DFL 2014 Week 14: The end of the Regular Season

No lie... you know where I was the other day?  The doctor.  She says (and I 'm paraphrasing here) "You, Phil, are the very specimen of human fitness.  You look as ruggedly awesome as you did when you were 18.  The only possible thing that could possible harm your god-like physique is a lack of sleep."  So, why am I making this update after midnight instead of sleeping?

OK, the doctor might have said "gord-like physique." Don't judge me.

OK in all reality, it's because I've gone 100% in updates this year and I sure as *hell* don't wanna miss one now.  Since the kids don't go to bed until just before the game starts tomorrow, I've gotta do it now.  So, strap in and try to hold on to the twisted logic of my sleep deprived brain.  You've been warned!!

OK, so seriously, though, we just got past week 14.  So that means that the regular season has come to a close.  So, we say goodbye to fully a third of my readership and we get into the excuses and finger pointing for why some player prevented you from moving on.  Luckily, McClennen has already been eliminated or else we'd be able to point our first finger.  (Seriously, though, get well soon, Cam!  We all know that Anderson won't be able to thrust us into the #1 spot with a stunning 5-8-1 record!)  So, here we go!

First off, Pick'ems!  Only 4 people made picks last week.  Phil and Ben picked identically, to stay 4-2, and keep the top spot tied.  Mike went 4-2 by picking himself upsetting Missy (and somehow making it so), while RA Dave clocked in at a paltry 2-4.  This keeps Phil and Ben tied at 55 points, while Mike puts a little distance between him (at 43 points) and RA Dave (at 40 points).  Less games coming in the next three weeks, so it's coming down to it!

Match ups, Match ups, Match ups!

Let's start at the top and work our way down, shall we?

Ben vs Kookie.  Ben, once again, destroys this week.  His team is all but unstoppable at this moment.  This 70+ point slaughter of Kookie was his *fifth* beat down administration this year.  And being that he scored 144 points, it is the highest point total this year. Yahoo! gave Ben a special trophy to commemorate this fifth beat down, so I'm goann give him one too:

As for Kookie - sorry man...  Not much to be done here.  Sadly, this does knock you squarely out of playoff contention.  The good news is that you should be nicely seeded at pick for the draft next year.

Skoot vs. McClennen.  Skoot digs deep to finish the regular season strong.  With 5 players scoring above 15 points, there wasn't really much that McClennen could do to stop him. O wait.  Sure there was.  Maybe drop his THREE players on the IR?    That might have been a good idea.  So, McClennen ends his sophomore season in 11th place.  Good for the draft next year, bad for this year.  The big question for Skoot, in my mind, is can Cutler keep showing up for the games?

I'm assuming that he deriving his power from Ditka.

Phil vs. RA Dave.  OK I've never been so pissed about delivering an ass whoopin'.  All that I needed to do was win by less than 30.  Could I do that?  NOoooo... I mean Brees certainly did his best to help, but in the end, I kicked RA Dave's ass to the tune of about 50 points.  Why is this bad?  Well, I am now seeded 3rd in the play offs.  This means that if I make it to the second round, I'll be facing Ben, not Missy.  I think that I would have had a chance against Missy... I'm just hoping to avoid a beat down, if I face Ben in a fortnight.  As always, I think that Parcels says it best:

Patrick vs Terri.  Well color me surprised on this game.  Yeah, it didn't really matter for this season.  Both teams were pretty much eliminated. However, Patrick turned on the after burners.  He also threw down a 50+ point beating.  I was certainly surprised to see Patrick join the centurian club this week.  The bad news is that this thrust Patrick into the King of the Losers spot (9th place), and Terri gets first pick in next year's draft.  Well done Patrick!

I dunno.  This is the first thing that came up for a GIS of "Well Done, Patrick"
Honestly,I was expecting some SpongeBob...

This next game needs a little introduction  A little razzle dazzle, if you will:

Mike vs Missy.  That's right!  after 13 long weeks of win after win.  Mike delivers the knock out punch on the perfect season to Missy.

I know that I shouldn't be so gleeful in someone else's misery, but how can you not be ecstatic when you see a face like this?

Well done, Mike!  Such a performance not only got you into the playoffs, but now you're seeded high enough to not be playing Missy in the next week either! Instead you get to play... Oh... Ben.  Shit.  Hey man, lightning struck once spoiling Missy's perfect season.  Make it strike again by embarrassing Ben out of the playoffs.  Here's to you, Mike!

Crutch vs Melanie.  This one... OK this one was pretty anti-climactic.  Both low seeds going into the game, both low seeds coming out of the game.  Crutch squeaks by Melanie with a score of 76-67.  Not at lot happened here. Well, outside of a lot of wrong Pick'em Picks.  So, rock on, you crazy cats!

And that brings us to the playoffs.  So, sadly, we need to say goodbye to Patrick, Kookie, McClennen, and Terri.  Looking forward to the playoffs, it looks to be a couple of solid games, and a few potential blow outs:

Missy (1) vs Melanie (8):  Seems a little closer than it probably should.  Good luck, ladies!
Ben (2) vs Mike (7): Yeah, Ben's probably going to have another blow out on his hands.  (Looking at his roster, I just don't think that he's got a lot of weak spots...)
Phil (3) vs Crutch (6):  This is a pretty highly projected difference in Phil's favor, but Crutch is right...  Romo is still out there.  What's more, I don't think that Romo knows that it's December...
RA Dave (4) vs Skoot (5):  This is the closest projected game and could be a good one.  Is Skoot going to seek revenge for getting knocked out of the playoffs early last year?  Will RA Dave be able to overcome the 9 point gap?  This is the one to watch, folks!

Good luck everyone! (Except for Crutch.  Screw that guy.)