DFL 2013 Week 16: Semi Finals (and it's about time!)

I know, I know... It's less than 48 until the finals kick off an no write up yet.  Hey, the good news is that there was no Thursday night game this week, so technically, this write up isn't late.

Pictured above:  The last two people who are still vying for the Championship (one of them being me).

Sadly, I have been sick as a dog for about a week now *and* you know, Christmas.  So, things have been a bit slow on the uptake.  But, unlike one certain quarterback in Arlington Texas, I play through the pain.

Looking at pick'ems, things are remaining *tight*.  Everyone went 2-2 this week, except for Ben, going 1-3.  (Dammit, McClennen!  If you were to have pulled out that win, I'd be in first place right now and look like  a genius!)  So, going into the championship week, Crutch retains his thin hold on 1st place with 53 picks, Phil is right behind him at 52 picks, and Ben is hanging in there with 51 picks.  Skoot gave up this week and still sits at 47 picks. Meanswhile Mike is just above Terri, 43 to 42 picks.  (So, theoretically, Mike could get into a 4th place tie if Skoot doesn't get any right this week *and* Mike bingos... though we have only had one of those this year..)

With that, we'll start wth the consolation games (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that nobody is reading this section, but we gotta do it.....):

Ben versus Missy
Well, Ben's luck finally ran out this week. He was most certainly not the highest score of the week.  In face, quite the opposite.  He was dead last.  Lost of things kinda went wrong here.  Example:  Jordan (though how great would it have been if his first name was "James") Cameron was ruled out just before game time due to a concussion. Here's another: Fitzgerald was held to 3 catches all game.  And perhaps the biggest pain was Tucker, coming off a 23 freaking point game against me in week 15, only got 1 point.  Missy, on the other hand, played well.  4 players saw double digits, including two with 20+ point games.  McCoy and Murray (the studs with 20+ points) make everyone go "Man.... RBs aren't a forgotten position!"  So, enjoy your slot in the Bitch Bowl, Ben.

Terri versus Skoot
Otherwise known as the "Dammit, Skoot" bowl.   I picked Skoot to win this one handily.  And what did Skoot do?  He threw the game.  He even said so in the smack talk.  I don't have the exact quote in front of me, but it went something along the lines of "ohh.. I'm skoot.  I'm a little bitch.  I'm going to throw this game so that Phil get another one wrong in the pick'ems".  Dammit, Skoot.  I hate you so very ... very much.  Anyways, Brees shit the bed this week (even though last time the NO and CAR faced off, Brees had a 30+ point game), and Johnson was pretty much shut out.  (And to add insult to injury, Roddy White had a season high 18 point game.)  On the other side of the field, Mannning the Greater was Manning the Greater, Morris did his thing, and Carolina somehow whooped up on New Orleans.  So, like Mike said, Terri made up for the two regular season losses to Skoot by just destroying Skoot this week.  Well, played.  And enjoy *your* time in the Bitch Bowl Skoot.

And now, the meat and potatoes, the real games (yeah, yeah, yeah,I know that only slightly more read this section, but we're this deep, we might as well finish the write up):

Mike G versus McClennen
I'll admit it.  I thought that this one was going to be closer than it was.  In fact, I totally thought that McClennen had one more upset left in him.  The game was projected to be within 5 points, but Mike laid it on thick and threw down a 24 point beating on McClennen.  Mike's pick up of Napolean Dynamite continues to pay off in droves.  Every single week that Foles has been on Mike's team, he has out performed expectations.  Of course, outside of that, there;s not a lot there.  Thomas continued to thank his lucky stars that Manning the Greater is throwing to him, Prater got lucky that somehow Houston stopped Manning the Greater from getting into the endzone when they were close, and Seattle, not surprisingly held Arizona down and did what needed done. McClennnen... well, his luck just sorta ran out.  It never seemed to me that McClennen's team was all that great, he just had one or two players go gang busters week to week.  Sadly, this week, his only player that went crazy was the Cincinnati DEF against Minnesota. So, a solid victory for Mike, moving him into the Championship game and McClennen into the silver game.

Phil versus Patrick
Finally, the beat down of the week. Phil handed this thrashing to Patrick this week, with a nearly 60 point margin.  Somehow, Dalton went gang busters against the Vikings.  I mean, my ginger boy is good and all, but a 30 point game?  Maybe not quite that good...  Everyone was really just hitting their stride this week.  Well, except for Davis, who was completely shut out.  No injury, just no points.  come on, man.  This is the playoffs.  Get your head on straight!  On the other side of the game, Patrick actually had fairly good numbers.  Except for Stafford, who would have been better had he just stayed home.  This game sends Patrick to the silver game, and Phil to the championship (for the third time - third time is the charm, right?).

So, that leaves us with Phil versus Mike G in the championship game and Patrick versus McClennen in the consolation game.  I'm pretty sure that Mike has never been in the championship game before and I know that I've never taken home gold before.  So, this will be an exciting game.  And big congrats to McClennen to getting to medal contention in his first year.  Well played, sir.

Of course, the other important game is this week as well:  Ben versus Skoot for bitch of the playoffs.  Just to remind everyone, Skoot only lost first seeding in the last week of regular season and Ben had the second highest points (and the shittiest schedule) all year.  So, good luck, both of you magnificent bastards!

DFL 2013 Week 15: It's Post Season time!!

What would the average man on the street in Denver say if I were to tell him that Peyton "Gold Boy" Manning would do his best Tony Romo impression in week 15, and make pretty much the entire fantasy football playing world cry out in pain?  I bet that it would look a little something like this:

Yeah, that's how this week went.  Lots of close games and a bunch of upsets.  But before we get into that, let's take a look at the pick'ems!

It seems like now that there are less games, we've got more picks.  Half the league jumped into the pick'em pool this week.  Phil took top spot, with 3-1 and Skoot took bottom spot with 1-3. Everyone else... well they didn't figure on any upsets and went 2-2.  So, that means, with a scan 8 games left in the season, Crutch is *barely* hanging on with 51 correct picks, Phil and Ben are tied with 50 picks, and Skoot theoretically still has a shot with 47 picks.  Terri and Mike are slugging it out for 5th place.  She has 42 picks, and he has 41 picks.  It's really coming down to the wire for this one...

We'll start at the top of the deck and work our way down....

Ben vs Phil:  Part 2, Electric Boogaloo.
Yep, fates be damned, after eeking out a victory against Ben last week, Ben and I had to face off again this week.  (And had the game gone the other way in week 14, then we still would have faced off, as his seeding would have gone up one, and mine down one.)  So, Ben scored the second most points last week and lost.  This week, he scored the third most points and lost.  So, just for those of you keeping score out there, that means that Ben had the second most points in the league (by like 35 points), he barely snuck into the playoffs, and he was eliminated right off the bat by playing the team with the highest points in the week.  I just have one thing to say about that.  Tell 'em, Mal:

Yeah... there are no words.  I fully expect Ben to take Bitch of the Playoffs by having the worst possible opponents week to week.  You know, Ben, when you are the commish, you get to set the match ups week to week.  Maybe you should take a look into that position next year.  :)

Skoot vs McClennnen:  Upset of the year!
You know it, I know it.  Somehow McClennen got Reggie Bush to outscore Megatron and then some this week.  I have no Earthly idea what happened here. Now what you might not know is that Skoot and I were discussing the match ups the day before the matches were set.  I was super stoked because I thought that I was going to be facing McClennen, what with his sub-70 point projection.  So, what happened?  Well, pretty much the entirety of Skoot's team had their appendices burst simultaneously, leaving then far below point projections.  (I mean Brees being shut down in St Louis?  Johnson being pretty much shut out?  What other explanation could there be??)  Meanwhile, all of McClennen's players somehow turned it on just enough to rack up 3 more points than Skoot.  You know that's gotta hurt..  Well, congrats, McClennen.  Now, let's see if you can set your line up before Thursday.  I'm just sayin'...

One final note.  I got a quote from Skoot on how he thought that the game went:

Or, the more family-friently version:  Any given Sunday, man.  Any given Sunday...

Terri vs Mike:  The G Bowl.
This game wasn't nearly so tight...  20 point margin of victory and the scrappy underdog pulls it out in the end.  Well play, Mike G!  Who would have thought that Nick Foles would have outscored Peyton Manning by over 10 points?  With Terri playing Manning the greater and Mike playing the Defense against Manning the lesser, it was definitely not a game that Archie Manning would have wanted to bet on.  Nevertheless, here is a pic of the Manning boys from this weekend:

That sums it up nicely, doesn't it?

Finally, we look at Patrick vs Missy
This was hands down the tightest game of the week.  I hesitated to write this column, in fear that there may be a stat correction.  Doesn't look like there are any coming, so we'll call it Patrick beating Missy by a scant 1.6 points... But how can this be?  Over half of Patrick's starters scored less than 5 points.  And two more didn't hit double digits.  Oh, right.  That's because Patrick's got a standing deal with the devil to start players who got apeshit crazy out of nowhere.  I assume that y'all remember Patrick starting Brandon Marshall a few years ago when he scored 63 points on his own.  Well, it's happened again.  Jamaal Charles pulled in 43 by himself.  And to a lesser extent, Jennings also doubled expectations. So, if we ignore the KC @ Oakland game, Patrick got whooped thoroughly.

I'm out of funny relevant pics for the week. I hope that this suffices...

So, where does that leave us?  Well, first and foremost, this is the first semi-finals in a long time without a lady present.  (OK, excluding Patrick.  We all know that he identifies as a woman, but he still has to tuck, so technically, he's still a dude.)  Next up, is the semi finals.  Patrick versus Phil, and McClennen versus Mike G.  Yeah, and a consolation bracket, too  And they are fighting not to be bitch of the playoffs.  So, I guess worth a mention:  Ben versus Missy, and Skoot versus Terri (both were projected to win this week, so someone's gotta win next week.)

Good luck to everyone!  (Except Patrick.  We hate Patrick so very ... very much.)

DFL 2013 Week 14: And that's how you end a season...

Boom, you ignorant bastards!!  What's that? It's the sound of me wrestling another win out of your cold, dead hands and extending the league high winning streak into the playoffs with the number on seed.  I have only one thing to say to you feral beasts right now.  And it goes, a little something like this:

That's right, bitches, I'm number 1 with a bullet.  Which means that I have a hella-easy match up to start out the play offs.  Who gets the great honor of falling to my wrath first?  Ben.  That is to say the guy who has the second highest points in the league (and only missing the top slot by a scant 5 points).  Please allow me to show you my reaction for the upcoming match up:

Ben throttled me in the first time that we played this season and only lost the second time because two of his starters were benched early.  Fuck.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's look back before we look forward.

Big week in pick'ems...Ben was top dog this week by going 4-2.  Crutch and Phil tied with 3-3.  Skoot rounded out the bottom with his 2-4 picks.  (OK, technically RA Dave also correctly made a pick this week. This brings him into double digits.  Slow and steady, sir.  Slow and steady...)  So, that means that going into the playoffs, the ties have been broken:  Crutch (49 points), Ben (48 points), Phil (47 points), Skoot (46 points).  Terri is next with 40 points and Mike right behind her at 39 points.  Well, geez, even that got interesting....

The name of the game in week 14 seemed to be vengeance...  A few deciding games were won by people who really didn't need to show up.  But who did anyway, to kill a few seasons.  And I say Bravo to you fine folks....

First up is the battle of the Daves.
RA Dave brutally savaged Crutch this week.  This is delicious in that it knocked Crutch out of the playoffs, as well as made the exclusive club of people who have lost to RA Dave grow just a little more.  Fun fact:  The only people who lost to RA Dave are out of the playoffs.  (Well, Mike G is also part of this exclusive group, but he'll soon be eliminated as well.)

RA Dave gets the come from behind victory award for prooving all of the projections and nay-sayers wrong.  And the fact that his DEF got about a third of his overall points should not take away from this victory at all...

Crutch gets the WELL I DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU ASSHOLES ANYWAYS ceremonial ball.  His team is just about as projected. Nothing he could have done would have made a difference and he'll be spending the playoffs cursing us all...

Next, is the Lady Bowl:  Melanie vs Missy
Missy didn't really need to win this one. She was almost certainly in.  But the fact that she rose up and struck Melanie out of the playoffs really should warm the cockles of all of ours hearts.

Missy gets the Loves Me Some Snow In Philly award.  McCoy pretty much won the game for her.  And why is that?  Because in the Philly nobody could throw the ball.  So, a'runnin' we went.  And McCoy just cleaned up. Lest we forget, here is what it looked like:

Melanie, on the other hand, is awarded the STUPID INJURIES gold star of participation.  She probably would have won the game had Peterson not been injured in the game so early.  Melanie plans to laugh at us heartily all through the post season.

And in the last to be eliminated (yet somehow the first to be eliminated) bowl:  Kookie versus Mike G.
Yep, Mike G took his Kookie BYE this week.  And a fine time to do so as well.  Mike delivered the beatdown of the week to Kookie this week with an almost 50 point margin of victory.

Mike G gets the You talking to me???  paranoia necklace.  His victory lands him squaring off against his dear wife next week.  Good luck there, bro.

Kookie... congratulations.  You have officially finished the season perfectly.  But not the good perfectly.  The very very bad perfectly.  Well, at least you accomplished something this season.  And here is the perfect image for you:

Take this season out back, put a bullet betwixt its eyes and be done with it.  Start fresh next season.

Battle of the old Roomies:  Ben vs Phil.
This one went straight down to the wire.  If you recall, this projection was within a point.  Going into Monday night, I had a 45 points lead.  So, just as long as *some* defense showed up somewhere, this was going to be a blow out.  But NOPE!  Romo almost did it again.  But I still eeked out a victory by 3 points.

Phil gets the OK But next time it's Personal award.  Barely claiming the victory (And let's be honest - Dalton really isn't a 30 point QB), and making it so that we do the same match up next week.  Rah!

Ben gets the Ben award for once again scoring the second highest points in the week, but happening to be playing the team with the first highest points.  But you do have the second highest points in the league and are seeded 8th in the playoffs, so you've got that going for you.

The Seeding Spot Bowl:  Patrick vs McClennen.
Not really a lot of interesting stuff happening here.  Both are in the playoffs, they were just jockeying for position.  In the end, Patrick took this in a pretty decisive victory.

Patrick gets the "Old School, Get Carried by an RB" award.  Stafford was nerfed by the snow, Jennings got hurt.  So, screw it.  We'll let the RBs win.  And Charles and Bernard stepped up.

McClennen gets the "Why can I not get all of my starters on the board"  lanyard.  After a few weeks of forgetting to start a TE, McClennen finally gets his full line up set, only to have Bush hurt himself in warm ups, sidelining him for the entire game.  Eesh.

The Clash of the Titans (Skoot versus Terri)
This game was a little bit of a disappointment.  I mean, this was the #1 versus the #3 team and they were outscored by like 3/4 of the league.  But looking at the line ups... Nobody except for their QBs really showed up.

Skoot - you get the "Winning by Hook or Crook, but most luck" award.  Nobody on your team got into double digits except for Brees.  And you still won?  What the hell???

Terri  gets the "no worries, I'll just make up for it in the playoffs" trophy.  A frustrating way to end the regular season to be sure but really the next three weeks are what is important.

So, where does that leave us?  The playoffs baby!!

Some pretty big show downs to kick things off as well.

Phil vs Ben, the grudge match.  We've played each other twice this year and split the games.  This is for the whole enchilada.  Plus, this is the highest over points (me) versus the runner up for that award (Ben).  And guess what - the projections are within 1.5 points.... Ugh...

The other big game is the battle of the Gs:  Mike vs Terri.  Last year, Mike solely represented the G clan in the playoffs.  This year, not only did Terri make it into the playoffs, but she made a run for 1st seed.  and what a way to start off the playoffs.  By putting strain on a marriage.  Well played, fate!

Patrick vs Missy is going to be a tight one (projections within 3 points).  So, that's another one to watch.

Oh  yeah, and Skoot is going to slaughter McClennen.  Time for an upset, Orth-boy.

Good luck to everyone except for Ben.  To him, a pox.

DFL 2013 Week 14 Preview: Woah.

Yep, that's right!  Two things to waste time on, back to back.  Deal with it, suckas!  Tell 'em, internet:

Why another write up? Cuz this week is packed full of goodness.  Let's take a look, shall we?

There are 6 teams with wither 7-6 records or 6-7 records.  All of the 6-7 records are above 1,000 points and half of the 7-6ers are not.  So, a few wins could really shake things up.

It's getting so intense that I hear that there are some subtle threats abounding.  Just today Skoot told me that Ben was trying to bribe him to kneecap me.  To that, I respond thusly:  "Why, Ben?  Are you that excited to get sodomized by a cripple??"  (That was the PG version of my response.  For the grown ups in the room, I wasn't sure whether I should have threatened to chili dog or Cleveland Steamer him.  Just sayin'...)

So, is there a game of the week this week?  So many choices!

Skoot vs Terri.  The battle of the Titans!  (but not the football team.  This match up, unlike any of theirs this season is going to be interesting)  With the right scoring, I could actually wind up in first place.  Oh, and the projections put the final score within 2 points of each other.  Of course, both of these teams are locked in the playoffs... so maybe this one isn't so interesting.

Phil versus Ben?  Well, Phil's a lock in the playoffs, so Ben is just fighting to get into the playoffs.  Now, this is an interesting game because this is projected to be within a point of each other.  Plus, can Phil keep his massive winning streak alive into the playoffs?

On the far end of the scale, We've got Crutch (10th place) against RA Dave (11th place). Now, this normally wouldn't be too interesting of a game.  But here's the thing, if Crutch can pull out a win, and McClennen or Mike G loses, then he'll sneak into the playoffs.  But don't count RA Dave out yet.  He very nearly knocked out the 2nd place team last week.  So, he's got the very real possibility of freezing Crutch out of the play offs two years in a row.

Looking at the ladies, Melanie versus Missy, this is very much win or go home.  The winner of this game will go into the playoffs and the loser will not.  (OK, Missy might sneak in, should she lose, but what kind of drama is that?)

Mike G versus Kookie probably won't be all that exciting as Mike will most likely get his Kookie BYE this week.  BUT, wouldn't it be great if Kookie woke up, pulled a team together and got his one and only win this year???  It would pretty much guarentee that Mike is kicked out of the play offs.  I'm not saying anything, but if Melanie were to set your line up this week, I would look the other way, because that would be deviously delicious.

Finally is Patrick versus McClennen...  This one is do or die for McClennen as well.  Lose and it's almost certainly curtains for him.  Win and Patrick gets bumped a few seed spots, but he gets to fight into the playoffs.

Really. there's not a lame game out there this week.  (Assuming that Kookie can man up and put up a team this week..)  So, stay tuned as I lose a third of my audience in next week's write up.

DFL 2013 Week 13: Makin' it rain, makin' it rain...

I know, I know.. I'm being *way* too happy for throwing down an impressive 50 points this week.  But you know what?  It was slightly more than my competitor.  So, it still counts as a

Count it!  And with such a tight race, with one week left, there are no less than 6 teams who could conceivably sneak into the playoffs.    Not only that, but thre are still 4 people who have a serious chance of taking home the gold in the Pick'ems.  And since that's as good of a place to start as any....

Cuz, you know, it's a pun.

This week only saw 5 people pick.  And everyone went 3-3.  Everyone except for one far seeing lad named Phil.  I went 4-2.  Thanks for the upset, Terri!  So, that means Phil, Ben, and Skoot are in a three way tie for second place and Crutch is only barely holding on to 1st place by 2 scant picks.  Terri, having missed the picks this week is 4 points behind the 2nd place pack.  And Mike made a good move to be on little pick behind his dear wife.  Everyone else is dead to me in this section of the write up.

As for the games we'll go from  highest scoring to lowest score.

At the top of the heap is Terri versus Melanice.  Once hell of a slugfest!  Terri wound up on top with 121 points and Melanie would still have beat most of the league with 98 points.  Well done, ladies.  There were no break out stars on Terri's team since pretty much all of her players went gangbusters. Though Melanie was lucky enough to start Cam and JOSH! (ah ah) Gordon. Their combined score alone beat a team or two around the league...

Next highest scoring game was Missy versus Patrick.  Even though Missy's QB curled up and  died, stellar games from Murray and Jeffrey put Missy at 113 points.  Patrick, just missing the 100 point club, took home the loss here.  Sadly, Patrick started ANYONE on the Saints this week and that was just a recipe for disaster...

The next highest scoring game was Crutch versus Kookie.  Though really, Kookie didn't contribute too much to the overall score.  Obviously, Crutch delivered the beat down of the weak here.  Crutch was only 0.08 points away from highest score of the week.  Kookie, on the other hand, well... Bless his heart.

What is up with all of the ladies going crazy on the scores this week.  And in case I was too subtle there, Crutch, I was calling you a lady.

The battle of old roomies was the next highest score with Ben winning out over McClennen.  The ground breaking news for McClennen is that he actually put in a tight end this week.  Sadly, even with that and Brady and Bush going gangbusters, there just wasn't enough mojo to overcome Ben's desperation to see the post season.

Next up was also the closest game of the week:  Skoot versus Mike.  Only 2 points separated the winner from loser here.  Plus, Mike did it with panache by pulling in a pallendropic score.  Rah!  So, that snaps Skoot's crazy long winning streak.  Though we are all pretty happy for you, Mike, it should probably be noted that Skoot had a started that was benched at the last minute and another who was just shut out.  Oh, and Brees must have forgotten his Nyquil the night before.  (What do I always say about Monday night games??)  So, careful on inflating that ego of yours!

And finally, sadly, was the low score of the week.  Phi threw down an impressive 53 points against RA Dave.  Just to put this in perspective, 5 teams outscored our entire match up this week.  Ugh... When can I get Rodgers back????  On the plus side, my win streak is now the longest active one in the league.  Yay!

Yeah, this wasn't the most fun recap ever..  But really, it's Wednesday night, and next week is the last week of the regular season.  So, I'm all stoked up for that.  Stay tuned for another write up!