DFL 2013 Week 9: Like a Boss.

Awwww.... yeah.  So, how's this for one hell of a week?  I'm playing my two most bitter rivals in my fantasy leagues, and I'm trying to snap a 3 game losing streak in my third league.  How do I pull it off?  Like a boss!!  Going into the Monday night game, I need Rodgers to essentially take a shit on the field.  That way, I'll seal the game in the other league, where my opponent was starting him.  What?  What?  What's that? He didn't even hit a single point? Hells Yeah!! He was completely shut down by the Defense!!!  Wait... what's that?  He broke his collar bone?  So, he's out for the foreseeable future?  Well, shit.  High fives for everyone this week anyways.  Three wins is three wins.

The penultimate guy is the rest of my season.

Something tells me that the rest of my write ups will be significantly less cheery from here on out...

Starting with elimination league, as is tradition...  a pair of matching picks (for two weeks in a row, I might add - Ben and Joy) and Marie standing by herself.  With the cheese.  And not metaphorical cheese.  Really honest to Wisconsin cheese.  Sadly, not a single one of them took the last strike this week.  Which means, 3 teams are still going to be slugging it out in week 10.  Holy cow, guys.  Well done.  (And I am going to guess that all three of them pick Tennessee in week 10.  Titans, I swear to all that is is potatoes, if you eliminate all of them this week, I'm going to be most disappoint.

See?  That one was an intentional typo!

Pick 'ems!  Pretty tight week this week.  Terri was the high scorer going 5-1, which puts her right back into the race.  Crutch was the second highest, pulling in 4-2, which solidifies his first place position quite nicely.  Everyone else went 3-3.  No change in the rank from last week.  Though it is interesting to note that with Terri's jump, the difference between the second and sixth place is a scant 2 picks.  Now, if we can just get Crutch to forget to make his picks one of these weeks, we'll all be sitting in butter.

And that leaves us with the gamey games!

We'll start with the beatdown of the week.  McClennen invoked his Kookie BYE this wee.  True, Kookie had 3 starters on BYE this week, but McClennen did manage to put down the third highest number of points this week.  Also, McClennen hit line up Nirvana.  So, he really made use of the Kookie BYE week.

McClennen gets the Patience Award for sticking with Thomas Ruprecht Brady through 8 painful weeks to watch him re-emerge in week 9 with a 30 points game.

Kookie gets ... you know what? I'm going to bail on his award this week... I'm not sure that he's reading any more and I don't want to attract his attention until week 13, the week after I play him next.  Dammit, I want my Kookie BYE!!

(Also, a fun fact... Kookie has mathematically eliminate himself from the playoffs this year.  So, the good news is that he can really go for broke and start with some crazy trades. :) )

Next up, the points bowl:  Patrick versus Melanie.  Holy cow!  Were any of you keeping your eyes on this game?  They put up the 2 highest scores this week, both exceeded projections by well over 10 points, both hit line up Nirvana, and it was a tight game, and it was a huge upset.  Great game guys!

Patrick earns the Don't Be Like Phil lesson/trophy.  I also picked up and started Locker in my other league  And I'm betting that you looked at Foles like I did and said "Nah.....  Foles sucks.  He'll never produce"  Then 7 freaking touchdowns later, we both look the fool.  That was one hell of a game for Foles.  O wait.... it wasn't a game.  It was 3 quarters.  Doggone!  Anyway, well done Patrick

Melanie pulls in the Insult And Injury lemon papercut award.  Even though she was projected to have 10% more points than Patrick had, not a single person picked her to win.

And speaking of crowd picks...  They say that the more people that you have picking something, the closer that you'll be to the truth of the matter.  Not the case in this next game:  RA Dave versus Mike G.

In the battle of the Slightly Odd, but nonetheless nicknames, *everyone* picked Mike G to win.  Not so.  RA Dave gave Mike G a good thrashing.

RA Dave takes home the Jason Nesmith award for Never giving up, never surrendering.

Mike G gets the True dat award for summing up the game nicely in the smack talk:  "what hurts is t y hilton had a great night but it only got me within 10 points".  Truth.

 Here's another tight game:  Crutch versus Terri. This one was within a few points as well.  Man, these BYE Weeks are at least consistent in the screwing that they are handing to us.

Crutch is hereby awarded the "Dammit, Arien" token.  Foster just had to gain pretty much anything this week and it would have meant the game for Crutch.  Dammit, Arien.

Terri gets a few awards this week.  Go ahead and just pick one:

• I don't need no Manning! award, for doing just fine in the one week that she would most likely lose.
• Dammit, Golden! trinket for not having Golden Tate go buck wild and still winning the game.
• Flacco?  FLACCO? for picking up Flacco and having his have a decent game.  Almost doubled the projections.....

Dun Dun DUNNNN!!!!!  Game of the week.  A bit lower scoring than I was figuring.  But at least I called it.  Ben just barely misses a win.  Or as Ben put it "Also, fuck you for calling my ff game so depressingly accurately."  Hey, man... at least your QB is still healthy....

Ben  once again gets the "Thank You, Sir. May I have another?" paddle for once again getting so close to victory and just letting it slip through his fingers.  If  he had started either of his benched players not on BYE, he would have won the game.

Skoot gets the Hubis award for not playing a TE.  I asked him about his empty TE slot and he just scoffed. Yeah, just like Count Strahd.  He said "What?  ME?  Pick up a TE?  I've got the dream team, baby.  Ben's a little bitch and I'm going to woop him thusly."  Well played, Sir.  Well played indeed.

Also, Skoot found himself a nice little bug.  Skoot had Dalton to see how he did on Thursday night.  When Dalton Romo'd, Skoot was able to drop him after the Thursday night game, but before the Sunday games.  Fortunately for him, hilariously for me, and frustrating for Ben, Skoot picked up (and started) Stacy.  You know.  The guy who score 20 points for Skoot out of freaking nowhere?  Yeah, that guy.

Finally, we come to the game I've been waiting all year.   Me versus Missy....  The grudge match to settle all grudge matches.  Did it help that I have 4 top shelf players on BYE? It did not.  But Missy once again showed her witchy ways.  I (barely) took home the victory, but my starting QB will be out for at least a month with a broken collar bone.  AAARGG!!!

Missy  gets the ... well... hmm... I dunno... I'm trying to lay an award at her feet that will convey the proper sense of humiliation at losing when I couldn't even get a single point out of my QB, while at the same time highlighting her trying but failing miserably...  This is a hard one... Ah!  Got it.  You get the healthcare.gov award.  You should be able to see it in 4-6 weeks.

Phil gets the simple victory.  For that is all that I really want.  It's taken me a year to get here, so I'll just savor it while I can.

Mike G gets a *very* stern warning to keep his hexes to himself, thank you very much.  Seriously, take a look at the smack on my game.  More smack here than when Batman loses his shit on Robin:

And that's about it for this week.  After such an intense week, I'm going to take a week of the write ups off.  Skoot will be filling in for me next week, as I have been messing with his league on his boards.  So, he totally owes me.

Enjoy!