DFL 2016 Week 7: Don't call it a come back!!

Fucks yeah!!  Two in a row baby!

Winning feels so good that I'll even  take a Cowboys gif to start us off.

But you know what's even better!  Kookie lost!!  Yay!  There's blood in the water folks.  Time to go in for the kill.

The king is dead!  The king is dead! (OK, not dead yet, but vulnerable...)

So, where are we?  I'll tell you where we are... halfway to the playoffs and things are getting good!

Elimination League.... Well, ask and ye shall receive.  I asked for Marie to take a strike last week and she was the only one still standing who did take a strike.  I think that I need to take a page from my good friend Jay and go for the gusto:

Anyways, almost everyone had a different pick this week.  Ben and Terri were the only ones to pick the same team, and they went with Cincinnati.  As a reminder, everyone remaining has a strike now.  So, it's anyone's game.  Any given Sunday, folks.

Pick 'ems!  Yee-haw.  Things went well here.  Well... they went average, actually.  Mike, RA Dave and I all went 3-3.  The big news is that Terri went 0-6.  Which means....  Three way tie for first place!  RA Dave, Terri, and I now sit at 24, with Mike just around the corner at 18.  This is going to be a tight one this year.

Now, let's get to the most important thing that happened this week.  

Phil vs. Skoot.  Back to back victories for Phil, baby!  Ain't nobody gonna stop me now!!!!  Was it pretty?  No.  It was the lowest scoring game of the week.  Any stand outs?  Tucker kicked a good game, but that's.. that's about it.  Now it's time to dance!!

I'm assuming that Skoot is dancing with me.  Since he's in ass last place,
all that he has left is friends...

And speaking of WTF:

Crutch vs. Melanie.  Well, it's official. Melanie wasted her Crutch BYE this week.  Not sure how Crutch pulled out a victory when he clearly hasn't looked at fantasy football in like a month, but here we are.  Just to drive this point home, Crutch is now ranked higher than three people in the league:  Missy, Terri, and Skoot.  

I know that I used this gif before, but I'm just so glad to be out from under Crutch's shadow.

Buck up, Melanie.  At least someone in your house won this week....

Kookie vs. RA Dave.  O wait... nevermind.  Kookie lost this week too.  YAY FOR RA DAVE!!!!  And boy was it a close one!  RA Dave got out to an early lead, but Kookie just couldn't quite overcome it.  He came within 4 points of a perfect half season, but Dave said.  No no no.

Well done, Dave!  And with both Kookie and Melanie losing, it means that there was not a single win in Cleveland this week.  So, there's that.

Giraffe Battle.  Couple fights are always fun.  It was a long, slow simmer, but Mike was able to hold on to this victory by the skin of his teeth.  Even with 2 (count 'em! 2) of his starters going negative, Mike squeaked out this victory by a cool 3 points.  Lots of points left on the bench, and from Terri's Facebook post, it seems like they were watching this game all Sunday.  So, better luck next time!

Missy vs McClennnen.  Well, there were 7 players in this game who scored less than 6 points.  And there were also 3 who hit over 30.  So, this game was a little uneven....  But even without Charles doing anything on Sunday (yeah, he was on the field, but a garden gnome would have done just as well), Missy pulled in her second victory of the year.

Patrick vs. Ben.  Well, Ben did... decently this week.  The odd thing, of course being that he also administered the beat down of the week as well.  Patrick's team just kinda fell apart this week.  Didn't quite hit 40 points and there didn't seem to be any real mis-steps.  Just bad luck.  And bad auto-draft.  But mostly?  Weak Sauce, Patrick.  Weak.  Sauce.

We all just wish that Patrick would grow out that glorious beard...

So, now I get to head into the first week where the waiver wire might completely screw me.  Enjoy it, boyos!

DFL 2016 Week 6: Well, that was a bummer of week..

So... Week 6 is over, right? I mean.. there are no more games to tally points into right?  I'm just asking because there didn't seem to be a lot of scoring this week.  Looking down the scoreboard, nobody even hit triple digits this week?

But Phil, Patrick actually scored 101.18.

Yeah, like I said, nobody hit triple digits.

I have to mock, because Patrick also delivered the beat down of the week.

But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.

Let's take a look at the elimination league, shall we?  BIG week of strikes this week. Seems like most folks liked Pittsburgh this week.  Well, everyone except for Dolphins D who turned the Steeler's QB from this

Into this:

Hint:  Rothlisberer isn't the doctor in the picture above.

So, what's that mean for the elimination league?  4/6 of the remaining players took strikes this week.  (OK technically, Mike took a strike because he didn't actually make a pick, but I wouldn't want to publicly announce that and embarrass him.)

So, that means that we say good night to Patrick for the season.  This leaves the following people still swinging in the league:

Marie, Phil, Mike, Terri, and Ben.

And what's this?  Everyone has one strike, save one person.  And that person would be Marie, who isn't even in the DFL anymore.   (Those of you who remember history know that Marie was kicked from the league several years ago for performance enhancing drug use.  OK... technically she was just sniffing dry erase markers, but we do have a zero tolerance policy here.)  So, she's the one to beat, folks.

Pick'ems, Pick'ems, Pick'ems, Pick'ems.  Only three people making picks at this point, and there is still plenty of time to get into it, and here's what the picks looked like:
Terri went 3-3 (giving her 24 points overall)
Phil and RA Dave both went 4-2, keeping them tied and inching closer to Terri (we are tied at 21 points)

11 weeks left... that's 66 points up for grabs.  Anyone's game still!  (I'm actually in another league where one of the competitors started dead last, but has really turned on the picks since week 1 and is knocking on first place.)

I know that I usually don't go on a tangent here, but I wanted to throw a quick gif out there to properly describe my feelings on the NFL this week:

The Eagles and the Panthers really should have had BYEs this week.

Why?  Why do the Eagles have to get so close and then blow it?  To the freaking SKINS???  How can the Panthers battle back from a 21-0 deficit and lose in the last 4 seconds???  ARGGG!!!  You know what though?  I'm not even mad... Just sad..  Very, very sad...

Maybe a little mad on Sunday.... but it's eroded away to sadness now...

OK OK OK....  Now we can talk about the games..

Phil vs. Melanie - Did I mention that nobody actually scored a lot of points here? Well, I pulled in my second win of the season here, with ...66 points.  Melanie kinda went belly up and only turned in 47 points.  Well, it would have been closer to 50, but the Jets just got *trounced* on Monday night and their defense didn't really do anything, netting Melanie a cool negative 4 points.  Oddly enough, the big winners in this game are the Tight Ends, both turning in 15+ games.  Everyone else..  Well, they showed up.

Battle of the Daves! (Crutch vs RA Dave).  Well, it looks like RA Dave got his Crutch BYE this week.  Didn't we have these last year too?  OK in Crutch's defense, his work has pretty much screwed him, pretty much taking any free time for at least the next fortnight.  So, go easy on him, guys.  And really, as sad as it is, Crutch couldn't have even won, even if he got line up Nirvana.  I was going to give RA Dave a hard time.  See, he left Cam and his 22 points on the bench.  But for some insane reason, he chose to start Stafford instead and was rewarded with 30 FREAKING points.  So, good on you for starting Stafford over Cam.  God, the feels wrong to say....

Out out damned stain!!!!

Kookie vs Terri.  The Kook train keeps on rolling!  I'm not sure that anyone can stop him now.  Brady's back in full force, ODB is getting more and more frisky with the kicking net, and hie bench is just so damn deep!!  Good draft or lucky draft?  I dunno... maybe a blind pig will find a truffle eventually...  As for Terri... ugh.  Not much to say, Big Ben went down, killing the team.  The Panthers D just shriveled up and died...  But hey.  You've always got Dalton to fall back on, right?  RIGHT???

I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!!!!

Mike vs Ben.  And speaking of deep benches, Mike is stocked up this year!  Brees is shaking off that usual Autumn malaise that seems to plague him, both Joneses are kicking ass, and he's holding tight to that second place of his, with his win over Ben this week.  Ben is holing his own,what with McCoy actually advancing the ball on occasion.  I mean his only real mistake was to start the Pittsburgh D against the powerhouse that is the Miami Dolphins.

I mean, really, how can this team NOT be intimidating???

Skoot vs. McClennen.  Yeah, this was not impressive.  They missed their projects by a combined 40 points.  Luckily, McClennen managed to suck a little less and pulled in the win.  Highlight of the game?  Lamar Miller with 25 points.  Embarrassment of the game?  Carson Wentz.  Just... come on, man.  Get your head in the game.

Oh, who can stay mad at him???

And... that's about it, right?  O wait yeah... one more....

Missy vs Patrick.  When Patrick comes up big, he comes up REALLY big.  Like, the points difference in this game was more than almost half the teams in the league scored this week.  Oddly, somehow KC figured out a way to shut down Carr.  But that just meant that the rest of Patrick's team showed up.  Pryor Sr (yeah,I don;t know who that is either) and West (Seriously, Patrick, are you just making these players up??)both turned in 20 point games.  Then, MNF rolled around and Johnson, not to be outdone, threw out 28 points himself.  Well done, Sir!  Missy.... take solace in the fact that you would have been comparative with your score had you been playing most of the other teams in the league this week.  Also, try not to think about how you left 20 points on the bench because White somehow kicked some ass this week. Here's a weird gif to help you forget:

See you crazy cats next week.

DFL 2016 Week 5: Back to this stupid crap.

Yeah, so here we are..  Week 5.  Multiple write ups.  Wailing and gnashing of teeth....  Though, when you're getting screwed this hard the only thing that you can do is to make snide comments on the write up, right?  I mean, really the only question that I have for this hate filled league is this:

I've tried to be cool about everyone and their mama beating me (Well, except Terri - thanks, T-Dawg!), but that's it.  Gloves are off.  Time for me to go buck ass wild on all y'all, starting... next week.

Though before we get into this I've noticed a disturbing trend amongst the top dog in this league.  They never seem to talk a lot of shit.  Usually, it's quiet (like Missy) or saying that the rules are giving them the wins (like Ben / Kookie).  I mean, it's certainly not skill.  You top dog jackasses couldn't win your way out of a paper bag, without one key element.  That's right. It's all luck.

Erm... different kind of luck...

So, please top dogs.  A little decorum, please.

Elimination League!  Not a lot of excitement here.   4 out of 6 of the picks fully backed Brady's return to the league by picking the Pats.  OK, they were playing the Browns, but still.  Maybe Brady had a mousse accident and lost the magic arm of his, you don't know.  But regardless, all of the picks were correct this week and the only strike goes to Skoot who boldly didn't make a pick.  So, goodbye, Skoot.  I would say that we'll miss you, but it would probably come off as sarcastic, like when Agent Smith said it.

Mostly because it would be sarcastic, only moreso.

Picks Picks,Picks, Picks, Picks.  Yeah, Terri is kicking some major ass here.  She went 5-1, and extended her lead over Phil (who only went 3-3 this week) and RA Dave (who caught up to second place by going 42 this week).  Mike is still in it, going an impressive 3-3 this week.  So, the standings are:

Terri:  21
Phil:  17
RA Dave: 17
Mike: 15

Every one on the list is still within striking distance of first place.  Everyone else in the league?  Well, one good pick will pull you out of the tie for last place... so there's that.

Now on to that which matters the most.....

Phil vs. RA Dave.  What.  The.  Fuck.  I Can take losing.  I can take a crazy Eagles-Lions game where Mattews pulls in a sad 4 catches while Riccick chalks up just shy of 20 points.  What I can't warp my damn head around is how Vinatieri got 23 FREAKING POINTS.  That is more than anyone else on the field got.  I mean, I know that I always say that kickers win games, but this is completely nuts.  To sum up the game:

And in case you're wondering, yes, I am proud that I found this gif.

Crutch vs Terri.  Hey, someone had to win this one, and congratulations to Terri for pulling in the W, even if it was kinda by default.  I was going to give Crutch a hard time about starting 2 players on BYE this week, but then I saw that he had but a single player on his bench who had actually scored anything at all.  So.. erm... Chin up, chum!  Next week is another week!  And Terri... congrats on moving out of last place. Enjoy the moment...

Kookie vs. Mike.  And here's the Power House Game.  #1 vs #2.   Kookie vs. Mike.  And I think that I can speak for all of us when I say:

I know, I know, I don't like that these two are sitting at the top of the league either.  But on the plus side, this does mean that the undefeated streak ends here for one of them.  And it did with great flurry.  Mike lost this week.  Bad.  Like beat down of the week bad.  Like EVERYONE else in the league would have beaten him bad.  (OK, Crutch wouldn't have beaten him, but he would have if he had put the only scorer in on his bench.)  Now, in Mike's defense (I think?), he did hit line up Nirvana, except that he started Tannehill, when it would have been better to start Brees, who was on BYE this week.  And Kookie.  What can we say about Kookie. He's firing on all cylinders now.  I'll let Tosh put this into the correct words:

Melanie vs. McClennen.  Wow... battle of the defenses here...  Melanie barely eeked out a victory here, what with Anderson and Brown both clocking in at less than a point each.  Plus, with BYE weeks pretty much killing her team this week, Melanie should count her lucky stars.  McClennen on the other hand tastes a loss once again.  But it can't be too surprising.  I mean his choices for QB are Rivers and Cousins. I mean that's like Sophie's Choice, but much much worse.

Skoot vs. Patrick.  Two 1-3 teams came in, and Patrick rises up to 6th place with his win.  The most notable thing about this game is that Skoot's TEs totally about 35 points here.  Kinda makes you wish that there was more than one starting, TE, doesn't it?

but you know that I've got nothing but love for my TEs.

Missy vs Ben.  Well, this was ... a game?  Kinda?  With a huge score of 67 over 60, Ben took this win.  What's impressive is that BOTH teams hit line up Nirvana.  You wanna know why it's so easy for me to say that?  Cuz combined, their bench players scored 4.3 points.  And that's only because the one benched player who actually score points was a QB.  Kinda.

I mean, technically.

Missy didn't even have enough players to fill out her roster.

On the plus side, next week should be better without so many damn BYEs, right?  RIGHT???

And as a side note to think about to finish this post off.  It's been over a month with Waivers in place.  What's everyone's thoughts on it?  It doesn't look like there's an insane amount of moves yet this year. I've actually got the most at 9, and Patrick is next at 7.  I'm not sure how many people have gotten burned by it yet.  I'm doing pretty good with it,what with being in shit ass fuckall place all year.  I will say that it certainly makes me think about what I need and prioritize it a bit.  It's certainly different.  And I'm not hating it.  Anyone else have thoughts?

DFL 2016 Week 5: A dark and dreary week...

Having come off a mighty victory last week, this is all that I have to say about this week:

As for the details...  NOTHING.  NOTHING HAPPENED THIS WEEK!!!

(OK fine.  Full write up coming tomorrow, as is tradition....)

DFL 2016 Week 5: A dark and dreary week...

Having come off a mighty victory last week, this is all that I have to say about this week:

As for the details...  NOTHING.  NOTHING HAPPENED THIS WEEK!!!

(OK fine.  Full write up coming tomorrow, as is tradition....)

DFL 2016 Week 4: All Hail to the King Baby!

(Before we get into it, I just wanted to make mention that I have changed drop waivers from 2 days to 1 day.  I haven't any clue how Yahoo! calculates the days, but currently (with 2 day waivers) has any moves made on Wednesday open up again on Saturday.  Again, I don't really get it, but at least now the drops should open up on Friday.  Still not in time for the Thursday night game, but it's something...)

Guess who's back, baby.  Go ahead... guess.  I'm me, monkeyfighters!!!!

Pictured above:  How I've been entering everywhere that I go since Sunday night.

What's that?  0-3 start?  Oh, I guess Phil has finally run out of steam?  I guess that we can write Phil off this year.  Well, let's just check the scoreboard this week, shall we?  Oh shit!  Phil won his game.  Oh shit, Phil administered the beat down of the week.  Oh shit, PHIL GOT THE MOST OVERALL POINTS THIS WEEK AND THE ONLY ONE TO HIT TRIPLE DIGITS.

That especially is for Skoot, of course...

Yeah, feeling pretty good here at the top of Awesome Mountain.  One last thought before we get into the nitty gritty:

OK... We good?  Well, we'll get BACK to that delightful topic in just a bit, but for now, let's talk turkey.

Not exactly the image that I was going for, but so much better than I was imagining....

Big week this week in the elimination league.  Patrick, Kookie, and McClennen all took strikes this week (the former two with Arizona, and the latter with Detroit).  That means that we have to say goodbye to both Chrises this week.  So long, fellas!  It has been great!  Well, not great, but it definitely was.  So, there you go.

Although, it's probably worth mentioning a disturbing trend amongst picks this year:

Yeah... almost half of the strikes handed out thus far have been from Arizona.  Followed very closely by Detroit. It's almost like those two teams are terrible this year.  I'm just waiting for someone to have the balls to pick Cleveland.  

Pick'ems!  As exciting as the elimination league is, this was a little bit of a disappointment.  I mean, not from my performance.  I picked perfectly this week.... what do you call that?

Oh, that's right.  Thanks, Cal!

Everyone else who picked (RA Dave, Terri and Mike) all went 4-2.  Everyone else?  Come on now.  Still got 12 weeks left.  Plenty of time to make some picks!

So, that leaves us like this:
1) Terri (16 picks)
2) Phil (14 picks)
3) RA Dave (13 picks)
4) Mike (12 picks)
5) Skoot (8 picks)
6) Ben (6 picks)

So, not a lot of competition this year.  If you wanted a trophy but don't know the path of least resistance, this might be the contest for you this year.  :)

And now for the games:

Phil vs Terri:  Yeah, we talked about this one a bit..  but it's probably worth talking about again because, well, I'm the author.  Not to belabor the point, but do you see why I did so well this year?  I've finally got my TE to break the 0 point barrier.  That's right, Gronk pulled in an astounding 0.94 points this week.  The lesson of course is that I dominate when my TE performs.  Guess that puts to rest any debate about TEs.  AMIRITEGUYS?  AS for Terri... what can I say?  The entire team just imploded. I mean, these weren't fantastitic defenses that her players were going up against (Chicago, Miami, LA).  The stars just aligned, but like in a bad way.  This game rocketed Phil up to 8th place and threw Terri down to dead last.

Crutch vs Mike:  Mike maintains his death grip on his undefeated season this week by crushing Crutch.  Though don't get too confident, Mike.  There are bigt cracks starting to show:  Brees is remembering his age, and Jackson and Forte went belly up after a stellar start to the season.  So stay on your toes...  Crutch, man, come on.  Palmer?  Still?  And Green Bay Def isn't going ot do much good to you, should that be on BYE.

Kookie vs Ben, aka the bitter about the league rules bowl.  The other undefeated team, Kookie, stays in control again this week with a win over Ben.  That is to say, Kookie started Ryan and then the rest of his team climbed onto his back and rode him to victory.  Ben, man... Just a bad week, sir. I mean, who could have thought that I would say "Well, LeSean McCoy was your top scorer BY FAR" and be serious about it?  eesh!

RA Dave vs McClennen.  AFter a rough start McClennen is turning it on.  WAY surpassing his projections, McClennen pulled in the second most points this week.  Nice job!  Sadly, RA Dave had some problems...   KC just got whooped by PIT, and Cam got knocked out with a concussion.  The big question, of course, is whether he'll be ready to play next week.  Believe you me, I'm hoping so!

Melanie vs Patrick.  Well, this was the closest game of the week at an  point difference.  The biggest surprise here is te fact that Derek Carr pulled in almost 30 points.   I mean, not for nothing, but that's actually one of the bigger surprises anywhere in the league this week.  Well done! On the flip side,  Melanie started Bortles, who is impressing me  more and more these days.  Outside ofthe QBs the biggest story is really Fuller... who score almost 19 points.  And I know what you're all thinking:  Who the hell is Fuller?  Well,I haven't a clue, and it's too late to go looking it up now.  Patrick - how did you know to start this little gem?

Skoot vs Missy:  Yeah, this was defeinitely a battle for who could score less... Combined the QBs scored 6 points.  Missy started a DEF on BYE.  Shit... even Skoot's Bell couldn't be bothered to rack up more than 13 points.  Soo.. that is what a #10 team versus a #11 team game looks like....

Anyways, time to prep for next week.  Get on that waiver, ladies and gentlemen!  I'll see you in week 5!