DFL 2018 Week 1: WHAT A LOVELY DAY!!!!

In case that title is a little too obscure for you, here it is in gif form:

I don't mean to toot my own horn, buuut:

Toot toot, monkey fighters.

And I mean, nothing ever changes after week 1, right? RIGHT????

Don't gimme that look, Keenan!  Let me have this one fleeting moment!

But before we get into that, let's take a look at the meta-games....

First up, elimination league.  Can't say much but this:

Yeah,  8 our of 11 people took a strike this week.  Most took NO (like, where the fuck did that loss come from) and most of the remaining learned that ties count for elimination strikes thanks to The Steelers somehow tying The Browns...  Terri probably had the ballsiest pick of Indy over the Cincinnati, but that didn't pan out.  So, McClennen, Josh, and Crutch are the only ones left without a strike.  Well done, you lucky bastards....

Pick'ems!! PICK 'EMS!!!!  6 players this week.  Though there were a bunch of low scorers, so plenty of time to get into this race.  Mike an Crutch both went 2-4, Terri averaged it out with 3-3, Ben and Josh completed the bell curve by going 4-2.  And then Phil, because screw the bell curve, bingo'ed this week with 6-0.

So, not surprisingly, this is where we stand after week 1:

Phil:  6-0
Ben:  4-2
Josh: 4-2
Terri:  3-3
Mike:  2-4
Crutch:  2-4

Finally, let's look at the games.  Two overall observations, coming out of week 1:
1) Man, the DEFs being lowered this year is weird.  Like, mostly things were probably where they should be,but DAMN it feels low after a few years of crazy high scoring DEFs.
2) The Browns have a better record than the Cowboys.  I think that we can all agree that this was a weird, fucked up week.  Still, can't get much better than an Eagles win, a Panthers win, and a Cowboys loss.  So......

So, let's get into it:
Kyle (62.19) vs Terri (45.38).  So, Kyle is breathing easy that he had a good match up this week, given that 3/4 of the league would have beaten him, should he have played them.  So, congrats, Mr. Barely-Sneaking-Into-The-Winner's-Club.  As for Terri, this one had to hurt since she was bitten right out of the gate by the reduced D rule, pretty much as hard as possible.  Her starting D pulled in a whooping -6.43 points and her back up D was only slightly better with -6.24 points.  This was not great on D for Terri.  This seems all too appropriate for Kyle this week:

D (63.57) vs McClennnen (52.23)  D did slightly better here....  Though, sadly his K pulled in the second most points, which is never a good thing.  Also, just wanna note there that his starting D was projected at negative points (since, you know, they were playing NE), but that didn't deter him.  Well done, D!  As for McClennen.... Maybe autodraft would have been better...  At least then he's have an excuse.  His starting WR was pulled last minute (from a Monday night game - so not a lot of options at that point), and his bench pulled in a total of -0.07 points.  Oh, and McClennen's top scorer?  I'm pretty sure that he was high after he came back from the locker room:

Josh (73.84) vs Patrick (61.23)  It's not often that Patrick is loses and doesn't even break 70 points.  Especially not when his QB pulls in over 23 points himself.  But, that's where we are here.  On the other hand, Josh hit Line Up Nirvana and hauled in the win.  Now, let's not pat Josh on the back too hard... Only one person on his bench had more than 4 points, and that was only BARELY so.

Crutch (74.36) vs Stephen (72.14)  This was the closest game of the week, with less than a 3 point difference.  Crutch was flying high with Hill pulling in almost half the score himself, and he hit Line Up Nirvana.  What sucks for Stephen is that he also hit Line Up Nirvana, and it fell just barely short...

Ben (74.85) vs Skoot (54.50)  First and foremost... well done, Ben for shaking off that Yahooo! prediction that you wouldn't win a single game this year.  I mean, getting it out of the way in week 1.  Well done.  AAAAND delivering the beat down of the week this week no less!  Noice!  Skoot, on the other hand....Well, he has good RBs.  Both Saquon and Ajayi racked up double digit games, But that was about it.  Two silver linings for skoot: 1- He is one of the only people in the history of the world who can say "Man, I really should have started Keenum" and mean it, and 2 - he got to watch this:

Given his feelings on Barkley, I'm pretty sure that this is still on loop on his computer as I write this....

And Finally, the game of the week:

Phil (96.09) vs Mike (93.52).  Mike and I have a rivalry from way back. The 2013 season ended like this:

So, every year, I look forward to our match up.  This week did not disappoint.  Going into the Monday night games, Mike only needed about 22 points and one of the players left o play was Gurley....  So,I had pretty much given up the ghost. Someone Oakland contained Gurley and I was able to eek out a slim victory.  And icing on the cake is that Mike got to Ben this week (which means that he scored the second most points in a week, but still lost).  So, if I may take a victory lap:

C'est magnifique!!

So, get out on the waiver wire, folks.  The first few weeks are the best that you're going to do.   See you next week, assuming that I don't get warshed away....