DFL 2014 Week 8: Ben's Comeuppance

Holy shit, fellas!!  Did you see the games this week?  First week in NFL history that 6 or more QBs have thrown for over 300 yards.  Also, first week in history that anyone has ever said "Man, I wish that I had started Big Ben."  And speaking of Ben...

I'm proud of all of you this week.  Last week, I threw down the gauntlet.  I said "Ben is doing *way* too well in all of the competitions this year. We need to collectively put his ass down or else he may well win it all!"  And all y'all delivered.  In droves.  He was eliminated from the elimination league, came up with a goose egg in the pick'ems and had his droopy ass handed to him by receiving the beat down of the week.  Well played everyone!

And since we've teased long enough, let's get into it...  Elimination League!  That's right.  Ben took perhaps the surest thing with Dallas over Washington.  Specifically Washington with the third string quarterback.  No brainer, right?  Wrong.  It was a Monday night game and national games are just nuts.  Well, the Redskins pulled the upset AND that kicked Ben out of the elimination league.  Meaning that there's only one person left.  And what's that?  He didn't take a strike all year?   Who could this wonderful, wise, and devilishly handsome winner be?  Oh.. it was me! Look at that *another* gold for the trophy rack!  (OK, this was only the first gold for elimination for me, but who's counting?)  Commence the happy dance:

Why yes, I have lost some weight.  That is kind of you to notice.

Elimination League because that is how we do.  Big week this week in that Ben, Crutch, and RA Dave all missed making their picks this week.  (Oddly, as I write this review, the only people who have made their picks for week 9 are Ben and RA Dave.  Compensating a little, gentlemen?)  So, only three teams making picks this week:  Phil (4-2), Skoot (4-2), and Mike (3-3).  This leaves the standings at:
Phil  31-17
Ben 28-14
Crutch 26-16
Mike 26-22
Dave: 25-11
Scott:  25-17
(And the rest haven't picked in a few weeks or more.)

Things keep staying tight.  Plenty of time for things to fall apart though.  :)

And now, we'll take a look at the bigguns... the fantasy games.  We'll start at the top:

Clash of the Titans:  Missy vs Ben.  #1 Missy goes into the game undefeated.  #2 Ben has been laying the smackdown of the weeks left and right all season.  Both team predicted to hit triple digits... this game is going to be epic!!!  And then it wasn't...  I mean yeah, it was kinda fun watching Ben finally receive a beatdown of the week.  But what the hell, Missy?  I mean this was uncanny.  Manning was Manning, but Foster pulling in 3 TDs, GRonkowski pullin in three touch downs...   Shit, even the Buffalo defense put up 16 points.  Well played!  But can anyone possibly hope to put an end to Missy's perfect season???

Pictured above: Missy's post-game victory speech.

So Good, it's Gotta Be Fattening:  Crutch vs Mike.  Crutch has been down on his luck this season.  Coming into the game, he was on a 3 game losing streak and squarely in last place.  He was projected at a full 20 points below Mike in this game.  Mike, on the other hand is hungry and just needs a win to stop his downward slide.  What happens?  Well, Crutch spots Mike 3 players (one on BYE and two not playing due to injury).  Mike should take this game easily, right?  NOPE!  Crutch pulls it out when Jamal Charles remembers "Wait.. I'm actually a good RB", Minnesota D manhandles Tampa Bay and Matt Ryan isn't nearly as embarrassing as he normally is.  Crutch eeks out an ugly victory, but somehow, it's the most beautiful thing EVER.

When I asked why Crutch hadn't set his line up, he claimed that he was too busy.
But, if he did manage to pull down the victory, he wanted to rub this in Mike's face.

Well, it's not as much fun if everyone is doing it!  RA Dave vs. Terri.  RA Dave jumps on the heap of teams that is just whooping on Terri this season.  Why?  Because trades that's why.  RA Dave traded for Tom "Remember when I was good?" Brady.  What he got was Tom "Yeah, I'm still an elite QB" Brady.  38 points.  He threw for 5 TDs, 350 yards, and only 5 cinompletions..  I mean, yeah he pretty much destroyed Terri here, but here's the kicker...  He got Brady from Terri's dear husband.  That's gotta hurt!

Pictured above, Terri watching the games with Mike on Sunday.
"Where did he get that QB, Mike?  WHERE???"

Points???  We don't need no stinkin' points!!  Patrick vs Kookie.  2 of the three lowest scores of the week were involved in this game.  There's not much to be said about this match up, except that it's over. I think that part of the problem is that these two team probably forget where the endzone is.  As commish, part of my job is to get everyone into the game.  So, here's some free coaching for the coaches.  You wanna know where the endzone is?

Oh, if only I could one day aspire to the heights that Booger has seen!

Negatory, Red Rider.  McClennen vs Melanie.  There were two players going negative in this game, two goose eggs, and another two not seeing 2 points.  I'm not quite sure how this game wasn't the lowest scoring of the week.  I would go into more specifics, but I don't want to get that nasty taint on me.   So, I'm just going to back away slowly.

But seriously... get your teams together, you two...

Point-a-palooza.  Phil vs Skoot.  From the lowest scores to the highest.  Both teams here hit triple digits.  Both teams had multiple 20 point players.  And both teams needed the win to capture 3rd place.  Phil walked away with the victory in the end, but damn was that a fun game to watch.

Get it?  Cuz the game had a lot of points?  Just like the graph?
Screw you guys; I'm hilarious!

And with that Week 8 is at and end.  We're half way through the NFL season, and more than halfway through the DFL regular season.  So, let's take a few points of data:

• Only 1 team left undefeated.  That would be Missy.  (No pressure or anything next week, Kookie...)
• The most points in the league?  Missy (but right on her heels is ben - only 10 points behind).
• Least points in the league?  Crutch.
• Most points against?  Phil.  (Damn... hurtful guys!)
• Least points against?  Missy (Why does this always happen? Most points and least points against seem to go hand in hand!)
• Most moves?  RA Dave, though Phil and Kookie get honorable mentions for only being one behind.
• Least Moves?  McClennen.  (It's not entirely clear to me if he know that he is allowed to make moves at this point...)
• Only trade of the season is between Mike and RA Dave.  (And seriously, those players might have generated the most points since their trade in the history of the DFL.)
• Biggest hail mary of the year?  Patrick picked up Mike "-4.87 points to date" Vick just now.  Bold, sir.
• Ranks 4-7 are sitting at a .500 record.  
• Still only 1 bingo in the pick'ems.  (Melanie in week 2.)
• Elimination league ended in week 8. (I want to say that the longest it has ever gone on is week 10, so this year isn't too shabby.)

And because I don't really have a denouement, here's Drew Frees getting tackled, in slow motion:

Good luck this week, everyone!  Especially you, Kookie.  We're all counting on you.