DFL 2012 Week 17: And that's a Wrap!

That's it!  Week 17 rolls out the door, the NFL regular season is over and the DFL 2012 has come to a close.  And with this post, we complete the first year in the history of the league where we had a write up every single week.  Special thanks to Kookie and Ben for being special celebrity writers for a week each.  Why do we write this stuff up?  Tell 'em Eriksons:

We'll divide this write up into a couple of sections, cuz that's how we do:

Week 17 Wrap up

Boom!  And that's one hell of a way to wrap up a season.

Pick'em.
No real changes here week to week.  Crutch went 2-2 and Kookie and I went 1-3. The big winner on picks this week was Mike G, who was the only other one to pick this week and went 3-1, falling just one short of grabbing the 4th place from Ben, who didn't make any picks.

The league itself
We'll start at the top and work our way down, as is tradition:

The Hogwarts Bowl (thanks to Kookie for the name) (Championship Game):  Melanie versus Missy.  Big upset here!  3 people picked Melanie, though Missy walked away with the prize.  What happened?  Well, the big guns kept blzing on either side.  In the end though, Missy just barely eeked out a victory, even with her TE getting the big old goose egg.  As championship games go, this one was pretty good, with the final score being within 6 points.  Fun fact on this game:  Of the 8 benched players in this game, 2 of them were on the IR and another one was out.  Geez, ladies feel free to ditch injured players. :-)

Philly Bowl (Bronze Game):  Phil versus Patrick.  Phil's team went buck wild.  And, and I'm not sure how many times this happened all season, everyone called it (even Yahoo!).  None of Patrick;s players hit double digits,a nd all of Phil's players did (with the exception of my TE, who I had to pick up at the last minute) and Dez Bryant (who is playing with a broken finger - give him a break!)  So, not only does Phil pull down the bronze for this game, but he also snagged the beat down of the week, with 68 points.  Booyah!

PennState Bowl (Why are we playing this consolation game?)  Ben versus RA Dave.  Again people went belly up on the picks for this game.  Ben destroyed RA Dave here.  Somehoe two of Dave's starters scored goose eggs, and one of Ben's did as well, even though Ben almost went triple digits.  Sadly, even with all of his players playing Dave wouldn't have been able to match Ben's starters.  Isn't it nice to play in week 17?  Between injuries and defending players, it's just delightful to watch!

Bitch Bowl (For the lowest standing of whomever made the playoffs):  Joy versus Mike G.  Yes, Mike managed to whoop up on Joy here.  Joy had two players pull down 0 points and Mike G just let loose with Alfred Morris (Seriously, Morris, why didn't you put up numbers like this before I cut  you??  Arrggg!!!)

End of year Stuff

And here we are, looking at the awards for the season.  First off, Pick 'Ems:

1. Crutch (Gold)
2. Kookie (Silver)
3. Phil (Bronze)

(And just remember that Crutch wasn't even in the top picks contention at around week 12.  Way to stick with it, Crutch.)

Next up: Elimination League
Ben took this one home.  Ben took a strike in week 2.  Then, it came down to Joy versus Ben.  Ben outlasted and took home the gold.  Joy took back to back strikes in weeks 8 and 9.  Though elimination league doesn't really do to places, here is the break down:

1. Ben (Gold)
2. Joy (Silver)
3. Phil (Bronze)

I guess we can throw medals out there (though I really hadn't been mentioning it throughout the league since it's kind of a silly contest):

1. Phil (Gold with 20 medals)
2. RA Dave (Silver with 16 metals)
3. Melanie and Crutch (Bronze with 15 medals)

Like I said, kind of a silly contest, so we'll leave it at that.

Now, here are the final standings for the league.  (Remember, we'll be in reverse draft order for next year):

1. Missy (Yep, that's right a 6 seed won it all.) (Gold)
2. Melanie (Silver)
3. Phil (And s 7th seed right up here too!) (Bronze)
4. Patrick (The most painful position)
5. Ben
6. RA Dave
7. Mike G
8. Joy (Bitch of the playoffs)
9. Crutch (King of the Losers)
10. Terri
11. Kookie
12. Skoot

(Yep, the only two teams that were auto drafted finished in first and last place...)

And just for shits and giggles, here's how Yahoo! seeded us right after the draft:

http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/375679?lhst=proj&projtype=draft

1		Taco for the Win	11-2-1	0.821	1293	1181
2		Uncle Fucker	10-4-0	0.714	1282	1213
3		Lint Lickers	10-4-0	0.714	1224	1178
4		ScoobyDoo	8-5-1	0.607	1245	1209
5		Rolling Vengeance	8-6-0	0.571	1256	1250
6		Olympic Cry-Babies	7-7-0	0.500	1160	1186
7		PointFiveDonkey	7-6-1	0.536	1229	1211
8		Superion	7-6-1	0.536	1190	1204
9		Philthy Bastards	5-9-0	0.357	1215	1237
10		Crotch's Penetrators	4-10-0	0.286	1194	1254
11		Team Sweet T	2-11-1	0.179	1131	1187
12		Pittsburgh Maulers	2-11-1	0.179	1111	1220

Good call, Yahoo!, jerks!

(And in case anyone is interested, here is the draft order:

1. Joy
2. RA Dave
3. Phil
4. Mike G
5. Melanie
6. Patrick
7. Crutch
8. Missy
9. Ben
10. Terri
11. Skoot
12. Kookie

)

And on a more serious note...  Missy knocked me out of the play offs in the semi-finals.  Looking at the final scores, I would have beaten either team in the finals, were I not to have been knocked out.    (And were I in the championship game, I would have gotten my third victory against Melanie for the year.  You're killing me, Missy!!!)  So, again, my gold ring is snatched from my hands from Missy.  In fact, she also beat me earlier in the year.  This is the second time that Missy has taken the gold from me.  Next year, I am officially putting a bounty on her head.  Expect some very strong trades the week leading up to our game(s) next year, Missy.

I know that we're not in a keepers league, but I figured that some people might like to really geek out and see the top players this year:

		Rankings		Passing				Rushing		Receiving			Ret	Misc	Fum
Player	Fan Pts	Projected	Actual	Yds	TD	Int	Sack	Yds	TD	Rec	Yds	TD	TD	2PT	Lost
Drew Brees (NO – QB)	320	9	2	5177	43	19	26	5	1	0	0	0	0	0	1
Tom Brady (NE – QB)	297	7	4	4827	34	8	27	32	4	0	0	0	0	0	0
Peyton Manning (Den – QB)	287	64	8	4659	37	11	21	6	0	0	0	0	0	1	2
Aaron Rodgers (GB – QB)	285	5	3	4295	39	8	51	259	2	1	-1	0	0	1	4
Adrian Peterson (Min – RB)	256	31	1	0	0	0	0	2097	12	40	217	1	0	1	2
Brandon Marshall (Chi – WR)	253	25	19	0	0	0	0	-2	0	118	1508	11	0	0	0
Matt Ryan (Atl – QB)	252	41	10	4719	32	14	28	141	1	0	0	0	0	0	2
Robert Griffin III (Was – QB)	240	74	6	3200	20	5	30	815	7	0	0	0	0	0	2
Calvin Johnson (Det – WR)	237	4	18	0	0	0	0	0	0	122	1964	5	0	0	3
Arian Foster (Hou – RB)	230	1	9	0	0	0	0	1424	15	40	217	2	0	0	2
Cam Newton (Car – QB)	228	18	5	3869	19	12	36	741	8	0	6	0	0	0	3
Doug Martin (TB – RB)	226	40	7	0	0	0	0	1454	11	49	472	1	0	0	1
Dez Bryant (Dal – WR)	223	53	21	0	0	0	0	-5	0	92	1382	12	0	1	2
A.J. Green (Cin – WR)	221	15	27	0	0	0	0	38	0	97	1350	11	0	0	1
Russell Wilson (Sea – QB)	215	245	16	3118	26	10	33	489	4	0	0	0	0	0	3
Tony Romo (Dal – QB)	214	60	13	4903	28	19	36	49	1	1	-1	0	0	2	3
Wes Welker (NE – WR)	212	34	45	0	0	0	0	20	0	118	1354	6	0	0	1
Demaryius Thomas (Den – WR)	212	58	29	0	0	0	0	0	0	94	1434	10	0	0	3
Eric Decker (Den – WR)	207	51	33	0	0	0	0	0	0	85	1064	13	0	0	0
Ray Rice (Bal – RB)	207	2	17	0	0	0	0	1143	9	61	478	1	0	0	0
Andre Johnson (Hou – WR)	206	27	35	0	0	0	0	0	0	112	1598	4	0	0	0
Josh Freeman (TB – QB)	198	119	23	4065	27	17	26	139	0	0	0	0	0	1	2
Eli Manning (NYG – QB)	197	52	31	3948	26	15	19	30	0	0	0	0	0	0	1
Reggie Wayne (Ind – WR)	194	83	52	0	0	0	0	-5	0	106	1355	5	0	0	1
Roddy White (Atl – WR)	193	23	39	0	0	0	0	0	0	92	1351	7	0	0	0
Victor Cruz (NYG – WR)	193	21	48	0	0	0	0	0	0	86	1092	10	0	0	0
Matthew Stafford (Det – QB)	192	16	15	4967	20	17	29	126	4	1	3	0	0	1	4
Andrew Luck (Ind – QB)	192	110	14	4374	23	18	41	255	5	0	0	0	0	0	5
Marshawn Lynch (Sea – RB)	192	14	11	0	0	0	0	1590	11	23	196	1	0	0	2
Julio Jones (Atl – WR)	192	20	36	0	0	0	0	30	0	79	1198	10	0	0	0
Trent Richardson (Cle – RB)	190	26	25	0	0	0	0	950	11	51	367	1	0	0	0
Marques Colston (NO – WR)	190	39	44	0	0	0	0	0	0	83	1154	10	0	0	2
Andy Dalton (Cin – QB)	187	137	22	3669	27	16	46	120	4	0	0	0	0	0	4
Michael Crabtree (SF – WR)	187	129	50	0	0	0	0	8	0	85	1105	9	0	0	0
Alfred Morris (Was – RB)	185	240	12	0	0	0	0	1613	13	11	77	0	0	0	3
Ben Roethlisberger (Pit – QB)	184	76	42	3265	26	8	30	92	0	0	0	0	0	1	3
Vincent Jackson (TB – WR)	184	67	30	0	0	0	0	0	0	72	1384	8	0	1	0
James Jones (GB – WR)	182	183	54	0	0	0	0	0	0	64	784	14	0	0	0
Tony Gonzalez (Atl – TE)	181	105	57	0	0	0	0	0	0	93	930	8	0	0	0
Jimmy Graham (NO – TE)	180	11	46	0	0	0	0	0	0	85	982	9	0	0	0
C.J. Spiller (Buf – RB)	179	86	20	0	0	0	0	1244	6	43	459	2	0	0	3
Randall Cobb (GB – WR)	179	123	56	0	0	0	0	132	0	80	954	8	1	0	1
Matt Schaub (Hou – QB)	174	126	41	4008	22	12	27	-9	0	1	-6	0	0	0	0
Joe Flacco (Bal – QB)	174	134	32	3817	22	10	35	22	3	0	0	0	0	1	4
Jason Witten (Dal – TE)	173	96	70	0	0	0	0	0	0	110	1039	3	0	0	0
Carson Palmer (Oak – QB)	171	122	37	4018	22	14	26	36	1	0	0	0	0	2	5
Darren Sproles (NO – RB)	166	48	68	0	0	0	0	244	1	75	667	7	0	1	0
Sam Bradford (StL – QB)	165	187	34	3702	21	13	35	127	1	0	0	0	0	4	1
Frank Gore (SF – RB)	165	57	26	0	0	0	0	1214	8	28	234	1	0	0	1
Jamaal Charles (KC – RB)	164	17	24	0	0	0	0	1509	5	35	236	1	0	0	3

Looking forward to DFL 2013

Now, I'm too smart to ask now who's going to be coming back for the 2013 season.  Because right now, there are 11 really pissed people and one smugly happy person.  Geez, right now, I might not even come back next year.  (Oh, who am I kidding?  I'll be back next year, just to put the beat down on Missy...)  However, think about whether you want to come back next year.  I seriously hope that we can do this again, but I get the feeling that there are a few people who may have had enough this year.  Lemme know sooner than later once you make up your mind, so that I can find some new suckers players.

I know that there were a lot of proposals about things that people wanted to change this year.  However, its pretty late, so I'll just jot down a few that I remember off the top of my head.  If you have more, leave them in the comments section so that we don't miss anything:

• Allow partial points.
• Try to pull down WR point totals a bit.
• Remove 1 WR position
• Add two flex WR/RB positions  (So, essentially change a WR to WR|RB and add a new WR|RB position)
• Add another bench slot (or two?)
• Put the Keepers thing back up for vote.  (A guy can dream, can't he?)
• Auction style draft?  (I'm still iffy on this one, but I'm willing to try if we get a strong majority on it...)

That's about all that I have for this season.  I hope that everyone had fun.  I think that it was one hell of a good season.   Lots of ranking movement throughout the season and there really wasn't a dominant team this year.  So, all in all, I'm calling this a really good season.  And why knows?  Maybe next year, I can find gold.  Dammit.

DFL Week 16: And there were great lamentations.

Well, it's the end of the road for two more teams this week.  Congratu-freaking-lations to the victors.  You bastards.  Does it make you feel like a big man to crush your poor commissioner's dreams of taking home the gold one year?  Tell 'em, Dawson:

What's next?  You gonna make Joey cry?  (Wait a minute, I've got a Dawson's Creek sad theme going and I didn't use this image?

Shit, Phil, get your head in the game...)

And while you're at it, why not just make the Docta sad too???

OK OK OK... Enough intro, we've got some football to talk about!

Big, big news in the pick'ems league... Crutch wrestled first place from Kookie this week by going 3-1 on picks, whereas Kookie only went 2-2.  Melanie also went 3-1, jumping her up to 6th, place, as RA Dave neglected to make picks this week.  Everyone else pretty much shit the bed going 1-3 this week.  So, it's all going to come down to week 17 for first place.  Ben's still got a shot at 3rd place, as well.  Needless to say, this is the tightest that the pick'ems have ever been.  Right on, suckas.

Though, and I hope that this isn't viewed as sour grapes, but I should have 4 more correct picks myself, which would put me in contention for gold as well.  However, to stop my losing streak (you may recall me bitching mercilessly about it earlier on in the season), I started picking against myself.  Since it worked week to week, I kept voting against myself.  So, I should be closer to 50.  But I stand by my picks as this stupid little ritual  sent me on a 5 game winning streak.  (When *you're* at week 10 with 3 wins under your belt, you see if you don't go all superstitious!  Yeah, I'm looking at you +Scott Belgrave and +Chris Kucharik.  (Son of a bitch!  Google has been telling me that I can tag people on G+ here, but I don't think that it work.  You lying bastards, Google!)

And now to the meat and potatoes.  Starting with the Championship bracket and then moving in to the Consolation bracket:

The Big Guns Game:  Melanie versus Patrick.  No idea what happened here.  Patrick's QB and WR threw down 30 and 20 points respectively.  Hmm... Wait, Melanie's threw down 29 and 20 points.  And they both had two more players well into the double digits.  O wait, I see what it is...  Melanie's DEF and K beat Patrick's DEF and K.  In fact... how much was that differential?   9 points...  Hmmm... how big was the points differential in the game?  9 points...  Does that mean... that K and DEF win games?  I think that this shows it pretty definitively...  (And how's this for some shit?  Patrick's backup QB thres down 25 points.  Seriously, you jerks, I was searching desperately for a QB this week, but there was none to be had...)  So, Melanie heads into the championship game.  Congrats, Melanie.

The Scrappy Underdog Game:  Missy versus Phil.  Well, this was a hell of a match up going into the week.  I had to make a bunch of changes in the roster to even stand a chance.  I picked up Dez Bryant (and the accompanying 32 points - booyah!).  Sadly, there were no QBs or DEFs to be had.  So, I wound up with Roethlisberger, which to be sure was a hail mary, and keeping SF DEF starting.  SF was going up against Seattle which any other year would have been fine.  However, Seattle had clocked in over 100 points in the previous two weeks, so it was a risk keeping in the SF DEF.  Sadly, both of these chances blew up in my face.  Then, Missy's team just went buck wild - Manning in at over 20 points, Chicago DEF at 29...  Just a good game all around for Missy, who BTW hit line up Nirvana with her entire bench totaling 4 points.  So, Missy goes on to face Melanie in the championship and once again we'll have a lady hoisting the gold in the DFL.

The Yeah, this makes sense that they are here game:  Mike G versus Ben:  Not a lot of big jump out players in this game...  Everyone seemed to do about as well as expected, except for Davis (on Mike G's Team) and Wallace (on Ben's team), who both walked away from the game with 1 point.  Really, the big difference maker in this game was Reggie Bush going crazy in Buffalo and pulling in 28 points.  Just to be sure that everyone hears that right, Bush pulled in more points than Peyton Manning.  He pulled in more points than Wes Welker.  Geez, More points than Ray Rice. So, congrats to Mike G for being one step closer to being the bitch of the playoffs.

Finally, the upset bowl:  Joy versus RA Dave.One more upset left in this game:  Everyone voted for Joy, and RA Dave somehow managed to sneak in a win.  Joy just had one kick to the ass after another here.  Her QB was knocked out in the first round (and BTW, bold move benching Rivers just out of spite), then the stud RB of the league, Arian Foster was benched due to an irregular heartbeat and Victor Cruz hardly even played because Shitty Manning decided that he wanted to be the honorary Romo of the year.  Meanwhile, the real Romo sat on RA Dave's bench racking up 32 points.  (WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE???)  So, Joy heads into the Bitch of the Playoffs game next week.

So, here are the match ups for next week:

Melanie versus Missy for the gold.  (Yep, that's right, a 6 seed might take home gold!)

Patrick versus Phil for the bronze. (Yep, that's right the 7 seed is going to be beaten bloody this week.)

Ben versus RA Dave for fun. (Both 5th & 6th will be good draft positions, so not exactly a lot on the line here.)

Mike G versus Joy for the bitch of the playoffs.  (Not quite so dramatic as the sacko, but it's something to be avoided.)

(And of course, Crutch versus Kookie for both coolest nickname AND pick'ems.)

That's about it this week.  I'd wish you all good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it.  (I know that I certainly don't....)

DFL Week 15: Are you ready for some Playoffs???

The playoffs are in full swing and we definitely are keeping things interesting this year.  In fact, I'd go so far as to say, I'm about as surprised as this kid:

Coupla upsets and a slumbering giant wakes up?  Hells yeah, we're ending this season right.

However, before we get into the good bad and ugly of it, I wanted to let you know that there is a new highlight player this year.  Veterans of the league may remember one "Noname McPeePeePants", whose real name escapes me a the moment.  See, I was playing Kookie a few years ago and it came down to Monday night.  He had just Tony FUCKING Romo and one receiver (McPeePeePants) left to play.  Dallas was sucking eggs the first half, so I thought that it was a no-brainer to win it.  Well, turns out Romo turned it on in the second half and McPeePeePants got the game winning touch down, which gave Kookie the win.

Why am I telling this story?  Well, in my other league, in the semi-finals, I had a 9 point lead going into the Monday night game.  Only Chris Buthole (Johnson) remained.  I figured that I  had a decent shot to win.  Butthole did nothing that night.  25 yards of rushing the entire night.  O wait.  There was on highlight in that entire game.  Butthole running 95 freaking yards to score a touchdown.  Must have been a trick play, right?  Only if you go to the Joe Paterno school of play calling which states that no matter what down, no matter location o the field, the most surprising play is to take your stuf RB and run him up the middle.  Which is what Butthole did.  Son of a ....  (Ironically, the guy that I was playing also had Tony FUCKING Romo on his team, but I was raging so hard at Butthole, that I hardly even noticed.  But it bears saying Tony FUCKING Romo.)

(And don't give me too hard of a time when I wander... I only have 2/3 of the games that I normally have to write about this week.  I get paid by the word.)

OK enough of that.  I'm back in this league.  So, the games were pretty exciting, no?  We'll get to that in a minute.  First off, let's talk about pick'ems.  Gentlemen, we have a dark horse emerging coming down the stretch.  Crutch, going 3-1 picks managed to tie Kookie for 1st place.  (Kookie only went 2-2.)  (Technically, the tie breaker goes to Kookie since he's got a higher correct percentage, though I don't really agree with that.) By going 2-2, I put some distance between myself and Ben (who went 1-3).  Also, high picks were Mike and Melanie with 3-1, and RA Dave lost a position by only going 2-2 this week.  Only 8 picks left and it's definitely coming down to the wire!  Keep 'em up, boys!  (And girls, of course...)  (Technically, And an I are still in it for first, but it's a long shot.)

We'll start at the top and work down...

First off, the 1 vs 8 seed:   Melanie versus Mike G.  Though Mike put up some pretty good bravado last week, he failed to knock Melanie out of the playoffs.  With only a 14 point spread, it was a lot closer than Yahoo! suggessted.  Both teams had solid starting line ups, though it probably is worth mentioning that Frank Gore, who was benched on Mike's team, also go an asterisk this week for recovering a fumble in the end zone.  (What's up with these asterisks?  Two in as many weeks!)

Next:  4 versus 5 seed: Patrick Versus Ben.  Patrick *finally* snaps his losing streak this week to advance to the semi-finals.  Everyone except his DEF performed admirably, though his DEF was going up against the #1 ranked Atlanta Falcons, who were charged up from last week's loss the the Panthers.  Ben finally got bitten for starting a Detroit QB, and the rest of the team just did "eh".  (To add insult to injury, Ben's benched kicker scored 20 points.  Sadly, even if Ben hit line up Nirvana, he wouldn't have beaten Patrick this week,e even if Patrick went the opposite and started his worst line up.)  Oddly, the 40 point beating wasn't the beat down of the week.

Beat down of the week came in the closest projected game of the week:  3 Seed versus 6 seed:  RA Dave versus Missy.  Missy quietly destroyed RA Dave by just her entire team going buck wild.  Dave's team just went "Bleh".  And speaking as the person who will be playing the winner of this game, let me say "Thank you, Missy" for taking Tony FUCKING Romo out of my path to the playoffs.  What's that?  She's got Butthole on her team?  DAMMIT!!!

Finally, The 2 seed versus the 7 seed:  Joy versus me:  I did it...  I took down the reigning champ.  After getting destroyed by her in our first match up, eeking out a 1 point victory in our second, I laid into her for a 30 point walloping.  What happened?  Well, BOTH of our QBs hit -1 points.  BOTH of our DEFs had around 30 points.  The real difference was my Kicker went buck wild (Joy's was shut out) and Andre Johnson decided to actually play.

Looking forward, in the Semi-finals, we've got Melanie versus Patrick (both higher seeds in the quarter finals), and Missy versus Phil (both lower seeds in the quarter finals).  Couple of things to mention:
1 - Yes, yes, yes, there are two other games going on in the consolation bracket.  However, I'm guessing that the managers playing them probably wont'be putting too much work in this week, so I'm not going to  hype it too much.  (Yes, I will still include them in the write up this season.)
2 - Missy versus Phil is the same match up that we had in the championship game a few years back.  Missy won because Akers missed a 40+ yard field goal.  LACES OUT, DAN!!!
3 - My winning streak against all odds is still rolling.  Come on inertia principle of luck!  (I think that if I win this week, I'll be tied for the longest win streak of the season.  You don't want to stand in front of that, do you, Missy?)
4 - At least we have more guys still in contention than we usually do at this point.  Go Patrick and Phil!
5 - On the plus side, Melanie versus Patrick looks like it's going to be a pretty tight game.  ON the minus side, Missy is set to give me one hell of a beating.  Do I get bonus points for knocking the back to back champ out of the playoffs against all odds?  Yeah, I didn't think so...

Good luck to everyone still in it.  But mostly to me.  :-)

(Also, as a heads up this week, due to the holidays, there are neither Thursday night nor Monday night games this week.  There is one Saturday night game though...)

DFL Week 14: End of the Regular Season.

Well, this is the end of the road for the bottom 4 teams this week.  Sadly, there wasn't a miracle, so the top 8 from last week got into the playoffs this week and the bottom 4 remained, well, the pitts.  So, before I get into the specifics of week 14, let's say goodbye to the bottom of the barrel, as it were:

In 9th place, AKA "King of the Losers" is Crutch, who headed the team Crotch's Penetrators this season.  This was his first season with fantasy football.  All in all, not too bad.  Almost went .500 this season and had well over 1,100 points.  Hail to the King, baby!

In 10th place, Terri, who managed "Team Sweet T", ends her first season in the DFL.  (I think that this was her first FFL experience as well, but I'm not sure about that.)  Again, not too bad.  Almost winning half of her games this year.  Plus she hung in there until the end, snagging a win this week.

In 11th place, Kookie, who was Olympic Cry-Babies, met expectations.  With his 31 moves this year, he made a valiant mid-season come back, only to be shut down in the last 4 weeks.  But really, this is 1 position  higher than he usually finishes.  So... onward and upward, right?

And finally in 12th place is Skoot, AKA PointFiveDonkey.  Skoot autodrafted and though the team that he drafted wasn't awful (Yahoo! put him squarely in the middle of the pack), the entire NFL seemed to turn against him.  Injury after injured plagued his team.  Though, truth be told,  he didn't seem to worry about it too much, as he had the 3rd least moves overall.  Also, he winds up with the first pick of the draft next year.

As for the last three playoff spots?  They went to Missy (ScoobyDoo), Phil (Philthy Bastards), and Mike G (Lint Lickers).  Though it probably should be noted that Mike G didn't even get to .500 this year.  We'll call him the Seattle of the DFL.  (The Seahawks were in contention for a wildcard slot a few years ago and they didn't hit a .500 record either.  *Spoiler Alert* they were also eliminated before the playoffs really began as well....)

So, let's get to the re-capping, huh?  (BUST A CAP!)  Pick'em this week.  Just awful.  I mean...  Really really horrid job, folks.  The best pick was Mike G, going 3-3.  Everyone else got 2-4.  Now, in all reality, we can't beat ourselves up too hard when both the Panthers and the Eagles win.  It seemed kind like bizzaro world out there this week. The only real fall out of the week is that Mike jumped up to a tie for 5th place in overall picks.

And since we're at the end of the regular season, I should congratulate Kookie, Crutch, and myself for pulling in Gold, Silver, and Bronze respectively for the regular season pick'ems.  However, like I said in my write up last week, keep those picks coming, because I believe that we have three more weeks of picks until the final official crowning is to take place.

Now, the games!  Lots and lots going on here!  So, let's dive right in!

Streak Bowl:  Ben vs Phil:  Ben had 4 wins in a row coming into the game, Phil had 3, marking the two longest winning streaks in the league.  Somehow Phil walked away with the victory here.  Eli is finally starting to look like his old self, Sproles somehow woke up and Boldin got lucky enough to see the endzone twice.  Yay!  More importantly, Jenning forgot to play and Pettigrew got hurt early in the game.  So, even with Peterson being a beast, it just wasn't enough.  (Ben got the last laugh though.  Through crazy random happenstance, Ben and I both tried to pick up Mike Wallace at the same time, and he was faster on the draw.  How was Wallace still available in week 15???)

The Power Bowl:  Joy vs Melanie.  The top two ladies in the league went head to head this week and Joy put the beat down of the week on Melanie.  (56 points... none too shabby, though it certainly is not the league record 74 points....)  Sadly, Melanie did pull down line up Nirvana with her 62 points.  Yikes! (Then again, that's kinda what happens when your DEF plays NE in December.  Geez, Melanie!!)  And speaking of DEFs, let's got to the record-breaking DEF.

The Can we continue the slide into obscurity bowl:  Skoot vs Patrick.  Patrick hasn't gotten a win in a month now.  About the time that he locked up his playoff berth.  Though Patrick's team put up really good numbers (he would have beaten fully three quarters of the league this week with his numbers), Skoot took home the pie by starting this Seattle DEF.  They scored  a record breaking 43 freaking points.  And to be fair, Patrick started a strong DEF (the Giants), who threw down 29 points themselves.  And here's the crazy thing.  They were tied at 100 going into Monday night with only their TEs left to play.  So, yeah, Aaron Hernandez picked up 22 points, while Daniels only picked up 3.  Great game, fellas!

The Hey look Who's Still Playing Bowl featured Kookie and Terri.  Neither made it into the playoffs, and I think that their teams knew it.  Combined, their teams scored just under what Crutch's team score, who, I will remind you, didn't make the playoffs either.  But really, this game *nobody* showed up to play.  Well, I guess that Steve Smith did, but he was benched, so there's not much more to say, is there?

The Let's play for fun bowl starred RA Dave and Missy.  Not really too much to talk about here, except the only asterisked stat that I've seen this year.  Llyod got 6 points for recovering a fumble in the endzone, which is the most unique way for anyone to score a touchdown, I believe.  (And once again, a clean sweep of picks blows up in everyone's faces!)

The most talked about game of the week?  Mike G versus Crutch.  If Crutch won by 50 points (not record breaking by any stretch this year),  he would have snuck into the playoffs.  Sadly, he only won by 19 points. The good news for the rest of the league is that Brady and Moreno are now out of the league.  The rest of us breath a sigh of relief.  Thank you, Mike G, for only getting respectably beaten, as opposed to beat down.  Now, the big question is whether RG3 is going to be able to shake off his injury from week 14.

Lots going on!

Can Patrick stop his slide out of the league by picking up just a win or two?
Can Phil continue his 4 game winning streak?
Will RG3 be back to full power?
Will Bryant be able to bounce back?
Will the upsets continue?

It's playoff time!!!

Though, looking at the field of people still standing, I'm thinking that Joy and RA Dave probably have the best shot of taking gold this year...  This is sad for me, since I play Joy this week.  I was originally thinking that I wished that I would have been 8th seed, but looking at it, I think that Melanie has equal chances of destroying me this week as well....  Good luck all around, boyos!  But mostly for me. :-)

An Open Letter To Barnes and Noble.

To whom it may concern:

I was at your fine establishment this afternoon, browsing for some last minute gifts for Christmas.  While walking around in your store, I noticed some classification problems.

1. Under the "Romance" section, the 50 Shades of Gray Trilogy was proudly displayed.  I have to take umbrage at this classification, as it implies that romance was involved in the book.  From the second hand account that I received from a pretty reliable source, it has more to do with contract negotiation. Therefore, I humbly request that you move these books to the "Stupid Bullshit" section.
2. I passed a section called "Teenage Supernatural Romance".  Please destroy this section.  It is shameful that this is even a sub-genre.  Might I suggest the "Stupid Bullshit" section again?
3. And since we're talking about this section, may I once again pitch you my unpublished novel called "My Gothic Romance:  The New Gelatinous Cube in School".  But it's not what you think.  A new kid with an emo haircut wearing lots of eye make up starts going to school in a small town.  The misunderstood artistic girl meets him and a burgeoning romance commences.  But can she cope with the fact that he's actually a highly acidic being whose very touch breaks down all carbon-based beings that he comes in contact with?  I won't ruin it for you, though I do think that it would go well with your rapidly expanding "Stupid Bullshit" section.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours,

Phil Rau.

DFL Week 13: The Kid Stays in the game...

Big week, boyos... Big week. Sadly, I've also got a kid who's been home from school for three days, and I think that I might be catching whatever she had. So, this'll be a short one this week.

First off: Pick 'em!

Melanie stormed back into a 6th place tie this week (with Mike G) by pulling in 5 picks. Kookie and Crutch made the last week of regular season pretty much a two man reace, with Kookie pulling in 4-2 picks and Crutch hanging on with 3-3 picks. So, the first two places going into the last week of the regular season are at 45 points (Kookie) and 44 points (Crutch). Ben and I went belly up with 2-4 picks, keeping the race for the bronse close at 41 for Phil and 39 for Ben. RA Dave narrowly held on to 5th place by going 4-2. Terri... well, Terri is still picking. Good for her! Oh, and one final note, Skoot went 0-2 this week, bringing his total picks for the year to 0-3. Great shame hangs over casa de Belgrave. Great shame....

Now, as a side note in the pick'ems of years past, I had cut off the regular season, crowning a winner, and then there was a post season winner. However, I'm going to make an executive decision here and say whatever Yahoo! does, that's what we'll follow. (Cuz it's going to be too much of a pain to keep track, unless Yahoo! does it for me. I know, I know.... I did that in the past, but Yahoo! has made me lazy...)

Before we get to the actual league, lemme throw out a heads up on the post-season for the newbies. I probably should have done this earlier, but there you go. So, the way that this will work is that the top 8 teams will continue to play on after week 14. Weeks 15, 16, and 17 will be the playoffs. It's a standard bracket. 1st plays 8th, 2nd plays 7th, etc. In week 16, the winners play, and the losers play in a consolation bracket. Week 17 will be the end of all of the brackets, and a winner will be crowned.

Now, if you are 9th-12th place going into week 15, then your position freezes. That is, there are no playoffs for you. Your position will be as it is.

Being that the next week will be the last week that some of you chumps play, make sure to not lose, or else you may just finish that much worse. And for all of you wondering if Skoot threw the game in week 13 to intentionally pick up the first draft position next year, I can assure you that he did not. I was coaching him this week and you saw how well *that* turned out. Sorry, Skoot. You should know better than to listen to me. (Plus, if you know Skoot, you know that he has an irrational fear of first draft pick. But hey, maybe this will encourage him to, you know, actually show up for the draft next year. LACES OUT, SKOOT!!!)

(And as a completely random side note, I looked at the playoff options that Yahoo! provides. I always thought that it was crummy that the bottom teams didn't get to compete for the worst in the league. So, the closest option that Yahoo! provides is to do 6 best teams go into a bracket and the 6 low teams go into a consolation bracket. Think about it for next year. I'm considering making that rules change next time around....)

Now, with that out of the way, let's take a look at what is actually happening in the standings. Well, a few more people locked up playoff BERTHS (how did I not know that for so long?) Ben and RA Dave are now officially in the playoffs. And good on you Dave. You jumped like 4 ranks with your win. I'm just going to throw something out there... Patrick is really embracing Philadelphia right now. He locked up a playoff berth 4 weeks ago. Ever since then, he has not won a single game. And he is doing it in spectacular fashion... Losing by 33 points in week 11, then by 17 points in week 12, and finally by 30 points in week 13. Ouch, dude. Just... ouch.

So, what does that mean for the remaining 3 playoff spots? Well, it's tight, but not really as tight as you might guess. There are three teams (Missy, Phil, and Mike G) sitting at 6-7 and there are three teams (Crutch, Kookie, and Terri) sitting at 5-8. So, for any of the teams at 5-8 to sneak in to the playoffs, they not only have to win this week, but one of the teams at 6-7 have to lose. But the kicker is that the winning team would need to outscore the losing team by at least 50 points (and in some cases just shy of 200 points). So, the playoffs aren't quite locked up, but it'll be a long shot to change the standings.

Now, what's happening with the week 13 match ups?

The tightest game of the week goes to Joy versus Phil. It came down to the Monday night and Phil walked away victorious by 1 freaking point. Now, let me pause and break an illusion that my dear wife Joy has been making for years. She claims that she's not funny enough to blog. However, halfway through the Sunday games (when I crazy down), she turned to me and said "O sweet! Looks like you can say in your write up that I spanked you twice this year. And I beat you twice in fantasy football too!" Brilliant, right? Well, on Tuesday when it turned out that I had actually won, without missing a beat, she said "I totally would have won if it wasn't for Rivers (who got the big old 0 points this week). How does it feel to have another man screw your wife?" I mean, seriously, the mouth on this one!

Next up, the game with the least number of wins coming into the game since Carolina played the Eagles last week: Skoot versus Terri... Good even split on picks for this game. I'm not sure why though... Skoot's team steadfastly refused to win, while Terri's team went buck wild. 18 points for your kicker? Really? I mean I know that I said that kickers win games, but... O wait... Detroit's kicker. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Someone on taht team has to be good at their job.

The biggest game of the week (for me at least) was Melanie versus Crutch. If Crutch won, he'd still be a serious contender in the playoff race. (Read: He's knock my ass to the curb). And how did it start? On Thursday night, with Brees scoring -3 points. That's right, Melanie's back up QB score more points than Brees. Who is Melanie's back u QB? She doesn't have one. So, I was pretty sure that Crutch was going to be alive and well. Somehow, Melanie's team rallied (with Welker picking up 23 points, meanwhile is QB, who is on Crutch's team, scored a paltry 5 points). Melanie was in serious danger of delivering the smack down of the week.

But that honor went to RA Dave. Not only did he score more points than anyone this week hands down, he put the beat down of the week on Mike by 57 points!! (What is happening this year??? We've had some crazy smack down of the week differentials!!) I guess everyone saw that coming right? Nope! only 3 of 8 people chose RA Dave. And Mike G was a 4 point favorite. So, let's look at Dave's points break down, shall we? Highest scorer? 26 points from his TE, who plays for Oakland. Next highest? Tony FUCKING Romo. Next up? A tie between his kicker and his DEF. I'm saying this right now... RA Dave sits high upon a throne of bullshit. (But thanks, Dave, for kicking Mike G into the playoff race...)

Next up, is the "Let's see who can beat Patrick this week bowl." The honor goes to Ben. Congratulations, Ben. And once again, I am kicking myself for not making the deal that Patrick offered to me that would have brought Calvin Johnson onto my team. Dammit. Regardless... like Patrick says. No win matters until the playoffs. That's what he's saying over and over again. To himself. While laying in the fetal position on his bed. Weeping softly to himself.

Finally, Kookie versus Missy. So many points left on the bench. Especially for Missy. She took some chances with her line up this week, and they all blew up in her face. Three of her starters scored 1 point. And her backups scored 12, 14, and 17. Kookie's point differential wasn't quite so extreme, but he still left 50 points on the sideline.

So, that's it. This week will most likely only shift the seeding around, but it is possible to change the playoff picture... And we've got some good match ups coming up:

The two longest winning streaks in the league, Ben with 4 and Phil with 3, are going head to head this week. who's going to Brees it up?

Will Patrick be able to stop his slide down the rankings? (He's playing Skoot, so there's a shot of some wackiness.)

Can Crutch overtake Kookie in overall picks?

Can Crutch (in 9th place) take out Mike G (in 8th place) and whoop him so hard that he'll sneak into the playoffs?

It's going to be a heck of a good week for football! Enjoy it, y'all!