DFL 2014 Week 4: Sure, Why Not? Make It a Month of Pain....

So, here we are again...  Another week.  Another complete Charlie Foxtrot on the field.  However, I did have the forethought to set up a camera to capture my reactions during the past month.  Wanna see?  Too Bad:

This is me... The ... entire ... month ... of ... September.  (OK technically,
 Rafi from The League, but who's counting?)

Ughh....as shitty of a week as it was for me, I can take solace in the fact that this was a *really* solid week of football.  Yes, I'm the only 0-4 team left.  BUT! There's only one 4-0 Team left!  (Congratulations, Missy.)  Yes, I received the beatdown of the week (again).  BUT!  There were three games withing 4 points of each other.  Yes, I took some chances and pretty much NONE of them worked out.  BUT!  Geez, you know what?  This week wasn't all that good come to think of it.  Forget good football!  I wanna win a few games here and there!!

Just one thing holding me back....

And before we get into the nitty gritty, I just wanted to pause and point out that we actually have a bell curve of records in the league at this moment.  Well played, boys and girls!  Well played indeed!

OK now to get serious...  Elimination League! Only one strike handed out this week.  And that was to Crutch who picked Pittsburgh over Tampa Bay.  And it was so close to paying off, too!  Only a small field goal separated you from a strike!  Sadly, Tampa Bay successfully kicked both that field goal *and* Crutch square in the nuts.  A policy I fully recommend.  I picked Indy and the rest of you jackholes all picked The Chargers.

Shhh.. Smart money says that most of you jerks pick New Orleans next week.
Jokes' on you though; Brees is on my team and that doesn't guarantee
a win.  Like, at all.

And here comes the pick'ems....  Ben was the high man this week going 5-1.  Melanie, Crutch, and Phil all went 4-2.  From here, we decend nicely:  RA Dave (3-3), Skoot (2-4), Mike (1-5), and finally Terri (doing her best RA Dave impression at 0-1 for some reason).  Geez.. there are a lot of people in contention this year.  How about this... Everyone take the next two weeks off and let me catch up?  Actually, with the way that I've been picking, better make that three.

And let's get to it... *Lots* of good match ups this week.  In fact, if I had time I would have written up a quick preview of all of the sweet-ass match ups!! (Sweet ass-matchups?)  We'll shoe horn it back in there, with the bowl names though...

Well???  How did that Draft Trade Work Out??  Bowl:  Phil vs. Ben.  I'll tell you how it worked out.  Fuckig horrible!!!  OK that's not strictly true...  My two first round draft picks were the only ones who went double digits.  But that still wasn't enough to fend off the slaughter that Ben had planned.  As predicted the QB playing me went gangbusters.  Sadly, that means that his WR, also on Ben's team, did just as well.  Oh, and why not throw in some DeMarco Murray going bananas as well?  Was there anyone else worth mentioning... who could it be? O, that's right!  The Eagles D!  So, that normally would fill me with pride, but the Eagles couldn't score a single Offensive point.  So, that means that the 2 defensive TDs (pick-6 and fumble recovery), combined with the punt return, AND the 4 sacks, just added up to a sad Phil

Battle of the Unblemished:  Melanie versus Missy.  Two undefeated teams face off... always good to see.  Always.  Obviously, Tony Romo was the lesser of the two starting QBs... but WTF??  He still scored 24 points??  And the Defenses also threw down 15+ points each.    (Funny story, the Miami defense laid such a smack down on the Raiders that the Oakland head coach was fired.  I'm pretty sure that the firing conversation went something along the lines of  "The Dolphins??"  "Yeah, I know, but -" "No, no. The fucking Dolphins??"  "I -"  "You know that you're fired, right?"  "Only seems fair.")  Outside of that, Antonio Brown was Antonio Brown, of course. And surprisingly, Lamar Miller was *also* Antonio Brown, only moreso.  The game was within 2 points.  So, Missy might have walked away with the unblemished record, but Melanie still has the most points in the league.  (Except for Ben.  But Ben is way down in 6th place... screw him.)  Do I smell a rivalry brewing?

The Dammit, Skoot! Bowl:  Mimke versus Skoot.  Another game that ended within 3 points of each other.  And you know what would have put Skoot over the top?  Putting in players.  Seriously, I know that the bench is tight this year, but I'm not sure that holding on to Moreno is really going to pay off in droves...  Find *some* Defense and you would have taken this game.  (And given me an extra in pick 'ems.)  Still, the game was within 3 points, and Mike walks away with his first win of the season. I would congratulate you, but that makes me sad.

The Can't Lower Expectations Low Enough Bowl:  McClennnen versus Patrick. So, McClennen started 3 (count 'em 3!) players on BYE week this week.  Sadly, they weren't his low scorers this week.  That sad distinction went to New England on Monday night who replaced their defense with Folgers.  Let's see if anyone notices.  We noticed.  We were not impressed.  On the flip side, Patrick just had to not screw things up, especially considering that his bench was jammed with BYE week fellows too.  And those are just the sorts of conditions in which Stafford shines. 20 points later Patrick easily pulls in a win here.

The Middle of the Pack Bowl:  Crutch versus RA Dave.  What happens when a middle of the league 1-2 team takes on another middle of the league 1-2 team?  Well, you sure don't get nationally televised, that's for sur.  On RA Dave's team, Cousins came crashing down, and Maclin.... well, he was on the Eagles O on Sunday, so we all know how that turned out.... Lacy, Hopkins, Williams, and Crosby all hit double digits (barely), so it wasn't an all out slaughter.  Even with the albatross that was the Panthers' D, Crutch still managed to snag a victory with Ryan almost getting to 20 points, and Charles going buck wild at 26 points.  Again though... 4 of the 6 bench players were on BYE.  This small bench is tearing us apart, Lisa!!!!

The Chattiest Chat Game in all the League:  Terri versus Kookie.  So, Kookie decided to pick up Joe Flacco.  And he pulled down 25+ points and the win for Kookie.  Here's a pic of Flacco after the game:

Nah, just kidding, Joe never gets this emotional.

Frank Gore, Nick Novak, and Steve Smith Sr also tore it up this week for Kookie, barely putting a win in Kookie's column.  On the other side, Solid game for pretty much all of Terri's players.  Blair Walsh was the only one to blow the lid off.  Sadly, the victory could have been Terri's had not Jackson been shut out this week...

And lest I forget.. Don't forget...  This week coming up??  Yes, that's right! It's National beat down week is upon us!  So, please join me in whoopin the ever loving hell out of your opponent this week.  Who am I playing?  Who could it be?  Oh, that's right. It's Terri!!  I have been looking forward to the smack that I will administer since the draft!  Can't wait!  Don't forget to set your line ups, everyone.  But especially you, Skoot and McClennen.

Oh.. And check it out.  This is the 100th post on this blog.  I think that a little celebration is in order:

Man...I need to start watching adult shows again...