missed PATs this week around the league.  Good gord, folks.  Come on now.  You're killing me!

Anyways, this has got to be a quick write up this week cuz Thanksgiving and all, so let's get to it!

Pick 'ems!  Let's just call it the week of ties this week.  Phil went 3-3. and Terri and Mike both went 2-4.  So, that means that Terri and Phil are tied for 1st at 37, which Mike and RA Dave are tied at 33.  Now, in RA Dave's defense, he did forget that there was a Thursday night game this week.  Since, like, that doesn't happen every week.  O wait.  Yeah, it does.  So, Dave, just as a  heads up there are multiple games this week on Thanksgiving.  And you probably don't have to go to work.  And you'll probably be eating turkey on Thursday.

So, a few things to note on this short write up week:

1. Beat down of the week goes to Skoot.  No, not for receiving it, but for delivering it.  Yeah,I know, it feels weird to type that.  Skoot score 77.88 points to Terri;s 31.13 points.  
2. Everyone on Terri's insanely under performing team had positive points.  I mean, some just *bare*hit the mark, but positive nonetheless.
3. Both teams at the top took losses this week.  Kookie lost by 30 points to Patrick, and Mike lost by 12 points to Missy.
4. That last one kinda bears repeating.  Mike, who was and is in 1st place, lost to Missy who is second to last place.  
5. And since we're talking about the lower echelon of the league, it's probably worth pointing out that while the top two teams lost this week, the bottom three teams won this week. That's right, Melanie was able to pull off a win against RA Dave this week.  And Melanie did this while spotting RA Dave 2 players.
6. The longest streak of the league current is RA Dave with 4 losses.
7. And perhaps the best smack of the league comes this week, straight from Ben's keyboard:

We're coming down the final stretch here, y'all.  Even with his loss this week, RA Dave secures the first playoff berth here.  3 weeks left and 7 playoff spots left.  IT's anyone game, y'all.  (Except Skoot's.  Probably it's out of Skoot's hands now.)

DFL 2014 Week 11: Mad World

I think it's kinda funny.
I think it's kinda sad.
The dreams that I have where I am winning
Are the best I've ever had.
It's a ...

MAD WORLD

Yeah.... did you see the NFL this week?  I know that you did.  I can't properly put into words all of the oddness.  So, I'll let the bard of our age say it for me:

How strange was the week?  Here's the top five scorers this week:

Jonas Gray    37.27
Aaron Rodgers 26.26
Mike Evans    23.86
Andy Dalton   22.70

Jay Cutler    22.45

Or in the common parlance:
Who?
Yeah, that makes sense
No, seriously.  Who??
No fucking way.
You sure spelled "Peyton Manning" a funny way.

You wanna get your mind blown more?  Strap in, sonny.  There were a whopping 10 rushing touch downs this week.  Almost half of them were score by Who?.

Now, we are all men of science in this league.  Surely, there must be some reasonable explanation.  I've been doing some thinking and it seems that the most reasonable explanation is that I was trash talking so hard that I cause Missy reveal herself.  I submit, gentlemen, that Missy is actually a witch and that she has hexed us all this week in order that she might keep her streak alive.  What say you?

Well, that was easy.  Missy please report so that we can see if you weigh as much as a duck.

In all seriousness.. what a rough week!  So, let's get to it.

Big shake ups in the pick'em league this week.  Ben and RA Dave both went 5-1 this week.  Skoot broke even at 3-3 and Phil returned to beginning of the season form with a craptacular 2-4.  So, this means that Ben reclaims the top spot with 41 picks, Phil is right behind with 41, RA Dave sneaks up into third place with 34 picks, and Skoot jumps in front of Mike (with 33 and 32 picks, respectively).  This one is going to come down to the wire.

Coupla notes here:

1. Everyone picked Crutch over Kookie correctly.
2. Everyone picked Melanie over Patrick correctly.
3. NOBODY picked Terri over McClennnen correctly.
4. Thanks to Skoot for showing faith in me and being the only one to pick me.  After ignoring my commands to pick me and not, the rest of you Judases are dead to me.
5. Dammit, Mike.  I really thought that you could play spoiler this week against Ben.  If we just ignored the Monday night game, it would have been so.

OK, now let's get to it:

Missy vs Phil.  OK yeah.. this was a hell of a hyped game.  And I was actually projected to win by about 4 points.  Then, Foster got benched at the last minute.  Then, Manning went belly up against the Rams (cuz, you know, that makes sense).  And that was the last thing that went right for me.  Missy picked up Blue to replace Foster and he went crazy.  So, instead of administering the beating, I received it.  OK Missy, we get it.  You're in the playoffs.  No need to keep showboating.  Here's a present for you, Missy:

But instead of saying "I'm breaking up with you", it should say
"You're being that guy.  Don't be that guy."

RA Dave vs Skoot.  Dave was the only one this week to hit triple digits.  How? Cuz Mike Evans (AKA "No, seriously.  Who?") went apeshit.  Oh, and Marshallenjoyed the benefits of actually having a QB starting and Maclin did his this too.  Well played Dave.  You're now the third on to hit a thousand points this year.  

Crutch vs Kookie.  AKA - the beat down of the week.  Crutch almost hit triple digits here, but got screwed when two players put down less than 5 points.  In Kookie's defense (man, that's a weird sentiment to have!), he did start some solid talent, they just didn't deliver.  Oh, and he started RG3 as well.

Kookie's reaction the entire game.  (For the uninitiated, that would be
a Scotsman saying over and over again "Ach!  What are you doon?")

Melanie vs Patrick.  Ouch... not a lot of performance in this game at all.  Luck did well enough.  Brown was Brown.  And on Patrick's side  Hawkins and Green pulled in decent numbers as well.  But the one thing that really does deserve praise is Patrick's unflappable faith in Matt Stafford.  At an astounding 96.61 points for the season, Stafford is still Patrick's starters.  This week is his second time going negative.  I am genuinely curious to see if Patrick keeps him in the rest of the year AND if he can do anything in the playoffs with him.

Not sure who wold be a better starter to tell you the truth.  Although,
the one on the right *does* want to be a cowboy, baby.

Ben vs Mike.  With high hope for being the spoiler, Mike just had a run of bad luck here.  Somehow the Raiders defense shut down Rivers, Thomas got hurt are only 2 receptions and somehow Morris was shut down by Tampa Bay.  Heck, Ben even had an empty roster spot.  The bigger problem was that Ben started a top 5 QB, and one of the few RBs to see the endzone this week.  So, Ben was able to pull off the upset AND guarantee his spot in the playoffs.  Well done, Ben.

And really, who could disagree with that 'stache?

Terri vs McClennen.  Call this the surprise of the week.  Terri wakes up in week 11, hungry for a win.  Starting with McClennen, could this be a last ditch run at the playoffs?  The stand out star of the entire game was Terri's GB Defense.  The low point was definitely on McClennen's side of the game, with the Saints.  Cooks was knocked out of the game with a season ending thumb injury and Graham was shut down almost entirely.  This loss puts McClennen right on the husp of the playoffs, leaving him in 8th place.

<There is no pic for this game because I'm
too damn lazy to find one.>

Oh, and one last thing to note.  Oddly this was brought to my attention in two of my leagues this week.  It appears that if you are using an app to manage your fantasy team (as opposed to managing on the webpage), there may be a bug with swapping a player who is on BYE after the games have started for the week.  So, if you are tweaking your starters and you're on a mobile device, double check that the move actually went through.  (I *think* that you might be able to swap the BYE player to the bench and then swap a benched player into the starting position.)

DFL 2013 Week 11: It just got real, son.

Wheeee!!! We're into week 11 and I'm rested from write up BYE week.  Thanks to Skoot for covering for me last week.

Big week this week.  Two huge milestones:
1 - Our first playoff berth emerged this week.  Skoot is now guaranteed a place in the post season.  But don't fret, y'all.  That just means that we get to give him the beat down in the playoffs.  It hurts more there.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  He's got a 5 game winning streak, and he looks unbeatable. But here are some things that you might not know:  Manning is starting to crack (between the ankle injury and the nasty schedule coming up) (For some reason, I thought that Skoot had Manning the greater, but that's Terri.  Nevermind.   Skoot's going to rock the shit out of the rest of the league. Dammit.)  AND he smells funny.  That is to say that Skoot smells funny.  Not any of the Manning clan.  Those boys smell like lilac for some reason.
2 - Two people jumped into quad digits this week.  Skoot and Phil.  We can effectively skip busting on Skoot, as we've already covered that subject.  As for Phil, you are correct to tremble in your boots.  He is fucking unstoppable.

As for the rest of the league...  keep trying.  I know that it feels like the DFL can feel like this sometimes:

Bonus:  His name is Chi-Chi.  Best case scenario:  That name means bewbie.  Worst case?  "pretentious and over elaborate refinement."

But if you try really hard, you can end the season like this:

But perhaps I babble on too much.  Let's get to it.

First off... as Ben mentioned in an email comment and I predicted two weeks ago, the elimination league last week, with everyone picking Tennessee.  Really, folks?  Well, congratulations for what it's worth, Marie, Ben, and Joy.  A three way tie makes this whole thing seem rather silly, doesn't it?

Next up!  Pick'ems.  Not much excitement last week (that is to say, week 10). Terri and Phil went 5-1, and everyone else picking went 4-2.  Big thanks to Missy for screwing up everyone's picks.  And come on, Crutch!  Don't lose!  You're killing the whole league.  We're not mad; we're just disappointed.

The pick'ems this week (week 11) were equally tight.  Crutch, Skoot, and Terri went 4-2, while Phil and Ben went 3-3.  Also, as a side note, Crutch screwed us all again this week.  Everyone picked him to win and he went and lost AGAIN.  I mean, he must be doing this to spite us.  Nobody is that bad, right?  Another going against the grain was Terri losing to Ben.  Granted, by all rights and measures Terri *should* have won this game.  (Well, I guess that there is one measure that she shouldn't have - and that would be final score.)  So, we can't get too mad at her, right?

Where does that leave us going into week 12?  Well, Crutch is nicely ahead with 41 picks.  Then, there is a *4* way tie for 2nd place at 37 points.  Mike G is still kinda in it in 6th place with 34 picks, but is he really?  (The commish half of me says "Yes!  Of course!  Keep going Mike!  You're doing fine!"  The smack talking competitor in me says "Leave him!  He's dead to us!"  And the kid in me says "I love Frosted Mini-Wheat!"  So, you know, do whatever you need to with that.)

And now... on to the league!  It's going to heat up with these last three weeks of the regular season.  Places 4-9 are within a game of each other.  Top 8 advance into the playoffs.  So keep it up.  And now that I've gotten my Kookie  BYE, I'd like to invite him personally to wake up!  Start mixing it up, +Chris Kucharik !  You too, McClennen, but you're not on G+, so I can't tag you.  The perfect defense!

As a side note... really tight games this week.  The beat down of the week was delivered by me to Kookie by a huge 22 points.  Yeah, that was sarcasm... We've seen 70 point+ blow outs.  So, thanks to everyone for keeping it exciting.

That's as good of  a place to start as anywhere else...  The Golden Star Helmet bowl: Phil vs Kookie.

Phil pulls in "Use The Ginger!" award for putting in Dalton for the injured Rodgers.  (Though as a funny side note, Rodgers did reference Skoot's most favorite quote when asked whether he's play this next Sunday "So... you're saying there's a chance!")

Kookie pulls in the "Blackmon's my BOY! (but not in a racist way)" tiara.  He's been starting Blackmon  since he got hurt in week 8.  Good on ya for sticking by your man, Kookie.

In the saddest game of all, we have Crutch vs McClennen.  The sponsor for this game is crushing depression:

Crutch threw down an impressive almost 50 points.  McClennen handicapped himself by not putting in a tight end and starting a dude on BYE.  Ouch.  

So, Crutch, I award you an "It gets better" t shirt.  It's a bald faced lie, but at least you're rockin' it on the pick'ems.

McClennnen  get the "I freaking love Cincinnati" hairbow....  almost 30 points from your DEF?  Oh.. they were playing Cleveland.  Yeah, that makes sense..

Heartbreaking game of the week?  RA Dave versus Missy.  RA Dave's only pulled in 3 victories this year, and the game was only separated by 3 scant points.

RA Dave sadly hit lineup nirvana.  So, he get the blue ribbon of participation.  Thanks for playing big fella!

Missy gets this saddle.  It must be hard riding LeSean McCoy that hard to victory.  This should help a little.

Ben, you get the "Mah Boy!" award for taking down Terri against all odds. Nobody voted for Ben, but he still managed to beat Terri, throwing her unceremoniously out of second place.

Terri...  Not much I can say... Is this the end of Manning's rocking season?  You get the Senator Palpatine cowl because we're going to be watching your season with great interest.

In the tightest game of the week, Mike G pulls out an impressive 1.5 point win over Patrick.

Mike G gets the award for picking the correct of the two most frustrating QBs in the league.  RG3 vs Foles.  Week to week... who's going to go belly up?  Well, this week he chose... wisely.  Well done, Sir.

Patrick gets the golden get out of jail free card here.  Again, on week 2 of a new baby, he can't really be expected to put in the right players.  Sadly, he chose right across the board... almost.

And the last game of the week is dubbed the "What the hell happed to the QBs?" bowl.  Newton with a 23+ point game and Brees didn't even make it to double digits?  Oi! (But on a side note - Congrats to the Cats for pulling it together on the national stage against the Pats!  Good on ya!)

(And did you see the point projections?  Like half a point spread!)

Melanie - here is your Peaks and Valleys award.  Top player on your team?  23 points?  Lowest player?  -1.  And everything in betwixt.  Well played, and still in contention for the playoffs.

Skoot gets the Peeks and Valleys award for getting a look at the pain that's gonna start happening.  Everyone.. seriously.  Let's band together and agree not to let Skoot get another victory for the rest of the season.  Kookie - it's up to you.  Dammit...

DFL Week 11: Kill All Halflings!!*

**  Subtitle this week given by Skoot.  Thanks for contributing, Skoot.

What a week, what a week!!  Yes, I won this week, snapping a 5 game losing streak.  And the fact that it was the highest score of the week and the second highest score of the year made it that much more delicious.  So, I enter this week a Champion.   An American Champion.  Accordingly, I make my entrance thusly:

All you bastards can eat it.

(Gimme a break, it's been a rough season.  I  have to savor the few moments that I can.)

But where is my sense of decorum?  We start with the Pick'ems.  Ben and Crutch both snagged 5-1 picks this eek.  Low men were Phil and Melanie with 3-3.  So, Kookie (with 4-2) added another notch to his lead.  And now, Crutch is tied with Phil for the number 2 (hehe) slot, and Ben is only 1 pick behind that.  Well, shit.  How often have Pick'ems been this close this late in the season.

On a side note, I want to thank Mike G an Terri G for their unwavering support this week in the pick'ems.  They were the only ones pick me this week.  And let me say from the bottom of the league's heart, you two are lucky bastards.

And since we're talking about the Gs, let's get into the biggest note of the season.  Terri and Mike were the only ones to make a trade this season. Right under the deadline no less.  Just goes to prove that it's easier to make a trade if you actually see a person.

Let's keep the Segue segue going, shall we?  Who's top of the league with moves?  Not surprisingly, Kookie takes the top spot this week with 29 moves going into week 12.  Kookie has been regenerating his team like a troll what its arm cut off.  I'm thinking that if Kookie really commits, he might be able to hit 40 moves by the end of regular season.  The bigger surprise is that RA Dave is right behind Kookie with 24 moves and RA Dave is currently in 3rd place.  Usually, that number of moves lands you... well, lands you where Kookie is.  And good on you, Kookie for not letting 10 straight seasons teach you that you need to pick up a player the week before they get hot, not the week after.

With that out of the way, let's get to the games!

The Nerd Bowl, presented by WoC:  Phil vs Crutch.  Crutch came into the game with a slight favor. Phil walked away with the victory.  Why?  Because Andre Johnson finally woke up and somehow the San Fran DEF whooped up on Chi-Town.  Just goes to show you that anything can happen on Monday nights.  I would like to thank Crutch.  He had Tony *FUCKING* Romo on his team.  Since Romo was benched, he had a poor game.  Were he to have started, he would have had a game for the record books...  (Fun side note, after this game, Crutch and I are exactly tied on points for the year. Weird, right?)

The So Close I Can Taste It Bowl, sponsored by Hostess (Gord rest their souls):  Ben vs. Missy.  1 point difference in this game.  Congrats to Missy for having a consistent "meh" team this week.  Nothing special really.  Most of the team was right around projections.  This is in stark contrast to Ben's bunch of filthy creatures that he calls players and Dez Bryant (wha?) and the Baltimore DEF (against the blindingly painful to watch Stillers) who somehow combined to get 51 of the 79 points for the team.  Lesson learned here folks:  Get the superstars and your other mongrel player will just pad the score for you...

The 'THESE ARE THE BEST TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE' Bowl, sponsored by Dale's Discount Pooh:  Melanie versus Patrick.   Melanie - You keep riding Brees.  That's all that you'll need to do.  Patrick. Holy Your Team, man.  Sorry, I shouldn't use such foul language.  Lemme rephrase.  "Holy Shit, Man."  Ryan pooped the bed pulling in -4 points.  But in his defense, he was playing the powerhouse team known as ... that can't be right...  The Cardinals?  That's gotta hurt...  Then, Goose eggs from Jackson and Bowe... Esh!  Whta's really sad is that the 40 points that you snagged wasn't the lowest in the league.

The 'O dear... Here's the number for a battered woman's shelter' Bowl, sponsored by Phil's definitely got to go to sensitivity training for that one:  Skoot and Mike G.  Mike scored a whopping 113 points (also achieving line up Nirvana) against Skoot's killer 39 points.  OK, two of Skoot's players wer on BYE and his QB on Monday night was questionable and didn't start and the TE just got shut out...  Ouch Skoot.  I talked to Skoot this week and he assures me that he's not out of the league yet.  He is fully read to assume the position of spoiler for the remainder of the season.  And that's good.  His team definitely seems to have spoiled.  But that's what happens when  you leave a fantasy team out without proper safeguarding it. It stinks!  (And Sadly, skoot was just shy of line up Nirvana....)

The Lady Bowl, sponsored by flowers and pretty things, I don't know what you ladies like:  JOy vs Terri.  The most interesting thing about this game was sitting on the bench.  Somehow, Joy's backup QB (Palmer) outscored her starter (Rivers).  On Terri's side... 37 points from Matt Schaub?  Really?  How the hell does this even happen?  Plus, Terri's down a player due to the trade with her dear hubby.  Pro tip, Ter:  Pick up someone.  Anyone.  Even if you don't need them.  That'll prevent someone else from getting them.  A term in most leagues known as cock-blocking.  However, in this league, due to Melanie's ridiculous ownership of the KC DEF last week, I now dub it "Melanie'ing".  Wow.  That's a really hard word to say.  Sadly, that's gonna be it, cuz "She-Kookie'ing" isn't any better.

The Stopping the Juggernaut, sponsored by "Really?  That's Shadowcat?  Cuz she was in the first X-Men 5 years ago and was about 10 years older than she is now" (and if you get that reference, good for you!):  Kookie vs RA Dave.  After dropping six of his first seven games, Kookie entered this game with a 3 game winning streak.  Could he possible get into the playoffs?  RA Dave said no.  And he had perhaps the best smack of the year "Better bring a bib, its going to get messy (shoves waitress carrying food.)"  I'm not sure if that was actually a quote from something, but it was awesome.  Good on  you RA Dave.  Also, good on you for hitting the exact number of points that was projected for you.  What' gotta be killing Kokie is that he benched the NE DEF (against Indy) and played ATL (against ARI).  Definitely the smart thing to do, but it wound up costing him 21 points.  Ouch.

All that being said, we've gotten to the last stretch of the regular season.  Sure, Melanie and Patrick have locked up playoff births, but with 4 teams tied record wise for the last playoff spot (and with me sitting at the top of them - see the first picture above) and another three teams within striking distance, these next three weeks are going to get intense.  So, strap in!

Also, remember, no more BYE weeks - Rah!  And you might remember the match ups for the rest of the season...  Our last three games will be the teams that we initially played in the first three games.  So, strike back and obtain vengeance for a loss at the beginning of the season.  Heck, try to keep the team down that you initially beat.  End result?  Keep on slugging; this season is still going.