In reality, my torrid love affair with Nintendo goes way back into the 80s. My dad, being the bleeding edge technology embracer that he is (that's sarcasm, BTW - we didn't even have a VCR until I was almost out of grade school) jumped right on the Nintendo band wagon when it was first released in 1985. That is to say that my brother and I saved up our paperboy delivery money to buy ourselves on in 1988. (Ironically, we would later go on buy the video game "Paperboy" so that we could do the thing that we hated on Saturday mornings, but without the added benefit of exercise or being paid to do it. On the plus side, the video game did have death chase you so there you go...)
Man, Stefan and I played the hell outta that console. Stefan more concentrated on the Tetris and RPG side of the fence and I whooped it up on everything else. I loved how you could get a peripheral that allowed you to play with four people at the same time. (It was called the "Four Score". Sadly, my young brain kept calling it the "Four Play", which my brother mercilessly made fun of me for... once he explained it.) There were only like 5 games for 4 player mode, but I loved being able to play with a whole bunch of people in the room all hollering like mad men. So great! Brilliant use of technology.
(As a side note, both Stefan and I still have fully functioning 8 bit Nintendos right now.)
Then, what did Nintendo do? They came out with a way that I could waste time in the car on a trip! Gameboy? Yessir, sign me up! And what's this? You sold another accessory that lets you connect 4 Gameboys together? Nintendo, baby, you're reading my mind! We'll be happy forever!!
Then, came the Super Nintendo. And the quality kept coming. We'd be over at Chris's place playing everything from Final Fantasy 2 (I know we played RPGs together - that's how tight we were with the Nintendo) to Bill Lambeir's Combat Basketball (BTW, horrible crappy silly game - and I wouldn't have it any other way!). We played that system into the ground. I think that Stefan and I may have gotten one of these, but I can't swear to it. I seem to recall Stefan trading it for a Playstation while I was away at college. I know, heathen! But in Stefan's defense, he *did* need to support his Final Fantasy addiction and Nintendo's steadfast commitment to cartridges made Capcom seek greener fields. So, it's all good.
Now, we enter the college years. Of course, we hit Nintendo 64. Yeah, you know how I didn't get a 4.0 GPA? Well, that was because of the Nintendo 64 (sorry Dad!). Well, that and me being a dumb-ass, but that's a totally different story. :-) Bond, Starfox 64, Mario Kart 64. Ben and Jerry (yeah, yeah, yeah - not the ice cream guys though - fun fact the ice cream guys actually took an ice cream making class at Penn State) gladly opened their room pretty much every night after dinner so that we could yell cusses at each other until it was study time (read: Until someone got pissed that Jerry kept whoopin us). I can't remember playing a bad game on the 64. And what's this? It *came* with 4 ports for controllers? Nintendo, you were only missing one port - the port to my heart. Cuz, Nintendo, you complete me!
After college, we still played a bit on the 64 (can you say Conker's Bad Fur Day? Cuz I sure can!), but we definitely weren't as hard core as we once were. We drifted apart a little, but we still cared for each other.
After I gave my hand to another in marriage, I still kept up my affair on the side, discretely. Over the years, Joy picked up a GameCube and a DS for me. With my friends no longer living in my dorm room, down the hall, it was a bit of a pain to actually play with them, but Nintendo says "Baby, it's more fun to play with people in person anyways." I gritted my teeth - sometimes couples fight and this was no different. We were happy enough...
Then came the release of the Wii. I told myself "No, I'm too old... I think that I'll sit this one out..." Then, Kookie and Skoot got one. And it was awesome. So, I said "I must have one. Our love cannot be denied!" I know that I'm gonna take some heat from Joy for skipping out on a lot of content here, but this blog is already approaching novella size, so I'll skip a little with this: "After a bit of research, I finally was able to find a Wii after about a month of searching." And this is the point when things started to sour...
So, the Wii is Nintendo's next gen console, right? I knew going in that the graphics weren't going to compete with Sony or Microsoft's, and I was OK with that. But the overall fun factor was what I was going for and prepared for. But now, the rifts are starting to get deeper...
(Before, I get into poo-poo'ing Nintendo too much, lemme say that I still have a hell of a time with the Wii, it's just that compared to the other platforms, it's getting left in the dust really badly....)
One of the big selling points is online play. Sweet! I'm onboard there! OK, so let me explain online play. Other consoles, you turn on your system and boom! You're online and you can see your friends. With the Wii, you need to swap codes with your friends. I'm sorry - what I mean is that you need to swap 32 digit hex codes with your friends. FOR EACH GAME THAT YOU WANT TO PLAY TOGETHER. (I know that you need to pay a monthly service for the other systems, but come on! Register consoles and then let the hardware worry about the games.)
Next, we were promised an immersive experience with the Wii-mote. They said "You wanna fight with a light saber? Well, no more pushing a button for you! You're gonna actually be doing the moves!" Only problem is that instead of just pushing a button, you're wiggling the controller now. Not really moving the controller as you would a sword - just flipping it back and forth randomly.
"But look!", said Nintendo, "We have all the same games as the other platforms! I ask hesitantly - "Do you have Rock Band?" "Damn right!" OK I'm on board again. O wait - you can't download all of the songs from the first game like you can on PS and XBox? And online play is pretty much useless? Ugh... Why is that? "Oh, well, we can't actually patch software" WTF???
And what's this? You sell a game that lets you work OK a little while playing video games? OK... I'll give this to you - the Wii Fit Board is pretty awesome and a brilliant use of technology - no problems there... And all of the simple kind of proof of concepty games (like Wii Tennis for example) are pretty bad ass. Just ask Skoot, Marie, and Ben about our monster sessions. And the point and shoot games (like House of the Dead Overkill) are just about as spot on as you can get. So, OK, the Wii is pretty great...
But seriously Nintendo, you're still on thin ice here. You're really only got one more generation of console to get things a little more in order before I officially renounce my "Nintendo fan boy" title. I want us to be together, I really do. But we need to kick it up a notch. First off, a few more higher caliber games would be good. You've got your proof of concept down pat, but start using that Wii-Mote Extender a bit more. That's brilliant! Why is Red Steele the only one using it now? Secondly, get your head around online play more. I've got buddies all around the country - it shouldn't be this hard to connect. Next, I'm a software guy. I know how pressed for time dev cycles are. So, don't be afraid to patch your games. It's OK. It's common practice these days.
Now, I don't want to have ultimata here. That's not what i'm trying to say. I love you, Nintendo, but you're making it hard for me to do this. Nobody cares about a Black Wii. How about a game that uses both the Wii-Mote extender and the Wii Fit Board. How cool would that be? Just think about it. I'm just sayin'...
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