DFL 2017: Week 1's gonna be Week 1...

So, I'm not sure if you were paying attention, but Week 1 was...  I mean... just ....  I know that week 1 always has a bit of fuckery to it, but this year, I mean.....  What the hell?  Pat lose, Browns almost pull out a win, Johnson is out for the season, Zeke is most likely in for the season.  Really, there's only one thing to say to week 1:

I'm pretty sure that this is going to be a theme this week.  So, if your constitution is delicate enough to be offended by naughty language (McClennen), then I suggest that you bail out now.  (Actually, wait.. don't do that.  I judge my self worth by how much traffic these posts get.  So please don't go nowhere.)  And remember. I'm saying this as someone who actually won AND got the highest points in the league AND was playing an arch-rival.  So, please, before we get too deep into again, I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, seriously, to week 1:

OK enough dicking around.  If I make this intro any longer, I'm seriously going to need to get some dik diks in here.  And now I done it....

Seriously, this this is called a dik dik. And that's as big as they get.  (To be
fair though, that room is pretty cold.)

OK, so, elimination league. Four strikes handed out this week.  Phil and McClennen took a strike by trying to sneak the Texans in there, but JJ just couldn't get it going.  Like not even a little.  Against thre freaking Jags.   Crutch took the easy pick with NE, and took a strike for it, and Kyle tried the very risky and yet to pay off method of not making a pick this week.  So, 4 strikes on the board.  And 4 contenders to pull in the dubious distinction award for losing in the second week.  So, you know what?  I'm changing up my address to Week 1:

Yeah, I'm going there and not looking back.

Now, with all of the fuckery in the league, you'd think that SOMEONE would luck into some good picks this week.

Somehow, Patrick and I limped into first place this week by going 3-3.  Patrick, Mike, Terri, Ben, and Josh all went 2-4, and are tied for 3rd place.   The good news is that even if you missed week 1, we all pretty much did too.  So, plenty of time to catch up!

The biggest "I'm taking my ball and going home" this week goes to McClennen who didn't get a single vote for him and he still managed to luck out a win.  Well, not so much luck out a win as his opponent got food poisoning the night before and didn't actually take the field.  But you know what they say?  Winning by default is still winning.  You know what they also say (to week 1)?

Ugh..Well, it's probably time to get to the main event....  The games!  We'll start at the top of the stack and work our way down.... Who ever could be at the top at the end of week 1?  Holy crap!  It's me!

Phil vs. Mike  Yeah, this was what I usually look forward to all season.   A chance to face off against Mike, my sworn nemesis.  And through careful planning and perfect execution, I was able to properly whoop Mike's ass with a completely satisfying win.  Oh wait.  Never mind.  Both of our teams crapped their pants, it's just that after my team did so, Hunt scooped them up and said "Don't worry, fellas, I'll carry you to victory...."  Ugh... a win is a win, right?  (Actually, in retrospect, Mike did score the most in the league except for his opponent, so that is a nice way to end this game, I reckon - I'll see you in week 12)

Battle of the Ds.  Again.  Not a lot of high fives going around here.  Just a sad, sorry game, with the exception of the Rams D going nuclear on an Luckless Colts O.  Ouch....

Patrick vs. Josh.  Not exactly high scoring but damn was it a close one!  The Ds were the high scorers on both side of the game here.  It was awfully nice of Patrick to spot Josh a kicker, but it didn't matter, as Keenan Allen couldn't quite get the needed points to give Josh his first DFL win.  Well done, Patrick!  That is some top shelf trolling you got going on there!

Ben vs Skoot.  Man, just not a lot to say about this game....  Ben won, Skoot lost....  I Guess that it's interesting in that they both almost hit line up Nirvana, but that's not even quite true...

Crutch vs Kerri.   This game, again, had the winner just spotting the loser an empty position.  So, Crutch, you crazy bastard.  Well done, I like your style.  Kerry, on the other hand might have just been given the biggest crap sandwich ever.  I might remind you, that this was her first fantasy football game ever.  And what did she get out of it? A crushing loss AND 3 (count 'em 3!!) players on the IR.  Including the overall #1 draft pick.  I've not seen such bad luck in my life! O right... and one of her players goose egged on her.  So, there's that too...

Terri vs Kyle.  OK, now *here* is a turn around for you.  Going into the game, I thought that there was no way that Kyle (with 3 starters from NE) was going to lose.  But here's the thing, when you are a single team heavy, if they have a bad week, YOU have a bad week.  A lesson learned hard by Kyle.  And well done, Terri!  Even though you were outscored by a good 2/3 of the league, you still backed your way into victory here.

So, that means that none of the newbies have actually won a game yet.  Eesh.  In all honesty, FF is like 80% luck. So, come on guys!  Get your head in the game...

Also, lest I let a juicy bit of gossip go here...  We have a crazy lead on the number of moves.  And keep in mind that this is all before the completion of game 1.  Kyle, has made a solid *8* moves so far.  And the way that he did it ... c'est magnifique!

In the span of 9 minutes on Friday afternoon, this was how the moves went down:
Anderson -> Witten -> Fleener -> Hooper -> Cook -> Fleener (again) -> Diggs -> Jones -> Jones Jr.  And check out the points progression:
2.8 ->  11.9 -> 10.7 -> 12.12 -> 4.7 -> 12.12 (again) ->  18.82 -> 1.3 -> 8.5
So, this means that Kyle has *really* good instincts on the whole, but a lot of indecision.  I guess what I'm saying is that I'm totally watching Kyle's moves and picking up someone in his inevitable chain next week....

But that's all behind us now.  Let's look forward to week 2. I mean, there's no way that it could get any worse, right?