DFL 2016 Week 3: "FF Sucks, I don't want to talk about it."

I want to first off thank Terri for the tag line this week.  It pretty much perfectly encapsulates my season so far.  However, before we get into the insanely bitter diatribe, I'm going to share some good news with everyone.

One of our very own has a new offspring running around.  He's one of the more quiet ones in the league, so that;s why you haven't heard about this yet.  So, congratulations to Patrick for becoming a father yet again.  Here's a picture of little Winston McGuyver Hutton IV, Esq:

He looks just like you, Patrick!

With that fluttery goodness out of the way, I feel that I have to go on one of my rants here.  Little Winston, you might want to cover your ears.  It's going to get hella-vulgar here starting.... now.

First off, this week.. I .. I just can't even find the words:

Just imagine him saying "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??"
I couldn't find the associated gif...

So, let's start from the beginning..  Going into the week 0-2.  Hungry for a win.  Going up against Mike, even hungrier not to lose.  Thursday night football.  Gronk's been questionable all week, trending towards no.  So, I pick up Ebron.  Should do decently.  But what happens about 6 pm on Thursday?  Shitfuck McDickBag (the owner of the Patriots) says "Gronk's definitely playing tonight."  So I swap out Ebron for Gronk who them proceeds to score 0 points.  Why is that?  CUZ FUCKING GRONK PLAYED 3 SNAPS AND WAS BENCHED!!!

Pictured above, Shitfuck enjoying the super funny joke he played
on Phil.  Sod off, McDickBag.

But it only gets worse.  Because guess what?  I lost to Mike this week.  By freaking .3 points! In the last FREAKING minute of the Monday night game. WHAT ...  THE ... EVERLOVING ... BALLSACK??

So, not only do I get screwed for a TE (again! running total for TE points for the kings this year is 0), but I also get screwed by partial points.  (Both of these are issues that I completely love.)  But on the plus side, I do get pretty high priority on the waiver wire.  So... yay, I guess?  And as a side note, I guess that Mike and I can finally bury hatchet over that little dust up that we had a few years back with the partial points.  Come on, Mike.  Let's hug it out:

OK, OK, OK... I'm calm now... let's talk for realsies.....

Elimination League.  A few more joined the ranks of the 1 strike club.  Skoot chose ARI (which was a pretty safe bet, all things considered) and McClennen picked Pittsburgh, because no way that Wentz could go 3-0, right?  RIGHT???   (As a reminder, Pittsburgh received the beat down of the week from the Eagles this week 34-3.)  And we have our Eponine award for Dave, who is the first to fall, with another Arizona pick.

Cuz the whole "She is the first to fall" line.

And yes, I'm naming awards after Les Miserables now.  That's not the worst one to get BTW.  The worst one is probably the Javert Hat award for bad fashion:

So, enjoy all of your extra time that you have now that you don't need to make picks any more.

Pick 'ems.  On the plus side, I'm not the only one to shit the bed on this particular game this week.  When we do as bad as we did collectively, you know that you're going to make the curmudgeons angry:

3-3.  That's the best that we got this week, guys.  .500  And only TWO people reached those fabled heights.  That would be RA Dave and Skoot.  So, Terri keeps her 1st place position by default (though she only made 5 picks last week - hate it when that happens!) at 12, RA Dave squeaks into 2nd place at 9, and there is a three way tie for 3rd place (Phil, Mike, and Skoot), with 8 picks.  Man, we've got to do better next week!!!

And now.... onto the real league.  I know that I said that I'd do this section first last week, but nuts to that.  Old habits die hard. (Which, BTW, would be the perfect name of the next movie in the Bruce Willis franchise.)

Phil vs. Mike.  Yeah, I think that we've already talked about that enough.

Crutch vs Kookie.  Well, it finally happened.  America finally made its disbelieve illusions save against Palmer's "I'm a competent QB" spell that he cast.  But it came at the hands of ... BUFFALO??  How crap!  they have a team still?  But don't get too cocky, Kookie.  You would have lost to pretty much any other team that didn't go into complete meltdown mode this week.  And speaking of which...

Terri vs McClennen.  Wow.  I haven't a clue as to what happened here.  Terri, deservedly so, received the beat down of the week from McClennen.  To be fair to McClennnen, he was the only one to get into the centurian club this week, but just barely so.  And Terri, whose team really seems better than this, scored a whopping 27.17 points.  The silver lining (maybe brown lining?) is that Terri was able to slide right under the previous lowest score of the league of 27.19 points (from the championship game last year).  So, if you're going to suck, do it with aplomb.  Well, done Terri!

(And that, ladies and gentlemen is our very first gifv post on this blog....)

RA Dave vs Patrick.  This was a painful game.  Shit ton of terrible scores (plus, a bunch of injuries on the bench, so sadly this was close to optimal.)  Newton shit the bed, Houston forgot to bring their DEF to Foxboro... just a cacophony of pain o the field today.  The one shining example was on RA Dave's team...  The Defense.  The 36 point defense.  But that's what you get with you limit your opponent to 3 points, and pick off 6 passes, returning two for TDs.  But seriously RA Dave... some respect?  I mean little Winston was born to this slaughter...

Melanie vs Missy.  Nah, I'm not even going to make a cat fight joke here.  Rodgers and the Philly D went buck wild on Missy's team.  Sadly, Melanie's insane DEF (32 points!!) couldn't keep up.  More and more injuries on the bench too.  This is not shaping up to be a good year.  (And here I thought that I was just me!)

Finally, Skoot vs Ben.  Another WTF fest here.  Two players goose egged here, two others went negative.  (To be fair one of them was Fitzpatrick and we all kinda expected that of him now and then, right?) With Ben's win here, Skoot is thrown easily into lats place.  

Ugh.. I guess that the best that can be said about this week is that it's over.  Next week is another week, right?  (Also, keep your eyes peeled on the waiver settings.  Ben noticed something funky last week and I want to see what it looks like this week.  There maybe be a tweak coming for the released waivers...)