DFL 2014 Week 11: Mad World

I think it's kinda funny.
I think it's kinda sad.
The dreams that I have where I am winning
Are the best I've ever had.
It's a ...

MAD WORLD

Yeah.... did you see the NFL this week?  I know that you did.  I can't properly put into words all of the oddness.  So, I'll let the bard of our age say it for me:

How strange was the week?  Here's the top five scorers this week:

Jonas Gray    37.27
Aaron Rodgers 26.26
Mike Evans    23.86
Andy Dalton   22.70

Jay Cutler    22.45

Or in the common parlance:
Who?
Yeah, that makes sense
No, seriously.  Who??
No fucking way.
You sure spelled "Peyton Manning" a funny way.

You wanna get your mind blown more?  Strap in, sonny.  There were a whopping 10 rushing touch downs this week.  Almost half of them were score by Who?.

Now, we are all men of science in this league.  Surely, there must be some reasonable explanation.  I've been doing some thinking and it seems that the most reasonable explanation is that I was trash talking so hard that I cause Missy reveal herself.  I submit, gentlemen, that Missy is actually a witch and that she has hexed us all this week in order that she might keep her streak alive.  What say you?

Well, that was easy.  Missy please report so that we can see if you weigh as much as a duck.

In all seriousness.. what a rough week!  So, let's get to it.

Big shake ups in the pick'em league this week.  Ben and RA Dave both went 5-1 this week.  Skoot broke even at 3-3 and Phil returned to beginning of the season form with a craptacular 2-4.  So, this means that Ben reclaims the top spot with 41 picks, Phil is right behind with 41, RA Dave sneaks up into third place with 34 picks, and Skoot jumps in front of Mike (with 33 and 32 picks, respectively).  This one is going to come down to the wire.

Coupla notes here:

1. Everyone picked Crutch over Kookie correctly.
2. Everyone picked Melanie over Patrick correctly.
3. NOBODY picked Terri over McClennnen correctly.
4. Thanks to Skoot for showing faith in me and being the only one to pick me.  After ignoring my commands to pick me and not, the rest of you Judases are dead to me.
5. Dammit, Mike.  I really thought that you could play spoiler this week against Ben.  If we just ignored the Monday night game, it would have been so.

OK, now let's get to it:

Missy vs Phil.  OK yeah.. this was a hell of a hyped game.  And I was actually projected to win by about 4 points.  Then, Foster got benched at the last minute.  Then, Manning went belly up against the Rams (cuz, you know, that makes sense).  And that was the last thing that went right for me.  Missy picked up Blue to replace Foster and he went crazy.  So, instead of administering the beating, I received it.  OK Missy, we get it.  You're in the playoffs.  No need to keep showboating.  Here's a present for you, Missy:

But instead of saying "I'm breaking up with you", it should say
"You're being that guy.  Don't be that guy."

RA Dave vs Skoot.  Dave was the only one this week to hit triple digits.  How? Cuz Mike Evans (AKA "No, seriously.  Who?") went apeshit.  Oh, and Marshallenjoyed the benefits of actually having a QB starting and Maclin did his this too.  Well played Dave.  You're now the third on to hit a thousand points this year.  

Crutch vs Kookie.  AKA - the beat down of the week.  Crutch almost hit triple digits here, but got screwed when two players put down less than 5 points.  In Kookie's defense (man, that's a weird sentiment to have!), he did start some solid talent, they just didn't deliver.  Oh, and he started RG3 as well.

Kookie's reaction the entire game.  (For the uninitiated, that would be
a Scotsman saying over and over again "Ach!  What are you doon?")

Melanie vs Patrick.  Ouch... not a lot of performance in this game at all.  Luck did well enough.  Brown was Brown.  And on Patrick's side  Hawkins and Green pulled in decent numbers as well.  But the one thing that really does deserve praise is Patrick's unflappable faith in Matt Stafford.  At an astounding 96.61 points for the season, Stafford is still Patrick's starters.  This week is his second time going negative.  I am genuinely curious to see if Patrick keeps him in the rest of the year AND if he can do anything in the playoffs with him.

Not sure who wold be a better starter to tell you the truth.  Although,
the one on the right *does* want to be a cowboy, baby.

Ben vs Mike.  With high hope for being the spoiler, Mike just had a run of bad luck here.  Somehow the Raiders defense shut down Rivers, Thomas got hurt are only 2 receptions and somehow Morris was shut down by Tampa Bay.  Heck, Ben even had an empty roster spot.  The bigger problem was that Ben started a top 5 QB, and one of the few RBs to see the endzone this week.  So, Ben was able to pull off the upset AND guarantee his spot in the playoffs.  Well done, Ben.

And really, who could disagree with that 'stache?

Terri vs McClennen.  Call this the surprise of the week.  Terri wakes up in week 11, hungry for a win.  Starting with McClennen, could this be a last ditch run at the playoffs?  The stand out star of the entire game was Terri's GB Defense.  The low point was definitely on McClennen's side of the game, with the Saints.  Cooks was knocked out of the game with a season ending thumb injury and Graham was shut down almost entirely.  This loss puts McClennen right on the husp of the playoffs, leaving him in 8th place.

<There is no pic for this game because I'm
too damn lazy to find one.>

Oh, and one last thing to note.  Oddly this was brought to my attention in two of my leagues this week.  It appears that if you are using an app to manage your fantasy team (as opposed to managing on the webpage), there may be a bug with swapping a player who is on BYE after the games have started for the week.  So, if you are tweaking your starters and you're on a mobile device, double check that the move actually went through.  (I *think* that you might be able to swap the BYE player to the bench and then swap a benched player into the starting position.)

DFL 2014 Week 10: Here comes the playoffs...

I hear you saying "Playoffs?  It's Week 10!!  We've still got 4 weeks of regular season before we get to the playoffs.  Surely you're talking crazy talk!!"

  

But I'm not.  Since you chumps have seen fit to both roll over for Missy AND just embrace you inner suckitude, Missy just locked herself in to a playoff position this week.  In Week 10.  Really?  Geez Louise, y'all!  I guess that I am going to have to lay some smack on her myself this weekend.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

Presented without commentary.  I'm just sayin',,,

Pick 'Ems... Well, not a lot of diversity here.  Only 4 people made picks this week and for the most part, we were not choosing many underdogs.  Phil, Ben, and Skoot all chose the predicted winner across the board.  It worked out well, as we all went 5-1.  (Dammit, Skoot.  Lose and we could have had a few bingos this week!!)  Mike, on the other hand, kept on choosing the Gs to win.  Points for loyalty, but not real points.  Not even imaginary pick'em points.  You're still in 3rd place, barely.  Phil is still on top with 39 points, Ben right behind him at 37 points, Then Mike at 32 points, Skoot at 30 points, and RA Dave still swinging at 29 points.  Tight race, gents.  Let's keep 'em coming!

(Though this does bring up an interesting question... are people looking at the games or just blindly picking the predicted winner?  The last two weeks, the line ups have been so lopsided that there really was not choice but to choose the predicted winner.  )

Let's just start at the top and work our way down this week, shall we?

Phil vs Kookie:  This all started on Thursday night.  Phil scored almost double predicted points when Tate snuck a TD in.  And Kookie?  Well, he didn't fair quite so well.  Nugent score half the projected points.  Dalton on the other hand scored almost the absolute value of what he was predicted.

Math humor!!

Sadly, things didn't get much better from here for Kookie.  Phil wins by an impressive almost 40 point margin, thus sliding Kookie that much further out of the playoffs.

Crutch vs Patrick:  This was an impressive game in that it really shows what becoming a dad does to your fantasy team.  I mean, Patrick, the one strong and powerful turned in a sad and lonely performance this week against Crutch.  Patrick's top scorer?  Matt Stafford.  I mean, just...  Then two sub 1 point performances by his starters really kinda killed any hope that he had to take this game home.  (Sadly, Patrick also hit line up Nirvana this week, what with this ridiculously tiny bench.)  Crutch, though under-performing, kind of won by default.

Crutch's victory speech.

Melanie vs Skoot:  What... the ... fuck.  Skoot decides that a switch hitter (see what I did there?) is better than a kicker.  Sorry.. That a still-on-the-commissioner-no-play-list switch hitter is better than a kicker.  Oh, and for good measure, let's just start an injured running back.  That will surely lead to victory!  And.. kinda it did.  Melanie kinda just played some people and lost spectacularly.  I mean, granted, she started everyone, but her team was shakey enough that she can now utter this completely unthinkable sentence "Why, o why, did I not start Isaiah Crowell??"

RA Dave vs Mike:  Bye bye bye

Six, count 'em, six players on bye in this game. Everyone on the bench was on BYE.  Mike even had to start Z Stacy, who Goose Egg'ed.  Now, to be fair RA Dave did start Terrance Williams, who also pulled in 0 points.  A few good points scores across the board...  Julius Thomas is back.  Somehow the Arizona D lit up St Louis more than expected... where did the crazy points come from?  Oh, there it is!  Marshawn Lynch went buck ass wild and pulled in an insane 35 points.  Well played, RA Dave, you just earned yourself a ticket to the centurian club. Mike, good on ya too for pulling in an impressive 91 points... You just earned entry into the Ben club for fantasy coaches who don't win even with massive numbers of points.

Ben vs McClennen:  Chris.  Dude.  Seriously.  Change up your players!!  K and D on bye?  come on now!  What do I always say?  K and D win games.  Granted, Ben delivered the beat down of the week (again) this week to you, so I wouldn't have mattered, but still.  And Ben.. don't think that we haven't noticed that you're just riding the Eagles D to the championship this year.  Just wait until next week when Sanchez can't stay on the field because he's going up a real D.  (Man, as a Carolina fan, it hurt to say that.)

Pictured above:  Ben more often than I care to admit this season.

Missy vs Terri:  Eesh, first versus last.  Yeah, this played out about as expected.  Well, as expected by everyone, except Yahoo!.  They estiamted that Terri would just barely eek out a victory against Missy.  As it turned out, Missy turned on the after burners to throw down a nearly 50 point victory.  This with 4 players turning in a grand total of 5.5 points.  That's... that's just uncanny.  Not that the number 1 player just barely got into the centurian club, but that she's not laying down the beat down of the week more often.

Why does Ben get all of the hate?  I humiliate people too!

Oh, and by the way...  I was totally serious about whipping Missy's ass this weekend.  So, if you're still in the running for the pick'ems league OR you just want a guaranteed win this week, then the smart money is to pick me this week.  Even with Missy taking more than a fifth of her overall moves this week to try to stop the Phil tide, I am still projected higher than she is.  Everything is lining up for me.  Missy's ungodly winning streak?

Well, this week, but you get the idea.

DFL 2014 Week 9: The week of the Daves

Well, geez...  this was a disappointing week. I mean, only two people even got close to hitting triple digits.  Now, granted those two hit the triple digits and just kept right on going... but for everyone else, the week came and ...

So congrats to Crutch and RA Dave... This was squarely your week.  With the massive points that you threw down, you both jumped up in the standings like 4 each.  Well done.  But I think that we're probably getting ahead of ourselves...

I know that I usually just skip the elimination league once a winner is crowned, but check this out:

Not only can you still make picks once the other teams are eliminated, but I'm still picking right!!  Man, I am so good at this game!  I know, I know... just try to control your enthusiasm...

OK, back on track... where were we? O, that's right...  Pick 'ems!  Looks like we've only got 4 people left still picking week to week. This week, RA Dave and Ben took the top spots at 4-2. Meanwhile, Phil and Mike both broke even at 3-3.  So, that means that Phil is barely hanging on up top at 34 picks, with Ben right on his heels at 32.  RA Dave a Mike are now tied at 29.  Shifting down a little, we've got a tight race for 5th place:  Crutch (at 26), Skoot (at 25), and Melanie (at 23).  Only 5 more games left in the regular season.  Looks like the pick 'ems are going to come down to the wire again.

Now, for the best of the best:  The DFL itself.  So, let's get to it!

Missy vs. Kookie.  ooh ooh ooh.. Looks like Missy *barely* got to 80 points this week!  She hasn't scored this low since week 2.  So, surely her winning streak comes to an end here.  Right, Kookie??  Sadly, no.  Missy rolls on.  Kookie, I think that Sir Chapman speaks for all of us:

Special shout out to Missy (pun fully intended):  Congrats on breaking your vow of silence in the smack talk this week.  I absolutely hope that we'll be hearing a cuss one of these days...

RA Dave vs McClennen.  Well, RA Dave resoundingly laid the smack down of the week this week.  Somehow, the DEFs in the game racked up 35+ points.  But really, the big difference was that Brady keeps showing his old form.  Almost 30 points, and that's how you bring the hammer down.

Crutch vs Skoot.  Yeah, this was the other big game of the week. In case you missed it, Crutch pciked up Tannehill, Robinson, and Hill on Friday, just to fill in players who were hurt.You might be asking who they are. That would be the guys who scored 27, 13, and 23 points respectively.  Just to make sure that we got this, let me say that again.  Crutch picked up about 65 points on Friday.  That's just... good on ya, sir!

Melanie vs Mike.  So, we go from the high to the low...  Although Melanie's D did go negative, Mike upped the ante and has his QB go *really* negative.  Like, just a hair away from double digit negative.  Coupling that with only one player hitting double digits, just make this a complete pain fest for Mike.  So, now,we can all call Melanie by her new nickname:  Pinhead.  (That's like Pinhead from Hellraiser, not pinhead from Bill O'Reilly.  Man, this election season needs to get out of my head.)

Phil vs. Patrick. And now we come to the closest game of the week. This game come down to Monday night:  Hilton vs. Bradshaw.  Lucky for me, Hilton stepped up and into the endzone to just barely pull the V to my side.

Ben vs. Terri.  Something must have been in the water at the G house this last weekend.  Terri's QB went negative as well.  Luckily, the rest of her team stepped up, to prevent an all out brutalization, but not enough to keep Ben firmly entrenched in 2nd place.  Oh, fun note about this game as well.  Both teams hit line up Nirvana because of the 6 players on the bench, 5 of them were on BYE and the other was out.

And that's about it.  Oh wait.. something broke today...  Hey, that's right!  AP pleaded to charges, which means that Goodell might lift his suspension.  So, with all of the rest that he's been getting, I'll have to keep my eyes firmly fixed on the waiver wire for...

WTF?  Oh, Skoot snagged him up.   At noon today.  In this league.  With *3* bench slots.  While the BYE weeks are still ravaging the line ups like reavers.  But Skoot thinks that he'll be worth the prospecting.  Now, I hope that AP stays out of the league for at least the rest of the season for a reason beyond the fact that he's a horrible person:  Just to screw with Skoot.    Gollum tell Skoot how we feel about him:

DFL 2014 Week 8: Ben's Comeuppance

Holy shit, fellas!!  Did you see the games this week?  First week in NFL history that 6 or more QBs have thrown for over 300 yards.  Also, first week in history that anyone has ever said "Man, I wish that I had started Big Ben."  And speaking of Ben...

I'm proud of all of you this week.  Last week, I threw down the gauntlet.  I said "Ben is doing *way* too well in all of the competitions this year. We need to collectively put his ass down or else he may well win it all!"  And all y'all delivered.  In droves.  He was eliminated from the elimination league, came up with a goose egg in the pick'ems and had his droopy ass handed to him by receiving the beat down of the week.  Well played everyone!

And since we've teased long enough, let's get into it...  Elimination League!  That's right.  Ben took perhaps the surest thing with Dallas over Washington.  Specifically Washington with the third string quarterback.  No brainer, right?  Wrong.  It was a Monday night game and national games are just nuts.  Well, the Redskins pulled the upset AND that kicked Ben out of the elimination league.  Meaning that there's only one person left.  And what's that?  He didn't take a strike all year?   Who could this wonderful, wise, and devilishly handsome winner be?  Oh.. it was me! Look at that *another* gold for the trophy rack!  (OK, this was only the first gold for elimination for me, but who's counting?)  Commence the happy dance:

Why yes, I have lost some weight.  That is kind of you to notice.

Elimination League because that is how we do.  Big week this week in that Ben, Crutch, and RA Dave all missed making their picks this week.  (Oddly, as I write this review, the only people who have made their picks for week 9 are Ben and RA Dave.  Compensating a little, gentlemen?)  So, only three teams making picks this week:  Phil (4-2), Skoot (4-2), and Mike (3-3).  This leaves the standings at:
Phil  31-17
Ben 28-14
Crutch 26-16
Mike 26-22
Dave: 25-11
Scott:  25-17
(And the rest haven't picked in a few weeks or more.)

Things keep staying tight.  Plenty of time for things to fall apart though.  :)

And now, we'll take a look at the bigguns... the fantasy games.  We'll start at the top:

Clash of the Titans:  Missy vs Ben.  #1 Missy goes into the game undefeated.  #2 Ben has been laying the smackdown of the weeks left and right all season.  Both team predicted to hit triple digits... this game is going to be epic!!!  And then it wasn't...  I mean yeah, it was kinda fun watching Ben finally receive a beatdown of the week.  But what the hell, Missy?  I mean this was uncanny.  Manning was Manning, but Foster pulling in 3 TDs, GRonkowski pullin in three touch downs...   Shit, even the Buffalo defense put up 16 points.  Well played!  But can anyone possibly hope to put an end to Missy's perfect season???

Pictured above: Missy's post-game victory speech.

So Good, it's Gotta Be Fattening:  Crutch vs Mike.  Crutch has been down on his luck this season.  Coming into the game, he was on a 3 game losing streak and squarely in last place.  He was projected at a full 20 points below Mike in this game.  Mike, on the other hand is hungry and just needs a win to stop his downward slide.  What happens?  Well, Crutch spots Mike 3 players (one on BYE and two not playing due to injury).  Mike should take this game easily, right?  NOPE!  Crutch pulls it out when Jamal Charles remembers "Wait.. I'm actually a good RB", Minnesota D manhandles Tampa Bay and Matt Ryan isn't nearly as embarrassing as he normally is.  Crutch eeks out an ugly victory, but somehow, it's the most beautiful thing EVER.

When I asked why Crutch hadn't set his line up, he claimed that he was too busy.
But, if he did manage to pull down the victory, he wanted to rub this in Mike's face.

Well, it's not as much fun if everyone is doing it!  RA Dave vs. Terri.  RA Dave jumps on the heap of teams that is just whooping on Terri this season.  Why?  Because trades that's why.  RA Dave traded for Tom "Remember when I was good?" Brady.  What he got was Tom "Yeah, I'm still an elite QB" Brady.  38 points.  He threw for 5 TDs, 350 yards, and only 5 cinompletions..  I mean, yeah he pretty much destroyed Terri here, but here's the kicker...  He got Brady from Terri's dear husband.  That's gotta hurt!

Pictured above, Terri watching the games with Mike on Sunday.
"Where did he get that QB, Mike?  WHERE???"

Points???  We don't need no stinkin' points!!  Patrick vs Kookie.  2 of the three lowest scores of the week were involved in this game.  There's not much to be said about this match up, except that it's over. I think that part of the problem is that these two team probably forget where the endzone is.  As commish, part of my job is to get everyone into the game.  So, here's some free coaching for the coaches.  You wanna know where the endzone is?

Oh, if only I could one day aspire to the heights that Booger has seen!

Negatory, Red Rider.  McClennen vs Melanie.  There were two players going negative in this game, two goose eggs, and another two not seeing 2 points.  I'm not quite sure how this game wasn't the lowest scoring of the week.  I would go into more specifics, but I don't want to get that nasty taint on me.   So, I'm just going to back away slowly.

But seriously... get your teams together, you two...

Point-a-palooza.  Phil vs Skoot.  From the lowest scores to the highest.  Both teams here hit triple digits.  Both teams had multiple 20 point players.  And both teams needed the win to capture 3rd place.  Phil walked away with the victory in the end, but damn was that a fun game to watch.

Get it?  Cuz the game had a lot of points?  Just like the graph?
Screw you guys; I'm hilarious!

And with that Week 8 is at and end.  We're half way through the NFL season, and more than halfway through the DFL regular season.  So, let's take a few points of data:

• Only 1 team left undefeated.  That would be Missy.  (No pressure or anything next week, Kookie...)
• The most points in the league?  Missy (but right on her heels is ben - only 10 points behind).
• Least points in the league?  Crutch.
• Most points against?  Phil.  (Damn... hurtful guys!)
• Least points against?  Missy (Why does this always happen? Most points and least points against seem to go hand in hand!)
• Most moves?  RA Dave, though Phil and Kookie get honorable mentions for only being one behind.
• Least Moves?  McClennen.  (It's not entirely clear to me if he know that he is allowed to make moves at this point...)
• Only trade of the season is between Mike and RA Dave.  (And seriously, those players might have generated the most points since their trade in the history of the DFL.)
• Biggest hail mary of the year?  Patrick picked up Mike "-4.87 points to date" Vick just now.  Bold, sir.
• Ranks 4-7 are sitting at a .500 record.  
• Still only 1 bingo in the pick'ems.  (Melanie in week 2.)
• Elimination league ended in week 8. (I want to say that the longest it has ever gone on is week 10, so this year isn't too shabby.)

And because I don't really have a denouement, here's Drew Frees getting tackled, in slow motion:

Good luck this week, everyone!  Especially you, Kookie.  We're all counting on you.

DFL 2014 Week 7: The trends continue

Well, we're into it now... 7 weeks into the season and trends are starting to emerge...  Did anyone else realize that fully half the teams in the league are on a 3+ streak.  For some, that's very, very good (Missy is currently throwing down a 7 game wining streak).  For others, not so much (Patrick and Crutch are both on their 3rd consecutive loss).Also, probably worth pointing out at this point, over half the league is under .500 at this point.  So, you know what time it is? It's time to shake some stuff up.  That's right ... it's time for:

Yee-haw indeed, Charlie!!

Yeah, we're doing it.... All rules out the window in this review.  Something strikes my fancy, I'm doing it!  You don't like it, then you just skip this post.

O  crap... what have I done... now my readership has nose dived from 5 to 2.  And that two is just me re-reading my post.  Come back!!  I've got cake!!!!

Man, I just hope that nobody realizes the source of this image....

Now, before we get to the actual reviews (and after a page or so of general tomfoolery), I've got something to say to Missy.  Missy - you're 7-0, and almost nobody can touch you on points.  You've got a killer team this year.  Dare I say, you're queen of the league at this point.  Now's the time to start talking some shit.  So, from all of in the league to you, we've prepared a special message:

Now that that is out of the way (and subsequently ignored), let's look at some numbers.

Elimination league..  Oh... here it is...  Two people (Ben and Melanie) picked Seattle this week. I actually picked them initially too, but I thought "Nah, I'll pick someone else and root for the Rams.  How novel will that be?"  Well, not only was it novel, but it worked.  Melanie takes her second strike and says goodbye to yet another year.  And that means (with my pick of Baltimore - I feel dirty rooting for them so often these days), Ben, it is down to you and it is down to me.  Ben has one strike and I am still strike free.  It's coming down to it, ladies and gentlemen!

Pick'ems!  Phil took the top picks with 5-1.  Ben and Mike both went 4-2.  Dave and Crutch both broke even at 3-3.  Not surprisingly, we all picked Ben and Missy's game, being that they are pretty much crushing the league. Biggest upset of the week was when Kookie pulled out a win against Skoot.  Well played boys!

So, that means that the standings right now stand as follows:
Ben          28 picks
Phil          27 picks
Crutch     26 picks
RA Dave 25 picks
Melanie   23 picks
Mike        23 picks
Scott        21 picks
Terri        10 picks

Still plenty of time to catch up and keep things competitive, lads!

Now, for the real meat and potatoes....  the DFL itself.   few big games this week......

First off, the big disappointment of the week:  Ben vs RA Dave. It's not often that someone is projected above 100 points.  And Ben was...  So, I proposed, rightly so, that if Ben doesn't have the highest score of the week AND deliver the beatdown of the week, that we all point and laugh at him.  So,e veryone do your best Nelson impression, point at Ben and give him a hearty "Ha-Ha!"  Thanks to RA Dave for not allowing Ben to get the beat down of the week.

Next up, is the beat down of the week:  Missy (also hitting over 100 points) laid the smack down on Patrick this week.  Within a point of doublingh the score.  Well done, Missy!  And Dammit, Patrick.  We thought that this was going to be the week where the streak dies!  But at least you finally benched Staff-o for the love of God!!!

High score of the week goes to Phil against Mike.  A hell of a lot of smack talk on this game, as expected.  I don't know about Mike,but I have been looking forward to this game ever since the championship last year.

From the highest scoring game of the week to the lowest:  Kookie versus Skoot.  Biggest upset of the week too!  5 of 6 people voted for Skoot, but Kookie pulled it out in the end.  Sad game too... neither team got above 70 points.

Shall we look at the closest game of the week?  Crutch versus McClennnen.  Less than three points separated the two teams here.  McClennen wrestled the victory, sending Crutch solidly into last place.

Lastly, we come to Terri versus Melanie.  Terri tacked another loss onto Melanie's league high losing streak.  And need I remind everyone that Melanie actually started 3-0 and at the top of the league.  Now, she's dead center and sinking fast.  Congrats to Terri for the upward movement in the standings.

(Now, if I can pause for a moment to point something out.... Ben is currently ranked 2nd in the league, 2nd in the elimination league, and 1st in pick'ems.  Surely we cannot let this stand.  Let us all band together to drum Ben back down to the middle of the league in all of these, where he belongs!)

DFL 2014 Week 6: It burns!! IT BURNS!!!

Whelp... here we are... Week 6.  Big week.  Lots of games, but there is a common thread in between them all... and you know what that is?  Extra pain.  Lots and lots of pain.

We've got exactly three teams with a winning record at this point.  Three.  Let that sink in.  Only a quarter of the league has been able to get it together enough to get over .500 at this point.  (BTW, congrats to Missy, Ben, and Skoot for nabbing that distinction.)  And guess what?  We've still got an undefeated team.  So, that means that we're pretty much all gunning for you, Missy.

But let's do this in order.  I want no part of anarchy.

Annarchy, on the other hand, is delightful.

We'll start with the real pain this week...  The elimination league.  Two people took strikes this week:  Skoot for picking Seattle AT HOME (against the Cowboys no less!) and Crutch for rooting against the home town team by picking the Bangles over the Panthers.

Why was this painful?  The Seahawks just don't lose at home.  That whole 12th man thing that they have going really works for them.  And Cincinnati?  Well, that game ended in a tie.  Where both teams scored in overtime.  And that *technically* means that Crutch's pick didn't win, so technically he takes a strike.  And technically, we are all gobsmacked.

So, that's the end of the run for both Crutch and Skoot.  So long, boys!  And thanks for not going out by missing a pick.  So, that just leaves Melanie (with a strike), Ben (sans strike), and Phil (also strike free) still swinging.  Good luck, you crazy kids, cuz it's gonna start getting crazy!

Next up... Pick'ems! The race gets tighter this week, as Melanie forgot to make any picks this week, droppiner her out of first place, by a single pick.  Mike's slavish devotion to always pick a G to win finally paid off this week, as he went 5-1.  Also going 5-1 was Phil. Ben snagged first place when he went 4-2, and Terri stayed locked in last place with 4-2.  (Beautiful symmetry, no?)  Crutch and Skoot both pulled in 3-3 picks this week.  So, that means that Melanie is still the only one to bingo this year (in week 2), and the standings look thusly:
Ben         24
Crutch     23
Melanie   23
Phil          22
RA Dave 22
Mike        19
Skoot       17
Terri         10  (And almost half of those points came in *this* week!)

Keep those picks coming!  It's a long season and the race for first place is heating up!

Let's keep the pain rolling...  This week, we'll have a "When does the hurting stop?" thing going down.  So, strap in.  (And if anyone outside of Patrick gets that reference, then good on ya!)

Ben vs Melanie.  Ben just beat the ever loving snot out of Melanie in precisely the way that a preggers should not be beaten.  Melanie received the beat down of the week like a seasoned veteran (probably due to the fact that she lives in Cleveland) and continues to soldier on.
Why does it hurt?
For Melanie, it always hurts to get the beat down of the week... This week it hurt even more because she didn't have a single player on BYE.  That's right, she got that throttling at full strength.
For Ben, this is his second time dishing out the beat down of the week this year.  Looking at the point against him though reveals something... he's got the second *least* points scored against him this year.  If you know Ben, then you know how he likes to gripe and whine about how he has a good team, but teams always pile on points against him.  So thank you league, for peeing in his Cheerios, just a little bit.

Phil vs McClennen.   Phil's team finally woke up this week.  And sadly, it was partially due to Flacco scoring 5 TDs in the first half of the game.  (Sadly, then he did his best Romo impression and scored nothing from there on in...)
Why does it hurt?
For McClennen, even if he hit line up Nirvana, it wouldn't have mattered.
For Phil, because even though he scored the most points this year to date, he still wasn't able to hand out the beat down of the week.  And you know that this winning streak ain't gonna last...

Missy vs RA Dave.  With Wes Welker just not catching Manning the greater's attention (again) and New England going buck wild on  her defense, Missy barely held on to her undefeated record.
Why does it hurt?
For Missy, well. going 6-0 is nice, but now everyone *really* wants to see you lose.  And remember how I said that Ben has the second lowest points against?  Guess who has the lowest?  So, that means that you're just getting lucky.  Luck will run out.  Sooner than later, hopefully.
For RA Dave, when you come *this* close to taking down the undefeated person and not doing so, it sucks.  When you do so with your two non-BYE benched players racking up almost 30 points, it hurts worse.  It hurts still worse to find out that you hit line up Nirvana anyways.

Terri vs  Crutch.  This? Ouch... It was predicted as a low scoring game.  And not only was it, but the predictions were flipped from the results.  Crutches team shat their pants, and Terri handed him not only a loss, but also 12th place.
Why does it hurt?
For Terri, it feels good to snap the losing streak and climb out of last place.... but it;s gotta hurt to be the lowest scoring winner.
For Crutch, lots of hurt.. plenty to go around.  First off, having the QB do about 1/4 of the project points... Ouch.  Next, to lose to the lowest scoring winner by 30 points... Double Ouch.  Finally, losing Cruz to the IR just when Manning the lesser was getting into his swing.. just.. Here's some aspirin.

Mike vs. Kookie.  This was a pretty good game.  A good amount of scoring, and another upset.Mike claws his way to .500 with this win (after an 0-3 start no less!) and Kookie drops to .500 after the loss.
Why does this hurt?
For Mike, not a lot of hurting going on here...  this week.  But it's gotta be weighing on him that his winning streak will come crashing down on him next week.  Who could he be playing next week?  Whoever could it be??
For Kookie, ugh.... things were going so well.  This was going to be the year to see the championship game.  This was going to be it! But when two players go negative, and another 3 don't quite hit 5 points... it burns!!  It burns!!!

Skoot vs Patrick.  Last and pretty much least, here we are... Not much going on here. I mean, Skoot hits lineup nirvana, I guess.  So that's cool, right?  But Skoot does take this win to the bank, keeping him squarely in 3rd place.
Why does this hurt?
For Skoot, he couldn't find anyone better to play with than Asiata, and that's a big gamble until Bridgewater finds his groovy again.  Someone send him to Jamaica!  (And if you don't hear it from the insightful tone, I should point out that this is precisely the advice that Skoot gave to me in my charity league.  The bit about Bridgewater, not the bit about Jamaica.)
For Patrick, the biggest pain might be the neck pain.  What neck pain is that?  It's from that albatross around your neck.  His name is Stafford.  Another lackluster game, man.  How long until it's time to cut him loose, man?


And that's it for Week 6.  Next week is shaping up to be an exciting week too!  Championship rematch betwixt Mike and myself, the two most bitter against Yahoo teams go head to head.  And perhaps most importantly of all, we'll ask the question can Patrick put an end to Missy's winning streak???

You gonna let Marky Mark talk to you like that, Patrick?

DFL 2014 Week 5: National Beatdown Week.

National Beatdown Week.  National Beatdown Week!  NATIONAL BEAT DOWN WEEK!!!

NATIONAL

BEATDOWN

WEEK!!!

Can you feel it?  That's right. It's national beatdown week!  And what a week it was!!  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let me make my entrance properly....

Not a close game to be seen in the league.  Just total Domination!!!  And guess what else?  I pulled in my first win of the season.  So what if I was the lowest scorer of the winners?  So what if I had the second lowest points differential?  So what if I needed to play the dead last player in the league to pull out a win? So what if I have the second lowest number of points in the league?  So what if I am still in 11th place after this week?  Oh... now I'm sad again.

Phil's exact reaction while typing the previous sentence.

So... where was I?  Oh, right...  DFL write up.  And away we go...

Elimination League... Whelp three more strikes were handed out this week. Skoot, Patrick and RA DAve all took strikes this week.  Sadly, it was the second strike for the latter two.  So, we bid a fair adieu to Patrick and RA Dave. However, RA Dave does make history this week, as he is the first person to be eliminated when he actually made a pick.  Everyone else (yes, including Patrick this week) has been eliminated when they forgot to pick.  And in RA Dave's defense, he did pick Detroit.  At home.  Against the Bills.  That is about as sure of thing as there is.  But that's just how things are going this year.

And one more fun side note about the elimination league... Of all of the people who picked, no two people picked the same team this week.  Does this mean that people are actually reading my write ups and taking my advice?  Probably not, but I'm sure going to claim that to be the case...

Pick'em, Pick'em, Pick'em...  Yeah, it was that kind of week.  The only sweeping pick that was made was Ben over Crutch (and it turned out OK).  The runner up was everyone (except me) picked Mike over Patrick (and they were right - except for me).  Now, in my defense, I totally thought that Patrick was going to be making some substitutions so that he could be a contender.  But that just wasn't in the cards.  

Mike was the high picker with 5-1. He would have bingo'ed had he not been blinded by rooting for his wife.  Crutch and Phil went 4-2, while Melanie and Ben both went 3-3 (with the same picks, no less - no cheating, folks!)  So, that leaves us with Melanie gaining more speed with 23 picks, followed by Crutch and Ben at 20, then RA Dave at 18, Phil at 17, and Mike and Skoot tied at 14.  O, and Terri's hanging steady at 6.  Right on, miss!

And before we get into things, did everyone see that there was a trade this week? That's right, RA Dave and Mike did the first trade of the regular season!  And how did it turn out?  Wonderful all around. Eddie Lacy had a 20+ point game and even Brady decided to wake up a bit by throwing down 18 points himself.  But there's more!  Pierre Thomas had a 21 points game too!  Trades, fellas.. it all comes down to trades.  (And what's that?  Both of the parties involved in the trade won this week as well?  Cray-cray, I tells ya.  Cray-cray.)

And now ... on to the meat of the matter.  But where to begin, where to begin???  Let's start with the beat down of the week:

RA Dave vs Melanie:  Dave fully embraced the national holiday here.  With his killer trade this week, he joined the centurian club for the first time this year.  Plus, going into this week, he was sitting at .500, and Melanie had only lost one game the entire year.  So, for RA Dave to so thoroughly thrash Melanie.... Right on, Sir!  Melanie.. ugh.. next week is another week....

Patrick vs Mike:  Again, the trade worked out and Mike really got into the spirit of the national holiday.  With 4 players hitting 20 (or getting *really* close), and another pulling in 15, it's not surprising that Mike so thoroughly trounced Patrick this week.  However, it should be noted that the healthy Matt "Top 5 Quarterback" Stafford is really digging himself a hole here...  Not quite hitting 3 points this week, it's... well , it's gonna hurt.

Missy vs. Skoot:  We all are waiting for that fateful week where Missy ruins her perfect season.  We were all hoping that the 5 game run would end this week.  Skoot even had a fighting chance.  But With Megatron leaving the game early, Asiata remembering "Wait... I'm probably being over hyped" and the Seattle defence just shitting the bed  against Washington, he didn't really have a snowball's chance.  Missy, on the other hand, was just throwing rocks tonight!  Manning and Foster both over 20 points, and Bryand, Gronk and the Buffalo D (I know, right?) in the low teens... Well, I'm just surprised that this wasn't the beat down of the week.

McClennen vs Kookie:  Geez guys, you know that you're allowed to talk, right?  McClennen just barely missed the Centurion club and Kookie.... Well, pretty much everyone on Kookie's team under performed.  Oh, wait... Except for Manning the lesser. 

I know, I don't get it either...

McClennen, on the other hand, had a pretty ho-hum game.  Well, except for Thomas (because Manning the greater had already sent a few TDs to the other Thomas, and he likes to spread it around), and Andre Ellington who... oh, who am I kidding?  Nobody knows who this kid is.  McClennen just kinda lucked into a win this week.

Ben vs Crutch:  The good in this game?  Rodgers and The Philly D (who, BTW gave up 28 points, but it doesn't really matter when you score 2 TDs).  The Bad?  Cruz and the Minnesota D (Always be careful in rivalry games - gord only knows what's going to happen in them).  The Ugly?  Larry Donnell.  Geez, Crutch, how invested are you in the G-Men this year?

Finally Phil vs Terri:  Yeah, I pulled in my first win this year. Yeah, it kicked me up out of 12th place.  But am I proud?

For me, Forte finally woke up, Brees finally work up, and Forsett did his best to forget that he's Forsett.  So, when everyone on Terri's team spent the game picking their butts (well, except for Jackson, but by then it was too late), I kinda waltzed into victory.

Well, that's it.  Hopefully, next week, I can continue the winning trend and Missy can stop it.  See y'all next time!