DFL 2017 Week 3: Nobody knows what the hell is going on.

Yeah, it's still early in the season, and things are kinda up in the air, but seriously.  What in the FUCK is happening this year?

It's even more confusing if you don't know what Lazy Town is.  Actually, in retrospect
it's probably less confusing if you don't know about Lazy Town.

Let's see what's happening in the NFL in week 3, shall we?

• 80 damn points scored in Thursday night football
• The Jags completely murder the Ravens (I mean, Baltimore *is* the murder capital of the East Coast, but still)
• Buffalo beats Denver (and you can shut your gob right now, Skoot.  That's strange by any measure...)
• Cleveland almost won.
• The Eagles had to kick the longest field goal in team history (and only 3 yards shy of the all time longest) to beat the god awful Giants.
• Cincinati forced GB to take them to overtime before they remembered that they were the freaking Bengals.
• And it all finishes with this image:

I mean, it was before the National Anthem, and he was completely in
damage control mode, but still!

And lest we forget the individual players, let's take a look at this insanity:

• Gurley topped the charts at nearly 30 points.
• #2 overall Russell Wilson.  Russell Fucking Wilson outscored everyone except 1 person in the league this week.  
• #4 and #5?  Keenum and Bortles.

I should have known though.  I should have known...  You know why?  The #7 highest project QB in the league this week?  Jay FREAKING Cutler.  Higher than Prescott, higher than Siemian.  Yeah, this guy:

Now, on the plus side, Cutler didn't let it go to his head and spent most of the game in negative points realm, only to finish with 5 points overall.  But you know what?  He still finished higher than Flacco, Rivers, Carr, Siemian, and Cam, PUT TOGETHER.

G-Whiz, what a rough week!

Let's start with the steaming turd of a game that I used to call elimination league.  Now, I will just call it a stupid waste of time.  It was a bloodbath this week.  Everyone took a strike except for Ben, RA Dave, and Marie.  None of which even have a strike yet.  They all picked Green Bay, because that was a gimme, right?  Well, it was a gimme that barely eeked its way out, what with the game going to overtime and all.  I think that the only reasonable explanation for the perfect seasons in this shit show are that all three of them are witches.  If only there was a way to determine if someone is a witch...

We could... build a bridge out of them?

So, joining Kyle in the "Well, at least we don't have to make picks anymore" club is Crutch, Skoot, McClennen, and I.  Yes.  That's right.  in week 3, almost half of the league has been eliminated.

Pick 'em, Pick 'ems, Pick 'ems, Pick 'ems!  Again, all over the place this week.  Mike and Patrick going pickless, but on the plus side Crutch entered into the fray and scored a whopping 1-5!  Ben and Terri split their picks going 3-3 apiece, while Josh made an impressive 4-2 picks.  I'm still on top this week going 5-1.  So, here is where we stand now:

Phil: 13

Josh: 9

Ben:  8

Mike: 5

Terri:  5 (aww.. the love birds keep the same count!)

Patrick:  5 (Though now that I've made the comment on the last time, seeing Patrick also with 5 is weird.)

Crutch:  1

With the way that things are going, maybe we'll get to double digit correct picks by week 6!  

And again, this week we had the upset of the week, where every single person picked a team, and that team lost.  So, well done, Terri for not letting the bastards grind you down.

Now, let's get into it...

Phil vs. Patrick.  This is the game that always makes me sweat year to year.  And Patrick sure as hell didn't disappoint.  He threw down 4 double digit performances, leaving only Carr and Elliott to oppose my razor thin lead going into Sunday night.  As it turns out, Carr completely shit the bed (and, you know, it makes sense - the Redskins and all - what?  O I just don't get it any more...) and Zeke did well, but not enough to snag the victory.  So Phil remains undefeated for the moment.  Anyone else still with a perfect season on their hands?

Ben vs. Crutch.  For the new folks in the league, we have a phenomenon here called "Pulling a Ben" where you score the second highest points in a given week and lose because you're playing the high scorer.  Uncannily, it happens at least once per season to Ben.  What happened here was the exact opposite of that.  Ben scored the second lowest points in the league this week and still won because he was playing the lowest scorer.  Maybe we should call it "Pulling a Neb"?  I dunno.  But Ben somehow limps his way to also going 3-0.

Terri vs. Mike.  From the lowest to the highest.  Terri completely *destroyed* her husband here.  I asked her on facebook whether she was going to throw the game as a birthday present to Mike, to which he replied "Ha!  She's not going to give me this game, I'll take it myself!"  Sadly, it looks like he's taken it right in the butt.

Skoot vs. Kyle.  Well, Skoot needed this win more than anyone else.  He was staring down an 0-3 record, but that just wouldn't stand.   (That's the sort of thing that only the lowest of the low *cough* Mike *cough* can properly stomach.)  So, Skoot came out swinging.  Thursday night, Gurley threw down 30 points himself.  Then, Mariota, Baldwin, and Bell all had 15 point games.  Even with Brady pulling in 30 points on his own, Kyle just had to sit there and take it.

(Also, side note.  Kyle took Witten from my off the waiver wire.  So, I burst into his office this week and called him a Judas.  But I guess that Witten's almost 1 point made that a bit of an over reaction on my part.  Sorry, Kyle.  My bad!)

Josh vs. McClennnen.  I think that Josh's matra this weekend was "FINALLY!"  FINALLY, Dak has a good game.  FINALLY OBJ isn't too hurt to play.  FINALLY McCaffrey gets some play time.  FINALLY Jacksonville's D performed.  OK,scratch that last one.  Who could have seen THAT coming?  Anyways, Josh was able to throw a 30 points beating McClennen's way, sending McClennen to 11th place.

Big D vs Kerry. And here he is........ Cutler in the starting line up.  Accompanied by Maclin who didn't even hit a single point, Henry who didn't en get looked at, and the Seattle D who just got manhandled by the Titans.  D, knowing that he needed a win to keep in top half of the league, brought his A game and won by a solid 20 points.

That's about it for this week.  What does next week hold?

Seriously, who freaking knows?