American Horror Story: Asylum (uugh)

Full disclaimer:  I absolutely *loved* the first season of American Horror Story.  I thought that both the concept and execution were brilliant.  Now, I just got done watching the second season (Asylum), and it left me in a sour mood.  It's not all that surprising as about 4 episodes into the season, I was sick of it.  But I hung on since 1) I thought maybe something would come together in the final reel and 2) I'm anal retentive enough to finish something once I've started it, even if I don't like it.

And now, I hear that the third season is gearing up to be "Historical Romance Horror."  OK, I admit that this piques my interest, but so did an insane asylum, and that was fumbled so exquisitely.

Now, instead of admitting that I just wasted like 10 hours watching television and letting it go, I'm going to gripe on the internet in a semi-humorous way because... well, I'm dumb.  Anyway, here is kind of the way that the season went for me, in a fictitious conversation that I had with Ryan Murphy (the creator/writer/producer/show runner - basically the show's mama).  And away we go!

(Obviously, there's some spoilers ahead; so unless you've seen season 2, you might want to skip..)

Me:  Ryan Murphy!  Congrats on Season 1 of AHS.  Really, this is the golden age of television.  Loved every second of it!

Ryan:  You like that?  Just wait until you get to Season 2!!

Me:  Intriguing... Tell me more.

Ryan:  Well, it takes place in an insane asylum.

Me:  Ooooo... sounds great!  So, you'l be playing around with what's real and what's not?

Ryan:  Nah, that's played out. 

Me:  Uuuh... OK.  What do you have in mind?

Ryan:  I'm really going to stick it to the Catholic Church!  Screw those bastards!

Me: Hmmm... OK.  I've got faith in you, man.  So, an inditement of old institutions, abuses of power.  Yeah, I could see that.

Ryan:  Oh, but that's not all.  Let's throw some struggle between good and evil.

Me:  OOO.. Now that does sound good!

Ryan:  And Nazis.

Me:  Really?  Seems a little far out, but let's see what it's about.

Ryan:  Don't forget about aliens.

Me:  What?  Aliens?  Let's focus here a little.

Ryan:  We haven't even gotten to the serial killers.

Me:  Wait - more than one?

Ryan: O yeah.  And for some reason, the angel of death on occasion.  Shit, let's throw some mutants and an easily dismissed possession too!

Me:  Well, that sounds like an awful lot, but as long as you've got a solid cast of characters.

Ryan:  No doubt, son.  We've got somewhere between 3 and 5 main characters and another dozen recurring characters.

Me:  Wait. *5* main characters?  You've got me pretty nervous here.

Ryan:  Come on now, buddy.  I had 3 main characters in the first season, and that was brilliant!

Me:  Yeah, you're right.  So, these 5 characters are going to be in a single tightly related story line, like the family in the first season?

Ryan:  Heck no!  Completely different stories, and very diverse arcs.  Some of the stories don't even have anything to do with the other characters.

Me:  Huh.

Ryan:  Don't worry though.   We've still got a strong cast.  Just as strong as the first season!

Me:   Well, that's good.  It was cool that you found some unknown actors and then backed it up with a strong well known actor.

Ryan:  How about this?  Most of the cast is back.

Me:  Uh... like in the same parts?

Ryan:  No, man.  Completely different story!

Me:  So... why the same ac-

Ryan:  Cuz I'm Ryan *FUCKING* Murphy.  That's why.

Me:  Well, as long as we still get some good scares.  I mean, there was some really tight imagery from season 1 that still sticks with me.

Ryan:  You like spooky stuff?  Creepy stuff?  Things that will get you to the edge of your seat?

Me:  Hell yeah!  Now you're talking!

Ryan:  Oh, we're not doing that this season.

Me:  But... why not?

Ryan:  Yeah, apparently, the kids like tying people up and then torturing them.

Me:  But... that's not scary. It's just gross.

Ryan:  Scary.  Gross.  What's the difference?

Me:  There's a lot of difference actually.

Ryan:  Listen, I've got too much going on to make American Horror Story scary.

Me:  Well ... it sounds like you're going to have a lot of things to wrap up.

Ryan:  Yep.  Got a plan for that.

Me:  Oh, good.  Exit strategy!  Lay it on me.

Ryan:  See, first thing is that we're going to have 3 full episodes of denouement.

Me:  You.... 3?

Ryan:  Yeah!  It's going to be so great!

Me:  OK.. well, that should give you plenty of time to wrap everything up.

Ryan:  You'd think that, right? We're still not going to explain some things.

Me:  What?  Like what?

Ryan:  Aliens for one.  And remember the 3 kids who started to terrorize Adam Levine and his whore in the first episode?

Me:  Yeah?

Ryan:  We're going to ignore them altogether!!!

Me: So, you're telling me... that there just happened to be three separate parties in an abandoned asylum at the same time.

Ryan:  Yep.

Me: And that two of them were armed to the teeth, prepared for homicide.

Ryan:  Yep.

Me:  Also, going to recreate crimes that happened 50 years prior.

Ryan:  Yep.

Me: ...

Ryan:  Don't worry.  It's going to be cool.

Me:  I'm  not sure ...

Ryan:  Come on guy.  It's going to be cool, trust me.

Me (after sitting through 13 episodes):  I hate you, Ryan Murphy.

Ryan:  Don't worry, next season is going to be better.

Me:  Promise?

Ryan:    Yep. tehehehehe.