Now that this is out of my system, let's take a look at the NFL for a moment, shall we? Cuz let's admit it. Week 3 was total bullshit. The Dolphins are 3-0, there's a three way tie for first place in the AFC South (that would be the division with the Colts and three bullshit teams), the Browns beat the Vikings, the Panthers SHUT OUT the Giants, and the Buccaneers were allowed to score 3 points against the Pats. I mean, seriously, WTF is going on here? I think that we should really make week 3 completely null and void. I mean, teams are pulling in half the points that they were getting in previous weeks. Well, most people are... some people, and I'm not naming names, but some people did particularly well in week three. Like more than they have scored all season. Perhaps showing that they have, in fact, a touch of evil in them. Like I said, I'm not naming names, MISSY. I'm just sayin'...
Well, It's week three and you know what that means... People are starting to get worried and starting to pick conservatively. So, no strikes this week, except for one to Missy for not picking at all. That effectively knocks her out of the league. I'm reminded of a quote from Rush now: "Those who choose not to decide have still have made a choice." Missy chose elimination this week. And the first one falls. Boom!
Pick 'em is heating up! Two folks who traditionally don't get too far with the picks both went 5-1 this week. Very well played Ben and Patrick. This puts Ben tied for first, and get Patrick tied for the second height number of picks. Phil and Mik G both went 4-2, continuing their grapple at first place. Crutch went 4-2 to stay tied with the en fuego Patrick. Skoot gets on the board with 4-2 to stay relevant. RA Dave wets himself by only choosing himself to win. Bold strategy. Ends up blowing up in his face, but bold nonetheless.
The league itself is keeping things real. Now, there are no undefeated teams. All three 2-0 teams took a loss this week. Everyone pretty much knows that I think this week in the NFL is pretty much bullshit, but that's mostly sour grapes. It looks like Kookie and RA Dave are still desperately searching for their first win. But the good news is that *one* of them has to take home a win in week 4 as they are playing each other. Good luck, gents!
(At this point, I should probably point out that RA Dave is winning the Kookie award this year for making more than twice the number of moves than anyone else in the league. AND, he's also dead last. A position that we affectionately called "Kookie place.")
In the Tight End is a stupid position and we hate it bowl, Ben and Phil both went without tight ends this week. Ben because his TE suffered a concussion in the first quarter and Phil because they are a bunch of wusses out in San Francisco. (OK, I *really* tried to write that last sentence to not be homophobic / regionalist, but I couldn't really find a good way to insult the team for benching a player for no reason without insulting their manhood. I'm very sorry.) Regardless, Ben took this one because for some fucking reason Russel "This is such a bullshit nickname - the way that I play I don't deserve a nickname" Wilson pulled in 23 points, while Aaron Rodgers a scant 4 points. WTF???
Anyway, Ben pulls down the "What do you mean my benched TE pulled in 23 points" award for just having shitty luck with the TEs this week.
Phil on the other hands gets... well... take it away, Willy:
(Yes, yes, yes.... Ben delivered the beat down of the week to me this week. I still call shenanigans....)
Crutch, following my wonderful advice,dropped Romo this week. Romo, just to show how Romo he is, went ahead and pulled in a 20 point game. So, Crutch, you get the "Screwed By Romo" pendant, presented by Jessica Simpson. Yep, I went there.
RA Dave ... wow. Words just fail me. Your entire team just seems to be imploding on you. Two top tier QBs, and the better of them pulls in less than 2 points. Steve Smith, whose team was unstoppable in week 3, only pulled in 3 points. C J Spiller, your top draft pick, pulled in less than 2 points in a game where his team scored 27 points. You should feel good that your DEF pulled in over 25 points. For that, you get the Sisyphus Rock of Shame, for trying your damdest, but the cruel fates just keep kicking you in the junk.
Patrick eeked out a tight win this week riding on (of course) Stafford, Charles, and Bernard... wait. Bernard? Giovoni Bernard?? Who the *hell* is that? Well played, Sir. And by that, I mean "You lucky bastard". And for that, you get the "Roll a Save versus Bullshit" ceremonial D20.
McClennen is finally welcomed to the club with the "Do you see??? This is what happens!!!" crowbar. It's nice to see you in our ranks. Not only did McClennen take his first fantasy loss this week, but he did it through sheer dumb luck. Reggie Bush was a questionable player and it was a game time call to bench him. Going up against Washington, Bush *probably* could have pulled in the 7 and change points that McClennen needed for the win. Yeah, it sucks, but it's happened to all of us. Here, this will make it feel better:
Missy wins the Beowulf Weird Ass CGI trophy for proudly boasting "Can nobody stop me??? I am unbeatable!!!" Did you hear that fates? That was totally her. You should definitely teach her a lesson.
We were all privy to the battle of the massive QBs this week as well, in Skoot versus Terri's game. Brees vs Manning the Greater!! Both raking up about 20 points. And a kicker battle too!! Both kickers getting into the double digits! And... well not much of anything else. No line up Nirvanas on either side. No big starter misses.... I dunno. With all of the build up from the first sentence, this game was kind of a let down. For shame, you two... for shame.....
And we'll wrap it up this week, with the saddest of all games. Combined, the starting QBs took in -3 points. Eesh...
Mike G... you , uhhh.. were the lesser of two evils. So, you get the "It could be worse... could be
Kookie gets a pass this week... he's moving, packing, buying a house, selling another, etc, etc, etc. So, he can kinda be forgiven for have three starters goose egg this week. And only one didn't play due to injury. That's what makes it all the worse. I mean, it's not like your wife literally scored twice as much as you did. Cuz that would really hurt. O wait... It's exactly like that.
For real guys... Let's get the NFL back in order for this upcoming week. Nobody wants to see this crazy sad playing again. I mean, even the people who won have to admit that...
Also, don't forget that there are BYE weeks starting on week 4. So, maybe it's time to start looking at trades??
I love all the award names Phil. Keep'em comin. :)
ReplyDelete